Breaking Free (9 page)

“I don’t know what you want from me, James. You don’t want a boyfriend, but you also don’t want casual sex. I can see in your eyes that you love when I fucking tell you what to do, but it pisses you off at the same time. You left me at the concert, but then I find out that you’ve been upset all week. I’ve been very clear with you; the only thing
I
fucking want is you. Tell me what
you
want.”

This is the problem right here. “I don’t
know
what I want.”

“Well, then how the hell am I supposed to?”

He’s right. I can’t blame him for all of the confusion between us. I know what Drew wants from me, I just don’t know if I’m able to give it to him. “You’re not, I guess.” I sit up and run my hand through my hair. “I don’t know what to tell you, Drew. I’m kind of fucked up right now. Honestly, it’s probably more than you want to deal with.”

“Let me decide what I want to deal with.” His mouth crashes into mine, forcing me back down onto the bed. This isn’t slow like before, it’s frenzied and full of need. Drew grabs my shirt, ripping it in two.
I’m gonna have to walk around naked pretty soon because I’ll have no clothes left.
I grasp the bottom of his shirt, lifting it over our heads as his mouth descends upon me.

Every time his teeth graze me I get goose bumps everywhere. He slowly makes his way down until he gets to the top of my pants. Surprisingly, he lowers them down and they stay intact. That’s when he shocks me and straddles me with my pants still in his hands.

“I’ve been fucking dreaming about doing this to you.”
Doing what?
He kisses me, and before I know what’s going on, he binds my hands above my head with my pants.
No, I don’t want this.
I need to tell him. All I can think of is that night, though. The pain of numb limbs, the marks for weeks afterward from the rope. I feel like I can’t breathe and I start to panic.

“Let me go! Take it off!”

Drew’s face turns from lust to concern and confusion. He quickly frees my hands and I back away from him. I’m now sitting up with my knees pulled close to my chest and my head buried in between them. He places his hand on my back and I jump.

“What’s going on? You need to talk to me.”

I shake my head no. His arms wrap around me slowly, easing me down so that I’m lying on my side. He gets up and I hear him unbuckling his belt and the shuffle of clothing. Drew lies behind me, pulling me close to him. My heart is still racing but he’s starting to calm me down. I fall asleep to him rubbing my skin softly and telling me not to worry because I’m safe.

Maybe there’s still hope for Drew Walker
.

When I wake up in the morning, it takes me a minute to grasp my surroundings. Drew is still lying behind me with his arm wrapped around my chest and his legs thrown over mine. The realization that I’ve had a full night’s sleep without a nightmare hits me. This is the first time all week that I’ve been able to have a peaceful sleep. I look down at the arm encircling me.
Is it because he was here?
I swear I feel like the universe is holding a big flashing neon sign telling me to give him a chance.

I lie here enjoying the feel of his skin against mine, the human contact that I’ve craved since I walked away. I turn to face him and just look at him, he seems so peaceful and he is by far the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life. His eyes open and I panic for a minute. I’m not really sure why; maybe it’s because this is the first time I have ever woken up in bed with a guy. I have no idea how to act.

His hand moves to my cheek and his mouth presses against mine. I smile against his lips, feeling happy for the first time since I left him. He’s the only one who can make me feel like this right now. He is my salvation; however, at the same time there’s still a part of me that is scared he might be my downfall. I hear a phone ringing; it must be his because it’s not my ring tone.

He groans as he sits up and bends over the side of the bed, grabbing his phone from his discarded jeans. “Hello?...I’m not in L.A….I had something I needed to take care of…I’ll be back when I’m back.” He hangs up. “I’m gonna ask you something, James, but before I do, you need to promise me that you’ll say yes.”

“What? It
so
does not work like that.”

He shrugs. “It was worth a shot. I need to get back to LA and you need to come with me.”

“What? No, Drew, we already went through this.”

I wait for his answer but it never comes. Instead, he leans down, capturing my mouth with his and since I’m still undressed except for my underwear, he doesn’t have much work to do. He situates himself over me and moves his mouth, quickly capturing one of my breasts in it. His other hand is working expertly, teasing my other nipple. The different movements and force feel amazing. He starts to kiss and nip me, moving down my body until he reaches the very thin piece of lace that’s still left on me.

His finger pushes through the flimsy material shredding it within seconds. Drew runs his finger up and down me slowly before inserting it into me. I arch my back, pushing myself up so that he’s deeper within me. He withdraws his fingers, spreading my juices all over me as he continues to stroke me.

When Drew stops moving, I look up at him with a question in my eyes. “Say you’ll come with me.”

Seriously?
I shake my head no and I can see the excitement in his eyes. Drew lowers his head and sucks my clit into his mouth so unexpectedly that I cry out. This time, instead of one finger,
two
are thrust into me. I’m so close right now that my entire body is gearing up for this one. That’s when Drew stops again. I look down at him in frustration.

“Tell me yes.”

“No, I told you already.”

His fingers pinch my clit. “You see,
you’re
saying no, but your
body
is screaming yes. It wants me.
You
want me. Say. Yes.”

I can’t take what he’s doing to me, consistently building me up just to bring me back down again. I’m not sure how much longer my body can take this.

“Look at you. Look at how much you need me. Put yourself first and fuck everyone else. Say. Yes.”

“Yes!” Before I can even gauge his reaction, his mouth and fingers descend upon me. He’s so frenzied and rough that I explode almost immediately, screaming his name. I look at Drew and he’s smiling. “I’m going to book us plane tickets, you need to pack.”

What the hell did I just get myself into?

I lie there, letting the rash decision I made sink in. I told him I would leave with him.
What the hell am I doing?
Everyone already thinks I’m crazy for moving as fast with him as I have, what are they going to say now? That’s when it hits me that I shouldn’t care. Drew, no matter what anyone else says, is good for me. He brings me peace that has been nonexistent for months. I look over at him on his phone and smile; he looks back and catches me watching him.

“Unless you’re planning on not bringing any clothes at all, which is fine with me, you need to start packing. Our flight is at one.”

The clock on my wall says ten-thirty. That’s when I panic. I run to my closet, pull out an overnight bag, and start stuffing it full of anything I can get.

“I still have your other bag, too.” I arch my eyebrow at him, confused, until I remember him confiscating my bag to make sure I didn’t run away.
Well, that didn’t work the way he thought it would.
I grab jeans and a t-shirt and head to my bathroom to change. “Wait.” I turn around to face him as he’s walking toward me. He presses his mouth to mine, catching me off guard. When he pulls away, he walks back to my bed, sits down, and continues messing around on his phone.

I exit the bathroom to hear Drew on the phone. “Mom, I’ll be home later tonight…I’m sorry, I forgot you guys were coming today and something came up…I will…Love you.”

Hearing him talking on the phone with his mom, saying I love you, and not using his ever present cocky tone makes me giggle. He turns around to face me.

“Are you laughing at me?”

I nod my head yes and squeal as he darts in my direction. I’m saved by a knock on my door and Nicole asks, “Is everyone dressed in there?”

I yell back. “Yeah! Come in!”

She walks in smiling. “Hey, I just wanted to see if you guys—” Her sentence cuts off when she sees the bags on my bed. “Going somewhere?”

“I’m, um…I’m going to L.A. with Drew for a little while.”

Nicole’s mouth drops open. “You’re going where?!”

Drew also turns to me. “A little?”

Ugh! One at a time!
“Yeah, Nic. I need to get away for a little bit. I want to go and I hope that you’ll help me dodge the boys until I’m out of reach and only have to hear them yell on the phone.” I know it’s a childish move, but I am so not in the mood for a confrontation. Not only that, but if Drew is around I’m afraid it will turn physical.

I can tell she isn’t happy about it, but Nicole was one of the most supportive people I know. “Okay, but you better leave soon. Shawn and J are still asleep, but I’m pretty sure Carter will be here soon.”

Great. That’s the last thing I need
.

“I’ll take your stuff down to the car.” Drew grabs my bag and mutters a thank you to Nicole on his way out.

Once he leaves, Nic puts her hands on her hips and gives me a look. “What’s going on? LA?”

“Listen, you said it yourself that I haven’t been myself lately. Drew is helping me get back there. He’s like my own personal version of therapy.”

“I get it, babe, I do. You just need to make sure that you’re doing this for
you
.”

“I am.” I want to hug her so badly and I feel tears spring to my eyes knowing that I can’t.

“Plus, I wouldn’t mind a little bit of his therapy, if you know what I mean.” We burst out in laughter and it’s almost like it always had been between us.

When I hear a car pull up outside the house, we look at each other, knowing that it’s probably Carter. I think Drew is waiting in the car, which is definitely good. The front door opens and closes and I hear Carter throw his keys on what I can only assume is the table. Nicole leans in to whisper in my ear. “Jason and Shawn don’t have their cars here. I’ll grab Carter’s so he can’t follow you guys.”

I feel like a ridiculous teenager sneaking out after curfew, but I’m so not in the mood for the drama right now. Hopefully it won’t even get there. We walk downstairs to find Carter on the couch. “Hey, you look a lot better today, Holls.”

There is no way I would dare to tell him that it’s because of Drew. “Thanks, I’ll see you later.”

Carter stands up from the couch. “Where are you going?”

“Nowhere important.”

I can tell Carter doesn’t believe me. “Wait a second.” He walks over to the window. “Is that
his
car outside? Why would you go back to him after all he put you through?”

I’m about to try and give him a vague answer when Drew opens the door and reminds me that our fight leaves soon and we need to get to the airport.

Carter’s face reddens. “Flight? Where are you going?!”

I walk over to the door where Drew is. “Go to the car. I’ll be there in a minute.”

“I want to stay and be here for you.” He glares in Carter’s direction.

“Drew, it’s my brother, he isn’t going to hurt me, and you will only make the situation worse.”

I can see the internal struggle in his eyes; he doesn’t usually back down from what he wants. “Five minutes, then I come back.”

I nod my head and he walks off to the car. When I turn around, Carter is standing with his arms folded. “Where are you going? And why is he here? Do you not remember how you have been the past couple days? Why would you put yourself in the same position to get hurt again?”

“Carter, I know you don’t get it, and I love you for wanting to protect me. I need to live my own life, though. As much as you want to, you can’t save me from everything, I need to make my own mistakes and learn from them.”
There, I tried to handle this like an adult and be mature about the whole situation, let’s just hope it’s reciprocated.

“You already made this mistake and now you’re making it twice, so no, I can’t just let it go.”
Nope, it didn’t work.
I look over at Nicole and she gives me a thumbs up.

Carter turns toward Nicole in frustration and seems to be pleading with her to talk some sense into me. I take that opportunity to run. As childish as it is, it’s also hysterical at the same time. I run out to Drew’s car and jump into the backseat yelling, “Go, go, go,” like I had just robbed a bank.

When I look back, I see Carter running out of the house and yelling something I can’t hear. When I look over at Drew, he’s laughing. “You know you just looked like a crazy person, right?”

I laugh. “Yeah, but he wouldn’t listen to reason.”

My phone beeps; it’s a text from Nicole.

Nic: Ran up to my room as soon as you left. Hopefully he doesn’t realize I helped. Have fun girl

I relax against the seat, still in shock that this is what I’ve chosen to do. “So, you still never actually answered me when I asked you why you came back.”

“Why is it so important to you?” I raise my eyebrows at him, letting him know I don’t plan on backing down. He groans in frustration. “One, that event is tomorrow night, and if you remember, I got a ticket for you.” He stops talking.

“And two?”

He groans again. “Fine, I fucking missed you. Happy?”

I smile so hard that it hurts. He missed me. I want to jump up and do the snoopy dance, I’m so happy. “Yes. You know, it doesn’t have to be such a struggle to talk to you.”

He smirks at me and then moves so that he’s on top of me. “Hmmm, maybe I like to keep you on your toes, James.” That’s an understatement.

“That’s fine,” I pant. I can barely think when he’s this close, much less talk. “I just want to know more about you. I’m going across the country with you and I barely know you.”

I can see his wheels turning. “I’ll tell you what. It’s a six hour flight; ask me whatever you want then.”