Breaking Shaun (52 page)

“Okay.”

He was already dressed in a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He still had flip-flops on his feet though, and his hair was its usual mess, but as always, he pulled it off flawlessly.

I’d made sure to bring one of my pencil skirts and a blouse with me along with my favorite pair of heels. We didn’t need to dress up since John already knew us, but for some reason, it felt necessary. It was like we were trying to convince the world we could handle this, or maybe we were just convincing ourselves.

I started braiding my hair as Shaun stood silently in the doorway. When I was done, I turned to face him, and he seemed to be lost in his thoughts. His eyes caught mine, and I felt my heart tighten in my chest. He was looking at me with so much adoration and love that I could feel it.

“I don’t deserve you. I’m sorry things happened this way, Natalie. I wish I could change it. I wish we didn’t have this shit hanging over our heads, waiting to drop on us. We wanted to travel the world, see new things…” Shaun paused, his gaze falling to the floor, as he took a deep breath.

“Hey,” I said, taking a step toward him. “You’ve got to stop looking at this baby as the end of everything. It’s a new beginning. You can still travel the world. You might just have to wait a little while first.”

Shaun’s eyes came back to mine. “I’ve noticed that every time you mention the baby, you always say
you
, instead of we.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but Shaun wasn’t done.

He put his hand up, stopping me. “I know this baby is mine. I just wanted to make sure you haven’t changed your mind…about us.”

Shaun dropped his hand, and I took another step closer so that I was directly in front of him.

I took his hands in mine. “I love you, Shaun. It’s just complicated. I mean, you’re right. This baby isn’t mine. So, where does that put me? I can’t just assume we’re going to be together when…” I stopped when my throat started to constrict with emotion.

Shaun wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me against him, his chin resting on the top of my head. I could hear the heavy thump of his heart in his chest.

“I just don’t want you to think we have an expiration date, Natalie. I know you think I don’t see you, but I do.” Shaun put his hands on my shoulders to separate us, and he looked me in the eyes. “I love you, Killer—the real you, not just the parts you show everyone else.”

I was sitting in a leather chair in John’s office with my knee bouncing as Natalie and I waited for him. I was anxious to hear what he had to say, and I was nervous it would be bad news. Having a baby on the way was hard enough to comprehend. I wasn’t sure I was ready for more challenges to be thrown at me.

Glancing over at Natalie, I noticed she was checking out John’s credentials that were framed and on display all over his walls. I didn’t know John very well, but I knew he was a good guy. He treated Hailey like gold, and he never once seemed insecure about the fact that I had been with his wife in high school. I knew he was good at what he did, and if his office was an indicator, he didn’t seem to have any problems making money.

“Hey. Good morning. Sorry I’m running late.” John walked into the office with a cup of coffee in his hand, and a few notepads tucked under his arm. When he got to his desk, he put his stuff down and looked at us for the first time. “Sorry you had to make an appointment. It’s the only way I can get people into my schedule these days,” he said, smiling at us before taking his seat. “Can I get you guys anything to drink?”

John smiled at Natalie before his eyes came back to mine. We both shook our heads.

“No, thanks,” I muttered before taking a breath.

He leaned back in his fancy leather chair and put his elbows on the armrests. “So, I know we spoke briefly on the phone, but let’s go over everything. How well do you know this woman? What exactly did she tell you?”

“I don’t really know her at all,” I admitted, glancing over at Natalie. “She said she’s pregnant, and she planned on giving the baby up for adoption. I told her I’d take it, and she said she’d let me.”

“What do you want? Full custody?”

I nodded.

Sitting up, John rested his elbows on his desk. “Okay, my advice would be to cover your bases. Have a formally acknowledged paternity test taken to prove that you are in fact the father. Give her money to help out with doctor’s appointments or any prescriptions she might need, and keep records of all of it. You need to visit and communicate with her, showing you’re taking an active role in the pregnancy. Also, make sure you are present at the birth, so your name is included on the birth certificate.”

Natalie had pulled a notepad from her purse, and she was writing everything down while I sat in my chair, trying to keep up.

“Would you be able to help with the paperwork?” Natalie asked from her seat next to me.

“Absolutely. We could draft something for you once we iron out the details.”

“What details?” I asked, finally getting my brain to function again.

“Well, do you want her to have any rights with the child, like visitation?”

I shook my head. “I don’t think she wants any.”

“Okay, but what if she changes her mind? You have to make sure you both come to an agreement and have it in writing.”

I nodded. It all made sense. I just hoped none of this would scare Rachel off or make her question her decision.

“This is a delicate situation, Shaun. Any situation where a child is involved can be tricky. It’s imperative that you talk to her, find out exactly what she’s willing to agree to. I also recommend that you go alone when you talk to her,” he said, his eyes moving to Natalie. “This is no offense to you, Natalie. But, Shaun, the last thing you want is to create any jealousy or an uncomfortable conversation.”

Natalie nodded and glanced at me before making another note on her pad.

“I have a friend who specializes in these types of cases. I’ll get you her information, and you should set something up as soon as possible.”

Natalie and I both stood, and we each shook John’s hand. I wasn’t sure about Natalie, but I felt like I’d just been through a fucking whirlwind.

“Thanks for seeing us,” I told him as we made our way toward the door.

“Don’t mention it. Seriously, don’t. I’m better off if Hailey thinks she knew first.”

Natalie and I chuckled because we knew he was right.

Things were quiet as Natalie and I walked back to my car. I was happy that she came with me, but I was also worried that the reality of my situation might scare her.

Once we both got inside the car, I sighed and leaned my head back in my seat. “Well, that was intense.”

Natalie smiled at me before looking out the windshield at the building in front of us. “You need to call Rachel and ask her to meet you somewhere, so you can talk through all of this.”

“I hope this shit doesn’t scare her off. I mean, she can’t really blame me for asking these questions, right? I barely know her.”

Natalie’s eyes came back to mine, and I could see that she was worried, too.

“Anyone in your position would want some reassurance, Shaun. I mean, what’s to keep her from changing her mind?”

“I don’t mind if she wants to be in the baby’s life. I just want to make sure I’m in it, too.”

“Well, tell her that. Let her know that you’re not trying to shut her out.”

I nodded and put the key into the ignition to start the car. “I love you. Thanks for coming with me.” I leaned over to peck Natalie on the lips.

“I love you, too.”

Six Months Later…

A lot had happened over the past six months. I’d moved into my new apartment, and I loved it. I was able to afford a three-bedroom unit with a large living area and even a fireplace.

Shaun was making great progress on my car, and she was looking gorgeous. The restorations probably would have been done already if I hadn’t been so worried about spending money.

Things at Red had been a lot slower in the winter, so I was working two jobs now. Although I still had plenty of money saved up in the bank, it was hard to relax when I knew what it felt like to have nothing. Shaun had asked me why I didn’t just quit my job at Red and find something else. I thought my loyalty toward Jay and the club bothered him.

Shaun’s surfboard designs had gotten a lot of attention, and he actually had a few different offers on the table. He had been so excited when he found out that he’d paid for us to take a week-long vacation in Hawaii. We’d spent the entire time surfing and making love on every surface imaginable. It was like heaven on earth.

Shaun and I rarely fought, and when we had, it had usually been about my refusal to let him pay for things. I just couldn’t bring myself to depend on him. In the back of my mind, I kept wondering where it would leave me when I was alone again. Despite everything we’d been through, I still couldn’t shake the feeling that it wouldn’t last. Nothing good in my life ever had.

Rachel had been cooperating with Shaun. After a couple of months of getting to know him, she’d even agreed to sign a consent form drawn up by his lawyer. She’d said she wanted to make sure her baby was going to a good home, so he’d been working hard to prove to her that he was capable of being a good father. That had been a difficult time for me. I had felt terrified that she’d change her mind and break his heart—or even worse, that she’d decide she wanted to build a family
with
him. I knew it sounded crazy, but knowing she had his baby inside of her had brought out a jealousy in me that I’d never felt before. When she and I had met, it had definitely been awkward, but she’d seemed nice. She had been timid and a little shy but nice.

It was now mid-January, and the baby was due in a little over a month. I had one month to work through all the apprehensions I had in my mind and my heart. Once the baby was here, I knew I would need to decide what my role would be in all of this. Despite Shaun’s efforts to include me and make sure I knew how much he loved me, I couldn’t help but feel like I was still on the outside, looking in.

It was Saturday afternoon, and I was at Asia’s house, helping her decorate for the surprise baby shower she was throwing for Shaun. It definitely wasn’t the typical shower. Most of the guests would be men. The food consisted of burgers, hot dogs, and pizza, and all the drinks included alcohol. But nothing about our situation was typical. Rachel didn’t want to know the sex of the baby, so Asia had decided to decorate everything in yellow. There were yellow balloons, yellow streamers, and even a big yellow banner that said,
Welcome, Baby Fuller
, on it.