Breathless - Jesse Book 1 (13 page)

“We are done. Let’s just move past this.”

Jason paid the bill and we left the restaurant in silence. I politely thanked him for opening my car door, but the ride home was like ice water. As we pulled up in front of the apartment, I couldn’t get out of the car fast enough. He parked and made a motion as if he would walk me to the door, but I was already out the car. I didn't’ want him to think there would be the possibility that he was invited in.

“Stop Jason,” I said. “Don’t bother. I don’t want you to come in.”

“Niki, please...” His eyes begged. He actually looked sad, as if his perfectly controlled exterior was on the verge of shattering. I almost felt a ping of sympathy in my heart, but if allowed it to surface, it would just lead to the unraveling of my confidence.

I was tired of being the victim, feeling like a martyr, rather than taking responsibility for my part of all this. Being the victim felt safer because that position, that role in the relationship, hell in my whole life, had made me feel small and the smaller I felt, the less likely I was to be hurt again. That’s why I had a very dull relationship with Jason. That was me until a week ago, the day when Jesse walked into my life, oozing of danger and excitement, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I could only be the victim for so long before doing something about it.

I opened the door to the building and didn’t look back. In my imagination, Jason stood by the car with a tear rolling down his cheek and any minute would run after me yelling, “Come back, Niki. Please, I love you.” He didn’t though.

I stepped a foot onto the stairs to my apartment, as I heard the engine start up and he drove away. So predictable. I could have looked back to watch his car leave the parking lot, but it wouldn’t have revealed any new information and I didn’t want him to have the satisfaction of seeing me look back. Looking back is a sign of regret.

“Niki, what’s wrong?” Kat was perched on a small stool with her guitar in front of a microphone mounted on a stand. This was how she practiced for gigs. She used a small amplifier to hear the quality of her voice as it sounded while performing.

“I just broke up with Jason.” I sniffed. Tears formed the corner of my eyes. I was disappointed with myself for crying about it. I wanted to be stronger than that.

“Shut the fuck up. No way.” She stopped playing the guitar. She was probably happy to hear this news. She didn't think Jason was the right one for me anyway. I kicked off my shoes and flopped on the couch like a wet noodle.

“I should feel liberated and powerful. Hell, I just took back my life. Instead I feel like I hurt him and I really didn’t want to do that.” I looked down at my summer dress and picked at imaginary lint.

Kat laid her guitar on the floor next to the stool and sat next to me on the couch. “Come here, hun. Give me a hug. Everything is going to be okay. You didn’t hurt him. He’s a big boy and honestly, if he didn’t see this coming then he’s just an idiot.” She hugged and patted me. I expected her to lay into him for being a jerk and run him into the ground, but she didn’t. And I was glad.

“Thanks Kat. You’re the best friend ever.”

“No problem. That’s what I’m here for. Now, no more tears. Okay? No guy is worth your tears. What can I do to cheer you up? Do you want to go out for ice cream?”

I laughed and wiped the tears from my face with the back of my hand. “No, Kat. I’m not five years old, but thanks. I think I’ll go to my room, get into my pajama shorts and read magazines. It’s been a nerve wracking evening.”

“Sure, hun. Just let me know if you change your mind. I’m always here.”

I forced a weak smile and scooped up my purse and shoes. As soon as I shut my bedroom door I dropped the shoes and flung the purse on the bed. I tore the sun dress off over my head and fell onto the bed, feeling emotionally drained. Why were tears still pooling in my eyes? I stood up to Jason. I didn’t want to cry over the break up. I wanted to be strong. I shut the light out and rolled onto my side, laying on top of the covers in my underwear, waiting for my emotions to settle.

I stared into the darkness, letting my eyes fall on the shadows of the room, lightly illuminated from the apartment parking lot through the window. I looked up at the fan mounted in the ceiling. I wondered how much weight it could hold. The weight of a human body? Or would that much weight pull it out of the ceiling? My dark thoughts were distracted by a muffled buzz, signaling me from within my purse on the bed where I had thrown it. Jason probably wanted to get the last word in our conversation. I pulled out the phone, prepared to ignore it once I confirmed it was him.

Hey beautiful. Any chance you will talk to me?
It was a text from Jesse. I sat up in bed and clicked on the night light next to me.

Do you always call your friends beautiful in text messages?

Only the really beautiful friends. :)

You’re a flirt. A dangerous flirt.

I’m sitting here all alone on a Friday night just thinking about you.

You’re a tease. I find that hard to believe. :)

Hard to believe that I am thinking about you?

No hard to believe you are all alone on a Friday night. Your charming smile not working lately?

Just waiting for a miracle. YOU.

Well, miracles do happen.

What? There’s something you’re not telling me. Are you holding out on me? Are you texting me while you’re with Jason? If you are - that’s hot! Live dangerously and sext me something.

Ha. Ha! No way. Perv.

C’mon. Text me something dirty while he is sitting across from you.

In your dreams. I’m not out with him.

Then where is the douche-bag?

I don’t know. I’m home by myself. Getting ready for bed.

Sounds nice. I could come over and tuck you in?

Goodnight Jesse.

Hey!
I thought tonight was a Jason night?

I couldn’t believe it. Jesse been stalking me for so long he now knew my date nights.

It got cancelled.

Are you okay?

I’m fine. We’re taking a break.

What does that mean exactly? A couple of weeks apart, and then you see where you stand or what???

Maybe. Who knows?

As long as you’re okay, Niki…So since you are “on a break”, how about that sext? :-)

Back to that are we? :)

I grinned from ear to ear. His messages put a smile back on my face at the end of a sour night. The texts had been flying back and forth, rapid fire speed, when there was a pause. My heart jumped. He wasn’t responding. Finally, another text came.

Niki, believe in yourself. You’re beautiful, very beautiful, and smart, the smartest person I know.
I’m not just texting a bunch of bullshit. Seriously, I think there is something very special about you.

…

Can I take you out tomorrow night if you are free?
…
if you would rather wait, then soon...

My heart melted and I sat up straighter on the bed. Fuck it, I needed this right now. I was going for it. I took a deep breath and answered.

Took you long enough to ask. Lol. But the odds are against us.

Fuck the odds. We’ll make our own odds.

Jesse

Thirty more minutes and I was outta here. I rushed through my end of shift duties at work. Chase walked from the front to where I stacked boxes of vodka in the back hallway.

“So who’s your prom date for tonight, Cinderella?” He was busting my chops. He knew I was in a hurry to get to a date. He tossed me a bottle of disinfectant spray and a rag.

“Niki.”

Chase raised his eyebrows. “Niki?”

“Kat is performing tonight at Hotel Cafe in Hollywood. It’s open mic night and Niki and I are going.”

“No fucking way. What about...” I held up a hand. I wasn’t the National Inquirer and didn’t want to go into details right now. I told it like it was, short and sweet.

“She dumped the mother fucker.”

“Huh.” He snorted in disbelief.

“Technically, she says they’re on a break. But I know what that means.”

“What the hell, it works for me. Way to go, champ.” He gave me a high five and disappeared into Kenny’s office.

Ever since I came to California I had experienced “good days” and occasionally they accumulated into weeks. More and more I felt like my old self, the affectionate and charming guy my friends back in New York had cherished.
And now, this girl, this incredibly amazing creature walked into my life and I felt so passionate about her. Things were finally heading in the right direction.

Tonight, after “stalking” Niki for a couple of weeks, I was going to have a real date, quality time alone with her, just the two of us. I couldn’t stop thinking about her lips and kissing her again. It had been two weeks since we kissed at the beach.
Pace yourself, Jesse.
I should go slow. Very slow. I didn’t want to fuck this one up, but sometimes my cock had a mind of its own. Jesus fuck, I was nauseous.

My shift was over and I high tailed it home for a quick shower before picking up Niki. I walked on air. My head was in the sky. Every fucking love song I knew, ran through my mind, all of them made fucking sense now.

An hour later, I parked my truck at her apartment and skipped up the step to her door. She opened the door and
Holy shit,
she took my breath away. Her long dark hair hung n big curls made me want to grab a fist full and pull her lips to mine. Those perfectly sculpted luscious lips. I wanted them all to myself, all over my body. She wore a light colored tight fitting short dress. My eyes trailed down the length of her bare legs. They ended in those hot heels girls call “fuck me” shoes. For the love of God, dressed like that, she made it hard for me not to be a dickhead and jump her bones, right here and now.

“Damn, you look stunning, Niki.”

“Thank you. I’m ready to go if you are.” Her smile melted me.

I stepped back, allowing Niki to go first. The light scent of her perfume rolled across my senses as she passed. The desire to hold her hot body pressed up against mine, on cool white sheets, flashed through my mind. I put my fist to my mouth and faked a cough, to cover the involuntary groan that threatened to erupt from my throat. She thought I sneezed and sweetly said “bless you” as she stepped down to the sidewalk. She was so fucking cute and ladylike. I didn’t want to jeopardize this relationship by going all “caveman” on her. I pictured myself messing up all that dark hair, as we twisted in deep kisses. It drove me crazy. She was the best thing in my sorry ass life right now. I don't know what I did to bring on this kind of sweet karma, but I sure as hell didn’t want it to go away. Fucking ever.

We rolled into the parking lot behind the Hotel Cafe with just a few minutes to spare before Kat would go on stage. On the drive over, I chanted a mantra, “keep your dick in your pants, keep your dick in your pants” to myself. If I kept repeating it enough times, it might distract my urge to rip that tight dress off her body and possess her right here in the front seat of my truck. I ached for her so bad.

Open mic night was under way when we walked in. The seating area with tables and chairs was dark. The stage was bathed in bright, white lights for the performers, where Kat was about to go on. A brother duo act harmonized to their last song on acoustical guitars. No tables were available up front, but that was cool. I preferred a little privacy. We scored a cozy, round booth in the back, suited to my liking, very secluded.

“This is really nice, Jesse.” She sat down and I shimmied up next to her. Goose bumps rose up on my inked skin, when a strand of her long hair tickled my arm. In all my exuberance I had moved a little too close. She giggled and pulled all of her hair to one side of her neck with her hand.

 
Oh fuck.

Now my eyes were glued to her long perfectly exposed neck. Right next to me. Within striking distance. I could just die in her arms tonight, like a fucking eighties song.

“Can I get you a drink?” I turned away looking for the waitress. Something twitched in my pants.
Damn
.

“After last night, I need one. Relationships are not easy, even when you know in your heart it’s over. Do you know what I mean?”

“It’s his loss. He’s an idiot for letting you go. But I’m glad he did. Finally, I get to take you out.”

I searched for a waitress, but none were in sight. I stepped up to the bar and returned with a Coors Light and a glass of white wine. I leaned in with my elbows on the table, angling my body to keep her pinned under my gaze. “You know, tonight is a new beginning and I want to know everything about you.” I took a swig from my beer. “Tell me, what’s up with that designer school? Chase told me that you were planning on going to law school?”

Niki was in the middle of taking a sip of wine. My words interrupted her ability to swallow and she nearly choked.

“You okay? Is law school a bad word?”

“Law school, well.” She gave an audible sigh. “That’s a long story and it reminds me of some of the shit I've been going through lately.”

“What do you mean?

“Let’s just say, my dad and I don’t see eyes to eye on a lot of things. He wants me to go to law school and as you know, I’m taking fashion design classes right now. “

“Yeah, I kind of wondered about that. The day I “stalked” you at lunch I kind of thought it was strange that you were taking fashion classes when you just got your B.A.”

“God Jesse, you don’t know the half of it…what it’s been like for me. All these years I’ve done what my dad wants. And he’s so intimidating and controlling. “

“You’re an adult; it’s your life, Niki. Follow your heart. The past is history and tomorrow, well tomorrow is just a mystery. “

“That’s very prosaic,” She chuckled. “But you don’t know my dad. He’s a bulldog and a fighter. He doesn't give up easily when it comes to getting his way.”

“Hmm. So I take it you haven’t told him yet that you’re taking these fashion classes.” She shook her head and pressed her lips together hard, like it was difficult for her to say what she wanted.

“What about your mom? What does she think of all this?”

“My mother died when I was twelve.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago. My dad wasn’t so, so...intense back then. We were one big happy family. I mean, he worked a lot, he’s a lawyer, so what do you expect? Then everything changed.”

“I know what you mean.”

“After my mom died, I couldn’t cope. I was too much for my dad to handle. He tried to deal with it, but he wasn’t the kind of person cut out for a preteen with problems. And I was a handful, believe me. I went on rages and screamed and freaked out, I let all my emotions out, like I had no control of them. I thought that if I screamed enough, maybe I could scream away all the hurt and anger.” She took a sip of wine. “Guess that strategy didn’t work. My dad sent me away to boarding school in New York. Can you believe that?”

After a moment, Niki relaxed and she slumped down into her seat again. “I felt emotionally abandoned.” Her gaze drifted off to a corner in the room, as if it were some imaginary day in her past. I reached out and took her hand. She gave me a little smile and I rubbed the back of her hand with my thumb. Niki was so fucking sweet; I couldn’t picture anyone abandoning her. I wanted to find her dad and punch his fucking lights out. What a shithead, abandoning his twelve year old daughter like that.

“Didn’t he even try to help you? Get you some therapy?”

“Oh, he did. The school he sent me to were not the typical kind of boarding schools for rich kids. This school had therapy as their focus for troubled kids. It was supposed to be a brief stint while he figured out his next move. But it ended up being nearly four years I lived away from home and he was no closer to understanding me then, than he is now. My worst fear is, it might be too late for us to have a decent relationship, like other fathers and daughters. I have a lot of “issues” and self-doubt as a result of it all. Thanks a lot dad, what an inheritance.”

“You, a troubled teen? I can’t see that.” I said in disbelief. I couldn’t picture this sweet girl ever getting in trouble.

“It’s true. I’m not proud of some of the things I’ve done in the past, but I’m more hopeful now. I finished college, did it his way for four years. Now it’s my turn to finally take control of my own life.” She sat up and squared her shoulders with an air of confidence.

“That’s what I like about you, Niki. I can see the determination in your eyes, there’s a fire burning in there.” She blushed and dropped her chin to her chest. I took her hand in both of mine and pressed it to my lips. “And like I said in my text, you are a very special person.” I took a moment to drink her all in, enjoyed the tactile pleasure of her skin on my lips. It tasted good and I wanted like hell to taste the rest of her.

“You know, Niki, if you want to talk about life changes, I’ve got a hell of a story for you.” She cocked her head to the side, curious to hear.

“Jesse Morrison? King of “dangerous cool” has a sordid past? The guy with a trail of drooling women tripping over his heels? Why, I could throw a damn rock and hit a hundred other women, eagerly waiting for you to grace them with your presence.” She was being sarcastic. I got it. I’m a dickhead.

“Don’t be so hard on me. I’m a sensitive mother fucker. I watch chick flicks with a box of Kleenex, tacos and a beer. And that tear rolling down my face at the end of the movie, is not from the strong onions in my taco.” She swatted my arm. It was good to see her smile. I was overwhelmed with the urge to protect her. Hell, I was a shark and although we hadn’t known each other long, I already knew I would slay dragons for her.

“So, what’s your story Jesse? You came out of nowhere with your bulging biceps, a charming smile and that hot “Carpe Diem” tattoo. I bet if I looked at your cell phone it would be blown up with messages from some poor broken hearted girl you left in New York.”

I was lost in giving little kisses to Niki’s hand while she talked. I didn’t want to let it go. I loved her skin on my lips. She wanted to talk, communicate, verbalize. Shit, I wanted to touch, get busy and fuck. Reluctantly, I released her hand from my lips and set it back on the table.

 
“My life story is one sorry ass story.” I leaned back ready to spill my guts. “No, I didn’t leave a girl pregnant back in New York.” Her eyes popped out and she sat up with her mouth open.

“I didn’t say pregnant. Wait. No. Did you?” She gasped.

“No-oh. You were thinking it though. Thanks a lot, Niki.” My eyes narrowed with humor. I enjoyed watching her twist in her seat, I continued the ruse. “Now I know what you
really
think of me.”

“I didn’t, I didn’t mean...” Her cheeks pinked up so cute when she was flustered. It was too dark in the bar to see it, but I’m sure they were bright.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding already.” She relaxed again and shot me a look that threatened playful revenge. “The truth is, I’m a jackass. I was living with my brother Jimmy and his wife. I kept fucking up. I had everything going for me, my career was on fire. I was racing and doing great and then...”