Brigid Lucy Needs A Best Friend (8 page)

Nefariouses are beautiful ancient female beings made entirely of grumpy-andannoyedness. They live inside the bark of trees. They like absolute silence, so they can make up their evil poems and spells in peace. They have been known to eat noisy children. If you find yourself in a quiet place, never, ever make noise just for fun. The nefarious who made that silence will gobble you up dead.

Slivigools
—danger rating—tremendously

Slivigools are extremely beautiful and fun-loving beings. They have special nostrils that allow them to breathe underwater and in the air. They love to study their reflections in the water, to comb their long hair, and to play among the pink, waving roots of paperbark trees. But they are very private and hate anyone looking at them. If you stare at them they will scream an ear-piercing scream until they knock you out, and then they will wrap their hair around your legs and drown you to death.

Tristeelias
—danger rating—very low

Tristeelias are teeny little creatures with huge sharp teeth and great big eyes so they can see in the dark. They are the saddest creatures in the world. They live in old cars and tyres that humans have abandoned in the Great Bushland. Their job is to chew them up and swallow them to make them disappear. Tyres and cars taste disgusting and make them sick. And they never have any fun ever.

Scoriaks
—danger rating—very high

Scoriaks are big, heavy, male creatures that live inside rocks. They are so old that they came into being before the earth began. Their favourite hobbies are sleeping and thinking. If you make a noise and wake them up, they will growl and rumble, and split the earth open. Then they will swallow you whole. Or, if they are too lazy to split the earth open, they will turn you into a piece of infinity with just one look of their evil eyes. Be extremely careful when you move rocks around. Sit beside the rocks first to see if you can hear a soft snore. If you can, back away very quietly and go and find another rock to move.

Magical swearwords

Cat-a-clys-mic Cat-astro-phe!

Fan-tas-mag-or-ical

Magical spell words

Garrlim.

Gooolim.

Ambidextrous.

Pyrotechnics.

Acknowledgements

To the Tasmanian Writers’ Centre, for giving me a residency in their wonderful Hobart studio where, trying to blend in with this old world and beautiful city, my little imp got me into lots of delicious trouble. To Libby and Margrete, for generously inviting me to join their table, which led to our friendship and working relationship. And, most importantly, to my niece, Brigid Tony Izod, who inspired the character Brigid Lucy.