Broken (14 page)

Chapter 20

August, 2010; The Present

“Is that a no,” Bradley asked his voice quiet and sad.

Gabby looked up into his broken blue eyes and continued to shake her head. The thought of breaking his heart would break hers. She wanted to run away from
this
so badly like she had done at the reception. But, she had a feeling if she ran this time there would be no other chances. She could hear the hurt in his voice and she was pretty sure that if she said no, Bradley would accept it and he would never pursue her again. This was his last ditch effort and he was already out of his comfort zone. She feared her rejection would only make him reject commitment that much more in the future. The thought of being the reason for his brokenness was too much for her to bear. She had been on the bearing front of that kind of hurt before and she knew just how unbearable it was. She chewed on her bottom lip and she grabbed all of her hair pushing it behind her shoulders. She suddenly felt like she couldn’t breathe in the dress that he had picked out for her earlier in the evening and she was lightheaded.

“Gabby, are you okay,” he asked growing concerned. “Why won’t you talk to me? What are you thinking? It’s okay. Just say something so I’ll know you’re okay,” he urged her.

“I am so scared.”

“I know. Maybe I should give you some time to think it over. I shouldn’t have put you on the spot. Ever since I showed up today, that’s all I’ve done, put you on the spot. I’m sorry. I’m not used to this, any of this. I’m used to getting my way and pretty quickly. I’m like a spoiled little boy who only has to ask once and he gets exactly what he wants and then some. But, you’re different. It is just going to take some time for me to get used to this.” He shrugged his shoulders and his eyes never left hers.

“But, don’t you get it. You shouldn’t have to change who you are to be with someone. You should be able to be yourself, one hundred percent. If you’ve already had to change to be around me,
this
isn’t really right,” she pleaded.

“Gabby, I needed to change who I was. It’s a change for the better, I assure you. And, if I didn’t want to change, I wouldn’t be here. You can’t make someone change unless they want to change. I learned this the hard way growing up, but you make me want to change. You make me want to be a better man and I only just met you. I can only imagine the man I will become if you will give me a chance, Gabby.”

“Oh, I doubt that. I don’t know how I can make anyone better. I am messed up. There’s stuff in my past that I have never dealt with and I’m not sure I can deal with it. I’m not sure I can be what you need me to be.” She put her head back down as she felt tears springing into her eyes again as she reflected on her conversation with Sam earlier about therapy.

“But, that’s it. You are. You are what I need. It took me the last two and a half months to figure that out, but I know now and I’m not going to let you tell me what I do and don’t need.” He said sternly but softly. He stroked the side of her cheek and pushed the stray piece of hair that had fallen from her shoulders behind her right ear.

“When are you leaving?” she asked.

“Sunday.”

“Can I have some time to think about it then?” She looked back into his eyes. She knew she didn’t stand a chance at resisting him, but maybe he would think about their night and change his mind and she wouldn’t have to answer him at all.

“Can I see you again while I’m here?” he playfully smiled.

“Are you saying I can only think about it if I agree to see you again?” Her eyes were growing larger at the thought of the game she knew he had just started.

“I would like to hear your answer in person. I’d really like to spend every moment of my time here with you, but I respect that you didn’t come home to see me. You came to see your sister.”

“You’re right about that, Mr. Banks,” she smirked.

“Hmm.” He closed his eyes as he smiled.

“So, Miss Gerhart, am I going to see you again?”

“I suppose if you want your answer in person then we should meet tomorrow night. This time I get to pick where we eat and what I have to wear.” She grinned.

“Deal. Shall I take you home then, or would you like to just spend a little more time swinging?” His tone had other implications than swinging.

“Um, I think it might be best for me to get home so I can think about your proposition. I have trouble thinking when I’m near you. And. I don’t think swinging is what you have in mind, anyway, Mr. Banks.” She nudged him flirtatiously.

“You have me all figured out, it takes every ounce of control in my being to keep my hands off you when I’m around you. I most definitely want to kiss you again, but I am a gentleman, or at least trying to be, so I will take you home.” He stood and held his hand out to her to help her off the swing.

“Thank you, Bradley. I mean, until I ruined our moment, this had been one of the best nights of my life. I know you went through a lot of trouble. Thank you.” She smiled up into his sparkling blue eyes.

“Then say yes.” He reached down and planted a soft kiss on her lips.

“It’s not that simple and you know it.” Her eyes still closed from his kiss.

“Anything worth having is never simple or easy, Gabby.”

“You may be right, but I’m not sure. You told me I could think about it.”

“I know, I am just anxious. I’m never going to be able to make it until tomorrow night. It’s going to be torture. Now that I’ve seen you again and I’ve felt this, I don’t want for it to end. Part of me wants to take you into that beautiful building right there and carry you to my room and just hold you and watch you sleep for the rest of the night. You make me greedy for you. I just can’t get enough. I can see the way your body reacts to me. I know the feeling is mutual. I wish you would just accept it for what it is and trust me,” he confessed.

Gabby was finding it harder and harder to control herself. He was right, every ounce of her body reacted to his every move, to his proximity. Her body wanted for her to kiss him for hours and the thought of sleeping in the bed with him being held in his strong arms brought an unusual feeling of comfort. But, she knew her body wasn’t always to be trusted. She just had to think about it outside of his presence. She knew she couldn’t talk to Sam about it because she already knew how Sam felt about him. If anything, Sam was on Bradley’s side. At times like this she really missed the friendship she once had with Lindsey, but that had been over since the summer before senior year and then she remembered, was Lindsey ever really a friend. She certainly wasn’t worthy of being missed.

“Gabby. Let’s go. Let me get you home.” Bradley interrupted her thoughts and she smiled a polite smile, “Okay.”

Bradley quickly got out of the car and hopped over to Gabby’s side to open the door for her holding his hand out to help her out of the seat. He reached into the back seat and pulled out her bag of clothes she had been wearing when he met her earlier that night, “Here, don’t forget these,” he reminded her.

“Ah, thank you. Although, I
will
see you tomorrow night. You could have brought them to me, if I had forgotten them,” she winked.

“Oh, I am looking forward to tomorrow night. But me keeping your clothes wouldn’t have been a good thing. I would have been very tempted to sleep with them,” he chuckled.

Gabby blushed as her jaw dropped. “Mr. Banks, you are quite the…um… I don’t know, words fail me.” She giggled.

“You have no idea.” He proudly grinned stroking the side of her cheek.

“Gabby, thank you for tonight. Please promise me you’ll think about this and make your decision not out of fear,” he urged her.

She closed her eyes savoring his touch, “I promise.”

“Open your eyes, Gabby. Look at me,” he commanded.

She immediately blinked her eyes open and stared into his determined blue eyes, how she would miss those eyes if she said no.

“Look me in the eyes and promise me that you will not make your decision out of fear, Gabby. I’m a really good judge of character and I can tell if you’re lying to me. I want you to look me in the eyes and promise me that.” He was very serious.

Gabby looked into his eyes, then she looked away. She knew deep down that the reason she had not made eye contact with him was because she had intended to turn him down and she knew deep down that it was because of fear. How was he able to do this to her, to break down walls with her so quickly. She was able to communicate things with him that in other situations would have made her too scared to say.

“Look at me, say it.”

She looked back into his blazing eyes, “I promise.” She smiled.

She was surprised at how good it felt to promise him and really mean it and to promise herself that she would really consider this and try to put fear aside. She was suddenly sad to see him leave her. She stretched her arms around his neck and ran her fingers through the back of his hair at the nape of his neck.

“Bradley, what have you done to me,” she smiled up at him with an awestruck look.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close and the shift took her breath away. “The feeling is mutual, Miss Gerhart. I have no idea what you have done to me, but I must say, I like it. I don’t want it to end.” He smiled as he rubbed his nose against hers.

“Me neither,” she had said it before her mind could filter it and the words were out, there was no turning back now. His eyes lit up and he immediately pulled her as close as he could and his mouth took hers in a passionate kiss filled with relief, hope, and anticipation of what the future might hold for them.

Chapter 21

August, 2008

Ian had gone upstairs to use the bathroom and clear his head. He knew Gabby knew something was not right and he was so torn. Things had changed, but he didn’t know how to tell her just how much things had changed. He knew that if he were to tell her what was really going on she would not only be heartbroken, but furious.

As he exited the bathroom with his head down, he was running his fingers through his long locks, when he ran into her.

“Linds, what in the hell are you doing here? You know you can’t be here. She’s downstairs,” Ian growled with his teeth clenched. He grabbed her elbow and pulled her into a bedroom.

Lindsey answered not with words but with a long passionate kiss and pushed him up against the door. It took everything in Ian to push her away.

“Linds, we can’t. Not here. Stop,” he pleaded but not pushing her away.

“I don’t care that she’s here. I’m sick of hiding. Why won’t you just break up with her already,” Lindsey spoke breathlessly through her kiss.

“It will totally break her, you know that. This is wrong, but I just can’t help myself. You. Are. Irresistible.” He said each word a staccato and he pushed her onto the bed.

Lindsey giggled and Ian put his finger over her mouth, “Shh, if we’re going to do this here, you’ve got to be quiet,” he commanded.

“Okay, do you have condoms,” she asked.

“Yes, always prepared. Although I must admit this was a pleasant surprise. Now, no more talking, we don’t have a lot of time.” He smiled a smug grin.

Ian climbed over Lindsey on the bed and started to nibble her ear lobe. He knew how much she liked that and she wiggled underneath him. “Be still,” he softly said as he moved to her jaw line and then to her mouth. Lindsey had worn a skirt making access easy for him, and so he pushed the skirt up around her waist and he moved her lace panties to the side and slid in a finger. “Ah, you’re so ready.” Lindsey smiled, “I’m always ready for you, Ian.” He removed her panties and threw them to the side of the bed. He opened his wallet and removed his condom and unbuttoned his shorts. He slid the condom over his erection and sank himself into her releasing a moan. Lindsey wrapped her arms around his waist, her mouth forming an
O
and she gasped for air.

Gabby glanced down at her speedo watch and realized that Ian had been gone for nearly an hour. She had spent that time thinking back to the party they had gone to almost a year ago at John’s, the first party they went to together as a couple. Ian had been so wonderful to her. He had a large bouquet of flowers for her when he met her at the door. Emma had immediately found Ian charming and he talked at ease with her, acting far more mature than most boys she knew their age. He waited for Gabby to finish getting ready knowing already that she was always late. He had opened the doors for her, held her hand, and made her feel like she was the most adored girl. She was sure that by that night she had already fallen in love with him. She adored Ian and was so excited when she arrived to the party and had seen that Lindsey and John had finally hit it off and were getting cozy with one another. Within a couple of weeks, Lindsey and John were a couple and the four of them went out every weekend. Thinking about this confirmed for Gabby what she had tried to deny for the entire summer. Any doubts she had that things were all in her head about the changes she felt in their relationship were now gone. She knew something was not right with Ian and she would not believe for another minute it was her. She was the same as she had always been. She adored Ian and would do anything for him, including going to parties she really didn’t like, just to be with him. He never left her side at those parties, knowing she was only there for him. But, tonight, he had not just left her, he had been gone for far too long. Gabby got up determined to find him and ask him to take her home. She was tired and this was not fun at all. She needed some time to think about what to do. She knew she wanted to work it out and she wanted answers for why he had changed. She just wasn’t sure how to even begin the conversation. Every time she had tried during the summer, Ian had always brushed her off. She would not back down or be pushed to believe this was her fault any longer. She was confused because she wasn’t sure why he had even asked her to come if he had no intention of being with her. Was he just stringing her along?

Gabby made her way to the kitchen and the group of guys Ian had been hanging out with when they arrived were all gathered around the bar.

“Hey, I thought Ian was with you. Have you seen him,” Gabby inquired.

“No, Gabby. He left us about twenty minutes or so ago. We thought he went to find you.”

“Hmm, obviously not. If you see him will you tell him I’m looking for him.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Gabby walked around the downstairs and randomly asked people if they had seen Ian. Finally someone said they had seen him head upstairs by himself. She found this unnerving. Why would he come to a party to be alone, unless he wasn’t? Her stomach cramped and her gut told her not to go upstairs, but her curiosity got the best of her. She had to know what was going on with him and more than anything she just wanted to go home.

Gabby held the railing of the stairs as she climbed taking a deep breath with each step and exhaling the excess air. When she reached the top and saw the hall was clear, she began slowly opening each door. When she reached the last door, she heard a noise. When she opened it, she could not believe her eyes. In that moment, her heart fell out of her chest and like a glass vase filled with the flowers he had brought her, dropped onto a concrete floor and shattered into a million small pieces. She was sure there would be no way to ever be put it back together.