Broken (6 page)

I put my hand up and pointed to one of
them and signaling him to come over and dance with me. He got up
from his seat making his way over to me. I put my arms around his
neck and began moving my hips in a circular motion. Putting his
hands on my waist he began moving his hips the same way. Spinning
me around I started grinding my ass into his crotch. He moved his
hands up my torso, and I could feel his breathing begin to quicken.
My inner core was buzzing. The combination of alcohol, music and
his hands was pushing me over the edge.

Our dance was interrupted by Nicole.
“Can I borrow her for a minute?” She snapped with a condescending
tone in her voice. She led me off the dance floor by my wrist and
angrily whispered into my ear, “Sleeping with him tonight is not
going to make you feel better. I know you think you’re thinking
straight, but you’re not.”

I gave her a goofy grin and slurred,
“I'm not going to sleep with him. What do you think I'm a
whore?”

“
Leila, I know you better
than you know yourself. You’re self-destructive, especially when it
comes to Garrett,” she said angrily.

I threw my head back and rolled my
eyes. “You’re not my mother. So you can stop acting like
her.”

“
Well, when you stop
acting like a child, I will!” Nicole said raising her
voice.

She glared over at my dance partner
who was now dancing with Hillary. Nicole’s eyes then met mine
again. I gave her a small smirk.

“
Ugh!” she exhaled loudly
and stormed off.I shrugged my shoulders as I watched her walk out
the front door. and I danced my way back over to where they
were.

The music stopped, and he asked me to
come back to his table, and I was happy to oblige. As he ordered us
a couple of drinks, I sat on his lap, kissing his neck. He told me
his name was Adam and how he was the star quarterback at
WSU.

“
Oh really? I just
graduated from WSU last spring. I can’t believe we never ran into
each other before,” I slurred while playing with his hair
seductively.

“
Yeah, you should come see
me play next weekend.” His eyes lit up.

I put my mouth to his ear and
whispered, “I’m really not into football but if you want to come
back to my place, we can play something else.”

With a look of surprised delight on
his face, he grabbed his jacket without hesitation. He said goodbye
to his friends, taking him by the hand I led him out the back
door.

He had his arms wrapped around me
tightly, kissing my neck as we made our way up the stairs to my
apartment. I unlocked my door and tossed my purse on the kitchen
counter.

I spun around whispering in his ear.
“I’m so hot for you,” I slurred.

He could barely catch his breath. I
kissed his neck, and I pushed my hand down the front of his pants.
“You’re hard for me already,” I giggled in his ear.

He tried to slow me down, but there
was no stopping me. I was self-destructing by the second. This
wasn’t anything new. It was how I’d coped after Garrett left. All
four years at WSU consisted of my bedding as many men as I could. I
used alcohol and sex to soothe my pain.

As we made it into my bedroom, I had
him practically naked, except for his boxers. I pushed him down on
the bed, crawled up on him and straddled his hips. I ripped my
sweatshirt and bra off, grabbed his hands and put them on my
breasts. He started playing with my nipples. I began writhing on
him as I unbuttoned my jeans and put his hand down the front of my
pants.

“
Can you feel how wet I am
for you?” I moaned.

He moved his fingers further down into
my pants and began rubbing my clit. Moving his hand lower he dipped
his fingers into my pussy. I arched my back to give him better
access.

“
Oh Adam,” I slurred. “I
am so hot right now. Fuck me, please.”

“
Do you have any condoms?”
He panted.

That comment stopped me dead in my
tracks. I rolled my eyes at him. “Aren’t you the star quarterback?
Shouldn’t you have an unlimited supply of them?”

“
Well, I wasn’t expecting
to get laid tonight.”

I rolled off him and staggered into my
bathroom. I came out waving a condom in my hand. “You’re lucky my
friend. I’m not getting knocked up by a one night stand,” I slurred
with a half smile on my face. I knew deep down inside I would have
fucked his brains out even if I didn’t have a condom. I actually
wasn’t afraid of getting pregnant. I’d been on the pill since I
started college. I preferred having sex with no condom, but I did
try to be doubly safe when it came to sex. This certainly wouldn’t
have been the first time I overlooked using a condom.

I tossed the condom on the bed and lay
down next to him. I yanked off his boxers and his cock sprung free.
I began kissing his chest and stroking him causing his body to
quiver. I slowly ran my tongue down his chest. His body tasted of
salt and cologne. I continued down his body past his stomach and
teasing his cock with my mouth, licking the head. He thrust his
hips into the air as I ran my tongue up one side of his cock and
down the other. I lowered myself and began licking his balls. He
grabbed my hair and led me up to him.

“
Ah . . . You’re driving
me insane,” he cried in ecstasy.

He tried to kiss me, but I turned my
head.

“
Come on, let me kiss you.
I need to feel your tongue in my mouth.”

“
I will do anything but
kiss,” I said. I never kissed any of the men I slept with. Kissing
to me was an intimate act. This was just sex. I kept myself guarded
from any emotional connection. This was purely physical.

He ripped off my jeans and then slowly
removed my underwear. Moving down my body he put his hand in
between my legs rubbing my clit again. My heart felt like it was
going to beat out of my chest. I wanted him to fuck me. I needed to
feel him inside me.

“
Lay down,” I whispered to
him.

Grabbing the condom from my bed, I
ripped open the package quickly sliding the condom down his shaft.
Positioning myself on top of him I slowly began working him into
me. Once I’d taken all of him, I started moving my hips in a
circular motion.

“
Yeah, baby like that.
That feels so good,” he moaned with his eyes closed.

I took his hands and put them back on
my breasts. I loved the feeling of my nipples being touched. Just
that alone could bring me to an orgasm. But with the amount of
alcohol I had in my system, I’d need all the help I could get to
get off tonight.

Adam suddenly flipped me over. I was
on all fours. My ass was in the air and my weight down on my
forearms. He rubbed his hands all over my body. “You’re so fucking
hot.”

My head started to spin. I
closed my eyes for a second and fought back tears. Thoughts of
Garrett at the wedding sprung into my head. Him hanging all
over
her
on the
dance floor. His eyes staring at me. I felt my anger and jealousy
building inside me.
That fucking bitch
didn’t deserve him.
I reached behind me
grabbing his dick, and I forcefully shoved him back into me. I
wanted Garrett out of my head.

With Adam’s cock deep inside me, I
hoped it would erase any thoughts of Garrett. I pushed forcefully
against his hips ramming myself into him. I was desperate to fill
the hole in my heart. Empty meaningless sex was the only way I knew
how to comfort myself... Well that and drinking.

He started pumping into me fast and
hard. I took his hand and put it on my clit. He began rubbing it in
small circular motions as I moaned. I threw my head back. “Ahhhhh .
. . Adam, make me come . . . Please . . . Make me come.”

I could feel my orgasm building. This
was exactly what I was looking for, that moment of release and the
feeling of complete euphoria where nothing else mattered around me.
All my hurt and heartache would disappear for a quick moment in
time, and I would feel whole again.

“
Harder, faster,” I
demanded.

“
Geez, baby, take it easy.
We have all night,” he said back.

I start pushing back at him
again.

“
Ahhhh. . . Yeah. . . .
I’m gonna come,” his voice now a deep growl.

We were both reaching climax at the
same time. I started to pant.

“
Come on fuck me hard.
Harder, Garrett, harder,” I cried.

Suddenly, he stopped. He pulled out of
me fast. “Who did you just call me?”

“
What? What did I say?” I
panted, still dazed.

“
You just called me
Garrett,” he said angrily.

I flipped over onto my back. “No! I
didn’t,” my voice defensive.

“
Yes! You did.” His voice
was now raised to a yell... “Fuck, I knew you were loaded but I
didn’t think you were actually thinking about another guy while you
were fucking me!”

“
No! Don’t worry about it.
It’s . . . He’s my ex. . . . I ran into him tonight, I wasn’t
thinking about him. . . . Please . . .come back to bed,” I
whimpered.

He was already putting his clothes
back on. He was pissed. “Fuck Off!” He said as he stormed out of my
room and a moment later I heard my apartment door slam.

I threw my hands over my face and
screamed at the top of my lungs, “Fuck! Mother fucking shit!” I
pounded the mattress with the bottom of my fists.

*~*~*

I woke up to the sound of Molly
purring in my face and my phone buzzing. I reached for my phone to
see a text message from Nicole:

Nicole--

So. . . How was your
football star? Did he score a touchdown?

Me--

Not funny!!!!

Nicole--

Aww. . . Come on, it’s a
little funny.

I tossed my phone down, rolled over
and closed my eyes. I became aware of what felt like a photograph
on my bed. I grabbed the object, opened my eyes and lifted it to my
face. It was a picture of Garrett and me at my junior prom. I
realized my entire bed was covered with pictures, letters and
cards. “What the. . .” Everything started rushing back. After Adam
stormed out, my self-destructive behavior had continued. I’d
grabbed some vodka from the cupboard and kept drinking. I’d
searched under my bed for the box that contained all of my memories
of Garrett. Every card, note, picture, even the heart he made for
our first Valentine’s Day was stored in there. This was all I had
of him now and of course, my broken heart.

The next picture I lifted up was
Garrett and me kissing. He had his acoustic guitar in his hand. The
picture was taken one night when a bunch of us had partied at Wales
Park.

All the guys had built a
fire, and the girls had brought stuff to make S’mores. It was a
pretty October evening and all of us were wrapped in blankets,
sitting close to the fire to keep warm.

Garrett had thought it
would be fun to bring his acoustic guitar. He said we could sing
around the campfire like he had done at camp when he was a kid. We
were all having a great time. We sang corny 80’s songs and drank
cheap beer. Once we had finished singing “
Living on a Prayer
,” Garrett got
very serious and everyone quieted down. He stood up and said, “I
want to dedicate this song to the love of my life.” He strummed the
guitar and started to sing, “
Leila, you've
got me on my knees. Leila, I'm begging, darling please,
Leila
.” I looked up at him and smiled from
ear to ear. Since the first day we’d met, he’d always sung that
song to me. He said he didn’t care if my name was spelled
differently from the song it was still my song.

I was sitting on my bed
with my knees pulled up to my chest and my head resting on my
knees. My mind was racing. What the fuck was I doing? Why do I keep
doing this?
This is not
helping.

My cell phone buzzed again and snapped
me from my thoughts. I could feel tears falling down my cheeks
again.

The text was from Nicole:

Nicole--

I’m coming over. You are
in need of another invention.

Me--

I’m Fine! You don’t need
to come over.

Nicole--

Too late. I’m at your
door, let me in.

I quickly made my way to the door,
remembering the last time she threatened an intervention and how
she almost kicked my door in. As I opened the door, Nicole was
standing against the door jam with her arms across her chest. It
seriously was a déjà vu.

“
Well, good morning or
should I say good afternoon.” I could tell by the tone of her voice
she was not impressed with my behavior.

She pushed her way through my door and
headed for the couch. “Sooo. . . How was Mr. Football star . . .
Was he everything you had hoped for? When are you going to realize
that what you’re doing to yourself is not helping, it is only
making it worse?”

I looked at her and let out a big sigh.
“I know, I know. . .”