BrookLyn's Journey (32 page)

“Come here, Sweets
.
”
Gabby
open
ed
her arms wide
and BrookLyn
fell into them.

In spite of the
comfort
she felt there, she
immediately felt a wave of fear rush over
her
.
She
realized the
magnitude
of what
she
had done
.
“
Did I really just leave my house?”

“Yes. You want to lie down?”

“When I’m done
.
”
BrookLyn leaned over and
thr
ew
up
once more
.
When
she
finished vomiting, the tears followed.
She
stood back up and faced Gabby
again
. She rubbed
her
shoulders and pulled
her
close.
They
spoke no words
,
just hugged and
BrookLyn
cried.

When she finally stopped, she just
wanted to brush
her
teeth, and wash
her
face.
A
lone.
“Gabby, can I be alone for a second?”

“Of course
.
”

“Um, where are your washcloths?”

“I’ll get you one.”

As BrookLyn
watched her walk back in
, she wondered if
this
was
going to be
her
life
.
She
almost lost
her
breath thinking about what
she
had done.
Her
life
had
changed in an instant.
It all started with a party and ended with us. Or was it just beginning
?

“Thanks
.
”
She took
the
washcloth
.

Gabby
placed the other stuff on the counter, turned and left.

BrookLyn
turned the
faucet
on and
then just
star
ed
at the water running down the drain.
“
There goes your life, BrookLyn.
You just tossed
it
down the drain
too
, huh?
”
she whispered
to
her
self.
All I had to do was finish this school year. I lived in that house for eighteen years planning my escape. I could’ve done a few more months
.

Instead t
omorrow was going to be BrookLyn’s first official day free from
hell—
a new day, walking in a new life. Th
e
fear
she felt now
was new and different.
At home she
knew their routine and what to expect
, even if she didn’t like it, she knew it
. This fear of the unknown was more unsettling to her. She had no clue what she was waking up to or where she and Gabby would end up.

But s
omething changed within
her
the night
of
Tiffany’s party.
She
’d been
lost until then.
She
had
accepted
her parents’
behavior because
her
brother and sisters did.
They
never told anyone else what
their parents
had done.
But
Gabby woke
something in
her
that night.

She placed her hands on the counter and stared squarely into her own eyes.
“So much for not moving fast.
I just took
us
to another level.
”
As BrookLyn
examined herself like a science experiment
, t
here was only one word that
she
could think of
.
“Stupid. You are so stupid
, BrookLyn
. You’ve gone and done it now, huh?”

She
scrubbed
her face with the warm cloth,
gave herself one last self-depreciating look in the mirror
,
then
opened the bathroom door.
She walked out wearing the
same thing she wore that first night
. At least
the familiarity of it made her feel
some
comfort.

“How do you feel?”
Gabby
asked
when
BrookLyn
came out
.

“Same.”

Gabby held a steaming mug in her hand
and she offered it to BrookLyn.
“I brought you some tea.”
She
plac
ed
the cup on the nightstand
when BrookLyn didn’t take it from her outstretched hand
.

“A do over would
be good.
You got one of those?”

Gabby made a move like she was checking her pockets.
“
Fresh out, sorry.
” S
he smiled
sweetly
.

BrookLyn’s
heart filled up
and t
ears rolled down
her
face. Gabby kissed
her
tear
-streaked face
. Her touch was amazing
and
BrookLyn
could feel
her
body relaxing
—
maybe
not
her
head
, though.

BrookLyn took a few sips of her tea and placed it back down on the nightstand.
She
was emotionally
exhausted and ready to sleep. “
I’m tired, Gabby. Can we go to sleep?”

“Sure.”

They
climbed
into the bed
and lay without
talking for a little while.

“
Gabby?”

“Yeah.”

“Listen, I’m not
sure if
I just did the right thing, but I know I had to do it. I’m feeling like my
heart and head are still at war
,
but I
want to thank
you for helping me escape
.”

“You don’t have to thank me.”

“There’s one more thing, Gabby.
I
’m
okay sleeping together tonight
,
but
I’m
not sure if I want to do it every night.”

“
O
kay,”
Gabby
said look
ing
confused
.
“
Y
ou
can
have your own
room
. I can go into another and you can stay in here.”

“I would never
—”

“
You didn’t.
I offered
.”

“
I
don’t
deserve
you, Gabby.”

“
No, your parents didn’t deserve you, BrookLyn.”

She
didn’t respond, she just turned her back and pulled the blankets up to her chin.

Gabby
kissed BrookLyn on the back of her head and then
wrapped her arms around
her.

Dear God
...
BrookLyn
silently
began
reciting a childhood prayer
before drifting
off to sleep
,
hoping it would all be better tomorrow. It had to be
e.

Chapter
Twelve

Finally finding the strength to sit up and write
, she
grabbed
her
journal.
BrookLyn
didn
’t
grab the one with the butterfly because this wasn’t the continuation of the love story
she had started...
or was it?
She took her pen, and as the ink flowed freely, so did her thoughts and feelings
, perhaps more than ever before because now she was not censoring
h
erself as much. Now, she was no longer worried about her mother stealing away with her innermost thoughts
.

***

The Great Escape

The
last
two weeks I
have
stayed in bed all day at Gabby’s house. I didn’t go to school. I couldn’t go and be safe. I never missed a day
before now
.
I was on a mission
, and now I
am
sidetracked
with my mission incomplete, but not necessarily impossible
.
I
have
cried and cried
—
as if someone had died. Maybe I was the one who did.
At least a
part of me
did...the one that I left
back at that house. Although I
am
glad to be away from them
,
my heart really hurt
s
. I
lie
in bed alone
every day while Gabby is in school,
thinking about all of the horrible things I ha
ve
gone through.
The things I have survived.

I hope that I survive this
too
, but I
’m
not
sure. I moved in with a woman that I love
,
but
I’m
having trouble loving
her
completely. It
is
all me
—
not her.
Every second of my life since I met her has been
so new to me
, except for the few horrible moments with my parents—
living with Gabby ma
kes
no sense at all. But I
can’t
sleep in the street. I ha
ve
nowhere else to go.
Gabriella
Michaels
,
I call her
Gabby
now,
was my best and only option.

I
have
been
in bed
the past few days
,
with a blanket over my head shutting out the world. I
’ve been
feeling something I didn’t know
existed,
about someone I ha
ve
only known from church
—t
he first place
that taught me
that what I
felt
now
was wrong, Second Baptist Church,
is
the very place that I met Gabby.
Sitting there as the
pastor preached about gay people
,
calling them sinners. Yet I
can remember
overhear
ing
the church ladies talking about him cheating on his wife
!
He
said being gay was wrong. Was cheating on your wife, right?
I
don’t
think that I
’m
gay
,
but I
am
definitely
happy when I am with Gabby.
Before Gabby I never even looked at another woman. I
can’t
be gay
...right?

Gabby
is
graduating this year too. She’s never talked about her plans after high school. I wonder
sometimes
what they
are
.
She doesn’t really need to get a career...she has all that money from her parents. I think even if I didn’t have to worry about money, I would still want to have plans and dreams for my future, though.
My plans remain the same
,
even after
T
he
G
reat
E
scape
. College
has
always
been
my “out” and now it definitely ha
s
to be my “out.”