BWWM Interracial Romance 3: Family Heart (6 page)

“All right, but I’m setting my alarm early. I’ll sleep it off here.” Rosanna shifted closer to him on the couch, cradling his hand in both of hers and looking up at him shyly.

“I’ve got a really comfortable bed—you’d love it.” She leaned in closer and brushed her lips against his; Logan pushed her gently away.

“I don’t think we should go there, Rosanna,” he told her calmly. Rosanna bit her bottom lip, and Logan knew that if he wasn’t firm with her, she’d start to cry, to make him feel guilty. “I’m glad we’re getting along, but I don’t want to cause any more tension by getting involved with you when I’m not sure we’re even close to reconciling. It wouldn’t be fair to Zachary to get his hopes up.” It also wouldn’t be fair to Jessica, Logan thought. Even if she had reasons for pulling away from him, she hadn’t broken up with him yet—and even if he had a history with Rosanna, it wasn’t right to cheat on Jessica, even with his ex-wife.

“Okay then,” Rosanna said, taking a deep breath and letting his hand go. “I’ll grab you a pillow and a blanket. The couch is pretty comfortable too.” She turned away from him and Logan felt a lurch in his chest. He knew he was doing the right thing, but spending time with his ex-wife had reminded him of why he had fallen in love with her in the first place; when she wanted to be, she was utterly charming, almost bewitching. Rosanna barely looked at him as she handed him the pillow and blanket, turning away once more and walking firmly to her room. Logan settled himself on the couch, sighing as he reached over the arm to turn out the light.

As he waited for sleep to fall, Logan thought about the way that Rosanna had been acting—not just that night, but in the months since he had started dating, since she had broken up with the man she had cheated on him with. He wondered if she had really changed, or if she was just lonely, craving his attention, since she knew she could get it so easily. As he started to drift off, Logan’s thoughts turned to Jessica, and he hoped that she was sleeping better than he was.

Jessica found herself getting closer to Logan, only to pull away from him; it had been two months since she had met his ex-wife, since she had started to lose faith in their future. She couldn’t bring herself to break up with him—when she wasn’t filled with dread and guilt and insecurity, Jessica knew that no man she’d ever been with, even Evan, had made her feel the way that Logan did. But she couldn’t quite bring herself to fully commit to him either. She knew it wasn’t fair to him; she knew that she should talk to him about what was on her mind. But Jessica didn’t want to invite Evan’s ghost into her current relationship, and she also didn’t want to make Logan think he was competing with someone who wasn’t even alive.

In spite of her best conscious efforts, Jessica found herself comparing Logan and Evan in the back of her mind almost constantly. After over six months of dating Logan, she thought that—if the two men were both alive—she could consider them about even. She had to admit that after Evan had died, Jessica had turned him into some kind of saint in her mind; she had forgotten all of his negative qualities, and remembered only the positive. It wouldn’t have been fair to any man who tried to follow him—and as Jessica started to come out of her deep, guilty depression, she realized that she’d been unfair to Logan on that score. Logan wasn’t a perfect man. He was disorganized and while he worked long hours at his job, he seemed to be more than happy to leave early or cut out in the middle of the day, only to return later after-hours. He didn’t seem entirely serious about her—but then Jessica thought, she hadn’t given him a lot of reasons to think that she was serious about him.

But in spite of the faults that had almost driven Jessica crazy, she had to admit that Logan had had virtues that Evan had always lacked; he remembered everything she told him about herself, for one. He had remembered the fact that daisies were her favorite flower from their first date. He was also punctual—his carefree attitude didn’t extend to being on time, and he had never left her hanging once he’d finally gotten around to asking her out on their first date. Evan was just as likely to be a few minutes late to pick her up as he was to be on time. She had looked past that trait when they had been dating because of how happy he had made her; but it had been something that had irritated her in the back of her mind—at least until he had died.

And sexually, Jessica thought, there was no real comparison. Evan had been interested in giving her pleasure—but he hadn’t had the knowledge of how to really get her worked up. Jessica had had to teach him about where and how to touch her, when to be rough and when to be gentle, and what she liked. While she and Logan had taken a little longer to get to their sexual relationship started, Logan had seemed to know what she wanted instinctively. It made Jessica shiver whenever she thought about the way that Logan’s hands could dance along her body, caressing and kneading, squeezing and teasing her until she could do nothing more than writhe in his arms, underneath him on the bed, moaning and letting her own hands roam over his body mindlessly. Even when she wasn’t certain about the future of their relationship together, Jessica couldn’t resist the temptation of Logan’s bed—the feeling of him inside of her, the way his body pressed against hers, the way he kissed her so thoroughly she was breathless in a matter of moments.

Gradually, Jessica began to reel herself back into Logan’s life. She stopped canceling dates with him and pushed aside her doubts whenever they were together. If she could forgive Evan his faults, she could happily get over Logan’s, particularly when he had been brave enough to give her a chance when she hadn’t been ready to love someone else. But she found—to her dismay—that Logan was busier than he had been before; while he was always willing to see her, it seemed like he was working overtime more often, staying late to get filing done. “I was out at a job site late this afternoon,” he told her on more than one occasion, “and I have to make sure the books are in order.” It was approaching tax time for businesses, so Jessica told herself that it was understandable—even though she regretted pushing him away the way that she had for so long.

They still managed to find time to be together; Jessica told herself firmly that when things were solid between them, she would finally make a point of telling Logan that she wanted to meet Zachary. They had been dating for over six months—that was certainly enough time for Logan to decide that she was at least serious about them. She knew, though, that he wouldn’t want to rush in any way—and she could understand, intellectually at least, that Logan wanted to be sure that she was ready to meet his son, and that Zachary was ready to meet a new influence in his father’s life. “When your father left,” her mother had told her when they discussed the issue, “I knew I had to be very careful; not just any man would be suitable for you and your sister. There were plenty of men I dated that I didn’t ever let you see because I didn’t think they’d be able to handle the situation. You’ve just got to give Logan time.”

Jessica was at her desk when she got the call from Logan. “Hey, honey-lamb,” he said when she picked up the line, smiling to herself. “I was hoping I could spend some time with you tonight, but it just doesn’t look like it’s going to happen.” Jessica’s heart fell. Logan sighed, “I’ve got to hang around and wait for the accountant—I swear he keeps worse hours than the cable guy.” Jessica snorted at the comparison.

“Let me know when you’re free. I can drop by late if you want.” Jessica could feel Logan smiling over the faint crackle of the phone line.

“I’ll definitely give you a call once the accountant’s out of here. Don’t wait up or anything—I’ll have a cold beer for you at my place.” Jessica and Logan spoke a few moments longer, Jessica teasing him lightly with details of the massage she would give him to relieve the muscle aches he got from working out in the elements with his crews. “You’re on—as soon as I’m out of here, I’ll give you a whistle. I could use a back rub.”

Jessica finished out the day, looking forward to going over to Logan’s house later on in the evening. She let herself be cajoled into joining some of the staff at the preferred dive bar for happy hour—Jessica texted her mother to let her know she wouldn’t be in for dinner—and prepared to enjoy an early evening with a margarita and an endless bucket of chips and salsa. She’d wait for Logan’s call in style, relaxing and thinking of how their night would go together. Her fellow editors had noticed the change in her; Luke, who oversaw the financial department, said, “You know, if I’d thought any guy could bring back that smile you used to have, I would have put my hat in the ring myself.” Jessica rolled her eyes at the man who had been with the Texan almost as long as she had—there had never been anything remotely romantic between them, even before Jessica had started seeing Evan seriously.

“Luke, you were just too slow,” she joked, throwing a chip at him idly while their coworkers laughed. Jessica had to admit to herself that in spite of her misgivings, Logan had been a good influence on her; while she had been dedicated to her job to the point of working late into the night, Jessica had never felt more comfortable in her position, more at ease with the responsibilities and demands, as she was now, with Logan’s cheerful attitude to bolster her. It had been difficult, even when she pushed herself beyond all the limits of her endurance, to keep her enthusiasm for the job up. She had gone through her days mechanically, packing her schedule and making sure she never had too much time to think. But as she started to shed her grief over Evan, even with the guilt she felt over thinking she was moving on too fast, Jessica had relaxed. Things seemed to work even better without extra meetings, and her department was operating more smoothly than ever, now that she was happy.

Jessica had started to really relax, the margarita doing its work. “You’re still seeing Logan, right?” Charity asked, scooting over closer to her. Jessica nodded with a smile.

“I’m seeing him tonight, in fact,” Jessica felt warmth beginning to work up through the center of her body, thinking of what she would do with Logan once they were alone together. The bathtub at his house was wide and deep, installed by one of Logan’s own crews after he had taken the house, and big enough for both of them to soak together, wrapped up in each other’s limbs, lolling in the hot water until any tension in their muscles left.

“Don’t you think it’s a little strange, the way he’s all in his ex-wife’s business?” Jessica felt her stomach lurch. She took a long sip of her margarita.

“What do you mean?” Charity shrugged.

“Well, he’s over her house a couple of times a week, you know. I know he’s got a kid with her, but that seems a bit excessive to me.” Jessica bit her bottom lip, her heart starting to beat faster. She had worked so hard to get past her misgivings—and Logan was spending time with his ex-wife? Jessica swallowed the lump in her throat. In her mind, an image of the woman she had met, late at night at Logan’s house, flashed vividly. Ever since Jessica had met Rosanna, she had felt inferior to the beautiful woman; it seemed unfair that someone could get her shape back so thoroughly after having a child, and even if she’d been twenty pounds heavier, Rosanna would still have been a beautiful woman. Long and lean, she was exactly the kind of woman that Jessica could easily picture Logan falling in love with. Jessica had never had cause to feel ashamed of her full curves, her lush breasts and strong thighs—but next to Rosanna, she felt like an overcooked sausage, splitting its casing.

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Jessica said. “Like you said, they have a son together—it’s not like they’d never see each other.” Charity shrugged.

“They didn’t see much of each other after he left her, but then she was all tied up with that guy. Ever since she’s been on the market again, she’s been hanging around Logan like she wants him back.” Jessica brushed the comment aside and insisted that there was nothing to it, but her mind couldn’t dismiss it—not entirely. She had just started to realize how much Logan had meant to her—just started to reconcile her feelings of guilt and grief—and now Rosanna was trying to get her ex-husband back, trying to take away the man that Jessica had come to love. It would only be too easy for Logan to go back to his wife, Jessica knew; there had to be an element of comfort in their long-standing relationship. She took a deep breath and managed to get through the evening, leaving after she’d finished her margarita and going back home.

Jessica’s anger started to rise even before she arrived at home. She had put aside her doubts, she had committed herself—as much as she could—to Logan, and he was spending time with his ex-wife. She couldn’t shake the feeling that it was far more than just him maintaining a relationship with the mother of his child. Jessica’s mother had already gone to bed, though it wasn’t late; Jessica paced the floor of her bedroom, wondering if Logan really was with the accountant he said that he had to meet with—or if he was, instead, with his ex-wife. Her eyes burned and stung with tears she couldn’t bring herself to shed until she had gotten to the bottom of the situation. Jessica kept looking at her phone, waiting for it to ring, even as her frustration grew. She knew that she had done wrong by Logan when she had pushed him away, but the fact that he hadn’t even thought to tell her about all the time he was spending with Rosanna rankled. If only he had given her some forewarning, some explanation, instead of letting her hear about it from one of their mutual friends.

As she waited, Jessica snatched up her phone; she knew one source she could go to. She scrolled through her contacts list and found Gail’s number. Jessica called her friend, throwing herself into her bed and gritting her teeth as the phone rang once, twice—and then her friend picked up. “Hey, girl—aren’t you and Logan usually hanging out at a time like this?” Jessica took a deep breath.

“Charity said something about how Logan is spending a lot of time with Rosanna lately,” she said, chewing her bottom lip as tears threatened once more to spill from her eyes. “Is—he said he had to stay late to meet with an accountant. Do you know anything about that?” There was a pause on the other end of the line, and Jessica felt her heart starting to beat faster and faster.

“I know he’s staying late at the office,” Gail said, her tone guarded. “I can’t—I don’t know for sure that there’s an accountant there, but I would have thought he’d have finished up by now.” Jessica closed her eyes and took a slow, deep breath.

“Thanks, Gail. I’ll just… wait for him to call me, I guess.” Gail suggested that they should meet up in a few days for happy hour—and Jessica agreed. She thought that if she found out the worst about Logan, she would certainly need to go out and have a few drinks. Gail hung up, and Jessica was left to continue her wait for satisfaction.

By nine o’clock, Jessica’s anger and sense of hurt had grown to almost conquer any hope she might have felt. Even if Logan had a good excuse for the time that he was spending with his wife, Jessica knew—in the back of her mind—that she would never be able to completely trust it. There was just that element of what she had seen from Rosanna when Logan’s ex-wife had interrupted their date, that defiance and confidence in her own wiles. There was just that aspect of distrust that Logan hadn’t told her. If he had nothing to hide, why would he not mention that he was spending more time with Rosanna—and explain why? None of it made sense. Jessica tossed and turned on her bed, impatient and agitated, her stomach churning with acid discontent.

Her phone finally rang, and Jessica snatched it up, staring at the ceiling as tears pooled in her eyes. “Hey, honey,” Logan said as soon as she picked up. “I’m just leaving the office and I can’t wait to see you.” Jessica swallowed the lump that was growing in her throat every moment.