By My Side (20 page)

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              “No Gabe! You can't say that
Lisey's Story
is better than
Pet Sematary
.”

             
“Why not? Try and tell me that
Lisey's Story
is not his more personal book.”

             
“Okay, with that, but it's long. I really love this book, but damn it! It's long.”

             
“You're biased.”

             
“How come?”

             
“
Pet Sematary
was your first King.”

             
I hit his arm lightly. We were on the couch in the living room, and I was at my sixth mug of coffee. I was wide-awake and full of wild energy. He was good at changing my mind enough for me not to cry like a mad girl anymore.

              “And?
Romeo and Juliet
was my first Shakespeare, but it's not my favorite play written by him.” I was sitting on my knees. I turned to the left to face him, taking in his gray eyes, messy hair, and little grin. He turned to look at me, but not for more than few seconds. My rejection was still between us.

             
“It's different. You'll never read new Shakespeare's play or you've got talents well hidden.”

             
“You're too stubborn, Gabe.”

             
“You too.” We laughed. I so wanted to be in his arms, but it would be mixed signals. “We'll never convince each other.”

             
“Especially with books.”

             
“Or music.”

             
''Or movies.”

             
“Or point of view about life.”

             
“Yeah, it's sad.” My smile said otherwise.

             
“What do you want to do this afternoon?” He ran his hand through his hair, which was a little longer than at the beginning of summer. “Or maybe you've got plans with Andy.”

             
“Nothing special. Andy thinks we need to spend some time together, you and me. He just wants me to come to your house for some movie night.”

             
“What happened to him?” Gabe frowned. It was weird for both of us.

             
“He saw how you helped me these past days. He saw another part of you, even if he's still jealous.”

             
He rubbed his chin with his hand, his silver ring shining under the sunlight, which passed through the window behind us. “I don't understand why.”

             
“Why he's jealous?” He nodded quietly. He's blinder than I thought he was. “Because your parents didn't put pressure on you when you were in high school, because they are always delighted about your grades, because all of the girls fall at your feet, because you're always acting like a perfect person.”

              “Hey! If our parents put pressure on him, it's not my fault, and I'm working hard for my grades. And about girls and being perfect it's ridiculous.”

             
“Why?” I frowned, too. “You were always with a new girl every week.” I felt miserable to focus on this point, but it helped me to stop grieving for a second.

              “Yeah, okay, I was a player, but I'm not the one who began everything. I won't say I hadn't enjoyed myself because it would be a big lie, but it's ridiculous of Andy to be jealous about that. I have crazy stories about these girls, and it's everything except great.”

              “Crazy, I can imagine.”

             
“Yeah, and about being perfect you're totally wrong. I'm more shy than you can imagine, and I just acted like everybody wanted me to. Today, I'm more like my true self, and everybody can see I'm unsure and not perfect at all.”

             
It's true about him being different. I could still see glimpses of his old behavior, but I didn't remember him blushing in high school or being patient. Maybe it's for this reason that Andy was more open-minded about us hanging out from time to time.

             
“It's better. You're more interesting now.”

             
Our eyes locked. It's unbelievable how gray eyes could make me blush. I really could kiss him right now. The thought of it made my heartbeat go crazy. Then he closed his eyes. Everything from the past few days crashed back into my head.

              “I didn't dream this tension, right?” he asked me after he opened his eyes and focused them on our empty mugs on the coffee table.

             
“No.” My voice was low. He's going to see me as a tease. His uneasiness was unmistakable. He's blushing and fidgeting with his ring on his middle finger.

             
“I didn't want to pressure you.”

             
“Don't worry because I'm also guilty.” As my words escaped me, I regretted them. He tensed.

             
“Really?” he said in a husky voice that sent chills down my body. He knew all too well he's sexy, and he's got a huge effect on me. I’d better not play this game, or maybe I needed to.

              “Like you don't know it.”

             
It seemed that my brain was running on its own, but I didn't want him to become my distraction from the sorrow. He deserved way better than that.

             
“I like to know you want me.”

             
He leaned against me, or maybe it was the opposite way around. His eyes so intense, and his lips so attracting, hypnotized me. He brushed away my hair from my face, his fingers a little calloused. This tiny detail made me shiver in his arms. My breathing was difficult. My hands found his chest, his shoulders, and his neck. Then I kissed him. The kiss was desperate. It was like I wanted to disappear in these sensations. His hands travelled down my neck and shoulders. His teeth teased lightly my lips. It was heaven.

             
“I missed you so bad,” he whispered in my ear.

              ''Same here,” I said breathless when he bit my earlobe. He chuckled. Even this sound was hot.

This time, the kiss was more controlled, but the passion was there. Our tongues fought, leaving us breathless after we broke the kiss.

              “We better stop a little to cool down,” Gabe said in a sigh. His lips were swollen and red. It's like we never broke up.

             
“You're probably right,” I said, my mood crashing once more when reality came back to me.

             
“But it wasn't a bad idea, Lily. I want to be with you.”

             
“Yeah, crazy man, good luck with me.”

              “With the little grin you often use it would be perfect.”

             
I smiled weakly at his words. I placed my head on his shoulder like I did before we fought a few weeks ago. We lost so much time with our stubbornness. Soon, he'll be back  in his dorm. Soon, we won't be together anymore.

             
“I want to try to sleep this afternoon.” I began to feel the effects of sleep deprivation. Even when I draw at night, I didn't feel that tired. I hoped I didn’t have nightmares.

             
“Can I stay with you? We could order in a pizza, and I'll stay here while you sleep.”

             
“It'll be boring.” I was touched by his proposition. He was so patient with me.

             
“I don't think so. I'm exhausted, too.” A picture of us in my bed came in my mind. Me, sleeping in his arms and both of us fully dressed. It could be great against my nightmares, and risky, too.

             
“Okay, but call for the pizza right now because I'm starving.”

             
“For a short person, you’ve got a great appetite.” I knew he was just teasing me, but my mood became even darker.

             
“I didn't eat yesterday.” My voice was a little cold, and I hated it.

             
“I'm an idiot.” He didn't say sorry, but he tried; good enough for me.

             
“It's okay.”

             
He ordered a pizza and we waited quietly, me against his chest listening to the reassuring sound of his heart beating steadily.

              A few days later, we were still together, and we didn't fight. Gabe was really careful to cheer me up when my mood was really crashing. He was my main cheerleader. My second one was Andy. He was glad to spend some time with me, even if Gabe was with us. It was like he was glued to my hip and the younger brother teased the older one … a lot. They were more or less friendly. The third one was my father, whom I began to call dad again. He was there every night when I woke up screaming after a bad dream, and he still made wonderful coffee.

             
I was feeling better because I began to realize I didn't have to feel responsible for what happened. It was a little like what happened for Gabe, and I knew it wasn't his fault, so maybe it wasn't mine either. I was slowly convincing myself.

              However, one thing terrified me … the departure of Gabe in two weeks. Two weeks, it's like tomorrow. Like a blink of an eye. It was so good to spend time with him, and it wasn't just because his kisses were so fantastic. It was more because of him. He's such a fabulous guy that I was wondering what it'll be like when he’s gone.

             
“What are you thinking about?” His voice broke the silence of the car. We were going to his parents' house for a movie night with Andy. This time I chose the film, because I was grieving, I suppose, and I chose an old horror movie. Yeah, there’s death in it, but it's just a movie. And I hated comedies.

              “Just about the end of summer, everything passed so fast.”

              “You know I hate it when you speak about it.” He brushed my bare knee with his hot hand. Simple, innocent even, but it's so good to have someone who touched me.

             
“Yeah, yeah, but ignoring it won't change anything.”

             
“Are you trying to give me a message?” What? He couldn't think I could want to break up before it's necessary. He's out of his mind this guy.

              “No. Or just maybe that we need to discuss it.”

              “But not tonight.”