Caroline's Secret (2 page)

Abe shrugged. “You unload the old bed?”

“
Jah
, I did.”

“
Gut, gut
. After I finish this table, we’ll head on back. Esther invited us to supper tonight.”

“You what?”

“I invited Abe and his young nephew to supper tonight.”

Caroline resisted the urge to prop her hands on her hips. A defiant pose would only look suspicious. “Now why would you go and do a thing like that?”

“Seeing the two of you together this afternoon made me realize how much you work and how you are never around people your age.”

“I’m around people my age all the time. Emily is twenty-one, as is Lorie. I’m just two years older.”

Esther shrugged. “I thought it would be fun to have company.”

“Fun? For who?” She stopped and eyed the woman who had taken her in when she had no one. “It is you,
jah
? Maybe you are the one who needs company?”

Esther had the good grace to blush. She turned back to the bubbling pot on the stove. “Don’t be
gegisch
.”

“
Nay
, of course not.” Caroline smiled to herself as she used a wet rag to wipe the peas from between Emma’s fingers. “I’m not being silly a’tall.”

So Esther liked Abe. What an unlikely pair: the plump baker and the absentminded furniture maker. Still, it would be a
gut
match. Abe needed someone to take care of him, and Esther liked to nurture. Otherwise she would have never taken Caroline in on that rainy September night.

“You should change your apron,” Esther said, pointing at the smear of flour across Caroline’s middle. Two years and she still hadn’t mastered the art of baking without wearing as much flour as she needed for each recipe. “You wouldn’t want to give the wrong impression to young Andrew.”

Caroline pulled Emma from the high chair and planted a kiss on her newly cleaned cheek. “I will change my apron, but not for the reasons you are thinking.”

“What would that be,
liebschdi
? ”

“I will change my apron because the one I have on is soiled and not because we have company.”

Esther poured some water into the pot and stirred it once again. “It is no matter why you do it, but that it is done.”

Caroline left the room smiling just the same.

“Andrew, would you like another biscuit? Caroline, give Andrew another biscuit. It’s her own recipe,” Esther added. “One of the best things I got when she came to live here.”

“Oh,
jah
?” Andrew shot her a quick smile filled with those incredible dimples. For once Caroline was glad that Esther was so chatty.

Nay
, that wasn’t right. She didn’t care what Andrew thought about her biscuits. Nor did she care about his smile. Tonight was for Esther, even if the woman kept insisting that Andrew praise Caroline for every little thing, from how the butter set in its dish to the texture of her blackberry jelly.

“Esther exaggerates the truth. I would have nothing if not for her, including a fine new bed.”

At the mention of furniture, Abe lifted his head. “What was that?”

“That was a fine bed you made for Caroline.” Esther leaned in a little closer to Abe as she spoke. The talented furniture maker seemed not to notice, but Caroline did. As did Andrew.

She looked at him and smiled. The moment hung, suspended between them.

Caroline dropped her gaze first, glancing over to check on Emma even though she had looked at the child only moments before.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Andrew flash another quick smile of his own and stare down at his plate.

“How about some dessert?” Caroline pushed back from the table, standing and running her hands down the front of her black
fer gut
apron.

“That’d be
gut
.” Abe rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

“Andrew, why don’t you help Caroline get the pie, hmmm?”

“
Jah
, of course.”

There was the scrape of the chair as Andrew stood and followed her from the dining area around the side and into the kitchen. She heard his sure footsteps and somehow knew when he stopped directly behind her.

“I’m not sure which is worse, Esther’s attempt at matchmaking or her crush on
Onkle
.”

Caroline spun around as he chuckled. “I’m glad you find this funny, Andrew Fitch.”

He shrugged. “I see no reason not to find pleasure in a sweet woman who cares about others.”

“There are many who might disagree.” She started slicing the thick wedges of pie.

“I suppose. Is there
kaffi
?”

Caroline indicated the pot on the stove. “Right there.”

“And the cups?”

“You don’t really have to help.”

“Oh, I’m not helping you.”

“No?”

He shook his dark head, and Caroline tried not to notice how the soft-looking strands brushed against the collar of his blue shirt. “I figure with as preoccupied as my
onkle
is from day to day, Esther needs all the help she can get.”

Caroline couldn’t stop the smile from her lips or the small laugh that escaped them. “Third cabinet on the right.”

She continued to dish up the pie as Andrew got down cups and filled them with the warm, rich coffee. Together they loaded up the tray. Caroline had to push away the thoughts of how good it felt to have him beside her, doing and helping. It was something she had never had before. Something she would never have in the future.
Don’t get used to it
. But for the time being, she could enjoy it.

“I’ll carry that.” Andrew hoisted the tray and waited for Caroline to lead the way.

Everything looked pretty much the same when they reentered the dining room. Esther was gazing at Abe, who was examining the wood grain in her table.

Andrew shot Caroline a look that clearly said, “I told you.”

She smiled at their private joke and got down to the business of serving pie.

Abe and Andrew lingered over their dessert, having a second cup of coffee and telling stories until the sun went down.

Emma lost interest in staying awake and crawled into Caroline’s lap. She fell asleep with one of the strings of Caroline’s prayer
kapp
wrapped around her finger.

Caroline looked down into the sweet face of her child and planted a kiss on one pink cheek. “I think it’s time to put the little one down for the night.” She stood and carried Emma to the bedroom and the new bed Esther had bought for her that very day.

It was an extravagant gift, too expensive for her to accept, yet what choice did she have? Esther was one of the most stubborn women she knew. She was a survivor, opening her own business after her husband died and making something for herself in the small Oklahoma town. When Esther put her mind to something, it was set, and there was no going back.

Caroline tucked Emma into the big bed they would now share and went back to the living room to where the others had gathered.

“Andrew, can I have a word, please?”

He stood and took his hat from the peg board on the wall.

Caroline ignored the satisfied smile on Esther’s face as Andrew opened the door for her and followed her outside.

It was a beautiful Oklahoma
nacht
. The stars sparkled despite the lights of the small town. Not much was open this time of day, and Caroline was glad. The darkness would allow her a little camouflage for what she needed to say. She took a deep breath and dove right in.

“I don’t want you to get the wrong idea, Andrew.”

He took her elbow as they walked across the street and into the park. “I am pretty sure there is no chance of that.”

She folded her arms over her middle. “I thought you were going to let me have my say, Andrew Fitch.”

He gave a nod. “
Jah
, then. Go on.”

They made it as far as the swing set. Caroline eased down into one of the seats, using her feet to gently push her into motion. The street lamp next to them cast both light and shadow.

“Esther has been like a mother to me,” she started. “Ever since I came to Wells Landing. Like any
gut mudder
, she would like to see her children—me—married and happy.”

“You don’t want to be happy?”

“I don’t want to be married.”

The laughter dimmed but didn’t leave his eyes. “I’m not looking for a
fraa
.” What was he hiding behind that dazzling smile?

“Gut.”
She nodded in return. “As long as we are agreed.”

“We are, but that doesn’t mean we cannot be
freinden, jah
?”

“You want to be my friend?”

“
Jah
, sure. Why wouldn’t I?”

“I was not exactly kind to you this afternoon.”

He shook his head. “
Nay
, not kind. And very
foahvitzich
.”

Her mouth fell open. “I was most certainly not bossy.”

“I have six sisters.” He gave a sage nod. “I know
foahvitzich
when I hear it.”

“You have six sisters?”

“You are changing the topic, Caroline Hostetler.”

“
Nay
. Maybe.
Jah
.” She rocked back and forth for a minute more, listening to the birds and the soft sounds of the night.

“So,
freinden
?” Andrew asked.

Caroline’s smile crept back to her lips.
“Jah,”
she said finally. “Friends would be
gut
.”

“And we could all get together for supper one night,” Danny Fitch added.

Andrew picked up one end of the table as his cousin did the same.

“You know,” Danny continued. “So you can meet her and get to know her better.”

“Jah,”
Andrew said, absently.

Two days had passed since Andrew had made the delivery to the back room at Esther’s bakery. Two days of working, eating, breathing, the continual learning to live again that had consumed him since Beth died.

And
she
had managed to take over his thoughts, Caroline Hostetler. Just when he least expected it, her face would pop into his head. But he wasn’t ready to admit that to anyone, not even himself.

It was just a fluke. One of those strange coincidences. And no wonder. Caroline was the only person who didn’t stare at him with pity in her eyes. Probably because there was no room there because of her own pain.

“What do you know about her?”

“I’ve known Sarah half my life. She’s nice to look at, I suppose, and she bakes a tasty apple pie.”

Andrew shook his head. “Not Sarah, Caroline.”

“Hostetler?” Danny wobbled his shoulders in a pseudo shrug as they backed the table from the workroom to the showroom. “Not a lot. Why?”

Andrew shook his head. “No reason.”

“So what do you say? Are you up for supper tomorrow night?”

“What?”

Danny dropped his end of the oak, forcing Andrew to do the same. “You’ve not heard a word I’ve said, have you?”

“Of course I have.” Andrew waited for Danny to lift the table once again. “Who do you want me to have dinner with?”

“Sarah Yoder, Julie’s cousin.”

A setup. Maybe that was why he had blocked out the particulars. Andrew shook his head. “I don’t know, Dan. I don’t think I’m ready to court again.”

“Who said anything about courtin’? I’m talking dinner.”

Andrew turned to the side, pushing the table toward the large showroom window with his legs. “You and I both know how girls view dinners like the one you’re talking about.”

Danny shook his head and critically eyed the table’s position. “Do you think it should go up a little more?”

“We still have to put the chairs around it.”

“What chairs?”

“The chairs in the—” Andrew walked back to the storeroom. No chairs. “
Onkle
Abe strikes again.”

Danny laughed. “Left them at home, did he?”

What could Andrew do but join in?

“What’s so funny?”

Andrew whirled around to find Caroline Hostetler standing just inside the shop, a pink bakery box in her hands.

Danny wiped the tears of mirth from his eyes and squelched his chuckles. “Our
onkle
.”

Caroline’s entire face lit up when she smiled, a feat Andrew found amazing and charming all at the same time. “What did Abe do now?”

“He forgot to bring the chairs that go with the table.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“It’d be even better with chairs.” Andrew sighed. “I guess we’ll have to go back to the farm and get them.”

“Speak for yourself.” Danny shook his head. “I’ve got to leave early, remember?”

Doctor’s appointments, dentist’s appointments, it seemed like Danny was constantly taking his younger siblings to one thing or another.

“Oh,
jah
. It looks like it’s just me then.”

“Before you leave,” Caroline said, holding the opened bakery box toward his cousin, “Esther asked me to bring you some cookies to taste. It’s a new recipe and she wanted someone to try them.”

“New recipe, huh?” Danny was the first with his hand in the box pulling out two of the fresh-baked goodies.

Andrew followed suit and grabbed a couple of his own. “They’re delicious,” he said around a mouthful of oats and chocolate chips.

“They’re called cowboy cookies. It’s an
Englisch
recipe.”

“Those cowboys sure know their cookies.” Danny reached for another one and stuffed it into his mouth like a
kinner
. “Off to the eye doctor.” He plopped his hat onto his head and started for the door, backtracking one last time to snatch up another cookie. Then with a grin and a wave, Danny sauntered out of the shop.

“I don’t know . . . do you think he liked them?”

Andrew turned toward Caroline, only the twinkling in her hazel eyes giving away her jest.

He shrugged, playing along. “Hard to say for sure.”

“At least there are a couple left for your uncle.”

“I wouldn’t count on it.” Andrew snatched another cookie and smiled at Caroline.

She laughed. “I guess I need to make more.”

“Consider it a compliment.”

“I will.” She set the box and the few remaining cookies on the desk and wiped her hands down her apron. For some reason she seemed almost nervous. “I suppose I should go so you can get on your way.”

“What? Oh, yeah. Say, Caroline, do you want to run out to the farm with me?”

She hesitated for only a fraction of a second. “
Jah
, that would be
gut
. Let me make sure it’s okay with Esther.”

They walked to the bakery together, the silence easy between them.

Caroline opened the door and stuck her head inside. “Esther,” she called to the woman behind the counter. “Is it
allrecht
if I go with Andrew to pick up some chairs?”

Esther glanced at the wall clock, then to the large oven timer. “It should be fine.”

“Emma will be up in about an hour. I should be back long before that.” She looked at Andrew for confirmation.

He nodded.

Esther smiled. “Go on. Have fun.” The timer dinged, and she grabbed a pot holder to pull the tray of goodies from the oven.

“Those aren’t cowboy cookies, are they?”

Esther laughed. “You’ll have to get Caroline to make you more of those. That’s her secret recipe.”

Andrew returned the chuckle and cut his gaze toward Caroline.

She blushed and pushed him out the door, no doubt eager to be away from Esther and her meddling matchmaking.

“I don’t think I’ve ever traveled by tractor before.” Caroline lifted her face to the wind, enjoying the sensation of the breeze on her skin. The strings of her prayer
kapp
floated behind her, and she felt as if she were flying.

“Ever?” Andrew asked, only briefly taking his gaze from the road to study her.

Caroline shook her head and smiled. “Never ever.”

“They didn’t have tractors in your district?”

“Nay,”
she said, a little uncomfortable that the subject had come up. Normally she shied away from talking about her past. It was just easier that way.

Andrew shook his head. “No tractors . . . must have been very conservative.”

“Jah.”
What else could she say? “Conservative” was not quite the best word to describe the Swartzentruber district where she had grown up. But if she told Andrew that, more questions would come. Questions that she wasn’t prepared to answer. Not yet, anyway.

Andrew nudged her with his elbow and pointed toward the pasture on their left. “See that?”

A beautiful black mare nuzzled the neck of a shiny colt of the same color.

The breath caught in Caroline’s throat. What a wondrous sight, that magnificent horse and her offspring.

The tractor spat and jerked as Andrew downshifted and slowed the vehicle. He turned the big green machine into the long dirt drive to the other side of the pasture.

“She’s yours? The horse?”

He shook his head as he completed the turn and chugged the tractor up the winding drive. “
Nay. Onkle
leases the land to several owners and breeders.”

“Really? So you have horses here all the time?”

“Jah.”

Caroline sighed. She loved horses. Other than her family, she missed them the most. She and Esther had no need for a horse and buggy living in town like they did. They simply rode their bikes wherever they needed to go. If their destination was farther than that, they hired a driver or rode with friends. Caroline missed the rocking of the buggy and the slow clop of horse hooves.

It was her one regret; that Emma would never have that experience. She stopped that negative thought before it could grow any bigger. No one knew what the future held for any of them. Only God. And though her faith had been sorely tested in the months since Emma’s birth, she’d do well to remember that.

“You are welcome to come out anytime and visit the horses.”

Was her face that easy to read? “I’d like that, but I don’t have a way here.”

“Just say the word, and I’ll bring you here. Emma too. I love the horses. It’s one of the things I miss the most about farming.” He pulled the tractor to a stop in front of a long building with a green tin roof and turned off the engine.

He hopped down from the driver’s seat and reached up to help Caroline do the same.

She ignored the little zing she felt when Andrew placed his hands on her waist and swung her to the ground. Evidently she was the only one who felt it, for he released her without a word and reached into his pocket for the shop keys.

She just wasn’t used to such touches was all. Her community back in Tennessee was one of the most conservative among the Amish. She hadn’t had many suitors, and her relationship with Emma’s father was shatteringly brief. She couldn’t be expected to be accustomed to such familiarity.

She couldn’t allow that weird tingle to stand in the way of their friendship. She and Andrew had agreed to be friends and friends only. She’d do well to remember that.

“I won’t be but a few minutes.” Andrew pointed toward the fenced-in pasture behind the building. “The horses tend to come up to the gate when we pull in. You can go see them while I load the chairs.”

“I’d love that.”

True to his word, a beautiful dapple gray with a thick black mane and a chestnut with a white blaze down his nose stood, waiting patiently for a human to come around the side of the building. As soon as they spotted her, they shifted their weight and gave a small nicker and a flick of their tails.

“Look at the
schpass
horses,” Caroline crooned. She approached quietly as to not startle them, though they looked to be gentle and eager for attention.

She ran a hand down the dapple’s silky nose, then laughed as the horse nudged her neck as if looking for a treat. If she had known, she would have brought a lump of sugar or a carrot for these wonderful creatures.

She lavished attention on the other horse, then sighed as they backed away from the gate, no doubt because there were no treats to be found. Caroline gazed out over the lush green field dotted in yellow and pink of the occasional wildflower.

How peaceful it was here, a lot like home but not the same either. The serenity was similar, the hushed air and tangible presence of God, but the general condition of the farm was different. Whereas her home community didn’t believe in adding so much to the land except for a garden to support the family dinner table, the people of Wells Landing planted extra flowers around their outbuildings and across the front of their houses. It was beautiful and unnecessary and brought tears to her eyes. What was wrong with beauty for the sake of beauty anyway? Did the denial bring a person closer to God? She didn’t think so.

She bowed her head and said a quick prayer of forgiveness. She shouldn’t be having those negative thoughts. In fact, it was thoughts like those that had her running from home in the first place. Everyone was allowed religious freedom in this great country. That was the main reason her people had come here so long ago. And they were still able to follow God as they saw fit, a right that should not be taken lightly.

“All done.”

Caroline lifted her head as Andrew came around the building.

“Are you
allrecht
?”

“
Jah
. It’s just so beautiful here.”

A knowing light gleamed in Andrew’s blue eyes. “That it is.”

Caroline gazed longingly across the lush fields. Seeing the open fields, the green grass bumping against the blue sky, made her homesick unlike anything she had felt since leaving Tennessee. But she was here now, part of this community. She had left Ethridge and everything it stood for behind her. And that was just the way it was.

“I’ve been thinking,” Andrew said over the hum of the tractor engine.

“Jah?”

“About Esther and Abe.”

They were halfway back to town before Caroline had completely swallowed the lump in her throat. Coming out to the farm with Andrew had brought back more memories than she cared to admit. She hadn’t gotten a letter back from her
mamm
after the last one she sent with the picture of Emma tucked inside. After all the pieces of the
Ordnung
that she had gone against, photographs seemed trivial at best. But it seemed her mother had different ideas. Perhaps Caroline should write her again and apologize . . .

“What about Esther and Abe?” she asked, pushing thoughts of her Tennessee home to the back of her mind.