Caroline's Secret (5 page)

For all their talk about the sins of gossip, Amish people loved to go on and on about community happenings. Call them rumors or caring talk, the fact still remained: News of Andrew sitting with Sarah in the park would make the rounds between frolics, sister’s days, and the idle chitchat at the market.

He found a picnic table and slid into one side. Unlike last night, he sat across from her.

“Sarah, I—”

She stopped pulling food out of the bag and instead turned her attention to him.
“Jah?”

Some of his courage drained. Truth was, he didn’t have a lot of experience with girls. He had never courted another, only Beth. They had known from the start that they were destined to be together; there were never any awkward moments lingering between them, just a gentle understanding.

“I don’t want you to get the wrong impression about me.”

She nodded, and he felt encouraged to continue. “I don’t know what Danny has been telling you, but I’m not here to court anybody.”

She crumpled up the empty bag and folded her hands in her lap. “You have a broken heart,” she said simply.

He blinked, a bit stunned by her words. “Did Danny say something?”

She shook her head. “I can see it in your eyes.” The wind stirred the strings on her prayer
kapp
as her lips formed a sweet smile.

In that instant he wished it could be different. He wished he could fall in love with the woman seated across from him. But she deserved a man who loved her first, foremost, and forever.

“She died,” he whispered into the breeze. Every time he said the words, it got a little more real, yet every time he said her name he missed her all the more.

“I’m so sorry.” From the corner of his eye he saw her shift in her seat, though he wasn’t looking at her directly.

Across the park Caroline and her friends, Lorie Kauffman and Emily Ebersol, had settled down for their
middawk
. “Has it been very long ago?”

He quickly looked away as Lorie looked up, her blue gaze meeting his. “Six months,” he whispered.

“Danny just cares about you. And of course he can spend more time with Julie if he can get me to come along.”

Andrew laughed, though in the back of his mind he wondered if Lorie had said anything to Caroline and if she was wondering why he told her that they could only be friends, then headed off for a lunch date with another.

He and Caroline had an agreement, but he wouldn’t want her to get the wrong impression.

“You’re a
gut
man, Andrew Fitch.” His attention swiveled back to Sarah. “For sure and for certain you will find your way again. When you do, I hope you’ll consider me.”

He didn’t know when that might be. “I’d be honored.”

Sarah gathered the remains of their lunch and tossed it into the trash. The Oklahoma wind stirred the leaves in the trees above them.

“I guess I’ll—” She made a motion with her hand.

“I’ll see you at church?”

Sarah smiled. “I’d like that.” She turned and made her way down the street, turning back only once to see if he was watching. Once she turned the corner on the other side of the hardware store, he headed across the grass that separated the two picnic areas.

Caroline.

Lorie saw him first, catching sight of him walking toward them and touching Caroline’s hand to alert her.

Caroline herself turned in her seat to watch him.
“Goedemiddag,”
she greeted him as she shielded her eyes with one hand.

“Goedemiddag,”
Andrew returned. “Lorie, Emily.” He nodded to each of them, then turned his attention back to Caroline. “Where’s Emma?”

“She took an early nap.”

“She’s feeling all right, I hope.”

“Oh,
jah
,” Caroline said. “Just growing, I s’pose.”

“Can I have a word, please?”

Lorie and Emily exchanged a look, but Caroline ignored them.
“Jah,”
she said, pushing back from the table to fall in beside him.

They walked across the sunlit grass, Andrew wanting to get far away from any inquisitive ears before speaking his mind.

Once they were under the shade of one of the mighty oaks in the park, he turned to Caroline.

“I didn’t want you to think anything about . . . well, what I mean is . . . I didn’t know Sarah was coming by today with lunch.”

“Okay,” Caroline said slowly.

Andrew took a deep breath. He was making a mess of this. “Danny talked me into having dinner with her last night. I’m afraid she got the wrong impression. So I came out here to talk to her about it, and now I’m afraid that I’ve made you think that I’m a liar.”

Caroline stopped and laid her hand on his arm. “Andrew, what is all this about?”

He shrugged. “I told you that I wasn’t ready to date anyone. I didn’t want you to think that I had started seeing Sarah.”

She shook her head with a smile. “You are
gegisch
, Andrew Fitch.”

“I’m silly?”

Caroline dipped her chin. “We agreed to be
freinden, jah
?”

“Jah,”
he echoed.

“And we are.”

He released his breath, not realizing until that moment that he had been holding it. Caroline’s friendship had come to mean a lot to him in such a short period of time. He wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize it. “So we’re still on for Sunday?”

“Jah,”
she said with a smile. She patted his arm and turned back toward her friends and their watchful eyes.

Andrew was certain the sun shone a bit brighter.

“Esther, are you ready to go?” Caroline stepped from her bedroom as she called for her friend. “If we don’t hurry, we’ll be late for church.”

“I’m coming.”

Esther hurried into the hallway between their rooms, the strings from her prayer
kapp
trailing behind her. “Almost ready. Just got to get my Bible and—”

“Is that what you’re wearing?” The words burst from Caroline before she had time to check them.

Esther looked down at herself in confusion, then back up to meet Caroline’s gaze.
“Jah.”

“I mean, why don’t you wear the green dress I made for you? It makes your eyes stand out.”

Esther allowed her one more cautious stare, then grabbed her purse from the back of the kitchen chair and her Bible from the sideboard. “This dress is fine for church.”

“
Jah
, I mean . . .”

“Is there something bothering you, Caroline?”

She shook her head and hoisted Emma into her arms. The girl was getting heavier by the day. “
Nay
. It’s just that . . .”

“What?” Esther helped her slide the strap of her own bag across her shoulder, then turned out the kitchen light. Together they made their way to the door of their backroom apartment.

“We should strive to look our best every day,
jah
?” Caroline asked.

“Vanity is a sin,” Esther answered.

“Not vanity,” Caroline countered. “But . . . but . . .”

“But what?”

Caroline shook her head. “Never mind,” she said. She had already messed up any plans she could have made concerning Esther and Abe. Even if Esther wore a sparkly
Englisch
evening gown to church, Caroline doubted that Abe would notice. Now, if she wore a lovely shade of mahogany . . .

An errant chuckle escaped her as she unchained her bike and deposited Emma in her little plastic seat on the back.

“What’s so funny?” Esther asked.

But Caroline just shook her head.

Once they were all loaded up and ready to go, they pedaled down Main Street, past the Kauffman Family Restaurant, Abe’s furniture store, and the grocery store on the right.

The wind and sun on her face felt
gut
, and Caroline had to resist the urge to close her eyes and just enjoy the sensation of a Sunday morning on the way to church.

Their bishop in Tennessee would have never allowed his members to ride bicycles of any sort. According to him, they could take a Plain person too far away from all the things they needed to remain close to.

Caroline couldn’t figure out exactly what that meant. She wouldn’t think about riding the bike outside of the Wells Landing city limits. The highway was too dangerous by far. But since she and Esther lived in town, they had no place to keep a horse and buggy and only one way to get around.

Several other three-wheelers were parked to the side of the Yoders’ house when Esther and Caroline pulled in. On the other side of the barn, the buggies had been left, the horses released into the pasture for the long church service. There were even a few tractors parked in between.

Caroline unstrapped Emma and grabbed her bag before heading toward the milling crowd.

She scanned the faces looking for Andrew as she made her way to where the women had gathered before the service. Soon they would go in and take their places on either side of the cool interior of the barn. But she wanted to see him. Just once before the service started.

Her heart gave a thump in her chest as her eyes met his sea-blue ones across the milling people. She smiled, happy to know that he was there. After the service they would put their plan together to help Esther and Abe fall in love.

Surely that wasn’t a bad thing, to help two people along on the road to happiness. She just hoped that what she was doing didn’t interfere with God’s will, just spurred it along a little. Whenever absentminded Abe was involved, Caroline thought perhaps God could use all the help He could get. But just in case, she would add it to her prayer list.

Caroline bounced Emma on her hip and halfheartedly listened to the women talk about quilts and canning as she waited for the bishop to call for church to start. Lorie was over talking to Jonah Miller while Elam Riehl seemed to have cornered Emily once again.

Soon the bishop motioned everyone into the barn. Caroline chose a seat in the back just in case Emma got fussy. Ever the friend, Esther settled down next to her and waited for God’s message.

Caroline set her purse on the floor and glanced to her right, only to find Andrew seated just the width of the aisle away. She smiled at him, and he shrugged with a sheepish grin.

She had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.

Abe sat on the opposite side of Andrew and seemed to be more interested in the nick out of the bench in front of him than anything else going on.

A hush fell over the congregation as the bishop stood and called for prayer.

Andrew was ashamed of himself. Well, almost. But Danny was at it again, trying to push him and Sarah together.
Jah
, he had agreed to have dinner with her, but that didn’t mean he wanted to sit close to her in church. A meal was one thing, but he didn’t want to give the girl the wrong impression. So he found a seat in the back and refused to budge from it.

How ironic—or maybe it was blessed—that he was seated so close to Caroline. He couldn’t have planned that better even if he had tried.

With a happy smile, he opened his hymn book and prepared to sing.

Somewhere toward the middle of the service, Emma grew fussy. She was such a sweet baby that she didn’t create too much ruckus, though Andrew could tell Caroline was concerned that her daughter was making it hard on the others around them to hear the preacher.

She gathered Emma in her arms and quietly stood, taking her to the back of the barn.

In all honesty, Andrew didn’t think Emma was that noisy. In fact, if he hadn’t been seated directly across from her, he wouldn’t have even heard the child’s whimpering cries.

But Caroline’s concern for those around her was just part of her makeup. She was conscious of others. Andrew smiled to himself as he remembered her slamming her hands on her hips and demanding that he take the bed his uncle had made for her back to the shop. She hadn’t wanted it, not because it wasn’t beautiful enough or wasn’t made correctly, like some of the
Englisch
complaints might be.
Nay
, she hadn’t wanted to keep it because it cost too much money and she didn’t want Esther to spend it on her.

But Andrew peeked into the bakery every time he passed these days. Caroline worked hard for Esther. He couldn’t think of anyone more deserving of the beautiful cherry-wood furniture.

He resisted the urge to turn and see if Caroline was in the back of the barn or if she had taken Emma outside for a breath of fresh air. Instead, he tried to focus his attention on the service. A few seats in front of him, Johnny Yoder stood and accepted his infant son from his wife Mary.

Caroline didn’t have anyone to help with Emma. Well, no one except Esther. And Andrew couldn’t help but wonder why she had never remarried. Most women would have already found another. That was just how the Amish life worked. Accepting God’s will and getting on with living.

Caroline was hardworking, caring, and gentle, beautiful even. And he was surprised that none of the Amish men surrounding him had tried to take her hand and start a life together.

Caroline returned to her seat a few moments later, a flushed and sleeping Emma in her arms.

She looked to him and smiled, and Andrew felt his heart expand with the simple serenity of it all, sweet mother, sweet child. It was a beautiful sight.

He turned his gaze back to the front and tried his best not to be so aware of every little move she made. But he couldn’t help his bubbling excitement at the afternoon they had planned. His uncle was another so deserving of love, yet not finding it.
Jah
, it was going to be a
gut
afternoon, for sure.

As they stood for the final prayer before dismissal, Andrew fully realized why it was customary for the men and women to sit on opposite sides during church. Being so close to Caroline was more than distracting. He just hoped no one wanted to discuss the sermon later. He couldn’t remember a word.