Caroline's Secret (6 page)

Everyone milled about after the service, talking about the weather and planning their afternoon. Caroline heard rumors of a volleyball game brewing at the Detweilers’ and a Bible reading at the Fishers’. But she had already made her plans.

“Are you ready to leave now?” Esther gazed at her with concern and questions shining in her deep brown eyes.

Where is Andrew?
“Just a minute more.” Caroline smiled though she wanted to grimace. Emma was a heavy weight in her arms, her warm body pressed so close, creating trickling beads of sweat.

She rocked from side to side in a gesture that appeared like she was soothing her sleeping child when it also enabled her to scan more of the crowd for her matchmaking partner.

“Here he comes.” She managed not to sigh with relief.

“Who?” Esther turned one way and then the other, a small frown on her brow.

“I told Andrew I would meet him after the service.”

“Oh.” Then
“Oh”
as the notion dawned on her. “Well, that’s
gut
then,
jah
?”

“Esther, I know that look, and it’s not what you think. We’re just friends.”

“Jah, freinden.”
Esther smiled in a way that let Caroline know that she did not believe her. What could she do but let the matter drop as Andrew stopped before them.

“Good afternoon.” He nodded at each of them in turn.

“Good afternoon,” they both echoed.

“
Onkle
and I were hoping that you ladies would join us for a meal.”

Caroline almost laughed at the light sparkling in Esther’s eyes. She didn’t know which had the older woman more excited, the idea of spending time with Abe or an afternoon of matchmaking between Caroline and Andrew. She hoped it was the first one.

“We’d love to,” Caroline said with a smile.

“You can’t ride your bikes all the way to the farm. Would you like to ride in the buggy with us?”

“Jah.”
Caroline hated how stiff her voice sounded. She had better start acting natural or one of them would see through their ruse. “That would be
gut
.”

Andrew nodded and started walking backward. “I’ll just go get
Onkle
.” He bumped into someone, then turned and made his way through the milling congregation.

“If you wanted to go to dinner with Andrew, you didn’t have to drag me along,” Esther said.

“You don’t want to have dinner with Abe?” Caroline asked.

“I-I did not say that, it’s just . . .”

“Just what?” Caroline returned.

Esther pressed her lips together, then sighed. “
Danki
, Caroline.”

Caroline gave her friend a small smile. “You’re welcome, Esther.” It was the least she could do.

Abe’s buggy was big enough that they could all five fit comfortably inside.

As Abe helped Esther into the front seat, Andrew took the sleeping Emma from Caroline so she could swing herself into the back.

She reached her arms out for her baby, but Andrew managed to hop into the back, the child still cradled to his chest, and settle down without disturbing her.

“I can take her now.”

“It’s all right,” he said. “I’m sure your arms are tired.”

She didn’t like to complain. She had made her choices, after all.

Caroline resisted the urge to rub the feeling back into her arms and instead enjoyed the sway of the horses. Clop, clop, clop, the hooves sounded against the pavement as they trotted toward the farm.

How long had it been since she had ridden in a buggy? The thought brought tears to her eyes. As much as she loved Esther and her new life in Wells Landing, if she could go back she wouldn’t. Because that would mean a life without Emma. Caroline was homesick. It was as plain as that. She missed her family, her parents and their conservative ways. She missed her cousins, the closest thing she had to siblings of her own. She missed the services in German, the potluck after, and her mother’s roasted chicken.

Andrew nudged her with his elbow, gently bringing her back to the present. “Are you all right?”

She nodded, unable to speak around the lump in her throat. Reminiscing and wondering were not ways to accept her newfound life. She could never go back to Ethridge, never go back to the life she had there.

“You don’t look fine. You look like you’re about to cry. What has you so sad, Caroline Hostetler?”

“I was just thinking about my parents.”

Andrew’s crystal eyes clouded over with regret. “I am sorry I mentioned it. Have they been gone long?”

It took a moment for his question to register, then Caroline shook her head. “They’re not dead. Just in Tennessee.”

“That’s where you moved here from, Tennessee?”

“Jah.”

“I miss my parents too, but after . . . Well, I thought it best to get away for a while.”

“Does that mean that you’re only visiting Wells Landing?”

He gave a small shrug. “That depends on
Onkle
. I came down to help, and when he decides he doesn’t need my help anymore, I’ll go back to Missouri.”

“What’s it like there?”

“Missouri? A lot like here, I guess. Except we don’t use tractors. But everything else is pretty much the same. Our church services are in German. But that’s all. And I farm instead of make furniture.”

“Do you like one more than the other?”

But Andrew didn’t have time to answer as they pulled to a stop. Abe hopped down from the front and opened the gate while Esther clicked the reins and directed the horses inside.

Once the gate was closed behind them, Abe climbed back into the buggy, shooting Esther a quick smile.

Andrew leaned close. “That was promising.”

Caroline nodded, ignoring the soft scent of his detergent mixed with the sweet smell of the shampoo she used to wash Emma’s hair. The combination gave her heart a squeeze.

What was wrong with her lately? She had gotten teary eyed over her parents and near angry that Andrew had been gentlemanly enough to help her with Emma. Maybe she needed a trip to the doctor for a checkup.

She pushed the thought away as Abe reined in the horses and the buggy stopped.

“You ladies go on inside, and we’ll be in directly.” Abe pointed toward the front door of the little white house.

“I’ll help you with the horses after I lay her down.” Andrew gestured toward the sleeping child in his arms. Caroline did her best not to sigh wistfully at the sight they made together, her friend and her baby.

“I can help,” Caroline added. It had been a long time since she had tended horses, but skills like that weren’t easily forgotten.

Esther looked to the big roan beast that pulled Abe’s buggy with distrust in her eyes. “It seems like you have plenty of help with horses. But I can stay if’n you want.” Caroline wasn’t sure if anyone else saw it or not, but Esther’s eyes begged him to say no.

Abe shook his head. “You could go on into the house and make us something to eat.”

“Why, Abe Fitch, is that the only reason you invited us out to sup? So we’d prepare food?” The teasing light in Esther’s eyes took the sting out of the question and replaced the fear Caroline had seen there earlier.

Abe flushed red to the roots of his hair.

Caroline laughed.

“If that was the case, Esther Lapp, I would have invited you years ago.”

“I think it’s working,” Andrew bent low and whispered in Caroline’s ear.

Emma was sleeping soundly, snuggled on Abe’s bed and surrounded by mounds of pillows to protect her from falling off.

Esther and Abe stood at the stove stirring soup and flipping grilled cheese sandwiches on the griddle.

“I think so too.”

They shared a smile as Andrew pulled out the chair opposite Caroline and took a seat.

“Onkle,”
Andrew said without taking his eyes from Caroline, “after we eat, why don’t you take Esther down and show her that new horse the breeder brought in yesterday?”

Abe looked at Esther as if startled that she had followed him home from church.

Caroline hid her smile. She and Andrew might need divine help in order to get those two together.

“You want to see the horses?”

Esther beamed. “I’d like that,
jah
.”

“Then that is what we will do.”

Bowls of soup were poured, sandwiches served, then they all sat down to eat.

Caroline bowed her head and said a prayer of thanks for the beautiful day, the good company, and the food they were about to eat.

“Aemen,”
Abe uttered.

Caroline had no more than raised the spoon to her lips when Emma cried out.

She tried not to sigh as she pushed back from the table. But she was hungry. Beachy services were as lengthy as Old Order ones, and breakfast had been a long time ago. Yet duty called.

“I’ll get her.” Esther started to stand.

Caroline smiled politely but firmly, stilling Esther half in and half out of her seat. “I’ve got it.”

Emma was kneeling on the bed rubbing her eyes and still surrounded by pillows when Caroline walked in.

Once Emma spied her, she raised her pudgy arms to be picked up.
“Mamm.”

Caroline’s heart melted all over again.

She scooped Emma into her arms, loving the warm weight of her form. She planted a kiss on the dark curls of her hair. “Are you hungry, wee one?”

After a quick diaper change and hand washing, Caroline made it back to the table just in time for everyone to finish their meal.

“I’ll reheat your soup,” Esther offered, but Caroline shook her head.

“Tomato is good cold as well.” There was no sense in dirtying another pan.

“Want me to hold her while you eat?”

“I thought you were going down to the pasture to see the new horse.”

“I haven’t seen the old horses yet. They will be there after a while.”

Caroline settled Emma into the crook of her arm. “I can handle this. You go on ahead and see the horses.”

Esther frowned but let the subject drop as Caroline tore off a piece of her now-cold grilled cheese and gave it to Emma to gnaw.

The screen door slammed shut with a springy bang as Esther and Abe made their way outside.

Andrew stood at the sink, looking out the window as his uncle and Esther made their way to the horse pasture. “I think it’s working,” he said once again, turning back to Caroline. “Want me to hold her while you eat?”

Caroline scooped up a spoonful of soup and held it toward her toddler’s mouth. “I can manage.”

“I didn’t ask if you could manage. I merely offered my help.” He sat down opposite her, but Caroline avoided his searching gaze, instead focusing on feeding Emma.

“Why do you do that?” he asked.

“Do what?” she hedged.

“Get all defensive when someone offers to help you with Emma?”

“I don’t,” she started, but he shot her a look that clearly stated he didn’t believe her. “She is my responsibility.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t accept help with her.”

He was right, of course, but Caroline had a difficult time accepting help. She had made her choices, brought a baby into this world. And now she would care for her . . . alone.

“If I need help, I ask.” She scooped another bite of soup for the toddler and avoided looking at him directly. Somehow when she looked into his eyes, she wished for things to be different.

Her heart squeezed in her chest and she directed all of her attention on getting the soup into Emma’s mouth. It was better by far than obsessing over the man seated across from her.

“After you’re done, do you want to take her to the corral to see the horses?”

Caroline managed not to sigh with relief at the change of subject. “That would be
gut, jah
.”

She tried not to be self-conscious of his lingering gaze as she finished up feeding them both. She rinsed the bowl in the sink and sat Emma on the counter. Quick as a wink, Andrew was there holding out a clean rag for her to use to wash Emma’s face and hands.

Is this what it’s like to have a father, a husband, a life mate to help with all the little parts of living?
It was nice to know there was someone she could depend on.

She shook away the thought lest it become too comfortable and decide to stay. Emma was her responsibility and hers alone. It’d do neither any good a’tall to become accustomed to others doing for them.

“Are you ready?” Andrew plucked his hat from the peg on the wall and held open the door for them.

Caroline hid her sad thoughts behind her smile and swung Emma to her hip. “Lead the way,” she said and stepped out into the warm Oklahoma afternoon.

Esther walked alongside Abe, enjoying being out in the fresh farm air and sunshine. She just wished that he would talk to her.

It had been a long time since she had been interested in someone, romantically speaking, but she couldn’t nail down what there was about Abe that drew her in. He was a little
strubbly
; his shirt stayed partially untucked and one of the straps on his suspenders was turned wrong. And he was adorable.