Casting Down Imaginations (32 page)

forty four

K
aren

“Where is she, Karen? Tell me!”

“I don’t know!” I yelled at Daddy through the phone.

“If you know you better tell me!” he screamed.

I was ready to hang up in his face, but decided against it.
“Daddy, I don’t know. Have you tried calling her cell phone?”

“She won’t answer,” he told me. “Oh my Lord. I think
something’s happened.”

“Calm down. You don’t know that for sure. She could just be
out taking care of some things.”

“They’ve been gone since last night, Karen. Where could she
be at? Last night I came home from work, then went out to run some errands. I
came back and her and Kevin were gone, and half the stuff from the house.”

“Alright, alright, alright,” I said, getting irritated.
“Look, I’ll try to find her okay. And as soon as I hear something I’ll call you
back.”

“Karen, I love that woman. And I love my son. And if
something bad has happened to them, I just don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

“I’m gonna try to find her,” I told him, and tried my best
not to panic. “I’m gonna call you right back.”

I hung up and dialed Mama’s cell phone number. She answered
on the fourth ring.

“Hello?”

“Mama? Where are you?”

“I’m at your aunt’s. Is everything alright?”

I was flabbergasted. Here this woman was acting as if
everything was fine, and just a second ago Daddy was on the verge of losing his
mind with worry.

“Yeah…” I answered, still not believing how calm she was. The
way Daddy acted I thought she would have at least been upset. But she seemed to
be just fine. “I’m calling to check on you.”

“Why?”

“Daddy called me looking for you.”

She was silent.

“Hello? Mama, you there?”

“I’m here. Hold on just a second.”

I waited as she told Kevin to behave while she was in the
other room. A few moments later she was back on the phone.

“I don’t know why he called you,” she told me. “There ain’t
nothing you can do about anything. Shoot, out of all of us, you’re the one
that’s doing the best. By the way, how is Terrance?”

I was getting a sick feeling. “He’s fine. Mama, what’s going
on?”

She huffed. “I didn’t want to say anything, but I guess
you’re grown now and it really doesn’t matter. But I’m leaving your father.”

“WHAT?”

“I said I’m leaving your father.”

“Mama, I know what you said, but—”

“I have never been more afraid in my life than I was last
night, Karen.”

Her voice was solemn, and it scared me.

“What happened?”

“I was standing in the kitchen, making dinner for the three
of us,” she told me. “Your dad had come home from work, but he left. He said he
had some things to do. We haven’t been speaking much lately, so I didn’t say
anything to him and didn’t bother to ask him where he was headed. I guess I
just didn’t even care. Kevin was in the living room in front of the TV. Then
out of nowhere, these three men come bursting in the house. I screamed, and the
next thing I know one of ‘em scooped Kevin up and held their hand over his
mouth to keep him from screaming.”

Oh my God. Kevin! Oh my God…

“Mama, is he alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. He’s fine. We’re both fine. They were looking
for your father. Turns out he’s been owing these guys for months and they said
they weren’t leaving until they got their money, and if they didn’t get it,
they were gonna hurt me and Kevin.”

I heard her voice crack, and the sound of it made me cry as
well.

“Oh my God. Mama, I’m so sorry.”

“My baby,” was all she kept saying, referring to Kevin. “My
baby… They had my baby…”

“What did you do?”

She took a few moments to recollect herself. “I didn’t have
any money on me because I don’t keep cash in the house because of your father,
and I told them that. So I gave them all of my jewelry, and those bastards
could tell the real stuff from the fake stuff. I gave them my wedding ring, and
a few paintings from the wall, and I gave them my two fur coats.”

“Not the ones Grandma left you?”

“Yeah.”

I sighed. “Awh, Mama. I know how much those meant to you.”

“Yeah, but, you know… Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta
do.”

“How’s Kevin?”

“He’s doing okay. He’s shaken up by all of it. I kept him out
of school today. Poor baby cried all last night.”

I couldn’t believe all this was happening. Last night while I
was safe and sound in bed with Terrance, my mama and little brother were almost
killed. All because my dad, who at one point I thought could do no wrong,
refused to stop gambling. How much worse did things have to get before he came
to his senses?

“Oh my God. Mama, I’m so sorry.”

“Ain’t no need to apologize. You didn’t do nothing wrong.”

“I know, but I just… feel so bad.”

“I understand. But that’s it for me and your daddy. It’s
over. That was the last straw. I can’t take no more. I’m staying here with your
aunt until I can get the money to file for a divorce.”

I closed my eyes to keep from falling over. I guess I should
have started preparing for it when she told me she was thinking about it that
night Terrance and I went home. But to actually hear her say it made me sad.
What happened to our happy home? When I was younger things were so perfect.
There were never any fights or any arguments. They got along fine. She and I
got along fine. And Daddy was my hero, and I was Kevin’s hero. Everything was
so good back then. What happened to those times? Why did they have to go away?

“Are you sure you wanna do that, Mama?”

There was silence before she spoke again. “Those bastards
said they were gonna hurt my baby,” she told me.

Even though I wasn’t standing in front of her, I could see
the red in her eyes. I could feel her pain through the phone. People always
said never mess with a woman’s children, or her money, or her man. Daddy’s
gambling messed with her child and with her money. Two out of the three danger
zones equated a divorce for Daddy. It hurt, but I understood. It was like she
said earlier. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.

“Okay, Mama.”

“Karen, look. I know you may not understand, now. And I pray
that you never will.”

“I understand, Mama.”

“Listen to me, okay? Don’t lose what you have in Terrance.
He’s a good man and he has a good heart. Do you remember how fast he came up
here with that money to help me out? That shows he has a big heart. And he
showed that he loves you by helping me out when I needed it. That’s a good man.
And that’s why he took you in like he did, ‘cause he knew that we couldn’t over
here.”

“Mama, don’t worry about me and Terrance.”

“I’m just trying to tell you. You got you somebody that’s
gon’ take care of you. And that’s important. That’s what a man is supposed to
do. So hold on to it as long as you can.”

“Alright, Mama,” I said. “I need to call Daddy back and tell
him where you are. He’s worried sick.”

She huffed. “Is that why you called me?”

“Yeah. I didn’t know anything was wrong at all until Daddy
called me, screaming at me ‘cause I didn’t know where you guys were.”

“Well, if he would have been handling his responsibilities
instead of making stupid bets and losing all of our money, then he would know
where I was.”

I didn’t want to get in the middle of their arguments, but I
could tell that somehow I was.

“Alright, Mama,” I said. “I gotta go.”

“Alright. Talk to you later.”

“Bye,” I said, and hung up to call Daddy.

forty five

Anaya

I tossed back and forth as I laid in the bed, frustrated that
I couldn’t get any sleep. Even though Ayden proved to be a jerk, I was shook up
by his words.
Professional slut…
I guess that’s what I was, in essence.
I pranced around naked on a large platform intentionally so that strange men
would gawk at me. That sounded pretty slutty to me. And I got paid for it, so
it was my profession. Professional slut did sum me up.

I was tired. I just wanted to leave and go away and not ever
come back to Daytown. I just wanted to be a kid again. I wanted the days when I
thought my life was so dramatic, but it was actually quite simple. When I used
to spend three hours trying to figure out what I was going to wear to school
the next day. When Karen and I were friends and we used to sneak around
together. The days before I had to worry about rent and groceries and utility
bills and gas and work. The days when Deacon Patterson used to take care of me.

“I need to get out of here,” I mumbled to myself.

I thought about home. My old room. My old life. And Deacon
Patterson. I missed him. I was such a horrible daughter. I only called him
about once a month, and that was just to find out if he was doing okay. But I
needed Deacon. He was… my daddy.

I wanted to call him, but debated whether or not I should. It
was late, and I was sure he was asleep. But if I didn’t call him now I probably
would talk myself out of it later. It was almost three o’clock in the morning,
and I knew he had to get up in a few hours to go to work. I decided not to
call, but then thought about all of the jerks I’d been involved with in the
past year and how none of them equaled to half the man that Deacon was. Not
Reese, not Ayden, certainly not Jeff-the-bastard, and not even Derrick, no
matter how nice he tried to be.

Before I knew it I was dialing home. Deacon answered on the
fifth ring in a voice that hinted he was displeased at being woken up so late.

“Deacon, it’s me,” I whispered, talking low as if that would
help.

He grunted. “Baby girl?” he asked.

“Yeah. Sorry to call you so late.”

He yawned. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine, I just… missed you.”

“Awh, isn’t that sweet? Well I miss you too, baby. How you
been? I ain’t talked to you in so long.”

“I know. I’m sorry about that. I just been… kinda busy. You
know, with school and all.”

He didn’t respond.

“Deacon, you asleep? I can call you back some other time. I
don’t want to disturb you. I just—”

He interrupted me with another yawn. “No, baby. I’m awake. I
was just listening to you talk.”

I smiled, relieved. “How you been?”

“Same ol’ same ol’. Just working hard, down at the church,
too. Everybody always asking about you. Wanting to know how you been and
everything. I just tell ‘em you fine, ‘cause I honestly don’t know. But I wish
you’d call me more often, baby.”

“I know, Deacon. And I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I went to college, too, you know. I
remember how it was. You grown now, and you got your own life, so I understand.
I just miss you, too.”

My own life. It was so jacked up. I had money and clothes and
a nice place to live, but I wasn’t happy. There was no love in my life, and it
made me cry.

“You okay?” Deacon asked, hearing me sniffle.

I tried to stop. I wanted to lie to him and tell him that
everything was fine and that I was doing great and was the happiest that I’d
ever been in my life. But I couldn’t lie to him. So I answered, “No.”

“What’s the matter?”

I sniffled. “I’m just lonely up here. I don’t have any
friends.”

“You’re on a college campus with thousands of other kids your
age, and you mean to tell me you haven’t found one friend?”

What? Oh yeah... I almost forgot that fast!

“I have, but… they’re not real friends. Just acquaintances.”

“Well, what about Karen?”

I sighed. “We’re not really that close anymore, Deacon. But I
don’t wanna talk about her,” I said, and wiped the tears that were coming out
of my eyes. “Can I come home?”

“Sure, baby. You know you’re always welcome. This house ain’t
been the same since you left anyway.”

“Can I come tomorrow?”

He hesitated. “Don’t you have class?”

“I’ll skip,” I said quickly. “I really need a break.”

“Yeah. I can imagine you do. But what about your part-time
job at the paper? Aren’t they gonna need you?”

“Oh yeah.” I forgot I told him that I worked part-time for
the campus newsletter that came out every week. “I’ll just tell them I need
some time off. They won’t mind.”

“Well alright. You can come home if you want to. You wanna
drive down?”

My stomach leaped. I was so happy. “Yeah.”

“How’s your car holding up?”

“Oh, it’s fine, Deacon.”

He yawned again. “Yeah? Well, come on home then. It sure will
be good to see you.”

“Thank you.”

He kept yawning. “No problem, baby. I guess I’ll see you
sometime tomorrow, then.”

“Alright, Deacon,” I said. He was about ready to pass out on
me, and I wanted to say goodbye before he did. “I love you.”

“Love you, too. See ya later,” he yawned.

“Bye,” I said, and hung up.

**********

It was a little before five when I pulled up into Deacon’s
driveway. As expected, he was waiting by the door, and before I could even get
out he was opening my door for me. He gave me a hug so big that it cracked my
stiff back, but I didn’t mind because it felt good.

“Let me get a look at you,” he said, holding me back. “You
look like you don’ lost some weight. You ain’t eating?”

I laughed. “Yes, I been eating.” I had to remind myself that
the last time he saw me I was pregnant.

He chatted about how good it was for me to come home so
suddenly as he commenced to gather my things out of the trunk. I replied that
it was nice for me as well, until he suddenly interrupted me.

“This look fancy” he asked, holding up my Louis Vuitton train
case which was full of makeup. “How you pay for this? It looks expensive.”

I stared at the train case that I foolishly purchased as if I
had someplace important to go or someone in my life that I needed to impress. I
thought it was so cute when I first saw it and just had to have it. Now I was
wishing I would have left it in the store right where it was.

“Anaya?”

I flinched. His face was asking me how I could afford that
working a part-time minimum wage job if he didn’t give me the money for it.

“Just a knock off,” I lied to him. “Got it at a flea market.”

He nodded and took the rest of my things in the house.

I was uneasy. I’d only been with him five minutes and had
already lied to him twice. Maybe coming home wasn’t such a good idea.