Catalyst (The Best Days #1) (21 page)

“
You did help me,” Rory insisted.  “More than you’ll ever know…”

“I’m glad,
truly.  But you have to understand, from my perspective I couldn’t do enough for you.  I couldn’t take your pain away.  I couldn’t erase those memories that were haunting you.  I felt like I was failing you the same way I failed my brother.”

“That’s why
you started to get so frustrated any time I had a bad day?”

“Yes.”  He hung his head.  “
It was about me, not you.  It wasn’t fair, I know.  I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” Rory told him.  “I overreacted that day when I showed up at your house.  I…I do that sometimes.  Sometimes my temper gets the best of me; it always has.  I guess I’m just –”

“Passionate?” Carson finished the sentence for her with a knowing raise of his eyebrow. 

She couldn’t hide her
surprise.  “How did you know that’s what I always say?”

He
gave Rory a boyish grin, the corners of his blue eyes crinkling.  “Your sister told me.”

“She did?”

“Yeah…she came to my house this afternoon after work.  First she interrogated me to find out if I met her very high standards for you,” he chuckled.  “I guess I passed the test because her advice was to take whatever you said or did with a grain of salt…and to get my ass over here to try to patch things up with you.” 

He leaned closer and pretend-whispered, “She told me you’re too stubborn to make the first move
and if we’re going to be together then I’m just going to have to get used to it.”

“My sister gives good advice.”

So, uh, how about it?” he asked, swallowing hard.  “Can we kiss and make up?”

More than anything, Rory wanted to kiss Carson.  But she wasn’t ready to fall into his arms just yet.  Proceeding with caution, she reminded him, “I asked you if we’d be together if it wasn’t for Grace’s death.  You…you didn’t seem so sure.”

“Ugh, I’m such an idiot sometimes,” Carson smacked his forehead.  “That was the truth but it came out all wrong, I guess because I was half-asleep and not expressing myself very well.”  He ran a hand through his hair and looked Rory square in the eye.  “I’ve wanted to ask you out pretty much since the moment I met you.”

Rory’s confusion was written all over her face.  “But you barely ever talked to me,” she protested.  “Until recently I wasn’t even sure you knew my name.”

He looked embarrassed.  “I definitely knew your name,” he assured her, “but I was terrified of you.  That’s not a very macho thing to admit, I know, but there you have it.  You, Rory O’Neil, are terrifying.”

“Me?  Why?”

“Look at you,” Carson said quietly.  “You’re beautiful and stubborn and fun-loving and moody.  You’re a complete mystery to me – always have been and probably always will be.  You don’t know how many times I thought about making a move.  But I figured a girl like you wouldn’t want a guy like me.”

“Are you
being serious right now?”

“I’m completely serious.  You might hang out with the cheerleaders but you’re not one of them.”

“Don’t I know it,” Rory muttered, wondering what Carson was getting at.

“I’ve never been in trouble a day in my life…well, until recently.  I’m a guy who plays by the book.  I did the good grade
s thing and the football thing because it’s what was expected of me.  Getting in that fight with Jeremy was a blip on the radar.  It’s not me…not usually.  I just flipped out when I saw him messing with you.  But usually I’m not the dangerous, rebellious badass type, Rory.”

“Who says that’s what I want?” Rory demanded, surprised that Carson would think such a thing.
 

“Isn’t that what every girl wants?”
  His eyes were locked on hers.  She could almost feel the heat between them and it sent a shiver down her spine. 

“I don’t know
.  I’ve only ever wanted you.” 

“I wish I’d known that sooner.  It was only after Grace died that I decided I was going to put it all out there and go after you, even if it meant being turned down.  I figured you only live once so you may as well seize the day, you know?  Anyway,” Carson finished, “that’s all I meant when I said we might not have gotten together had it not been for Grace.”

“I like that,” Rory said softly.  “The thought that Grace brought us together…it’s nice.”

“Yeah, it is.”

A slow smile spread across her face.  “Were you really intimidated by me?”

“Completely intimidate
d,” he confessed.  He always looked away when he was feeling shy and Rory thought it was the most adorable thing ever.  He was doing it again and she nearly melted right there on the spot.  “You’re so out of my league.”

Rory
couldn’t help it: she laughed aloud.  “That’s exactly how I felt about you.  I thought there was no way you’d ever want to be with me, the non-cheerleading slacker who’s on the verge of flunking out – but based on the look you’re giving me I’m guessing you disagree.”

He nodded vigorously.  “You’ve got that right!”

“How about we agree right here and now that we’re worthy of one another?”

“Sounds good to me,” Carson grinned and took a step closer.  “Want to seal that with a kiss?”

“I think we’d better,” Rory agreed before he cut her off by pressing his lips to hers.  His hands slid into her hair as his tongue leisurely explored her mouth.  She wrapped her arm around his waist and held on tight. 

She wasn’t about to let him go again.

“I can’t believe you’re moving away to college already,” Rory pouted as she grumpily loaded a box into Carson’s sports car.  With a little wiggling and clever maneuvering, she was finally able to make it fit. 

She stood back and surveyed the scene.  It was reminiscent of Justin going off to school each fall, clothes and bedding and miscellaneous items of every type crammed into the car ceiling-high.  She felt that same familiar twinge of sadness, too, like she was about to suffer an irreplaceable loss.

“
It isn’t even the end of the summer yet,” Rory pointed out.  She directed a winning smile at Carson and with a bat of her long eyelashes asked, “Are you sure you don’t want to stay here with me a little longer?”

He set down the box in his arms and wiped his brow.  He looked hot in his t-shirt and jeans – in more ways than one.  It was the end of July and summer was in full swing.  The temperatures were soaring.  It was ideal weather for sunbathing out at Cricket Lake but it wasn’t exactly the best weather for moving.

“I’d love to stay longer,” Carson assured Rory, reaching out to pull her close as he spoke.  He nuzzled his chin against the top of her head and her arms encircled his waist like they’d done a million times since she and Carson had gotten together.  “I’d love to stay here with you forever.”

“But?” she p
outed, giving him puppy dog eyes even though she knew they wouldn’t help.

“But I’m so ready to be out from under my parents’ roof an
d I found the perfect apartment,” he explained patiently.  “I’m going to spend the next few weeks getting settled into the new place, getting a head start on my readings and figuring out my way around campus.  It just makes sense to leave now.”

“You’re right,” she relented begrudgingly, burying her face in his t-shirt
and greedily breathing in his familiar, enticing scent.  “I don’t want you to go,” she whined, her voice muffled by his muscular chest.

He kissed the top of her head.  “I know,” he murmured.  “I don’t want to leave you.  But in a year
we can be together again.  You’ll graduate and then you can move in with me, enroll in college and we won’t have to be apart.”

“That sounds nice,” she perked up, all ears.  They’d been over this scenario at least thirty times already but she never got tired of hearing Carson talk about the bright future they’d have together.  “Tell me more.”

The arms around Rory tightened and she let out a delighted screech when he lifted her up off her feet and gently set her onto the hood of his car.  Thankfully it was shaded by the big oak tree out in front of his parents’ place, so the metal wasn’t too hot to the touch. 

Carson leaned against the car and toyed with a lock of Rory’s long blonde hair.  She’d curled it, wanting to look nice for him on the day she saw him off to the city.  She was pleased that the loose ringlets had actually stayed in place for once.  He tugged on a curl gently, watch
ing it spring back into place before repeating the process.

“
I’ll come back here every weekend until classes start,” he vowed.  “And when we’re not together, we’ll call and text every day.  We can keep our phones on every night and fall asleep talking.  If you turn the lights out and just focus on the sound of my voice, it will almost be like I’m there with you.”

“And then?”

“Then, once classes start, I’ll come back to see you every third weekend…more often if my classes aren’t too homework-intense.  And by that time you’ll have your driver’s license and will try to come up to visit me once a month, right?”

“
At least
once a month,” Rory promised. 

Though visiting Carson wasn’t her primary motivation for finally buckling down to retake her
driving exam, it certainly didn’t hurt.  The thought of hanging out with her slightly older boyfriend – who would be in
college
, no less – at his apartment was thrilling.  It sounded so grown up.

Rory could hardly believe she was about to enter her final year of high school.  It was going to be a different year; she could feel it.  Her priorities had changed.  Her outlook had changed.  Her social group had changed.  Gone were the days of sitting at the cheerleaders’ lunch table…Rory had a feeling she’d burned that bridge. 

For someone obsessed with popularity, it didn’t bother Rory all that much.

If there was one thing she’d learned
over the past little while, it was that life was too short to be dragged down by high school politics.

“Well, looks like that’s the last box,” Carson said with some regret in his voice.  “I need to get into the city by three o’clock for my
apartment walkthrough with the landlord.  I wish I could take you with me!”

“Yeah good luck with that
,” Rory retorted, eyeing the loaded up car.  It was a wonder there was any room for Carson to get in there – a passenger was out of the question!

“I didn’t even know I had this much stuff,” he chuckled.  “Where did it all come from?
  I’m pretty sure it’s multiplying, which is kind of creepy but also sort of awesome.”

Rory’s smile faded.  She looked up at
him, seeking reassurance.  “We
are
going to make this work, aren’t we?  I mean, what happens when we’re both bogged down with classes and living in different cities and…”

Carson put a finger to Rory’s lips, effectively silencing her.  “If we’re both onboard with this…if we’re both willing to do whatever it takes to make this work, then there’s no reason it won’t.  I’m all in.  Are you?”

“Absolutely,” Rory responded automatically, her heart pounding.  It always pounded when he was close to her.  In fact, her pulse still raced any time he walked into the same room as her.  But it wasn’t an unrequited infatuation anymore.  No, now it was slowly but steadily evolving into something much more significant…

“I should get on the road.”

“Mmhmm,” Rory agreed.

Carson raised an eyebrow.  “You’re supposed to protest and sulk and maybe grab onto my leg to keep me from going, you know.” 

“Part of me wants to.”

“But…?”

“But if you leave it will give me time to miss you.  At first I thought it would be horrible but I think there’s a silver lining.  I think,” she theorized, “that missing you will only make me that much more excited to be with you.”

“Oh?”

“It’s actually a very good theory,” Rory said defensively.  “It’s been well-tested.”

A look of amusement came over Carson’s face.  He leaned against his car again and crossed his arms, cocking his head to the side in interest.  “Okay,” he said.  “Let’s hear it.”

“I love pizza,” Rory informed him.  “I love it so much I could eat it every day, for breakfast, lunch and supper.  On the odd occasion,” she confessed somewhat sheepishly, “I may have done exactly that.”

He stifled a snicker.  “Go on,” he encouraged, eager to find out where
her analogy was headed.

“The cheerleaders do this carrot diet,” Rory stage whispered
, a though she was divulging a deep, dark secret and they didn’t go out of their way to make sure everyone in the school knew about it.  “They eat nothing but carrots, celery and diet soda.  But mostly they just eat carrots.”

When Carson
made a face, she nodded.  “It’s as disgusting as it sounds, believe me.  But the thing is…the first slice of pizza I’d eat after being on the carrot diet was always the most delicious slice.  Deprivation can be good.”

“So what you’re saying is you’re an advocate of the carrot diet?” Carson teased.

“No!  What I’m saying,” she clarified with a wink, “Is that I’m going to love having somebody to miss.  And also, you should take me out for pizza the next time we’re together.  Now go so I can look forward to seeing you again!”

Carson was staring at her with an awed expression on his handsome face
.  He pulled her in for a goodbye kiss.  “Your mind works in the most bizarre ways, you know,” he informed her with amusement.  “You’re so unpredictable…I never quite know what you’re going to do or say next.  But that’s one of the many things I love about you.”

Rory’s heart fluttered
.  He’d said The ‘L’ Word.

She was going to miss him but her sadness was fading.  In its place was a deep seated sense of security and hopefulness.  For the first time in ages, Rory was excited about her future and where it could take her.  It wasn’t about Carson.  It
had nothing to do with popularity or social status or any of those superficial goalposts that had once meant so much to her.  Instead, it had everything to do with possibility.

Rory didn’t know where her life was headed.  If there was one thing she’d learned, it was that life is precious
, fragile and unpredictable.  She knew that even the best laid plans could go awry at any moment, but it didn’t matter.  As she watched Carson drive away, Rory knew life wasn’t about the destination – it was about the journey.