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The following day, I
decided to do the exercise that we’d been set for the holidays. I’d been
putting it off all summer, so, with only three days left before school started,
I thought I’d better make an effort.

Our teacher, Miss
Watkins, had given us the opening lines to the book
A Tale of Two Cities
by Charles Dickens.

I picked up the
handout sheet and read:

It was the best of
times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness,
it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season
of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the
winter of despair, we had everything before us, we
had nothing before us, we were all going
direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way.

Boy, he sounds
confused, I thought, up and down and round and round. Seems like some things
never change. Then I looked to see what we were meant to do with the handout.
Miss Watkins had written underneath the quote: ‘
Write a short account of
the best and worst times of your summer
.’ Forget the
whole
summer, I thought, as I sat as my desk, I could put them all into one day:
yesterday.

I got a few sheets of
paper out of my desk drawer and began to write:

 

Worst:
being mad with Mum and storming off to Dad’s only to find out that
staying with him was a no-go.

 

Best
:
my talk with
Angus. I’m beginning to really like him. Then everything being OK between Mum
and me again
.

Josh phoned an hour after Mum had gone back to her office. He wanted to
meet up, so I suggested Muswell Hill as I’d already told Mum I was going there.

 

Worst:
went to meet Josh. It was pouring. Not gentle summer rain, this was
torrential. Arrived looking like a drowned rat. So much for looking cool. I was
positively frozen.

Best: Josh was soaked too and looked drop-dead gorgeous with wet hair
slicked back and his skin glistening with rain. He put

his arm around me as we ran through the downpour, then kissed me under a
tree. Possibly the most romantic moment of my whole life, even though water was
dripping down the back of my jacket.

 

Worst
:
met up with his
weird friend Spider. Don’t like him. He is Sullen with a capital S. Josh did
ask if I minded hooking up with him. Actually, I did mind, as I wanted to get
to know Josh better, but then I remembered what happened to Lucy this summer.
She went out with this guy who was really clingy and possessive. He started
telling her who she could and couldn’t see, and in the end, she finished with
him because she felt suffocated. Didn’t want to do that to Josh
.

 

Worst
:
had a cigarette. Spider offered me one and I
took it. I don’t know why. I guess I wanted to look cool. Hah. I took one puff
and blaghh, I gagged on it. Spider creased up laughing. Won’t be trying one of
those again in a hurry, as it tasted disgusting. Josh had one as well and when
he kissed me afterwards, it wasn’t as nice as before in the rain. He had
cigarette-breath. But I guess I did too. Should have taken some gum
.

 

Best
:
Josh held my hand as we walked along in the
rain. It made me feel like he was happy to be seen with me
.

 

Worst
:
made huge mistake and took Josh and Spider to
Ben’s
garage.
1 knew it was empty, as Ben had gone to his gran’s eightieth birthday in
Brighton with his family and wouldn’t be back until late. I guess I wanted to
impress Josh, but it backfired. I knew it wasn’t a good idea the moment we got
there. Spider had been drinking and carried on drinking. He was into
everything, opening drawers and picking up the guitars. I had to tell him to
leave them alone, as the boys are very picky about who handles their
instruments and don’t like people messing with them. Then he started pulling
CDs and things out of Ben’s filing cabinet. I know he has everything dated and
labelled, so had to tell Spider to get lost. In the end I asked him to leave.
He told me not to get my knickers in a twist. Very original. Not. After he’d
gone, Josh lay on the sofa, rolling joints. Got a bit worried that Ben would
smell marijuana when he got back. Josh said that marijuana is nicer than
tobacco, so I had a quick puff. He told me that I had to really inhale it,
which I did and it made my head go woozy. Not sure that I liked the sensation.

 

Best
:
listening to music, talking and snogging Josh
on the sofa. I give him nine out of ten on the snogging scale. Minus one
because I could taste the tobacco and an aphrodisiac it is definitely not
.

 

Worst
:
after we left the garage and I locked up, it
was ten-forty. I knew Mum wouldn’t be home until after midnight, so no worries
there, but I knew I shouldn’t get back any later. Josh
said he was off to a party and
when I said I couldn’t go, he was like, Oh, OK, I’ll give you a call, then.
Then off he went, leaving me standing there on the pavement. Felt confused, as
after all that snogging, I thought he’d at least care about how I got home.
Didn’t like being out on my own so late at night. Phoned Nesta as she was
closest and she and Tony came and escorted me home. Tony was very sniffy about
Josh. He said that he thought Josh sounded like a creep and any boy should
always make sure a girl gets home safe as there are too many weirdos about.
Nesta thinks I shouldn’t see Josh, as he sounds like bad news. Felt very
confused. I don’t know whether she’s right or whether she’s jealous because she
thought he was cute in the beginning, but he never gave her any attention.

 

I looked over what I
had written for my best and worst, then ripped it up and threw it in the bin.
Somehow I don’t think MissWatkins would be too happy if she knew I’d been
drinking, smoking, puffing on joints and snogging boys. I tried to rethink what
Dickens had said in the light of what had happened to me. I wrote:

It was the best of
times, it was the worst of times. It was the age of Year Ten, it was the age of
growing up. It was a time of discovery. It was a time of being silly. It was an
era of fighting with my mum. It was an era of trying to accept her. It was the
season of rebellion, then the season of regret. The spring of new love, the
winter of disappointment. I had a new boyfriend, I
didn’t have a new boyfriend. I was going
direct to romance, I was going direct home, alone to bed.

Yeah, I thought. Times
haven’t changed much at all since Dickens lived. Life is still a rollercoaster.
Opposites. Good times, bad times, best and worst. I wondered how the rest of my
class was getting on with the exercise and how their summers had been. It would
be hysterical if everyone wrote the truth about what we’d got up to, as knowing
the girls in our year, they’ll have been up to all sorts.

As I tried to get into
writing the more socially acceptable version of my best and worst times, Lucy
phoned.

‘Oh, I’ve done that
homework,’ she said. ‘Took two minutes. Best time: breaking up for the summer
holidays. Worst time: well, that will be going back on Monday, won’t it?’

I laughed. ‘I guess.
Might be a bit short for what’s expected, though.’

‘I’ll tell her I’m
going through a minimalist phase with my writing. Less is more sort of thing.
Anyway, forget about homework, we’ll have enough of that soon when term starts
and if you ever get stuck, Lai has been working on a list of good excuses for
handing homework in late. He’s hoping TJ will put it in the magazine, but I
don’t think she’ll dare. He’ll e-mail it to you, if you like. But tell me all
about Josh. Nesta said you saw him yesterday. What’s he really like?’

‘Weird,’ I said, ‘or
maybe not weird. More like mysterious. He’s quite unlike anyone I’ve ever met
before. I don’t feel I know him at all. Like, I asked him where he lived and he
said, “Planet Earth.” I asked him what school he went to and he said, “The
school of life.” I asked him what birth sign he was, as I thought I could do a
horoscope to see if we’re compatible. He said, “Marsupian.”’

Lucy laughed. ‘Marsupian.
At least he didn’t say he was from Uranus.’

‘I even tried your
quiz, Lucy. You know, the one about your three favourite animals and why?’

‘What did he say?’

‘First, he went a bit
funny and asked if it was one of those girlie magazine quizzes on how to pigeonhole
a boy. Then he said, “Number one: Bugs Bunny because he’s got big furry feet.
Number two: Shrek from the movie because he’s green and rubbery. And number
three: a Teletubby because although they’re not real animals, they’re sure as
hell not human.’”

‘So he wasn’t taking
it seriously?’

‘He doesn’t seem to
take anything seriously,’ I said, and I told her about him leaving me to get
home on my own.

‘That’s sucks,’ said
Lucy ‘Bin him.’

‘Do you think?’

‘Definitely. He may be
gorgeous and different, but I think it’s really uncool for a boy to leave a
girl stranded on the street when it’s late.’

‘That’s what Tony
said.’

‘Plus, the way he
evaded giving you any information about himself,’ she continued. ‘It seems like
he won’t let you get too close. All those jokey answers. I’ve heard Mum talk
about clients who do that. She says people use humour as a block or defence
sometimes.’

Lucy’s mum works as a
counsellor. She’s really cool and has good insight into people. She was certainly
right about Josh. It was like he was shielding me off. I knew nothing about him
and he knew everything about me, as I’d answered his questions truthfully.

‘You deserve better,’
said Lucy.

‘But he
is
a
good kisser…’

‘So? So are lots of
boys.’

‘You’re right. And I
did feel crapola standing on the street after he took off last night. Sort of
like I’d been discarded when my use ran out. Yeah, from this moment on, Josh is
Izzie history.’

 

Excuses
for Handing in Homework Late

By
Lal Lovering

 

·
       
My
homework is late because I was up all night writing letters demanding better
pay for teachers.

·
       
Aliens
from the planet Zog took my homework as an example of great Earth literature.

·
       
I
can’t give in my homework as we had burglars last night and they stole it.

·
       
I
couldn’t do my homework because I accidentally superglued my teeth together
and had to go to the dentist’s.

·
       
I
can’t hand in my homework because the cat had kittens in my schoolbag.

·
       
I’ve
been replaced by an evil robot replica and it doesn’t do homework.

·
       
I
couldn’t do my homework because my contact lenses stuck to my eyes.

·
       
I
couldn’t do my homework because I was grieving the death of my pet rock.

·
       
I
have done my homework, but it’s done in invisible ink.

·
       
My
homework’s late because I have an attention deficient disorder, er… what was
I saying?

·
       
I
didn’t do my homework because my inner child didn’t feel like it.

·
                   
 

 

 

 

 

C h a p t e r
 
1 1

Turnaround

 

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I was woken the next
day by a frantic phone call from Ben. ‘Izzie, have you by any chance taken the
CD with the songs we’re going to do tonight? Remember, I recorded it a few
weeks ago when we had that run-through?’

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