Catia (Starkis Family #6) (13 page)

“Oh God.” It had been so long since a man had pleasured me. I hadn’t slept with anyone since him, and that extended to fooling around too. My last orgasm at the hands of another had been thanks to him, and I was desperate for another.

“Feel good, baby?” He nipped my lower lip before soothing it with his tongue.

“You know it does.”

“Words. I need words.”

That was the only thing I couldn’t give him right now. I felt like an elastic band being pulled too tight, on the verge of breaking, as I held my breath and waited to inevitably snap.

“You don’t want me to stop, do you?” His hand stopped as though he intended to carry out his threat if I didn’t find the words he wanted to hear.

“Please,” I whispered, gripping his shoulders. “Don’t stop, Chase. Not now. Not ever...” The stroke of his fingers felt like heaven, and I tried to remember how to breathe. “I want you.”

“Mmm, I love the sound of that,” he whispered, his voice husky as he twisted and twirled his tongue over my heated flesh. “But I want more.”

More? More words? Was he crazy? He expected me to talk when I felt as if I was scaling a wall where the air was thin and the summit was within view? I had no words to describe the way he made me feel. The way I felt about him. Except maybe… “I love you.”

His lips curled against my neck as his tempo increased. “Those are the words I needed. I knew you’d get there eventually… with the right incentive.”

I sank my teeth into his shoulder, making him chuckle as he finally pushed me over the edge.

When I drew back, I expected him to be smiling or at least look self-satisfied. Instead he looked awestruck.

“What?” I asked, suddenly self-conscious as I curled my hand around his wrist. “What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen in my life. I knew that before, but seeing you like this, so vulnerable… it just hit me. I’ve got to be the luckiest bastard on the planet right now.”

I smiled before curling my arms around his neck while his arms encircled me. We stayed like that for a minute, relishing the closeness while my breathing returned to normal. That was when it hit me—he hadn’t said it back. I’d told him I loved him, and he hadn’t said it back. I pushed back on his shoulders so I could step out of his grasp.

“Hey,” he said, “where the hell do you think you’re going?”

“I just need a little space.” I tried to step around him, but he wouldn’t let me, pinning me against the fridge instead.

“Yeah, well, that’s not gonna work for me. I already told you I made the mistake of letting you go once. It won’t happen again. So you might as well just tell me what’s going on.”

Most guys wouldn’t have pressed me, but Chase wasn’t like most guys, and that was why he’d taken my heart hostage in the first place.

“You didn’t say it back.” My voice was barely above a whisper as shame washed over me. I’d never been one of those needy women who insisted a man spell out his feelings after an intimate moment. “I’m sorry. Forget it,” I said, shaking my head. “It’s stupid. Forget I said anything.”

He frowned before it gave way to a smile as he figured out what I was talking about. “You don’t know by now how much I love you?”

I felt it when he looked at me, but nothing compared to hearing it while seeing it reflected in his eyes.

“When you walked back into my office after all that time, I felt like someone had sucked all of the oxygen out of the room, Cat.” He kissed me as though he couldn’t keep his lips off me. “After all those months of fantasizing about you, you were finally back in my life. And I’m not going to lie, I was scared to death.”

Imagining a tough guy like Chase, who made sport of smarmy subcontractors, being afraid of anything was hard. “You were? Why?”

“I didn’t know why you were back, what you wanted from me.” Another kiss was followed by a shuddering sigh, and I knew how hard he’d been trying to hold it all in. “I was so afraid to let you back in, to trust you again. I swore I wouldn’t. But after that night in the hotel, when I watched you go back to your room, I knew I didn’t have a choice. Not trusting you meant not having you in my life, and that wasn’t an option.”

“Not having you in my life wasn’t an option either,” I said, brushing my thumb over his jaw. “That’s why I had to come back. You still had my heart, and I wanted it back.”

“Yeah?” He gave me a lopsided grin. “Well, that’s too bad ‘cause you’re not getting it back. Ever.”

“Is that so?” I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to give my heart to anyone else, so letting him keep it wasn’t a problem.

“Yeah. You think you can live with that?”

“It almost sounds like you’re asking whether I can live with you.” I bit my lip, diverting my eyes when I realized this conversation had just taken a much more serious turn. We were both thinking about forever. I wondered if it was even possible with all of the obstacles still blocking our path.

“Maybe I am. Can you?”

I lifted my eyes and saw what he was saying without using the words. He was a package deal, and living with him meant living with his daughters, even if they vowed to make my life miserable. Could I really do that?

“You don’t have to answer right this second,” he said when he sensed my hesitancy. “Just know that’s what I want… down the road.”

I nodded, afraid to speak in case he could read the fear punctuating my words. I didn’t want anything to ruin what we were building, but I knew that wasn’t my decision. It wasn’t even his. It all circled back to a commitment he’d made long before he met me and a bond that could never be broken… between a father and his daughters.

Chase

I tried to banish the doubt clouding her eyes in every way I could think of. I kissed her, caressed her, and immersed myself in her, all while telling her how much I loved her. But that still wasn’t enough. The only thing that gave us both a momentary reprieve from her trepidation was the intense throbbing as her body answered my call for the second time.

Letting her come down slowly so I could build her back up again, I licked the shell of her ear as she shivered under me. Her nails scored my back, reminding me how incredible she could make me feel with the simplest touch.

My body remembered hers as we moved in unison as though we’d done this dance hundreds of times instead of just once. Our cadence and rhythm was perfect. I remembered to breathe every time she exhaled.

I allowed my mind to wander, pretending this was
our
bed, not hers. That we shared a house, a home, a family. For the first time in my life, sex wasn’t just a means of satisfaction. It was the foundation of what I hoped would be a solid relationship. But I knew I had to make it so incredible she wouldn’t want to look elsewhere when the pressures of my life came crashing down on her.

“Chase…”

A sense of urgency drove me when I saw the tenderness in her gaze. She wanted to love me. She wanted this to work as much as I did, and she was counting on me to prove to her that it could. I didn’t know how when I already felt as though I was balancing the weight of the world on my shoulders, but I was determined to find a way.

My gaze held hers as my hot ache grew more demanding. I wanted her to see and feel how much I wanted her in a way that was undeniable. The heat of fire licked through me, pushing and punishing me when I failed to answer it.

She implored me with her eyes, questioning why I was holding back. I didn’t know. The only thing I knew for sure was that when I let it end, I couldn’t count on it happening again. Tomorrow we would both return to our real lives. Mine bound by obligations, hers free of commitments. A surge of desire seemed to spiral through her as she took matters into her own hands, clenching me hard, pulling me deeper, taking me down whether I was ready to go or not.

I cursed softly, angry with myself for not being able to hold out just a little longer.

Catia kissed me sweetly, and I closed my eyes, hungry for more. I threaded my hands through her hair, my body still joined with hers. We were silent for a minute, obviously trying to collect ourselves and decide what was supposed to come next.

We hadn’t discussed whether I would spend the night, and I suddenly remembered her telling me she wasn’t a fan of overnight
guests
. Of course, if she wanted me to leave, claiming she needed her space, I wouldn’t object, but it would hurt my pride. And my heart.

“Be right back,” I whispered and brushed my lips across her cheek before heading into the adjoining bathroom.

After taking care of business, I washed my hands and splashed water on my face, but I knew I was just killing time. I didn’t want to face the conversation I knew we would have to have when I returned to the bedroom.

What next?
kept filtering through my head. We’d claimed to love each other, said we wanted to figure out a way to make this work, but now we had to figure out the logistics, and I didn’t have the answers. Admitting as much to her would be akin to admitting I thought it was hopeless, and I’d have swallowed glass before I admitted that.

When I walked back into the bedroom, she was facing me, stretched out on the mattress and lying on her side, her head propped in her hand. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Awkward wasn’t a word I would have used to describe any of our previous interactions, but this felt different. As if we were suddenly feeling each other out, looking for answers the other didn’t seem able to provide.

“Come back to bed,” she said, patting the mattress beside her.

At least she wasn’t asking me to leave. That was a start. I crawled back into bed beside her and pulled her close.

“You’re still way too tense,” she said, circling her hand over my chest. “I thought that would have helped relax you.”

“It did,” I lied. I felt like a coiled spring ready to give way. Trying to put her at ease, I moved my fingers over her scalp, massaging gently.

She sighed, resting her head on my chest. “That feels good.”

“We have to talk, baby.” I felt her whole body stiffen, as though she’d conditioned herself to believe the worst with me. “We need to figure out where we go from here. You know that I want you—”

“But you have to think about your daughters.” When I didn’t respond, she kissed my chest. “I’m in no hurry. It takes as long as it takes for them to warm up to the idea that there’s another woman in your life now.”

I exhaled slowly, not wanting her to know that I’d been waiting to hear those words. Most women would have pressured me to “get my girls in line” and insist they accept her or risk punishment, but Catia seemed to understand that approach would never work.

“I know it’s not fair to ask you to be patient, especially since I don’t know how long it’ll take for Em and Elsie to accept you.” I was essentially asking her to put her life on hold, to wait for me when there were hundreds of men without my issues who would love a chance to make her happy.

“I don’t expect you to have all the answers,” she said, looking at me with a sad smile. “Your daughters have minds of their own, and no one can tell them how to think and feel. We may even have to accept the fact that they’ll never learn to like me.”

I refused to entertain that possibility because I knew I could never ask the woman I loved to live in a house filled with animosity and frustration.

“Will you do me a favor?” she asked.

“Anything.”

“Will you just try to relax?”

Easier said than done when I felt as though my future was hanging in the balance. She’d come back for me because she loved me, and the thought of letting her go because my girls refused to give her a chance was gut-wrenching. “I’ll do my best.”

“Will you do one more thing for me?” she asked, her expression solemn.

“What?”

“Spend the night with me.”

“I can’t think of anything I’d rather do, sweetheart.”

***

I’d taken my daughters to a Saturday matinee after I picked them up from my parents’ house. I’d had an incredible night and morning with Catia, making love to her several times before dawn interceded and reminded us it was time to get back to real life.

“I liked da movie,” Emily said, slipping her hand into mine. “Did you, Daddy?”

It felt like the first time in forever she’d voluntarily reached for me, and I savored the contact. “It wasn’t bad.” In all honesty, my mind had seen more images of Catia than the animated characters.

“Can we get pizza now?” Elsie asked, claiming my other hand.

It was a little early for dinner, but since I didn’t feel like cooking, I conceded. I wished I could have called Cat and asked her to join us, but it was too soon to expect the girls to welcome her into their lives.

After we’d crossed the parking lot to our favorite pizza spot in the sprawling plaza, I was stunned to see Catia walking toward us and holding another man’s hand. She paled when she spotted us, whispering something to the good-looking blond who promptly released her. If I’d been alone, I would have made a scene and demanded answers, but with my daughters at my side, I had to hold my temper as we all approached the door at the same time.

“Hey,” Elsie said, pointing at Catia. “I know you!”

“Hi,” Catia said, smiling at both girls before she glanced at me. “Hi, Chase.”

I couldn’t take my eyes off her companion long enough to respond.

“Um, Dev,” Catia said, linking her arm through his, “this is Chase. He’s my boss. And these are his adorable daughters, Elsie and Emily.”

“Hi,” Dev said, offering me his hand. “Pleasure to meet you.”

I would have told him where to shove it if my impressionable kids weren’t standing by, watching my every move. “You from the area?” I asked, trying to figure out whether he and Catia had just met or if they had history.

“No, I’m from Chicago.” He put his arm around Catia. “I was just passing through and couldn’t leave without seeing my girl. We all miss her like crazy.”

“Is that right?” I asked, glaring at
his
girl.

“Dev and I went to school together,” Catia explained, patting his flat stomach. “We’ve been friends forever.”