Challenging Depression & Despair: A Medication-Free, Self-Help Programme That Will Change Your Life (30 page)

George

‘I went on the Institute for Outdoor Learning website and got in touch with them and there are several things I want to do. I did a bit of sailing when I was a lad and it appeals to me. I wouldn’t have considered any of this if I hadn’t done the other challenges first. You couldn’t really just jump into it. It’s a big learning curve for me but I reckon if you’re depressed, this is the way forward. It’s no good sitting in a heap any more.’

22

Ten: the life challenge

If you have worked your way through the other nine challenges, you will now be ready to tackle the ultimate challenge:
that of fulfilling a long-cherished ambition. Once you have found the courage to face the monster, to think hard about dumping drugs and dependencies and to rejoice in your own singularity,
most things
do become possible
. I speak from experience: given the right psychological skills and the opportunity to practise them, even the most timid, self-constrained and despairing person can see through the glass ceiling and aim for the stars.

Remember the first challenge, when I asked you to think of things you’ve always wanted to do that you felt you ought to be
able
to do? Remember how I asked you to brainstorm possible methods of achieving them? Go back and look at the list now. You might choose one of those. Or you might select something more fundamental, or more ambitious.

First, let’s find out about your dreamscape.

Dreamscape postcard exercise

Take a blank postcard (or any piece of card that is blank on both sides). The aim of this exercise is to design and write a holiday postcard, with a scene on the front bearing the message, ‘Wish you were here.’ It is addressed to somebody you haven’t seen for a while.

When you’ve drawn your dreamscape (a simple cartoon style will do) on the back you write to your friend. But the card is not just wishful thinking. It has to explain HOW YOU GOT THERE.

THE SLOW SEDATION OF WANTS

What generally stops people from getting to their goals? The deadness. The numbing of desire. The gradual erosion of their dreams from constant rejection and disappointment, until all they can say is ‘Oh, it doesn’t matter.’ It
does
matter. Your dreams
do
matter, and this book was written to help you achieve them. But you need to realise that most people don’t reach their dreams because they don’t
want
them enough. In many ways, despair is the culmination of this slow sedation of wants and wishes.

Consider the opposite case – that of a ghetto kid who desperately wants to be a boxing champion. Every morning when his brown eyes flick open, the first thing he sees in his mind is himself in the ring, glistening with sweat, getting away from his impoverished, slum-bum background and punching his way to glory. He wants it so much he can
taste
it. This is what’s known in the fight game as ‘hunger’. Without it, nobody succeeds. With it, anyone can overcome apparently insurmountable odds. Now, aside from the fact that you may be appalled that this child wants to devote his life to violence, what’s the difference between him and you?

The ghetto kid

•
has no choice because he can’t afford to fail

•
is desperate to succeed so he is focused

•
doesn’t have the luxury of saying I’ll do it tomorrow

•
is therefore under time pressure

•
is therefore uninhibited

•
is willing to risk making a fool of himself

•
has nothing to lose.
 

 You
 

•
have choices so you can afford to fail

•
are not desperate to succeed so you are not focused

•
have the luxury of saying I’ll do it tomorrow

•
are under no time constraint

•
are therefore inhibited

•
are not willing to risk making a fool of yourself

•
could just go bumbling on, doing anything for a quiet life – if that’s what you want
…  

Don’t be snooty. Consider how you can learn from the ghetto kid. 

YOUR OWN MOTIVATION  

Now let’s look at
your
motivation. What’s important to you?  

Your Motives – Questionnaire  

1
I want to make money.

2
I want to make my mark.

3
I want respect.

4
I want to stay exactly as I am.

5
I want to experience things.

6
I want to see the world.

7
I want to be loved.

8
I want to be the best that I can be.

9
I want to change the world.

10
I want to change people’s minds.

11
I want to succeed for my family.
  

When you have decided on your answers, consider this:
only 5 and 8 do not depend on other people.
They can hurt you. So if you didn’t choose 5 or 8 be prepared for rejection and disappointment and don’t be put off when you get them. If we go for our goals, we generally get hurt. Be ready for that.
It is still worth it.

One of the most important exercises I did with my classes was to put a plastic chair out in front with a sign on the seat. It was a big sign. It said three words:

WHAT I WANT

I would stand talking about motivation to my trainees, sometimes deliberately positioning myself in front of the sign so they couldn’t see it. Life is like that. People stand in front of your dreams and obscure them from view. I told my trainees to keep focusing on the sign, and eventually they would be able to see it again. Then I would ask them, one by one, to leave the room (we found this was symbolically important), knock on the door to gain admittance, say their name, even though we knew who they were, walk over to the WHAT I WANT chair, and sit in it. Then they
had to tell us what they actually wanted to do, what their real ambitions were, how they had tried and failed and so on. If they seemed hesitant the class would fire questions at them. If they bullshitted us by saying things like ‘I want to go home’ or ‘I want to go to the pub’ we would shuck that aside and carry on questioning. Using this simple, stark technique we would usually get to the bottom of what they really wanted fairly quickly. Most people know in their hearts what they want. They just get scared of saying it out loud, and then they get scared of thinking it.

What do you want? Say it out loud. Think it.
Keep
thinking it. Now you’re on the right track.

DREAMS AND GOALS

What’s the difference between a dream and a goal? The answer is this.

A dream is a pie in the sky.
A goal is a plan on the planet.
 

On the following page you will find a chart. I’ve printed it very large as it is very important. I want you to fill it out as carefully and as honestly as you can. In the top
left
-hand corner you list your
dreams
, in order of preference. In the top
right
-hand corner I want you to list your
goals
. You know the difference? Goals are dreams with some muscle behind them. Goals are more realistic than dreams because you take action to make them happen. In fact, that’s the main difference. In fact that’s the
only
difference!

Which things on your list are you prepared to work towards? What are the steps you are going to take to help you achieve these objectives? If you think hard enough and clearly enough, you may be able to transfer things from your left column to your right column. List your affirmative actions underneath.

Now take the final challenge. Choose the very top goal on your list, the one that is most important to you.
Go for your goal
. The sooner you start, and the more you work at it, the sooner you will succeed.

TAKING THE PLEDGE

I hope you’ve enjoyed this book. I believe the challenges will change you. They will make you stronger, both mentally and physically, and they will vanquish your despair. So long as you take action to help yourself, despair cannot disable you. So long as you make plans on the planet and work towards them, despair cannot numb your motivation. Know what you want, face the monster, be courageous. Never turn away and just look for the quiet life. You’ve tried that and you didn’t like it. Keep daring, keep trying until you succeed. Make your world a real world instead of a psychological prison.

Before I leave, I’m going to ask you to do what I asked all my candidates to do on our Restart courses, and that is to
take the pledge
on the next page. If you take it, I’ll know you’re serious about turning your life around and challenging despair. I’ll know that you’re not prepared to suffer it or put up with it any more.

Much more important,
you
will know.

The pledge is not a document that you will need to show to anybody else. It’s strictly private, between you and your brain. Do take it. Do mean it. Good luck – but you know what? That’s exactly right. You won’t need it!

Angela Patmore