Changing Tunes (17 page)

I lay on the couch waiting for Mac to get home when I decide I’m in need of some fun. We deserve fun, dammit. We’ve been working nonstop and one night isn’t going to kill us. I’m restless and running isn’t going to help. My body needs—no it craves—to dance.

I’m not sure what comes over me to text Zeke; my fingers have a mind of their own. I justify it by saying he did want to come the next time we went out. I’m just being a good friend.

Sure Ash, keep telling yourself that.

I throw a pillow over my face and scream. I scream for my frustration, and for the guy I so desperately want. The guy that treats me with respect and makes me laugh; the only guy I’ve ever craved to touch me all over. I’m still screaming into the pillow when I hear the front door open.

“What did that pillow ever do to you?” Mac smirks, tossing her bag onto the floor.

“I may, or may not, have made plans for us to go dancing Thursday night and invited Zeke.” I cringe when I say the last part.

“It’s about damn time! You two have been skirting around each other for weeks.”

“It’s not that simple, Mac.”

“Why isn’t it? He likes you.”

“You don’t really know that, and he’s made it pretty clear we’re to stay friends.” I cringe when I say friends. The word puts a sour taste in my mouth every time I think it.

She taps her chin with her finger. Something she does when she’s thinking. It’s a Mac “thing”.

“No, he likes you. I know it. The question is why is he fighting it?” She perks up. “This will be good for you. Ooh, I get to observe you.” She claps her hands in excitement. “I’ll ask the guys if they want to come. It’ll be fun to have a group of us.”

I eagerly agree to the idea. “It’ll be fun. I really needed a night out, too.”

She yanks her phone out and texts Nick and Ian.

“While we’re on the subject of guys. What’s going on between you and Nick?” I ask.

She quickly glances up and has a slight blush. “Nothing. We’re friends, that’s all. Not to say he isn’t hot, he is. He’s just a funny guy.” She shrugs her shoulders, as if that explains it all.

He is pretty damn funny, and a flirt to boot, but it’s innocent. Ian’s sweet, too. We recently learned he has a girlfriend named Ryann, back home, that he’s very attached and loyal to. It’s sweet, and makes me want that, as well. I’m envious of their relationship and trust. He’d called her one night and put her on speakerphone. He’d said we were good girls and she had nothing to worry about. She’d laughed and ended the call with telling us to take care of her guy. I couldn’t begin to fathom the amount of trust these two have for each other. I’d sat there, deep in thought, remembering the old me, and how horrid I used to be. I wouldn’t have ever cared that someone was taken, and would have hurt them both.

“Okay, the guys are in. Nick is going to see if Austin wants to come. He said he needs a break from his bitchy woman.”

“Do you find it odd we don’t have any other female friends?” I ask.

Mac smirks, “Um, not really. I have some female friends in my classes, but they’ve never expressed any interest in being friends outside of class. I guess I’ve never thought about it. I’m sure one day we’ll expand the female population in our group, but for the time being, it’s kind of nice being the only girls. Don’t you think?”

I have to admit it’s been so easy being friends with these guys. There’s no drama, and it’s simple. You know where you stand. Maybe except for one…

“Agreed.” I quickly reply

“I’m so excited to go out. You never know, I may run into my dream man.” She laughs.

“You never know,” I reply. “Stranger things have happened.”

As I lay in bed, tossing and turning, I vow that Thursday, regardless of what lines Zeke has drawn, I’m crossing them. I want to see where this can go. I want to take this monumental leap, and put myself out there. I’ve never pictured myself with anyone, but as crazy as it sounds, I can see myself with him. I can’t describe the want and need I feel for him. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted. There’s never been anyone to make me feel. Make me feel special, like I’m worth something. For the first time ever, I feel like I have something to offer someone, and I feel alive.

Thursday night couldn’t get here fast enough. I’m giddy as hell, and I’ve been looking forward to a night out. Mac is just as excited. We’ve been cooped up in this apartment for a month, which is more than long enough, and we deserve a night out.

I holler for Mac and sit down on the corner of my bed, feeling dejected. She comes rushing in. “What’s wrong?”

Chewing on my lip, I confess, “I don’t know what to wear. What do I wear tonight? I just don’t know. I have to look good, Mac. I have to look smokin’ hot!” I rush out.

“Slow down, girl, I’ll help you. Plus, don’t you realize he’s going to like whatever you wear?”

“Um, no.” I grumble out.

“Everywhere you go, guys check you out. You could wear a paper sack and they’d still stare at you. Why are you so dang worried?”

I look everywhere but at her and quietly say, “I’m going to make a move on him, and I want to make sure I have his full attention.”

Mac sits down beside me, “Ash, if he likes you as much as I think he does, from everything you’ve told me, I think you’re going to be just fine.”

“I’m so damn nervous.”

Mac gets up and starts flipping through my clothes in the closet. “Do you want me to help you decide what to wear?”

“Help me not look like a whore, but still look hot. Shit, I’ve never worried about this before.”

“That’s because you’ve never liked anyone enough to care.”

She’s right; I haven’t. It’s like a light bulb goes off and I get it. It finally dawns on me, and I’m beginning to understand my fucked up behavior, little by little. Every guy I went out with, I screwed, and that’s all they ever were to me; a screw. They were a conquest. It was something to make me feel better about myself, if only for a little while—a power trip. I don’t like that about me. It’s one more thing to make sure I never repeat. The next guy I’m with, I’m going to care about.

“You’re right,” I say looking up at her. “So help me find something to look great in, where I’ll knock his socks off.”

She pulls a pair of tight skinny jeans out of my drawer and pairs it with a fitted black tank. She then pulls a pair of red sequined heels out of my closet.

“Can you wear these while you’re dancing?”

“Girl, I can dance in anything. Good choice by the way. Straight or wavy?” I ask pointing to my hair.”

“Wavy, it’s more you.”

“Thanks, Mac,” I say sincerely. She has no idea everything she’s done for me, and I will always be grateful to her.

I grab my clothes and head to my bathroom to shower and get ready. It’s hard to contain my excitement. As I’m putting on the finishing touches of my makeup, I see Mac walk in and lean against the doorframe.

“Looking good, girl,” She says. The moment it’s out of her mouth there’s a knock on the door. I take one last glance in the mirror before heading into the living room with Mac. I’m not the only one dressed to impress. Mac’s on the shorter side, but she’s wearing heels and skinny jeans also. Instead of a tight shirt, she’s wearing a camisole under a slinky chiffon shirt that hangs off of one shoulder. Sexy, but understated. She opens the door and I see Nick, Austin, and Ian all hovering in the doorway. They are all good looking guys, but so different. Austin has the typical all-American looks with his blond hair, and very muscular build. Nick is tall and a little thinner with short-cropped dark hair and always has a flipping smile on his face. Behind his back we call him the Italian stallion. Then there’s unavailable Ian. He’s more muscular and nearly bald since he keeps his hair shaved so short. He’s got a dimple on one cheek when he smiles. His girlfriend Ryann is very lucky.

Nick places his fist at his mouth biting down lightly on it and says, “Mmmhhhh, you both look good enough to eat.”

Mac blushes and I just shake my head, smiling. This is Nick. He throws his arm over her shoulder giving her a quick squeeze.

I turn to Austin, “So Austin, how did you get cut loose tonight? I didn’t think your girlfriend would approve, especially without her coming, too.” I ask, smirking.

He looks up sheepishly before looking away. “She’ll get over it, she always does.”

That’s the end of that topic. I can sense he doesn’t want to talk about it, and I’m certainly not one to push, not anymore. I’ve learned when to shut up.

My phone buzzes and I’m afraid to look down, but I do because it could be Zeke. I don’t want the Warden ruining my mood for the night. Fortunately, it is Zeke and relief courses through my body. I read the text and quickly respond back.

“Zeke will meet us there, he’s running behind.”

They all look at me simultaneously. “Who’s this Zeke guy?”

Mac laughs, “Down boys. It’s Ash’s lab partner and friend.”

“Is he the reason you wouldn’t go out with me?” It seems Nick is only half joking and I don’t know how to answer. Thank goodness Mac saves me.

“Nick, you’re such a goob. We’d hate to ruin our friendship by dating you.”

Nick looks dejected. “Yeah, but we weren’t friends at that point. Can’t we just be friends with benefits?” Finally he smiles, teasing.

“You’re such a shit head,” Mac says, smacking Nick on the arm. Meanwhile, I’m standing there, listening to them banter back and forth, thinking how lucky I am. As different as we all are, I’m grateful for them.

These are my friends.

“Let’s go, I’m ready to let loose. I’ve been holed up in this apartment for what seems like forever.”

As we make our way, I get the feeling that everything is going to change tonight and will never be the same.