Changing Tunes (19 page)

I see he cares, and I want him to see the same look reflected in my eyes. I’ve never wanted anyone like I want him. I lean up and he meets me half way, and I’m gone. Our mouths collide and his tongue sweeps in and tangles with mine. Gone is the control freak as I give myself to him, completely. In just this kiss I try to tell him everything I’ve been unable to say out loud. I’m not ready to say it out loud and make it more real. I’m too scared to. I’ve been left by someone who should never have left me, but she did. I’m scared of the same thing happening again. Saying it out loud solidifies it, and makes it all the more real and scary. I don’t think I could handle Zeke leaving me. Tonight I’m setting all of my insecurities aside, and just be, with him.

His lips move down my face to my chest and lightly biting my nipples, which I never knew could feel so damn good, and then down to my stomach. My stomach has butterflies in it. I’ve never had anyone do this to me before. He kisses my inner thigh sending a tingling sensation throughout my body and it hums in anticipation. I watch him as his head lifts and he smiles wickedly, “I’ve wanted to do this ever since we first met.” Then I feel it, a sweep of his tongue, sending my head back as my body arches up. He grabs on to my hips and holds me down while he devours me. His tongue glides up and down, flicking my clit. Then I feel a finger make its way into me and my body begins to shake. So close to the edge, closer than I’ve ever been.

“You taste so good.” He pumps his finger harder, then adding a second as he leans back down, licking me furiously.

Before I know it, my entire body is singing and shaking from orgasm. “Oh my God!”

He slides his fingers out and gives me one last flick of his tongue before kissing his way back up me. He hovers over me, looking at with me with something in his eyes I can’t quiet identify. Or maybe I can, and I’m just not willing to admit it to myself yet.

I attack his mouth forcefully, wanting to taste myself on him. Nothing I thought I’d ever want to do. It’s erotic and I like it. I love tasting myself on his lips. “Hang on, sweetheart.”

I know it’s silly, and little, but I love the term of endearment; it makes my heart thump wildly. He reaches over to his nightstand and pulls out a condom. I can’t help quirking an eyebrow up, which he notices and chuckles. “It’s not what you think,” he begins to explain. “I don’t bring girls here, never have. But there’s this girl. We’re in a class together, and I’ve had the hots for her since I first laid eyes on her, and I really care about her. Like, I’m crazy about her.” He gets serious, “I’m so crazy about her.” He looks down for a moment before looking back up. “I just wanted to be prepared. Just in case.”

“You’re forgiven, now put it on.”

He laughs and, without taking his eyes off me, glides the condom over his shaft. It’s hot. Really hot!

I’m ready to climb on him because it’s what I’ve always done. Instead he pushes me gently down on the bed and hovers above me. He uses a leg to push my legs apart and nestles himself between me. Looking into my eyes, like I’m the only girl that’s ever existed, he slowly pushes himself inside.

Oh my Lord, it feels like heaven. He pushes again until he fills me completely and I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him in even farther. We fit perfectly together. I wrap my arms around his neck and yank him down to me, capturing his lips in my teeth, biting lightly. “Faster,” I whisper against his lips and he complies. Zeke leans his head down, twirls his tongue against my nipple and lightly bites it, sending me over the edge again. Two orgasms in one night is definitely a record for me.

Several moments later, Zeke follows and catches his weight on his arms so he doesn’t fall on me. He kisses my lips tenderly before saying, “You are truly amazing, in every way.”

It’s with those words I know I’m gone to him. I’m in trouble: mind, body and heart.

I wake with a grin plastered on my face and my body spooned against Zeke. His arm is nestled around me, tucked in and around my waist. It’s as if he thought I would sneak out and he’s keeping me from leaving. Yeah, that’s so not happening. Last night was amazing. I woke several times in the middle of the night needing him again. I don’t know how it was possible, but every time got better and better. It’s like we were in sync and attuned to each other’s bodies at that point. I never imagined it could be like this. I snuggle in closer and feel his arm tighten and then his hand splay on my stomach. My body begins to tingle, and I start to heat up from my very core.

“Where do you think you’re going?” his voice sends a trail of shivers all the way down to my toes and causes goose bumps to pop up around my neck, making my nipples harden and beg to be touched.

“Nowhere. I wouldn’t dream of it. I couldn’t even if I wanted to, anyway. You’ve got me pinned.”

He waits a beat before responding. “Hmm, I certainly didn’t want you running away when you woke up.”

He loosens his arms just enough so I can turn around in them. I lean up on my elbow, so I can look him in the eyes, so he’ll know how serious I am. His eyes are so expressive and his eyebrows are creased when he’s deep in thought. My fingers, having a mind of their own, come up and begin tracing his eyebrows, trying to work the crease out of them.

I decide to be honest and lay it all out there. I can’t go into this without complete honesty, not if we’re going into a real relationship, which is something I want more than ever. “I’ve never cared this way about anyone.” I look down for a quick moment gathering some courage and glance back up. “I’ve never had anyone care enough about me to treat me like I was special. I’ve never felt it, and I didn’t deserve it.”

“I don’t believe that for a second,” he counters. His hand comes up and pushes my hair behind my ear, almost petting me. It’s soothing and gives me just enough courage to continue.

“There are things you don’t know about me. I wasn’t always like I am now, or at least how I’m trying to be.” He stays quiet, sensing that I need to get this all out.

“I was a real bitch. I tried to steal other girls’ guys.” I look down in shame. “I’m not proud of it, at all. I realize what a bad person I was, and I wanted to do better and start new when I came to college. God, I’m doing this all wrong! I need to start from the beginning.”

I glance back at him and see the purest look grace his face. “There’s nothing you can say that will make me not want you.”

He’s telling the truth, I see it in his eyes, which helps me gather all the courage I can physically muster. I begin where it all started. “My mom left when I was young. She wanted out, and my dad just let her go. She was gone, and in turn, I was left with a very cold man. I couldn’t do anything good enough. I was actually a very good screw up.” I chuckle harshly. “I made a lot of mistakes, and I never quit missing my mom. But she left me…”

I swallow the emotions down and continue. “Through high school, I was the quintessential ‘mean girl’. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but it’s true. I was mean and ugly. Like I said, I did everything to hurt others, and I would certainly take what wasn’t mine.” I sit up completely and grab onto the sheet, covering myself modestly, needing as much coverage as possible. I look anywhere, but directly at him. I can’t bear to see a look of disgust cross his face. “I was warned, towards the end of my senior year, to stay away from a certain guy. Of course, I took it on as a challenge, but I should have listened.” Zeke reaches over and places his hand on my knee urging me to continue, but also letting me know he’s still with me. Taking a much needed deep breath I say, “I was assaulted by this guy in his car. I was lucky. The guy was caught before he could go too far.” I feel his hand tighten on my knee. “This is where it gets truly fucked up,” I laugh bitterly. “The girl that warned me? She was raped by him. She’d recognized him and warned me, but I didn’t listen. It gets worse, too. I’d hit on her boyfriend and yet, she’d still warned me,” I shake my head at the last part. I can’t keep my tears from falling, and fall they do. Zeke reaches up and sits up on his knees, using his thumbs to wipe away my tears. I still can’t look him directly in the eye. I’m scared; I know this. Scared of what he’ll think of me. What if he sees I’m not worth his time? I don’t know if I could bear it.

He cups my face in his large hands and quietly says, “Look at me.”

I finally give in, feeling the courage to do so with his large hands wrapped around my face. “I’m not going to lie and tell you I don’t want to crush the mother fucker that hurt you. I do, badly. God, I hope he’s in jail.” I nod my head in confirmation and see a look of relief cross his face. He gently rubs my cheek with the pad of his thumb, comforting me.

“We all have things we aren’t proud of. Lord knows I do. It’s how we learn to deal with them, and try to change for the better that defines us as a person. Your past does not define you, the here and now does. I wish you could see you the way I do. You are so much more than anything you’ve been through. You’re trying to be better and in the end, isn’t that what matters? I see a caring, beautiful woman that loves her roommate. I hear how you talk about Mac. You care about her a lot. I think she’s probably the first genuine person to come along and care about you for you, and not what she gets out of your friendship.”

He’s right; he completely nailed it. I nod numbly, and wipe my tears away. How did I get so lucky? How is it this guy can see past all of my mistakes and can see me, the person I’m attempting to become?

I lean into him and lightly kiss his lips then pull back to gauge his reaction and let the sheet fall to my knees. He removes a hand from my face and wraps it around my naked waist. His bare arm wraps around me, pulling me tight against him, causing me to shiver. My breasts harden and my nipples pebble against his bare chest as I feel my breath quicken. His eyes darken and I lean up and kiss his neck, trailing light kisses down to the side of his mouth. His head tilts back, giving me free reign. I kiss down to his chin and then under his chin, making my way down to his chest. I lick his nipple and lightly bite it. Doing to him what he did to me, curious to see if he likes it. He must because I hear a guttural growl. I then kiss my way to the other side, doing the same thing, licking and twirling my tongue. He lets me do what I want and I take advantage of it. I feel this need to go into uncharted waters. Show him what he means to me. I push him back and I see a question in his eyes, not understanding my full intent. I straddle him and continue to make my way down, kissing him all the way down his happy trail. I run my hands down it and see his muscles ripple at my touch. It excites me and makes me want to please him all the more. I feel his hand land on the top of my head, lightly running his fingers through the strands of my hair. I finally reach my destination, excited and turned on to see him at full mast, ready for me. Placing my hands around his cock, I lightly lick the top and feel him buck. That reaction is all I need before putting my mouth around his cock and moving all the way down and back up again. I groan which vibrates against him, causing his cock to jerk in response.