Changing Tunes (16 page)

I replay his quick retreat. I know we said we’d start over and be friends, but what if I want more, or crave more?

He seems pretty determined about staying only friends. A friend he wants, a friend he’ll get. I’m not playing any games anymore, but I’m sure as shit not going to keep this up. Normal girls date, right? Maybe that’s what I need to do. Maybe in order to get my
friend
Zeke off of my mind, I need to see what’s out there.

I continue along the edge of campus and follow along the walkway that leads to another area for joggers. I look around as I do and note what a beautiful campus it truly is. I’ve never taken the time to notice before. They’ve built a pretty sweet area for joggers and I notice I’m not the only one craving a run.

I see several staff members, as well as a slew of students, that look familiar. I decide this could be a good place to meet someone, and I should bring Mac next time. I need to find Mac a good guy, someone that’s good enough for her.

It isn’t long before Zeke creeps back into my head, and I’m internally cursing myself for once again thinking about him. I push myself harder, running at a speed that is sure to leave me breathless. He invades my mind, and that’s when I realize it’s not only my mind he’s invaded, but my heart, as well. Why?

I realize, no matter how hard I run, there’s no escaping my feelings. I’ll do as planned. If I want him in my life, then a friend he will stay.

The week flies by, as does the weekend. Classes are routine, and I continue to study my ass off. I need to keep my grades up in order to apply for grants and scholarships.  I also didn’t see Zeke again, but I knew he’d be gone for the weekend. Mac and I don’t go anywhere, we stay in and watch movies and chat with some of our surrounding neighbors. Nick is there, hanging with Austin and a couple of others, so we invited them to come watch movies with us. Nick and a guy named Ian. Poor Austin wasn’t allowed. Nick said his girlfriend would have beaten his ass if she found out. I am completely unsurprised. I certainly don’t want to be in her line of fire.

Nick kept us laughing the entire time with his commentary, while Ian added to his comedy routine. Funny guys, and I think Nick may have a thing for Mac. He sure was doing a lot of staring.

It was nice to hang out with a group of guys as friends and nothing more. No jumping their bones; just a couple of guys, hanging out with a couple of girls, watching movies.  I realize this is the first weekend I haven’t gone dancing and hooked up since I school started. I don’t feel the itch I normally feel.

I didn’t have a lot of contact with the Warden. He texted and I answered. I have a plan in place, so the pressure has been removed. I give him deadpan responses, no emotion attached. He doesn’t show any either, though, but I don’t care anymore. The heavy weight of him hounding me, and the worry about what I will say to him has been removed, especially the sensation of my stomach dropping at the vibration of my phone. Now, I tell him what he wants to hear.

English class goes without a hitch, but I think it helps having Nick in my class. He helps keep Forrester on his toes. I catch the looks and his wandering eyes, but other than that, it seems he’s left me alone since I have a friend in class with me. Thank God for Nick. Those are words I never thought I’d say out loud.

Chemistry is that, chemistry. It’s what I feel every time I’m around Zeke. It’s instantaneous. It could be anything from him barely glancing at me, a nod of his head, or a crooked smile to his gorgeous lips. I swear I can feel his body heat coming off of him in droves right beside me. He’s patient and sweet, and nothing is ever mentioned of our close encounter.

When we meet at the library to study, it’s all work. But I lose myself when he talks, and he switches from serious to his trademark crooked smile in a nanosecond, his eyes dancing when he laughs. I lose myself in him so easily, but have to keep reminding myself we’re friends, which is better than nothing at all. I’ll take what I can get.

I notice more about him than a friend should. I notice his hands and how large they are, and picture them being wrapped around my waist, or pulling me close. I’ve had dreams about him using those fingers in other ways. I woke one night in a pool of sweat; so hot for him I couldn’t go to sleep until I calmed the fire raging inside me. I closed my eyes and pretended my hands were his. I slowly slid my hands down my stomach and into my panties. I found myself soaking wet as I slowly circled my finger around my clit before sliding it inside of me. I heard myself moan, but all I saw and felt was Zeke. It wasn’t my fingers inside of me; it was his. I used my other hand to gently cup my left breast and circled and lightly pinched my sensitive nipple between my thumb and forefinger. In my mind, his mouth was sucking and lightly biting it, and he was sending me to a place I’ve never been. The more I thought about Zeke, the faster and deeper my finger went and the harder I pinched my nipple. It wasn’t long before I reached climax, and as I did, Zeke’s name passed my lips. I lay there, thrumming from the pleasure of my self-induced orgasm letting my mind wander. It didn’t escape me that the two things I fantasized about Zeke doing to me, I have never allowed anyone else to do.

The next three weeks feel as if I am stuck on repeat: l go to class, study, sleep, waking up and fantasizing Zeke is doing naughty things to me, while having absolutely no time for actual fun. Mac and I are hitting it hard with the books and spend most of our time studying in the evenings. We even turned down a movie night with Nick and Ian.

The Warden called me one night. I didn’t yes sir and no sir him the entire time either. I held my own. Mac was there, cheering me on with a thumb’s up. I wasn’t disrespectful, but I wasn’t a mouse either. There was a lot of irritation in his voice, but I didn’t back down like I usually would’ve.

I have an appointment with a financial aid advisor next week that I’m a little worried about. I want everything kept on the down low. I don’t want my dad to catch wind of my plans. Getting out from under his thumb is proving difficult. He knows a lot of people, and I know he has spies watching me. He has said as much. It takes time to hear back from grants and scholarships, and I don’t want to wait until the last minute; otherwise, I could be screwed. I have to be ready for next year, which seems so far away, yet it’s not.

I lay in my bed, replaying the past few weeks, man have they been rough. Classes are going well, and I love spending time with Ashley, even if it is just studying. She’s kind, sweet, and funny; talks about Mac all of the time, and how much fun they have together, just doing absolutely nothing. She’s opened up a little. I know her dad’s basically a dick. She hasn’t said a lot, but enough for me to get the gist.

I’ll say something to make her laugh and she’ll throw her head back, making my cock twitch. I guess I love punishing myself. She just has that effect on me.

Every single night I’ve spent with my hand getting reacquainted with my dick. All I do is picture her face and luscious lips and I’m a goner. I want so much more than friendship, though. I want her, all of her, in every way. I know she has things she doesn’t let spill; so do I. How do I get over this and let go? Every day I question why we continue to stay friends, when all I want is to have so much more with her. But as soon as I question myself, I’m quickly reminded why. She’s not the kind of girl that could handle my life, and the reality of it is, despite how hard it’s been, I wouldn’t change it for the world. A few years ago, it was rough. I’m not sure if rough is even the right world. Challenging? Hell yes. But what I got in the end is more precious than I could ever have imagined. 

Every time we’re together in class, or at the library, I want to hold her hand. I feel this possessive need to make sure everyone knows she’s mine. I’m not an idiot. I see the looks, the stares when she walks by, and the overt looks directed at inappropriate places where they shouldn’t be staring. I’ve even caught myself on the verge of growling. Not just one time, but several times.

While my mind is wandering in dirty places involving all things Ashley, I receive a text.

Ashley: Hey, Z, we’ve been working so hard, I need a break. You in?

Me: What do you have in mind?

Ashley: Night Club, Thursday at 9:00? :D

It doesn’t even take me a second to give her an answer. I mean really? This means I get to see her dance.

Me: I’ll be there.

Ashley: See you then.

I throw my arm over my eyes, sighing.

Shit.

Once again, like a horny teenager, I picture Ashley seductively swinging her hips from side to side, with a come hither smile brightening her face. She has eyes for me, and only me. She crooks her finger at me, wanting me to join her.

I groan out loud, shaking my head. I’ve got to get a grip on my hormones. I can’t hurt her. Honestly, I’m afraid I’m going to be the one getting hurt. It may be a little too late for me.