Chasing Mrs. Right (12 page)

God, she couldn’t breathe.

She closed her eyes and tried to be calm.
Just say it. Just speak the words.
“I love you.”

Ian’s entire body went tense, and she had a moment to wonder if she’d made a terrible mistake. But then he squeezed her shoulders and kissed her temple much the same way he had on the night they took their ice cream to the park. His lips moved against her skin, the words raspy in the quiet of the truck. “I love you, too.”

Though she half expected the world to explode into a fiery ball of death at their admissions, nothing happened. He kept driving, holding her so close she was nearly in his lap. And she kept breathing because the world didn’t end. Every other relationship she’d been in might have failed horribly, but this was Ian. Things were different with him.

He wouldn’t abandon her.

Chapter Nineteen

Ian could barely believe the turn things had taken with Roxanne. She’d actually said she
loved
him. He’d half expected her to scramble out the window when he said it back, but she’d only laid her head on his shoulder and clutched his hand. This time he was the one giving comfort through his touch, and the feeling expanding in his chest was almost enough to chase away his worry about how the rest of the night would go.

He shut off his truck and turned to face her. “Ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” She searched his face, seeming to be comforted by what she saw there. With a smile, she patted his leg. “Plus, I’m starving.”

“God forbid I stand between you and food.”

“Smart man.” She slid out of the truck after him and laced her fingers through his.

Together, they faced the restaurant. It didn’t look like something worrisome enough to create the pressure already growing in his chest—just a building with brightly lit windows and a full parking lot. There was nothing to be afraid of. She must have sensed his reluctance because she stepped closer, brushing his shoulder with hers. “Just keep breathing. You can do this.”

Yes. He could do this. Hell, with Roxanne at his side, he felt as if he could do damn near anything. Ian led the way, pausing just inside the front doors. The waiting area was standing room only, people packed in like they were in some kind of fucked-up sardine can. Who the hell could breathe with strangers crowded so close around them? Surely he wasn’t the only person who’d have issues with this kind of bullshit?

He should have insisted on a home-cooked dinner. Or another trip to the sushi place he and Roxanne had gone to on their second date. He could only imagine the look on his mother’s face if she saw the place.

Roxanne pressed against his back. “We can leave. You don’t have to do this.”

“Yes, I do.” His family didn’t realize how bad this little problem of his was, and he had no intention of letting them find out. Elle would worry, and his dad wouldn’t understand. His mom… She would try to muscle her way in and take over. He didn’t want to deal with any of it. “Just tell me again. What you said in the car?”

Roxanne blushed—something he didn’t think was possible. “I love you.”

He nodded and clutched her hand even tighter. Keeping his shoulders back and his chin up, he moved through the crowd to the hostess and gave her his father’s name. She smiled and led them deeper into the restaurant. For one hopeful moment, Ian thought they were headed to the oversize booths in the back, but then he caught sight of his parents at a large table right in the middle of the floor. The staff hurried to and fro, passing it regularly.

This was going to be a nightmare.

Elle looked up and smiled. “Hey, guys!” She sat next to Gabe and across the table from his parents. The only two spots left were on either side of the table. Sweat beaded on the back of his neck. No way could he keep a hold of Roxanne’s hand with them seated apart like that.

“You’re late.” His mom closed her menu with a snap. “We were about to order without you.”

Ian forced a smile onto his face. “Good thing we showed up when we did. Roxanne would never forgive me if I got in the way of her dinner.”

His mother sniffed. “I can tell.”

He blinked. Surely he hadn’t just heard her correctly? Before he could say anything, Roxanne squeezed his hand. “What can I say? I’m a woman who loves my vices.” She gave him a nudge to the chair next to his mother. She turned to Elle. “You look fabulous. Love the dress.”

“Thank you. It’s new.”

“I wish you wouldn’t wear black,” his mother said in response. “It washes you out.”

Ian could practically feel the disdain radiating from his mother. Apparently, she was in a mood, and he had a feeling the fault lay with him. If he hadn’t spent so much time avoiding going home, he wouldn’t have forced her hand. Not that she would say as much. Not to him.

Elle paled a bit, but she didn’t shrink in on herself like he’d seen so many times before. “I like it.”

Guess his little sister really had grown up while he wasn’t looking. Pride rose, a little on the bittersweet side. She’d always be his baby sister and he’d always feel protective of her, but he was happy that she seemed more comfortable in her own skin than she’d been before.

Gabe smiled. “I like it, too, babe.”

The waitress appeared next to the table, startling Ian so badly he nearly cursed aloud. He jumped when something touched his leg. It took a full five seconds to realize it was Roxanne’s bare foot pressed against his ankle. She hooked her toe on the bottom of his slacks and slid her foot up to his calf. It wasn’t as good as holding her hand, but it was better than nothing. He tried to smile, but the expression didn’t quite make it.

As soon as the waitress retreated with their orders, his mom turned on him. “Have you made a decision about the offer your father gave you?”

Dad groaned. “Elizabeth, now isn’t the time—”

“On the contrary, I think it’s exactly the right time to talk about this. Heaven knows we’ve barely seen our son since he arrived back in town.” She turned an appraising eye on Roxanne. “Though it appears we finally have our answer why.”

Her disappointment choked him, the tiny bit of calm he’d managed to regain disappearing in an instant. Of course she’d decide to blame his reluctance on one of the few good things he’d found since he came home. It was only Roxanne’s touch that kept him from losing it completely. He gritted his teeth. “I’ve been busy.”

“Of course you have. You’ve been running around with this woman and ripping apart that sad excuse of a house and avoiding any and all attempts I’ve made to talk about your future.”

Yeah, because he wasn’t sure what he
wanted
for his future. Ian looked across the table. There was only one thing he knew for sure—he wanted Roxanne to be part of it. The rest of it was up for grabs.

Not to mention he’d wanted to avoid the very conversation they were having right now. “I haven’t made a decision yet.”

“Which is fine. You can take as much time as you need,” his dad cut in, giving Ian’s mother a look that she promptly ignored.

“I don’t see why. After choosing to spend the last decade away from your family, the position should suit you perfectly. I would think it’s a ridiculously simple decision to make.”

Roxanne gave him an odd look. He should have told her the full story about how much traveling the job would entail, but beyond that, his mother’s words that made him want to yell in frustration. Only his mother would consider serving his country “abandoning his family.” She didn’t understand what he’d been through. What he was still going through.

But he couldn’t say as much to his mother—to any of them except the woman with her foot pressed against his leg right now. He had a moment of wishing he could just come clean with his family, but it washed away in a haze of panic when a waiter bumped the back of his chair. Pressure wound around his lungs like a thorny vine, digging in deeper with each breath.

“I find it surprising that after having your son home less than a month, you’re already so eager to ship him off again.” Roxanne sipped her water, her face a perfect mask that gave away nothing. Though Ian tried to catch her eye, she wouldn’t even look at him. “Why don’t we talk about something else instead?”

His mother zeroed in on her like a heat-seeking missile. “That’s a brilliant idea. Let’s talk about
you
.”

“Mom—”

His mother silenced Elle with a single look before turning her attention back to Roxanne. “We’ve met briefly before, but I can’t seem to remember what it is you do for a living.”

Yes, she did. She was just angry with Ian and playing games. He opened his mouth to divert the subject back to him, but Roxanne spoke first.

“I’m a party planner.” For her part, she kept a smile on her face. It wasn’t a real smile, but it hid how uncomfortable he knew she must be.

Gabe shifted, putting his hand over Elle’s. “She’s the best in the business.”

“Your parents must be so proud.”

“I wouldn’t know. I haven’t spoken to my mother in years.” Her smile got even tighter. Ian wanted to reach for her, but the goddamn table was in the way. “And, before you ask, I’m not in communication with my father, either.”

“Pity.” His mom took a breath, which was the only warning Ian got before she jumped off the deep end. “Considering your lack of experience with family, I imagine you won’t be the type of woman who would be content to sit back and create a home for your husband while he travels?”

“Elizabeth—” His dad tried to grab her hand, but she shook him off.

“This needs to be said, and we both know it.” His mother leaned forward. “We
all
know it.”

Roxanne raised her brows. “You know, Elizabeth, you’re right. I’m not the kind of woman who’d be okay with sitting at home while my man was off gallivanting around the country. But just because you’re right about that doesn’t mean you’re right about everything else. If you stopped for a second and actually paid attention to your children, you’d see that you’re doing a damn good job of driving them away.” She pushed to her feet. “Excuse me a moment. I have to go powder my nose.”

As soon as Roxanne disappeared, the pressure in Ian’s chest doubled. He took a drink of his water, trying not to notice how much his hand shook. Elle cleared her throat, obviously with the intention of changing the subject, but Ian couldn’t let things lie. He set down his glass, careful not to knock it over, and turned to his mother. “Why did you do that?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes, you do. You were disrespectful on purpose.”

Gabe cleared his throat. “Why don’t we just take a deep breath and calm down?”

Calm down?
How was anyone supposed to be calm in a restaurant overflowing with people and his mother rampaging all over his careful control? Almost grateful for the distraction before his mother got the better of him, Ian leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. “Sure. In fact, let’s talk about something else. Like why I shouldn’t be pissed a guy like you is marrying my sister.”

“Ian Christopher Walser!”

“Son!”

While their parents sputtered, Elle put her hand on Gabe’s arm. “You don’t have to tell him anything.” She glared at Ian. “I can’t believe you. Why are you bringing this up now?”

“Now’s as good a time as any.” A waitress passed by, so close that her arm brushed his back. Ian gritted his teeth and leaned forward, wishing Roxanne were there. “I’m worried about you. You can’t blame me for that.”

“Elle, you knew this was coming.” Gabe shook his head, but there was a glint in his brown eyes Ian recognized. This guy might play at being relaxed, but he had an inner asshole. Gabe disentangled his hands from Elle’s. “I get it. If I were in your position, I might feel the same way. But I’d walk barefoot over broken glass before I hurt your sister. I love Elle. She makes me a better person, and I’d like to think I do the same for her. I fully intend to spend the rest of my life with her.”

Fuck. He was attacking Gabe for no damn reason. As Roxanne had said when they talked about it before, not even an idiot could doubt that this guy loved Elle. Which meant Ian was really losing his shit. The hum of conversations around him set his teeth on edge and made it hard to concentrate. Sweat beaded at his temple, and his chest cinched another notch tighter.

“Ian, you’re being rude.”

He shook his head. How the hell could his mother sit there and reprimand him so primly after the stunt she just pulled? “
I’m
being rude? The first words out of your mouth tonight were some of the cruelest things I’ve ever heard you say—which is saying a lot—and it’s all been downhill from there. I get that you’re pissed at me, but taking it out on Roxanne is inexcusable.”

Her chin went up. “Don’t you dare speak to me like this. That woman might have her claws into you—”

“I love her.” Both his mother and Elle gasped, but Ian kept right on talking. “She’s intelligent and beautiful, and she actually understands what I’m going through.” And she loved him, too.

His dad cleared his throat. “We might understand, too, if you’d just talk to us.”

The crux of it was that his family loved him and wanted to help. He knew this, even if his mother went about it in the most ass-backward way possible. “I know. But I can’t talk to you about what’s going on with me right now. It wouldn’t be healthy for any of us.”

He took a shuddering breath, hating how tenuous of a grip he had on his control. “I can’t take the job, either. Not yet, and maybe not ever. And I want to be with Roxanne, so it comes down to this—you can accept her being a part of my life, or I’ll walk.”

His mother’s eyes went wide. “You’d turn your back on your family for that woman?”

God, why was it always about him turning his back on the family? He was home, and he’d finally found a piece of calm in the middle of the shitstorm that was his life, and the first thing his mother tried to do was fuck it up. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

His mom started in on him again, but his dad put his hand on her arm. “Elizabeth, enough.”

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that. This is your fault. You think our son would have this kind of attitude without you encouraging him?”

It went on from there, dissolving further when Elle jumped in. Ian closed his eyes, their voices grating his already frayed nerves. The room was closing in on him again, and he was powerless to stop it.

Not without Roxanne.

The realization sent a wave of nausea spiraling through the panic. Had he really thought he was getting better? That he’d ever be able to walk into a restaurant without losing his shit without needing someone there, holding his hand? What a joke. He’d been using the woman he loved as a crutch, a Band-Aid to keep his issues at bay. What kind of life was that? Not just for him, but for her. She deserved better, and it was time for Ian to face that he wasn’t it.

His mother slapped her hand down on the table, startling him. The thought of juggling Roxanne and his family—of always keeping them separate—broke him.