Chasing Mrs. Right (13 page)

He needed air. “I’ll be right back.”

Chapter Twenty

It took a whole lot of counting to ten before Roxanne was ready to go out and face that harpy again. It blew her mind that Elizabeth Walser had raised both Ian and Elle. She couldn’t think of two better people, but their mother seriously left something to be desired.

The worst part was that the woman was right. She’d been a little blindsided by the whole traveling bit, but no way in hell could she hold it together if he took that job. It might work for a little bit, but every time he got on a plane and flew away from her, her abandonment issues would return with a vengeance. It was only a matter of time before she lost her shit and it ended for real.

She stared at her reflection in the mirror. “You can do this. You can go out there and keep your composure until this dinner is over. This is no worse than dealing with a problem client. That woman might be a horrible person, but she’s the mother of the man you’re in love with.”

The man who loved her back. She did her damnedest not to think too hard about how things seemed to have gone to shit as soon as they exchanged “I love yous.” It didn’t mean anything. What Ian’s mother thought of her had no effect on their relationship’s ability to last.

She took a deep breath and straightened. Whatever the case, she couldn’t hide in the bathroom for the rest of the night. It was time to go back and face the firing squad.

As she dodged staff on her way back to the table, she caught sight of Ian’s retreating form heading for the exit. Roxanne stopped short and nearly ended up with a face full of soup as a result. She ignored the waiter’s apologies, rooted in place by the fear taking hold of her heart. Ian was leaving her.

No.
There had to be some explanation. She just needed to figure out what it was. Roxanne followed him out, her worry increasing with every step. Even knowing it was a knee-jerk reaction to seeing him physically walking away from her, years’ worth of habits weren’t as easily broken as she’d like.

The night air slapped her in the face, the chill unexpected after the warmth indoors. Roxanne paused just outside the doors and looked around. He had to be around here somewhere. Seconds ticked by as she searched, her fear increasing the longer she couldn’t find him. By the time she made it to his truck, she half expected it to be gone.

But, no, there he was, sitting on the curb by his front tire, his head in his hands. She wanted to touch him, both for her sake and his, but the feeling of abandonment was too fresh. No way could she put herself out there, even in such a small way. “Ian?”

He raised his head, his eyes so haunted that her stomach dropped. “I can’t do this.”

Do not panic. Do not panic.
There had to be some explanation other than the one she immediately jumped to. Roxanne cleared her throat. “Do what?”

“Anything. Everything. This.” He motioned between them. “Fuck, I can’t even handle a dinner with my family in a restaurant. You deserve better than this, Roxanne.”

The hole in her stomach fissured, widening with every word coming out of his mouth. Still, she hung on to the stubborn belief that she wasn’t hearing what she thought she was hearing. “We’ll get through it.”

He shook his head. “There is no getting through it. I’m too fucked up. It’s not your fault this is happening. It’s mine.”

Just like that, her entire world felt apart. The future she’d just started to believe in disappeared. Those children she’d barely let herself consider? They’d never be more than a half-imagined dream now. And what about all the little things she’d allowed herself to hope for? The nights spent playing Monopoly and talking shit. The quiet little hole-in-the-wall restaurants they hadn’t discovered. Eating ice cream by the river every weekend and holding Ian’s hand while they watched the moon reflect off the water.

Gone. All of it. Just gone.

She took a step back, wishing creating more distance between them would help limit the pain radiating through her body. “God, I’ve been such an idiot. You had me fooled, you know that? I actually thought my mother was wrong when it came to you. You played me for a goddamn fool.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Didn’t I just tell you this was my fault?”

Each word drove the pain deeper, until she could barely breathe past it. “Right. Because I haven’t heard the ‘it’s not you—it’s me’ line before.”

“Roxanne…”

Her heart lunged when he said her name, as if it were trying to get closer to him. She pressed a hand to her chest, anger taking the place of hurt.
Keep it together. Just keep it together.
Right here, right now, all he had to do was reach out, and she’d forgive everything he’d said.

But he didn’t reach out. He didn’t offer that olive branch that would have fixed things.

Instead, Ian pushed to his feet and pulled out his keys. She took another step back. “You are a selfish asshole.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not the only one. I’m dealing with shit, and yet you’ve managed to make it about
you
.”

She watched him climb into his truck, feeling as if he’d ripped out her heart and thrown it out the window. “So, that’s it?”

“That’s it. Good-bye, Roxanne.” He started his truck and backed out, leaving her staring after him.

He left her.

Even after she tried to keep calm and talk him through his shit,
he left her
. Roxanne sank onto the same piece of curb he’d occupied not five minutes ago, a sob working its way through her chest. Oh, God. She was going to lose it and, with her luck, Elle would find her like this and then she’d have to explain everything. Mortification and hurt curled around her stomach, tainting the love that had bolstered her through the night. She should have known better than to let things get so far with Ian, but she’d been convinced things were different with him. Hadn’t he told her that?

Yet here she was, less than an hour after saying “I love you.” Abandoned again.

She fumbled through her purse. Since she’d rather walk home than face her best friend, a cab was the only option. Roxanne took several deep breaths before she called, holding the tears at bay by the skin of her teeth. She would not cry, not until she was in the safety of her own home.

Then, and only then, would she let herself fall apart.

Chapter Twenty-One

“What do you mean, you think strippers are a terrible idea?”

Roxanne took a deep breath and strove for patience, even though she knew it was a lost cause. Patience had been in short supply ever since her blowout with Ian. Damn him to hell and back for ruining everything. He was supposed to be
different
.

“Are you even listening to me? For what I’m paying you, you freaking better be.”

Right. Her current client—the teenage diva. Roxanne held her smile even though her cheeks were starting to ache. “I understand that having half-naked men at your party is part of your dream, but it’s simply not feasible for a number of reasons.”

“I don’t care about cost.”

Roxanne drummed her nails on her leg—safely hidden from the girl’s sight. She did this kind of soothing on nearly a daily basis. Why was it so difficult to come up with the right words now, when she actually needed them? “I’m sorry. But it’s not just the cost that’s the issue. There are legal matters that you can’t get around.” With the skimpy outfits the diva wanted, a costume malfunction was almost guaranteed, and all it would take was one in a room full of minors and people would be going to jail.

The teen shot to her feet, straightening to all six feet of her height. “This is bullshit!”

“Perhaps it’d be best if you took a day or two to talk it over with your parents to decide on a better form of entertainment.” Hopefully one more appropriate for high school kids. “I really am sorry.”

“You keep saying that.” The girl’s eyes shone, and her goddamn lower lip started quivering. “But I don’t think you care
at all
.” She spun on her heels and marched out of the office, slamming the door behind her.

Roxanne dropped her head to her desk and banged her forehead a few times. She hadn’t handled that well by any definition of the term. She had to get her shit together or her business was going to suffer. Too bad even the threat of that wasn’t enough to shake her out of this funk.

It was her own freaking fault that she was in this mess. If she’d kept her head on straight, this never would have happened. Instead of losing her panties every time Ian looked at her sideways, she should have insisted they just be friends after that first night of hot sex. Or she should have moved across the country to make sure her control held.

How was she supposed to know he’d steal her heart more effectively than he’d stolen her panties?

Should have, would have, could have.

Looking back didn’t change the reality of the situation. They dropped the L-word, and things had blown up in their faces—just like it always had in the past.

Logic said she should keep her head up and walk away just as she had with every single one of her exes, but Roxanne couldn’t manage it. She
hurt
. It felt like her insides were eating away at one another. All that would be left of her was a hollow shell of the woman she used to be. At this point, the best she’d be able to manage to do would be to crawl away from him if he showed up—not exactly the strongest exit.

It was a moot point. Ian wouldn’t show.

God, that hurt even worse.

Her intercom buzzed, saving her from spiraling into a truly pathetic pity party. She practically lunged across the desk to slap the button. “Yes?”

“Elle’s here to see you.”

Shit. Her best friend was number two on the list of people she didn’t want to see right now. But it didn’t look like she’d have a choice, because the little blonde had already walked through her door and sat in the chair across from her. Roxanne sighed. “Thank you, Mallory.”

“No problem.”

Elle folded her hands in her lap. To anyone else, she might be sitting down for a spot of tea, but Roxanne knew better. They were about to have another seriously uncomfortable conversation. Still, that didn’t mean she’d roll over and play dead. Even after everything that happened, she still had her pride—hell, it was the
only
thing she had left.

“What happened with you and Ian the other night? You guys left without saying a word, and neither one of you has been answering your phone for the last two days.” She blushed. “I’d thought you were holed up at your place, but I saw Nathan this morning, and he mentioned Ian has been working like crazy on his house and won’t talk to anyone. So…what’s going on?”

What was going on was that Ian had told her loved her and then turned around and said in no uncertain terms that things would never work between them. It was over. Plain and simple. The fat lady had sung, the curtain was going down, and any number of other metaphors that fit. But this was the one time she couldn’t get into the dirty details with Elle because the guy it revolved around was her big brother. The hero. The unicorn that turned out to be just a horse with a deformity on its head.

“Roxanne?”

She sighed. “Ian and I are over. Which is silly to say because I’m not even sure we had progressed far enough to
be
something.” Which just reinforced her surety that they shouldn’t have dropped those deadly three little words.

Even if they were true.

“Really? Because at dinner he announced that he loved you. That’s kind of a big deal, so maybe you had better rewind and start from the beginning.”

Words rose, pushing against her lips, demanding to be voiced despite the fact that it was a terrible idea. Why the hell had he told his family he loved her, and then turned around and dumped her ten minutes later? “I followed him out to the parking lot when he left that night, and he told me this thing with us would never work.” Even talking about it had her throat closing up. “He left me. Just drove off into the night. If he really loved me, do you think he’d do something like that?”

“There’s got to be some explanation. You know he’s been having a rough time since he got back.”

Roxanne knew it better than anyone, but he’d been making progress. She was supposed to be his calming effect, be someone he really valued. “He threw me away like yesterday’s trash.”

“Uh, no, he didn’t.”

“You weren’t there. He said—”

Elle held up a hand. “I’m not going to pretend I understand what happened between you two in the parking lot, but I
was
there when he stood up to Mom and told our parents that he wouldn’t take the job they offered him. Heck, he told her if she couldn’t accept you then he’d have no part of the family at all.”

Her entire world slowed down to a near-standstill. “I thought he wanted that job.”

“Apparently he wants you more.”

Except he still abandoned her. “But—”

“Let me ask you a question.”

“Not like I have a choice.” If Ian had been willing to turn down the job for her, then he couldn’t have really meant things were over between them. Could he? None of this made any sense.

“You don’t.” Elle nodded, as regal as a queen. She looked a whole lot like her mother right then, but without the mean edge. “Do you love my brother?”

“It doesn’t matter if I do.
He left me
.”

“Oh please. You knew my brother had issues when you decided to date him. So you had a fight—so what? Everyone fights, Roxanne. It doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship unless you want it to be, so stop playing the martyr.”

Anger bloomed, and Roxanne welcomed it with arms held wide. “I can’t believe you just said that to me.”

“Someone has to.” Elle pushed to her feet and smoothed down her ivory skirt. “I’m meeting Gabe for lunch, so I’ve got to go. But maybe you need to sit down and figure out if you really love my brother. Sometimes love means not walking away when things get rough. But sometimes love means chasing the idiot down and knocking some sense into him.”

Roxanne waited a full five minutes after Elle left her office to slowly stand. Her body didn’t move quite right, as if she’d taken yet another hit but didn’t register it yet. Why couldn’t Elle have sat there and offered her unconditional support? All she had to do was nod and agree that, yes, Ian had betrayed her, and he totally wasn’t good for her because of it. He chose this. Not her. Elle wasn’t supposed to throw the ball into her court and just walk away.

“Goddamn it.” Roxanne grabbed her purse and headed for the door. She paused by Mallory’s desk. “What’s my afternoon look like?”

“Clear. Though you said something about hunting down a florist for the Clarkston sweet-sixteen party.”

Right. The exotic freaking flowers the diva just
had
to have. “I can’t move on that until I know which way she’s falling on the entertainment issue.” With her current streak of luck, the girl would rile up her parents, and they’d call the whole thing off. Then Roxanne would be stuck with an order of ridiculously expensive flowers. She readjusted her grip on her purse. “I’m going to run a few errands and cut out early. You can head out whenever.”

Mallory frowned, but she nodded. “I have a few things to finish up, and then I’ll get going.”

“Great. See you tomorrow.” Tomorrow she’d have her game face on. There’d be no pity parties or being distracted or any of the shit she’d dealt with today. Yes, the mess with Ian had thrown her, but she’d bounce back. She had to.

Roxanne drove home, seeming to make the trip between one blink and the next. Okay, she shouldn’t be zoning out while driving. What if she’d run down some poor granny or something? It’d be the cherry to top off the piece of shit of a month she had going right now.

Shaking her head, she walked through the lobby and stopped in front of the elevator. Even with the doors closed, she couldn’t stomach the thought of standing still long enough to make the ride. She shouldered through the stairwell door and started climbing. Seven stories in six-inch heels? It was no more than she deserved for being a special kind of idiot. By the time she hit the seventh floor, her legs were shaking in a distinctly unattractive way, and she’d lost feeling in her left foot. Her right foot, on the other hand, felt like one big blister.

Roxanne barely made it three steps into her apartment when a flash of pink on her fridge caught her attention for the millionth time. She turned, horror-movie slow, to see the note hanging there, secured by a Girls Gone Wild magnet she’d gotten from the last bachelorette party she’d gone to.

She should have thrown the damn note away the first time she noticed it, instead of trying to ignore it. Obviously, he’d written it after the last night they spent wrapped up in each other. It could say anything. Hell, it was probably a grocery list.

Despite knowing it was a mistake, she crossed to the fridge and pulled the note out from beneath the magnet. It was short and simple, written as an afterthought before he walked out the door.

I’m going to spend the next two days counting down until I see you again.

Have a great day.

Then he’d signed it with a little heart and his name. Had he known, even then, that this infatuation was heading over the short drop to… Holy shit, she couldn’t even
think
the word anymore.

“Oh my God, I am so broken.” She collapsed onto her bed and curled up, Ian’s note clutched against her chest. “It doesn’t matter if he loves me. He left me.”

Except, each time she repeated the words, the protest seemed a little bit weaker. If Ian had really been willing to sacrifice the job he wanted—the future he wanted—for her, then how come he’d turned around and said all those hurtful things?

She forced herself to play over the night again, trying to get past her hurt and see the events from a distanced point of view. Ian had been sweating and shaking and obviously on the verge of another panic attack. If she’d reached out to him then—instead of reacting with fear and accusations—would he have calmed down enough to take back what he’d said?

Had she taken a horrible night and made it a thousand times worse by projecting her issues onto him?

Oh God, what had she done?

Elle’s words circled through her mind again.
Sometimes loves means chasing the idiot down and knocking some sense into him
. Roxanne sat up and looked around her loft, her gaze landing on the incomplete dresser she loved so much.

Maybe it was time to do just that.