Choices(Waiting for Forever BK 1) (38 page)

“Saganaki is flaming cheese; it’s really good. I haven’t had it in years,” she said as the server sliced up the contents of the plate and divided it between us. Well, there was a first time for everything, and I took a small taste. It had a very light, crunchy exterior from the flames, but the inside was smooth and soft. As we ate, Richard and Carolyn sipped their wine, and we talked.

“I’m going to stop by the guidance office at school tomorrow and check into taking the SATs and pick up an application to the University of Alabama,” I told them. They both stopped eating. If they were trying not to gape, they didn’t succeed.

“I thought you were going to California when you turned eighteen?” Richard asked, and the hope in his voice caused my chest to tighten. He wanted me to stay, just as Carolyn did.

“I don’t… I’m not….” I set down my fork and sighed. “I’m just not sure,” I said, taking a long drink of my soda. “Maybe Kyle and Adam are right, and if Jamie wanted me to come and find him, he would have made some effort to contact me. It doesn’t feel right that he hasn’t. What if I get out there only to find that he’s found someone else? At least now I have hope and the dream of him.”

The food arrived, and we switched from talking to eating, though I could tell there was more they wanted to say.

The lamb was tender and had great flavor. I was just getting ready to tell Carolyn that when I noticed she’d gone pale. She was staring over my right shoulder and wasn’t very happy with what she was seeing. Spinning in my seat, I noticed the new family coming into the restaurant. It was Emma Mosely, her parents, and her younger sister. They were just one big happy family, minus the felon, of course, who was sitting in his cell. My hackles came up immediately, but I turned around and went back to my dinner.

“Gerald, don’t…,” I heard a woman say, and I turned again to see Emma Mosely’s father coming toward our table. Richard started to stand, but I put a hand on his arm as I got up.

“What are you still doing here, boy?” the man asked, his face nearly purple with rage. Unconsciously I assumed my standard defensive karate stance, my body alert and ready for attack. I didn’t answer. He obviously had something to say, and unless he threatened one of us, I wasn’t about to initiate a conflict with him. One of the first tenets Sensei had taught us was that our skills are for defense only.

“The state took my boy away because of you; it’s only fair for them to take you too!” he cried. “They took my son because he tried to protect his sister. Why couldn’t it have been you? You worthless piece of….”

“Emma,” I said over his shoulder, never taking my eyes off him. “I’m sorry for what Jamie did, what we did in lying to you. It was wrong, and it never had anything to do with you personally. You’re a nice girl, and I’m sorry you were hurt.”

“That’s not good enough! Damn it, the preacher said he’d deal with you, you little faggot. God will deal with you,” Mr. Mosely said, his eyes full of hurt and menace.

“That may be true, but for the time being, you need to go back to your family,” I told him, still maintaining not only my form but also my calm. It was evident he’d been drinking before he’d arrived, because his first punch was slow and uncoordinated. It was easy for me to move out of his way, still keeping myself between him and my family. Sensei had always taught us that the best defense of all was not to be there. The second punch I caught midair and, using his momentum, drew his arm behind his back, spinning him.

“I’m no longer a ward of the state. Go ahead and try calling Social Services again; they already know you have a grudge. So why don’t you and your preacher go screw each other and stay the hell away from my family,” I said, low in his ear so only he could hear me. He bucked wildly, but I refused to let him go until a couple of the larger men in the restaurant helped the manager to remove the whole family. Only when he was safely out of the building did I return to my seat and pick my fork back up.

Richard and Carolyn just stared at me.

“Guess those self-defense classes are really paying off,” I said with a shrug, and Richard clapped me on the back.

“I am so damned proud of you, son,” he said, rubbing my shoulder. “You’ll handle yourself just fine, no matter what decision you make about California.”

“O
H
MY
God,” I said to the quiet, empty office as I read Jamie’s father’s name from Richard’s computer screen. A brief biography accompanied the story about his acceptance of a promotion to senior vice president in charge of the firm’s IT department. There was a picture of Mitch and Patsy Mayfield smiling for the camera. Jamie’s mother looked calm and serene, her smile almost genuine, but his father looked like he’d lost at least thirty pounds from his husky size. His normally cheerful face was a bit sallow, and his eyes were lifeless. The most frightening part about the article and biography was the absence of any mention of Jamie. It didn’t specifically say they had no children, but it didn’t mention they did either. My insides went cold. It scared me to think of what might have happened to Jamie, and I wanted to know where he was. My hands gripped the desk, and the blood pounding in my ears was so loud I didn’t hear the knock on the office door. I didn’t know anyone was there until I heard a soft voice.

“Brian?”

It was Adam.

Adam, who had been steadfastly avoiding me for the last three weeks.

Adam, who didn’t practice with me anymore at the dojo.

Adam, who, after one look at my face, came through the door and took me into his arms.

“Brian, what is it? Talk to me,” he said, stroking my cheek. I hadn’t even realized that tears were pouring down my face until he wiped them away.

“I… I can’t…,” I said, not wanting to talk to him about it and make him feel any worse. I couldn’t hide my feelings from him and tell him about my fear that Jamie was dead. That thought, the thought of never seeing Jamie again, caused the sobs to come harder, faster. Tightly holding me as I cried, he shifted a little so he could look at the screen. He stroked my hair and then pulled back just a bit to look into my face.

“It’s an article about that Jamie kid’s parents, isn’t it?” he asked. There was no harshness to his voice; instead it sounded more understanding than I’d ever expected. I nodded. “What about this article has you so upset? This is more than just you missing him….”

“It’s a biography about his family, but he’s not in it, Adam. Where is he? What happened to him? What if he’s…. What if there was… some kind of accident…,” I said, trying to get myself under control.

“Brian, if he were dead, we’d have found a record, a newspaper clipping, an obituary, something,” Adam said, trying to reassure me. “Maybe he ran away, and that’s why they aren’t mentioning him.”

“If he ran away, and he’s not under their control, why hasn’t he e-mailed me or called me, sent me a postcard? Anything?”

“I don’t know, Brian. I wish I did,” Adam replied with a sigh, running his hand along my back.

Then, something occurred to me.

“Adam, what are you doing here? I thought you hated me?”

“I… I was trying to get my head on straight. So to speak,” he said with a smirk, and I couldn’t help but let a slight grin come to my face. “You never lied to me. You never pretended we were anything more than we claimed to be. I just… I care so much about you, and I let my imagination get the better of me. I’m sorry, Brian.”

“No, I’m the one that should be apologizing. I shouldn’t have kissed you when everything in my head is so conflicted. It isn’t fair to you. I took advantage of your feelings for a moment of comfort, and in doing so, I hurt you,” I told him, hoping the sorrow and the apology were clear in my voice. “I don’t ever want to hurt you.” I wrapped my arms around him and held him to me, his head on my shoulder and my lips merely an inch from the top of his head. I didn’t press my lips against his hair as I wanted to, because I didn’t want to confuse the situation any more than I already had.

He pulled back, scrubbing his hand across his face.

“So… now that that’s over, what have you been up to for the last few weeks?” he asked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Uhmmmmm… not a lot. I took my SATs last weekend and sent off my application to the University of Alabama,” I said, shrugging.

“Why? I thought you were off for sunny Californ…. You’re having second thoughts? Is it because of me? I never meant to—” I put a finger on his lips to stop him from talking.

“It isn’t just you. All my life I’ve wanted a family, a real family who wanted me and loved me. Now I have that. I have a best friend again, and I could go to college. That’s very appealing. I’m starting to wonder if everyone around me isn’t right. If he really does want to be with me, why haven’t I heard from him?”

“I don’t know, Brian. I just don’t know.”

24

“A
WEEK
until graduation, can you believe it?” Adam asked as we changed into our street clothes after our session with Sensei. We’d progressed to a level where we really didn’t need the extra attention, but we both liked having one-on-one time in the dojo, both with each other and with Sensei. Over the months I’d been having sessions with Coach Williams, he’d earned my respect and admiration, and I truly and deeply appreciated what he’d done for me. He’d taken the frightened little boy who had limped into his dojo, and he’d made him a man.

“I know, it seems like this year has lasted at least ten.” I sighed. So much had happened since they had taken Jamie out of my life—the attack, the dojo, the removal by the state, the adoption, and all the other, less significant things that had forced me to grow up. It all came down to that summer and the decision I was going to have to make. I loved Jamie, and I missed him every day. Of course, there was also the fact that still, after all those months, I hadn’t heard a word from him.

“You still need help with that paper for English?” I asked Adam, and he chuckled.

“Brian, I always need help with papers for English.”

“All right,” I laughed. “You and your thumb drive come in when we get to my house, and I’ll look it over for you.” We packed our gym bags into his trunk, and he drove me home.

When we walked through the front door, laughing about how some of the guys at his school were planning to go naked under their graduation robes, I heard Carolyn call out to me.

“Could you come in here a minute?” she called from the kitchen. Shrugging, I walked across the living room and into the kitchen with Adam on my heels. I stopped dead when I saw that she was holding an envelope in her hand.

Jamie.

With shaking fingers, I took it from her and turned it over to see the front, immediately recognizing the University of Alabama logo in the upper left. I dropped it on the counter and grabbed the edge, trying not to let the disappointment, the grief, overwhelm me.

“Brian, darlin’, what is it?” Carolyn asked, grabbing my arm.

“I thought it would be from Jamie,” I whispered. My voice broke with his name.

“Oh, honey, I didn’t think. I’m so sorry. I was just excited for you to open it,” Carolyn added, and I could feel her remorse.

“No, it’s okay, Mom,” I said, picking up the envelope and ripping it open. Reading the first few paragraphs quickly, the contents shocked me.

“Brian?” Adam asked. For a moment, I had forgotten he was there.

“I… I got in,” I said, and then paused as I was engulfed in a hug by both Carolyn and Adam. “There’s more. Because I was a ward of the state, I got a special scholarship. With student loans, I’ll be able to afford to go.” The breath came out of me in a rush as I sat on one of the breakfast bar stools.

I would be able to go to college.

Shock overrode almost every other thought, except Jamie, and my chest began to burn. He would have wanted me to go to college. There was no question.

“I’m so proud of you, Brian,” Carolyn said, laying her hand on my cheek. “Your parents would have been so proud of you.” My parents, my real parents, hadn’t even entered into my decision about my future. They would have been really disappointed in me if I squandered this opportunity.

“Brian, I got into ’Bama too. We could be roommates,” Adam said quietly, and I looked at the desperate hope shining in his eyes.

“Let’s go work on that English paper,” I answered evasively, not wanting to get his hopes up.

The next day, I signed my acceptance letter, accepted the financial aid, and mailed it all back before I could talk myself out of it.

T
HE
morning of my high school graduation dawned clear and bright, allowing the ceremony to take place on the football field rather than trying to crowd all the graduates, their friends, and their families into the gym. Carolyn had taken me out over the weekend to buy me a new pair of dress pants, shirt, and even shoes. She said I would need nice clothes anyway, either at college or on job interviews in California. I knew which way I was leaning, but since I hadn’t made a concrete decision yet, I hadn’t told anyone.