Chosen Heart (23 page)

Alex glances at his watch,
commenting on how late it’s getting.  I don’t want him to leave and say
just as much.  “It’s not a matter of what
you
want right now,
Elyssa.  I have to go home and check on my grandmother.” 
Ouch!
 
That was a slap in the face. 

“Okay…” I cringe, looking down at
my fingers.  He’s always leaving me.  “I’ll see you tomorrow,
right?”  He looks confused.  “I have a lunch date with Arianna, but
then I should be at the office the rest of the day.”

“Why are you meeting with
Arianna?  And why aren’t you calling her Mrs. Salerno.  She is the
CEO of the company,” he snaps. 
Oh crap! 
I forgot that he
doesn’t know.  No one does. 

“Calm down!  I’ve known her
my whole life.” 
Geez, can I dig myself any deeper?
  “My mom
and Arianna were best friends growing up.  She’s been in our family for as
long as I’ve been alive.”  As I am telling him this, Alex goes a little
pale.  I don’t understand his reaction, but don’t dare ask.  There is
so much I don’t know about him, and vice versa. 

“After my parents died and I
moved to Las Vegas, Arianna tried to help us, but Rachel didn’t want to have
anything to do with her.  I lost contact with her, but about six months
ago, she called me out of the blue and here I am.  Please, Alex, don’t
tell anyone I told you this.  This job is my chance for so much more and I
don’t want it ruined because nosey people think I’m in with the CEO.”

After I’m done with my condensed
life story, Alex is mute.  He looks beside himself with surprise, anger,
maybe even a little disgust.  But why?  After the wave of emotion
passes from his face, he stands up and walks towards the door.  I stumble
after him, completely alarmed at his response.  I don’t even know what to
say to him.

He reaches down and grasps the
door knob and turns.  “Good night, Elyssa.”  He tilts his head down
and places a kiss on my forehead.  Closing my eyes in acceptance, I hear
the door close.  He’s gone.  Tears swell in my eyes.  I was
honest with him and all he could do was call me inexperienced!   How
dare he?!   I don’t know whether to be mad or dejected.  Did I
just lose him? 

In a slow walk to the couch, I
lay down, burying my head in my arms.  I can’t even explain what just
happened.  Tears trickle down my face.  What have I done?  Why
couldn’t I just go with the flow like Bryan told me to.  I try to calm
myself, but the tears continue to stream down my face.  Shortly, they are
my only companion as I gradually fall asleep.

Thursday, October 04, 2012

This week has been an emotional
roller coaster.  I’m strapped in, spiraling towards the ground faster and
faster as each day brings another twenty-four hours of silence from Alex. 
It’s been four days now and I’m in absolute misery.  Each day has been the
same routine; sitting, menial tasks, phone calls, meetings, and hoping to see
Alex.  I’m starting to feel pathetic, hoping that he’ll come to his senses
and sweep me off my feet.  But with each passing day, as my cravings grew
deeper, his indifference became more prevalent. 

I was utterly crushed on Monday
and Tuesday when I didn’t see him at all.  He wasn’t at work, and he never
called.  I ended up caving in and called him Tuesday.  I was
surprised he even answered.  But, he blew me off saying he was at the gym
and that he would call me later.  Did that happen?  Nope!  He
was at work on Wednesday and he at least acknowledged my existence by nodding
in my direction. 
A freaking head nod, that’s all I get!

Well, it’s now Thursday and I’ve
heard nothing from him; no phone calls, no text messages, and no spontaneous
visits to my apartment. 
I just don’t understand.
  In the
matter of a week I went from the feeling of falling slowly into love, to
plummeting painfully to the ground.

Friday, October 05, 2012

“Ely, can I tell you how much I
love you?” Janice beams at me while standing next to my desk.  “Kevin
absolutely loved, loved, loved what we picked out.  It was…amazing.” 
Her large smile and glowing skin shows that she had an eventful night. 
Thank
God one of us is enjoying ourselves. 

“I’m glad, Janice.”  My weak
smile and bleak tone contradict the intended jovial words.  I know I’m
going through my own taxing emotions and it’s definitely hard to match her
enthusiasm, but hey, I am trying.

“Elyssa, are you ok?” 
Janice’s look of sympathy almost sends me into a blubbering mess, but I hold
back the waterworks, trying very hard to focus on her moment of
happiness. 

“Yah, I’m fine.  Just
haven’t been sleeping well.”  Empty words wrapped into one easy
half-truth.  It doesn’t matter, anyway.  “So what did you and Kevin end
up doing?” 

Just as Janice is about to give
me a recap of her
mind blowing
night, our girl talk is
interrupted.  Glancing in the direction of the throaty, grumbling
disruption, I’m startled as I’m caught in the blank stare of Alex’s sky blue
eyes; the usual emotion and passion nowhere to be seen.  His normal
demeanor is gone, replaced by a stone cold, empty soul of a man.  Janice
slinks away leaving us alone.

He barely looks at me, instead
looking in the direction of Arianna’s office as he speaks.  “Ms. Hart, can
I have the audit files?  Mrs. Salerno was out this morning and wasn’t able
to send them to me.” 
Ms. Hart?  Fuck you, Mr. James!  Two
can play this game.  He is so infuriating!  What did I do to him to
deserve this horrid treatment?

“Not a problem, Mr. James. 
I’ll send them right over,” I purr trying to be as sweet as I can be, choking
on them as he walks away.

Tears start to well in my eyes as
he stoutly walks away muttering his thanks.  I begin to mumble under my
breath out of frustration.  I’m sure if anyone walked by and even glanced
in my direction, I would be committed to an insane asylum.  Gathering the
information, I attach the file and attack my mouse, taking out all of my
frustration.  Slamming it against the desk, I finally send it off to
Alex. 
God Damn It!  I should have known better.  I should
have known that a man that has a body made for sin wouldn’t be my knight in
shining armor.  FUCK!

Quickly, I retreat to the
bathroom to blot my eyes.  I need to stay calm.  There is still an entire
day, and I can’t look like a train wreck.  Gripping the bathroom counter,
I try to focus on regaining my sanity by breathing slowly, in and out. 
You
can do this Ely, its better that you found out about him now; before you got in
too deep. 
I force a smile on my face, knowing my subconscious is
right.  Before I go back out there, I need to put on the façade I never
thought I’d have to use.  I have a big meeting with several of the
department heads, and I need to prepare. 
Breathe, Ely…breathe.

I thought this meeting would be
an opportune time to set a good impression and let myself shine.  I
was
looking forward to it.  But, after my brief interaction with Alex, I’m
starting to dread being around Mr. Fickle.  My heart aches as the already
present lump starts to grow in my throat. 
Pull it together, Ely!
 
Knowing he’ll be at the same meeting, I resolve to try and find time to talk
afterwards.  I deserve an explanation. 
That’s the least he could
do.

Prior to the meeting, Janice
attempts to cheer me up by chatting with me at my desk, but unfortunately,
bitch on heels herself, Autumn, strolls in behind her.  Chatting about our
busy schedules as we head into the conference room, Janice and I sit on the
opposite side of the room, directly across from Autumn.  With my already
faltering mood, she is the last person I want to deal with.  As the room
begins to fill, I notice Alex still hasn’t arrived, and what do you know, the
only available seats are next to me and Autumn. 

Always punctual, Alex arrives to start
the meeting right on time; 1:30 p.m. on the dot.  I hate to admit it, but
I’m still affected by him, my breath hitching as he walks in the door. 
Please
Alex, prove me wrong…prove to me that the past four days was a
misunderstanding.  That it was just a painful nightmare.  Choose
me. 
My hopes are violently crushed after his eyes run across the room
and he strides towards the vacated seat next to Autumn. 
Crash…Bang…Boom! 
Yup, you heard that right.  That was my heart crashing to the floor.
 

Biting my lower lip, I try and
avoid showing any signs of my betrayed heart.  Unfortunately, my quivering
lip would be the first indicator; the second being the tears threatening to
brim my eyes.  Taking a moment for myself, I steal my eyes away from Alex
chatting quite intimately with Autumn, and try to blink my eyes dry. 
Keep
it together, Ely.
  Breathing in and out, I finally get my emotions
under control. 
It’s only an hour and then you can get out of this
torture chamber.

Giggling, Autumn playfully pushes
against Alex’s shoulder. 
Ok I know he’s not that funny.  Sexy
yes, but funny…not so much. 
I swallow back the vomit rising in my
throat and continue my deep breathing as I grip the armrest of the chair for
dear life.  Alex starts the meeting shortly after Autumn’s exaggerated
laugh fest and takes the first forty-five minutes to discuss the upcoming audit
and the budget for next quarter. 

Not only are Alex and Arianna
present, but so are a few of the other Sales Managers.  Maggie spoke up,
even letting me take the floor to discuss the sales agenda for the next couple
of weeks.  But, even in my moment in the spotlight, Alex refused to even
glance in my direction.  Instead, he toyed with his pen and glanced all
around the room. 

The next item on the agenda is the
upcoming fundraiser for Alzheimer.  Of course Alex’s name would be listed
as the host for that topic on the meeting agenda.  Little does everyone
know that this is a topic near and dear to his heart.  There was a time
when I thought this knowledge meant our relationship was progressing, but
little did I know at the time, it meant nothing.

“The fundraiser is all set up for
tomorrow.  Thanks to Janice, all of the vendors have signed their
contracts.”  Alex points towards his assistant sitting next to me, who’s
ecstatic to get his recognition.  

“You’re so compassionate,
Alex. 
We
can only hope to raise enough money to make you
proud.”  Autumn interrupts Alex’s speech, placing her right hand on his
bicep. 
Keep touching him and I will break your God damn hand!
 
My eyes narrow as I boil with anger.  He appears to not be concerned with
her touch, letting her linger longer than she should.  I try to calm my
nerves, fisting my hands at my sides, as I realize I’m shaking.

“Thank you, Autumn.  This
cause is very close to me and any money made will be generously matched by
management.”  He smiles at her and continues to discuss the events in
depth.  Her hand remains on his arm, making it even harder for me to see
straight. 
Oh my God! 
Finally, taking a moment to glance in
my direction, Alex must see the hurt written on my face, as he turns his chair
to move out of Autumn’s dirty grasp, before continuing.

“Thank you to everyone who
already signed up for one of the booths at the carnival.  I’ve already
volunteered to do my time at the Dunk Tank, and I’m sure everyone will be
lining up to take a crack at me when it’s my turn.  Do it while you
can.”  The room erupts in laughter. 
I’d love to throw something
at him, only I’d like to do it right now. 

“There is one slot open for the
Kissing Booth.  I only need one more volunteer.”  Alex looks around
the silent room.  He further explains, “You don’t actually have to swap
spit with anyone, just a brief kiss on the cheek.”  Once again the room
starts to giggle and snicker, except for me. 
Well, aren’t we just a
comedian today. 
He thinks he can replace me with Autumn…well let
him.  He’ll think twice when he see’s everyone lining up to pay to kiss
me. 

In a moment of rage and partial
insanity, I raise my hand.  “I’ll do it; might as well have the single
girl volunteer.”  His eyes shoot up, meeting mine as his mouth freezes
open.  I’m sure he didn’t want me to see his reaction, the break in his
hard façade. 
We can continue this game all you want, Mr. James. 
We’ll see who ends up on top.
  Alex nods his head and jots down notes
before he moves onto the next topic.  I know he’s fuming inside, but he
doesn’t have a right.  He gave up that right four days ago. 
Let’s
see how he likes it.
 

“Finally, I need to get a general
headcount of whose attending and how many people you plan to bring.”

The room erupts, everyone talking
over each other.  Alex rushes to get everyone’s comments, taking notes as
they speak.  Being the final one to answer, Alex’s attention is completely
focused on me. 
Is that what it takes?  Signing up for a kissing
booth; now I have his attention?
  “Besides me, I’ve invited my sister,
her boyfriend, and now that I think of it…I think I’ll invite my good friend,
Cole.”  

Smiling sweetly at Alex, I reach
for my phone to send Cole a quick text invitation.  I’m not sure if this
is the best plan, but I know Cole will jump at the chance to see me and I
wouldn’t mind catching up with him either. 
Oh, and I know it will piss
off the ever enraging, Mr. James.