Chosen Heart (39 page)

I stare at Alex as he’s suddenly
the one looking insecure.  Silence grows between us and I need him to know
he deserves me just as much as I deserve him. 

“We suffer from the same
infliction apparently.  You are transparent to the way women look at you
and I’m oblivious to all other men, because all I see is you.  You have to
realize that it’s only you, Alex.  I’ve never felt this way for anyone
else, including Cole.  He lied!  Can’t you see that?”

“I’m not transparent; I just
don’t care what other women think.  As long as I have you, there will
never be another.”  His face still shows doubt, as he ignores my
plea.  What he says next is the last thing I expected. 

“This brings me to the purpose of
our talk.  Elyssa, I don’t care if you
think
he’s your friend, that
fucker is toxic.  His friendship is based on his sexual attraction to you,
and his need to control you.  Not to mention that he hit you.  So, at
this point, it’s either me or him.  You need to make your choice.”

Looking at him, I’m
shocked.  With his arms crossed, Alex remains stone-faced waiting for my
decision.  “Choice?!”  Is he really asking me to choose between him
and Cole?  I’ve never been given an ultimatum and I’m not sure if I like
it.  I’ve heard other women talk about similar situations; picking between
friendship and love.  But, never in a million years, would I have imagined
being involved in such a battle. 

“That was a long time ago. 
He didn’t mean to…”

“Are you serious?  Are you
really going to continue and try to makes excuses for him?”

“No Alex, what I’m saying is that
he was drunk, and the abuse only happened one time.  He didn’t touch me
before that, and he hasn’t touched me since.”

“Fuck that!  I refuse to sit
back and watch him continue to hurt you; emotionally or physically.  If
you choose him, I’m gone.  I watched my mother deal with her abuser for
years and I’m not doing it again.  And as much as I would hate it if you
chose him, I promise to respect your decision.” 

Contemplating the choice he’s
given me, I glance over the table and search for a sign in the all too distant
clouds.  I blink a few times, realizing the weight of what he’s
asking.  Alex’s troubled past allows no leniency for Cole’s
indiscretions.  Regardless of the fact that Cole was not in his sound mind
when he hit me, Alex could care less. 

Alex leans in closer, reaching
for my hand.  “What are you thinking?”  I pull away.

“You make it seem like I’ve been
abused for all of these years.  It wasn’t that way.  I’m not weak,
Alex!”  My voice rises for a moment before I catch myself.  “We were
both young and we made mistakes.  I just chose to forgive him instead of
hating him for the rest of my life.”

“What scares the living hell out
of me is just the fact that he’s capable of it Elyssa.  If he did it once,
what would stop him from doing it again?  And, what if next time it’s not
his baby you’re carrying, what if it’s mine?  I can’t take any
chances.” 
Wait, what?  His baby…

It’s my turn for an
epiphany.  Alex’s ultimatum is only out of concern for me, for our
future.  Not out of jealousy, or rage.  Okay, maybe that too, but
it’s because he wants to protect me; the way he couldn’t protect his
mother.  With a better understanding of Alex’s trepidation, the choice is
no longer difficult.

My heart wants him.  I want
him safe.  I worry about him just as much as he worries about me. 
I’m willing to give him that assurance and make the choice that was inevitable
from the start.  The difference now, is that I understand the choice
instead of feeling it was a necessity to be with him.  Tears brim over as
I wipe them away with the back of my hand.  “Alex, it’s not even a
choice.  I want you.” 

“You realize what this
means?  He’s out of your life...for good.”

With a weightless energy, calm
spreads over my heart as I assert my decision.  “Like I said, it’s not
even a choice.  Cole has been in my life for a long time and as much as
I’d like to keep him there…I know you’re right.  He’s caused more grief
than anything and I can’t forget everything that’s happened.  He hasn’t
been my friend.”

“With that being said, there is
one more thing that’s been weighing on my mind.”  He pauses, searching for
the right words.  Leaning forward, Alex reaches for my hand, this time I
let him.

“One more thing?!  What else
could there be, Alex?”  I’m drained after our conversation and thought we
were done and settled.  Now he wants to talk more.

“Yes, Elyssa; one more
thing.  Please know that I’m not using your past against you, but,” he
pauses. 
But, what Alex?
  “You not telling Cole about being
pregnant…I need to know you would never do that to me.”

I can’t believe he’s bringing
that up right now.
 
“What do you mean?”  My voice goes soft, feeling slightly
embarrassed.  It was already difficult enough to rip myself open once, but
to talk about this again.  I try to pull my hand away, but he only grips
it tighter.  Instead, I drop my eyes.

“Look at me, Elyssa.” 
Waiting patiently, I find the strength to peer into his smoldering blue
eyes.  “If something happened, I would always want you to talk to
me.  You can’t just freak out and take matters into your own hands. 
I have to be included in the decision; we’re in this together.”

“Do you even want kids?”  I
can’t hide the shock in my voice.  This conversation has definitely taken
a turn, not for the worse, but so much more than I expected. 

“I’m not just talking about
kids.  I’m talking about everything.  No secrets.”  I cross my
heart and hold my hand up, showing my agreement.  “As far as kids,” Alex
shrugs, a small smile touching his lips, “I never really thought about it,
until….well, until recently.”  He releases my hand sitting back in his
chair, his gaze focused on the calm waters outside our nearby window.

My heart warms.  “You’ve
been thinking about kids?”  I could picture having a child with him. 
The baby would be loved and cherished, not only by me, but Alex as well. 
I’ve seen him with his grandmother, his gentle touch and thoughtfulness; the
child would become Alex’s world.  I guess I’m not the only one
falling.  We are both experiencing the vertigo, letting ourselves fall in
love with one another.

“Don’t worry.  I’m not
planning on knocking you up.  It’s just that the past few weeks have made
me think about the future and what’s possible.  You make me think about
what a future would be like…with you.”  I blush not knowing what to say. 

Having just been through an ocean
of emotions, I’m thankful for interruption as our dinner arrives.  Knowing
the worst is over, I realize I’m starving.

We eat in silence.  Deep in
thought, I glance at Alex.  All I’ve wanted was a second chance with him,
and now we have it within our grasp.  We’ve both had a difficult time over
the past few days and deserve some happiness.  My happiness just happens
to be sitting directly across from me. 

“What?” Alex questions, when he
realizes I’m day dreaming.

Reaching over to touch his hand,
I can’t help my smile.  His lip twitch.  “I was just thinking about
how happy you make me.  It’s as if I’m dreaming; it’s surreal.  Like
I’m going to wake up any minute and I’ll be alone in my bed again…without
you.”  Pinching me, I yelp at the slight sting.  “What was that for?”

“You said you thought you were
dreaming.  I was just proving this is our reality.  You’re not the
only one who’s scared about all of this, Elyssa.  You’ve become such an
important part of my life in such a short amount of time.  I promise I
will always try to make you happy.  Anything within my power…it’s yours.”

That reminds me. 
“Anything?”

“Anything!  Just name
it.”  Looking at me sideways, Alex ponders the magnitude of what he just
offered.

“Meet my sister and her boyfriend
next weekend?  They invited us to dinner at their house.”  Rachel’s
optimism paid off, we are definitely more than okay; we’re perfect.

“Of course.  Just tell me
when and where.” 

“Cross your heart?” I tease.

Alex points his finger at me and
makes an imaginary X that spans my entire body.  I melt.  I’m
completely doe-eyed, helplessly in love.  “Take me home…now.”

“You don’t want desert?”

“Not unless I get to eat it off
of your body.”  The waiter comes at the perfect moment asking if we need
anything.  Alex quickly asks for the check and offers his credit card in
the same moment.

THUD! 
Aggressively, Alex pushes me
against the door, struggling to fetch his key from the front pocket of his
jeans.  Sandwiched between the door and Alex seems like the perfect end to
our perfect night.  If it wasn’t for the fact that the hotel was hosting
the conference, I would have taken him in the elevator.  Instead, his
mouth feverishly sucks on my bottom lip, slipping the key into the card
reader.  He’s quite talented, his hands and mouth never leave me while
efficiently opening the door. 

Turning me around, my back facing
his front, Alex continues to suck and kiss my neck while pushing the door
open.  The feel of his hands running along my breasts and navel almost
send me into convulsions.  I’ve been starved for days and all I want is to
feast on him.  I reach behind and grab the back of his head, my hands
intertwine with his disheveled locks; I bring his mouth to mine. 

Once inside, I spin back around
and clumsily try to unbutton his dress shirt while continuing to massage his
tongue with mine.  I’m not as good at multitasking.  The frustration
builds as my fingers battle against the buttons of his shirt.  My aching
need, coupled with his heavy breathing, causes me to explode with
aggravation. 
Screw this! 
Hastily, I pry open his shirt,
buttons scattering, as I force my fingers through the material to his lean,
solid chest.  Alex pauses and glances down at his dismantled
shirt.  

“Oops,” I purr, placing my hand
up to my mouth, suppressing a giggle at his shocked face. 

“You are a naughty, naughty girl,
Elyssa,” Alex’s voice teases back.  My hands slide down his chiseled
chest, both of our eyes follow my palm as I trace the curves of his muscles and
gently take his nipple into my mouth.  I can feel the moisture building
between my legs, as he trembles; a soft groan building in his chest. 
God,
I’ve missed him.
  Wanting nothing more than Alex inside me, my hand
continues to travel down his defined abs, towards the button on his
jeans.  Unexpectedly, he grabs my wrist, halting my downward
pursuit. 

With a pout, my eyes shoot up,
questioning why we’ve stopped.  His seductive smile is menacing, yet
enticing at the same time.  His fingers flex around my wrist as I test his
strength, but his hold is unwavering.  “I have a surprise for you.” 

Tempted, I look around the
room.  Nothing seems out of place.  In fact, the room seems
completely ordinary. 
What a tease.
  I’m confused, and this
build-up is too intense to keep quiet.  “I thought dinner was my
surprise?”  Brows furrowed with want, I can barely control the need for
him.  How can he have so much self control after days of not being with me? 
I can’t hide the disappointment that his want is not the same. 

“Dinner was just the teaser
before your surprise.”

“Wait, how did you know
everything would work out tonight?”  Alex planned a surprised based on the
assumption I would end up in his hotel room. 
He’s sure of himself
isn’t he? 
“Are you feeling a little arrogant, Mr. James?”  A sly
smile brushes across my lips. 

“I knew because if I was faced
with a similar choice…I would choose you.  And it’s not arrogance; I’d
like to think of it as confidence.  Now, do you want your surprise or
not?”  I nod, unable to suppress the butterflies fluttering in my stomach,
as I bounce with excitement.  “The first part is waiting in the
bathroom.”  I walk towards his bedroom, but he grabs me from behind. 
“No, gorgeous girl; it’s in the guest bathroom.” 

I turn on my heel and head in the
opposite direction.  The sting of Alex’s hand playfully spanking me jolts
me forward.  “Hey!”  The sensation is erotic and puts my libido into
hyper drive.  I’m tempted to turn around and tear his clothes off with my
teeth, but instead I continue to walk towards the door, rubbing my sore
behind. 

Looking back, Alex is a sexy mess
with his disheveled hair and torn shirt.  Removing his shoes, he kicks
them forward.  “What are you doing?”  He’s toying with me, giving me
a floor show; as if I didn’t already have enough pent up sexual desire.

Sensually he begins to remove
what’s left of his shirt.  “You better hurry; I might have to get started
without you.”  Dropping his shirt to the floor, Alex saunters towards the
bed, leaving me drooling over his bare back, his muscles flexing as he walks
away. 

As I close the door, my eyes
automatically hone in on the red Victoria’s Secret bag sitting on the edge of
the sink.
 I wonder what secrets are waiting for me. 
I pause
a moment, reacting as if a small explosive is sitting in front of me. 
Meticulously, I separate the pink wrapping paper with my finger, but not before
noticing a small tag attached to the handle that reads,
WEAR ME
. 
My chest constricts as I reach deeper into the sexual abyss; the feel of satin
and lace brushing against my knuckles.  Intertwined in my fingers is a
sheer cream-colored baby-doll with matching thong.  The barely-there
material makes me blush, but only for a moment.  I strip down and slip on
my gift. 
More like Alex’s gift; my gift is the sexual playground I
plan on using his body for.