Chosen Heart (38 page)

Coming to a halt, the doors open
and both Alex and Oliver begin to walk out.  Being the persistent flirt
that he is, Oliver turns, holding the door open with his hands.  Standing
with his arms extended out, his flexing biceps peek out of his short sleeved
dress shirt.  “Have dinner with me.”  Oliver’s tone is different; his
words laced with a sense of desperation.

“Oliver, I….”

“Fine drinks.”  His eyes
search for any sign of wavering.  I’m sure my unrelenting rejection is
unfamiliar to him.  Just like Alex, women probably throw themselves at
him. 

Lurking behind Oliver, Alex is
tense as he runs his hands over the back of his neck.  “There’s no point,
Oliver.  I’m taken.  You’re wasting your time.”  The elevator
doors attempt to close, but again, Oliver pushes them back.

“I don’t know what it is about
you, but something tells me that if I let you go…I’ll regret it.”

Stepping closer to Oliver, Alex’s
eyes fill with anger.  His hands are fisted at his side as he watches my
every move.  Leaning in, I place my hands over his forearms, “Oliver…regret
requires a missed opportunity.  Trust me…you never had a chance.”  I
push against his arms allowing the elevator doors to finally close on their
shocked and approving faces.

With the door closed I text Alex.

**My room is
1501. Can you grab me a change of clothes?**

Within seconds I receive a text
back.

*Yes, anything
specific you want me to grab? I’ll meet you in room 1703.*

**You’re the one
taking me out, I trust you’ll find something appropriate.**

*Do you know how
hard you just made me? I want you so bad right now. But, talking first.*

I want you too, Alex.
  Clutching my phone to my
chest, my Cheshire cat like grin is unavoidable.  What did he think? 
That I would just accept Oliver’s advances?  That’s not even feasible when
all I want is him, physically and emotionally.  Exiting the elevator, I
head to room 1703 with lightening speed. 

~~~~~

Ten minutes later I hear a
rapping against the door.  Pulling it open, Alex stands with my metallic
silver sweater dress still on its hanger, dangling from his pointer
finger.  I blush at his choice.  Modest in the front, the back
plummets, showing off my shoulders and the indentation of my spine stopping
right above the dimples on my lower back.  Although warm, the dress is
short.  Hopefully he’s not taking me somewhere we’ll have to battle the
salty ocean breeze for long.  I only decided to bring it because I thought
it would be easy access for Alex, if we had a successful reunion.

“So this is what you picked,
huh?” 

Reaching out, I try and take the
hanger from his pointed finger, but instead Alex strides towards me, pushing me
further into the room.  Nuzzling my neck, he wraps his arms around me as
my dress drops to the floor.  “Happy to see me?” I giggle as Alex nods,
moaning as he holds me tighter.  I run my fingers through his hair and
marinade in his warmth.  Not letting go, Alex’s constricting arms envelop
me.  “Hey, are you okay?”

I try to lean back to look at
him, but he remains pressed against me.  “I just missed you...that’s
all.” 

Sighing, I continue to run my
fingers through his dark locks, “I’ve missed you, Alex.”  After a few more
minutes of our silent embrace, his grasp loosens and soon he’s bending down to
pick up my fallen dress.

His brow perks up as he hands it
over.  “You’re kinda clumsy…do you need help changing?” 

“I think I’ve got this
handled.”  Through squinted eyes, I head off towards the adjacent second
bedroom.

“Don’t take too long, we have
reservations.”

~~~~~

As we arrive at Donovan’s Steakhouse,
I immediately feel underdressed.  How could I not?  Next to me is a
stunning blonde with legs for miles.  Her black satin cocktail dress is
short and shows her small frame and large bust.  Not my cup of tea, but
it’s nice to know when I peek over at Alex, that it’s not his either.  On
the other hand, she’s quite impressed with my date.  Her ravenous eyes
examine every inch of his solid body.  I can’t blame her.  Even when
he’s dressed casually in dark jeans, he looks incredible.  His baby blue
button up doesn’t do his eyes justice; just slightly unbuttoned at the collar,
his muscular chest peeks out from underneath the snug cotton material. 

Feeling the need to stake my
claim, I reach over and take his hand into mine, smiling up at him
sweetly.  Alex returns the gesture and kisses me on the forehead.  No
longer gaping at Alex, the blonde gives me a grin before she goes back to tend
to her date.  Smiling down at me, he squeezes my hand in
reassurance.  Can he sense my need to let the world know I possess him, as
he possesses me?
  I hope so.

“You are absolutely beautiful, my
Hart.  No one compares to you.” 
Oh, how I missed him calling me
that.
  I snuggle against him, my other hand reaching up to cling to
his biceps as we wait patiently to be seated.  

The hostess greets us with a warm
smile, focusing her attention more on Alex than myself. 
Will I ever
get used to this?

“Reservation for two. 
Alexander James.” 

“Yes, Mr. James, I’ll take you to
your private dining area.” 
Private? 
The last time we were in
a private booth, he ravished me at the table.  Is it going to be that kind
of night?  I wouldn’t mind a little private time with him, in fact I would
most definitely prefer it over any type of talking. 

Taking us down a narrow corridor,
we pass several areas that are sectioned off by deep burgundy drapes.  The
dark wood paneling accents the deep forest green cushions on the chairs
surrounding the tables.  With menus in hand, the hostess opens one of the
curtained areas, revealing a spectacular view of the ocean, illuminating the
sun as it sets in the distance.  “I hope this is to your liking?”

“This is perfect,” Alex says in
an almost moan, never breaking eye contact with me.  Seeing him against
this breathtaking backdrop, I can’t…breathe.  I don’t know how much more
my heart can take.  Still deep in a trance, he walks over to pull out my
chair.  If not for the seduction in his eyes, and his agreement to start
over, I would’ve felt slightly nervous sitting down next to him.  Instead,
I’m anxious. 

The waiter enters to take our
drink order.  Not wasting any time, Alex orders an appetizer, along with
dinner and a nice bottle of wine.  Explaining further, he requests for us
to not be bothered.  Remaining indifferent, the waiter nods and vanishes
behind the curtain.  Food is the last thing I’m concerned with, so I’m not
surprised that I can’t even remember what he ordered. 

Toying with the flute of his
water glass, he seems uneasy.  I guess this is the moment where we have
the “talk.”  Avoiding eye contact, I fidget with the edge of the table
cloth that rests just above my thighs.  Even though this isn’t my
conversation to start, I have to say something…anything to break the angst in
his face.

“Is this where you tell me you
want to see other people?” 

Alex cocks his head. 
“What?  Why would I want that?”

I shrug my shoulders. 
“Something’s off.  You’re different right now compared to how you were
earlier.  You’re going to say something that I probably don’t want to
hear.”

“I told you we needed to
talk.  I’ve been thinking about this conversation all day.  I just
need you let me get this out and not say anything.”  I nod in agreement,
but my anxiety almost cripples me.  Gripping the table cloth, I close my
eyes and brace for the impact. 

“Ever since the fundraiser, I’ve
had Cole’s voice repeating in my head.  I may have kicked the shit out of
him, but the bomb he planted in my head is far worse.  I’m constantly
thinking about his hands on your body, his mouth on yours, you moaning his name. 
I feel like I’m going crazy.”  Alex’s jaw tenses as tears pool in my eyes.
 
This conversation is not starting off the way I expected.  What happened
to “I miss you,” or “I’m sorry for turning into the Hulk and destroying your
best friend slash ex-boyfriend.  Can we start over again?”

How could he still believe
Cole? 
“Alex,
I never…” 

Holding up his hand, Alex urges
me to stop.  “Just let me get this out.”  I nod as I swallow back the
lump growing in my throat. 

“I know I fucked up when I stayed
away from you.  I needed those four days to get my head out of my ass and
figure out how I felt about you.  And, right when we were back on track,
when I was the happiest I’ve ever been, Cole came in and fucked it up. 
Elyssa, when he said he had been with you…” he pauses, closing his eyes as he
takes a deep breath.  “He made me question every moment we’ve had; every
moment that I thought I’d found happiness.”

I clutch the table cloth as I
blink back the tears that brim my eyes. 

“Even sitting with you here…I’m so
fucking livid that I can’t think straight.  You were mine, even if we
weren’t officially together, in my heart I had already claimed you!  I
don’t regret what I did to him; he deserved it…for making me doubt you and for
what he did to you.  He’s fucking lucky that I didn’t know then what I
know now…” His voice trails off as he picks at the gauze wrapped around his
knuckles. 

“I don’t even remember the entire
fight.  I just remember that smug look on his face and him running his
finger underneath his nose.  After that…I lost it.  The next thing I
remember was you.  You threw yourself on top of him, giving me the only
reason to stop.” 

Shaking his head, Alex dredges up
painful memories of his past.  “The last time I felt that enraged was when
I put my dad in the hospital.  He showed up at my mother’s funeral, pushed
Nana, and I went ballistic.  Same thing…everything went black and the next
thing I remember was being pulled off of
his
lifeless body.” 

My thoughts go back to the
conversation I had with Cole, when he told me about Alex being dangerous. 
Not that violence is okay, but it’s a relief to know it wasn’t some random
person he beat up.  He hurt the man who abused his mother for years, who
then had the audacity to lay a finger on Nana.  No, it wasn’t right, but I
can’t blame him.

“I know I was an asshole to you
when you showed up at Red Rock, but I wasn’t thinking clearly.  I went
there because I needed a moment to think things through before I saw you
again.  When you broke down, I desperately wanted to go to you, but my
pride wouldn’t let me.  And when you left, I was miserable.  I spent
the whole night thinking about you, about us, about what Cole had said. 
Before I knew, the sun was coming up and I couldn’t function without knowing
you got home okay.   I know I had no right, but in my moment of
weakness, I sent you that text.”  I recall the lonesome first clue, the
one that gave me hope that he still cared. 

“Then there was Monday; not my
finest moment.  I’m sorry you heard my outburst at Maggie.  It was in
the moment.  I felt rushed because I still hadn’t figured out what I
wanted to do.  On one hand, I was happy you’d be here with me and not with
him.  But, I still didn’t know if I could be with you.”  The dreadful
words that I never wanted to hear.  I hang my head in despair; pushing
back the sobs that have been building the moment he began to speak. 

“But then you brought me the
basket with your letter.  Knowing that you took the time to tell me how
you feel, you tried reaching me even when I was unreachable.  Reading your
letter, everything came back into perspective for me.”

Unable to remain silent, my words
shoot out to plead my case.  “Alex, you know how I feel for you.”  My
strength disappears and tears escape my eyes, trailing down my cheeks.  I
look up into his face.  His brows are furrowed, not giving anything
away.  The anticipation is killing me. 
Does he want to be with me
or not?

“The problem I’m having is that I
can’t get the thought of you with Cole out of my head.”  Running his hand
through his hair, he settles his palm on the back of his neck.
This is it,
he’s really ending it. 
“But, as much as this is breaking me, I can’t
let you go…I just can’t.”  My lips quiver as I finally take a breath.

“Please don’t let me go,
Alex.  I promise you…” Once again, he interrupts me, only holding up one
finger this time.  I close my mouth, but all I want is to shout to the
world. 

“I had an epiphany today, and at
the oddest moment.  When Oliver was trying to get into your pants…” 
I look down, suddenly feeling ashamed of the whole situation.  Alex had
thoughts of Cole making love to me for the past two days and here I was
playfully flirting with a man in front of him.  I might have done more
damage without recognizing the repercussions.

“I realized there will always be
someone trying to get between us.  First, because you are absolutely
beautiful, and second because someone will always feel they deserve you more
than I do.  Even if he didn’t realize I was your boyfriend, this was
direct insight into how other men perceive the value of love.  To them,
it’s all about sex and self gratification.  I’m emotionally invested, so
of course, I have more to lose.”