Chosen Ones (10 page)

Chapter 14

The next time I saw James was at a party late one night at Templeton. It had been a week since I had last seen him, and I wondered if his offer of friendship was still valid. Every time I met my supervisor to receive my tasks for the day, I both feared and desired another meeting with James. I liked his company. It was the only company I could one day cast off, which made it all the more alluring. It allowed me to see what I could feel without the pressure of anything permanent.

But I also knew there were many things to fear in this world. I had little knowledge. I didn’t think I needed to be afraid of James, but maybe I did. Templeton held more secrets than I’d thought was possible. My meeting with George had proven that.

In the end, I merely wanted James to distract me with his music and books. I needed an escape, to close myself behind the door of his room, hoping for a place where I could practice being me. Or at least find out who I was before I finally had to give her up for good.

But a week had passed and he hadn’t called for me.

A select group of girls were told they would need to stay late at Templeton—we were to help with a social event that was being held for the boys. We didn’t know the purpose of the party, what they were celebrating. All we knew was what to wear and where to be.

Our usual uniforms were replaced. We were forced to wear long satin dresses. I had never worn the material before, and it felt invasive over my skin, settling and emphasizing places on my body that us girls were always told to hide. Each of us wore a different color. Blues, reds, yellows, and pinks filled the rooms, reflecting off the marble floors like someone had figured out how to trap a rainbow in the mansion. The front and back of the dress dipped dangerously low in a V-neck shape. The bottom of the dress flared out. We were told that our hair was to be left down. I’m not sure why, but I’d begun to panic at the thought of it. I couldn’t even bring myself to look in the mirror with my hair so free, so unrestrained. It made me feel open, naked.

For most of the night I stayed in the kitchen. When they asked for volunteers to wait on the boys in the study, I let the other more willing girls take their desired places. I couldn’t count how many glasses of champagne I filled, how many trays of unfamiliar appetizers I put together. Alcohol and ridiculous finger food seemed so wildly out of place in my hands that often I would lose myself to simply staring at the absurdity. I had no idea these sorts of things still existed.
Decadence
was a word that could have very well been erased from the naturals’ dictionary.

But these boys weren’t naturals. James was not a natural.

…

It wasn’t until late in the night that I was summoned to enter the study. The room was smoke-filled and warm. I recognized the chosen ones—all the same boys from before. They were dressed to the nines in black tuxedoes with little bowties. My leg muscles tightened and my stomach clenched. I felt fear as I searched the room until my eyes found James. He wouldn’t look at me. But damn if I didn’t enjoy looking at him all dressed up.

“Well, hello there, Tess. I’ve missed seeing you around.”

George.
Here. He moved closer to me in an obviously exaggerated way. His eyes were big and his hands were out by his sides. The boys behind him snickered.

“Why so scared? Do I frighten you? We’re all friends here.”

As if to prove his point, he hit the backside of a girl walking by with a tray of empty glasses. She yelped in response, then tried to cover her fear with a sort of giggle.

I was not giggling.

He clapped his hands. “Come, enough of this silliness. Step into the light so we may see you better.”

Still, James wouldn’t look at me. He kept his eyes on the floor.

I stepped clumsily into the center of the room, crossing my arms protectively across my chest. George laughed again. I wanted to rip the chosen ones apart. I wanted to trash their pathetic room. I wanted to smash their champagne glasses and throw their food trays against the wall, to rip apart their fancy clothes, clothes that no natural man would ever be allowed to wear. Clothes that screamed of the chosen ones’ obsession with the past, a past they were never even a part of.

“Aren’t you a sight?” George’s words snapped me from my spell, pulled me out of my slow retreat into anger, the descent into myself where darkness thrived.

“Here,” he continued, handing me a glass of champagne.

“No thank you.”

“I insist.” While a pleasant sort of smile crept across his face, I could hear the implication in his tone—I had no choice.

I glanced at James as I brought the glass to my mouth. It felt too thin, too empty against my lips. Had I ever drank from something other than tin? Slowly, as if the whole world moved with one glance, James looked up. George turned back to him; grabbed him roughly, playfully around the shoulders; and pulled him in front of me.

“About time we let her join in on the fun. Right, James?”

James smiled and patted the boy on the back.

No choice.

I opened my mouth and gulped. The bubbles fizzled in my throat, each one trying to inch its way out of an unfamiliar home. I gagged as champagne dribbled down my chin. The boys began to laugh hysterically.

“Aren’t you just darling? James did say you were quite pretty. I tend to disagree with almost everything he says, but for once he seems to be right.” George winked, taking the glass from me. “I think we’re going to have a lot of fun tonight.”

I wanted to remind him that he had called me ugly only days before, but I sensed he was trying to get a rise out of me. He was baiting me—reinforcing the knowledge that James wasn’t the only chosen one I kept secrets with.

Before I could make sense of anything, James grabbed me by the wrist and led me out of the room, closing the door behind us. I leaned against the wall, my arms crossed, my eyes down on the floor. The faint echo of a song traveled from inside. How I wished James and I could be listening to the haunting waltz in his room and not at some ridiculous council-sponsored event I didn’t even understand.

The murmur of the boys and a few girlish giggles from inside almost ruined the song.

“Tess—”

“What are they doing in there?” I interrupted.

James cleared his throat. “I believe they are dancing.”

“Dancing?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “Chosen ones dance?”

James shrugged. “Why not? Might as well enjoy ourselves now, right?” he answered, a note of bitterness creeping in.

“Right, because playing maid is my idea of a hell of a time,” I replied. I pressed my lips together as my cheeks burned red. We may have been friends, but this wasn’t the way a natural talked to a chosen one. I was surprised to hear James chuckle.

“Would you like to dance with me? I’ve never actually done it before,” he said, taking a step toward me.

“I-I don’t. I mean…maybe,” I stammered.

“For purely scientific reasons, of course. I mean, it’s my job to understand the naturals’ culture, right? You’d be helping me out. Besides, it’s less time you’d have to be ‘playing maid.’”

I took a deep breath and nodded. It would be harmless. I felt myself swaying along with the current of the music, and I suddenly found James close to me. Usually, this would have been frightening, but in that moment the music was calling us both.

I could see hesitation in his eyes. He cleared his throat and slowly placed his hands on my waist.

I should have moved away. I could feel the electricity in the air, but I didn’t want to be even one more inch from James. I placed my hand lightly on his shoulder, hoping to urge him on. His free hand grabbed mine. It was how I had seen dancing done in movies long ago, but I never could have imagined the tension associated with it. It pained me to be this close when I knew I could be even closer. There was still a part of me that refused to allow this to happen, and I was almost thankful for that.

Almost.

I wanted to let someone carry me for just one moment.

We were moving together. I wondered if my breathing had become louder than the song. I could barely hear the music at all, but still we swayed. It was as if some stronger force were directing us.

Dancing was heavenly.

This was being a teenager.

It was easily the most dangerous thing I had yet done in my life, and at the same time the happiest I had been in years. I inched my body slightly closer to his and he welcomed it, wrapping his arm tighter around my waist. I knew this was my limit, but how wonderful it all still was. The song ended far too soon and we were left frozen in our position, staring into each other’s eyes. I could feel my chin lead me forward to his face but struggled fiercely to control it. James took a step back. At least one of us was being reasonable.

I followed suit and casually moved myself away, crossing my arms. “That was nice,” I mumbled, feeling my cheeks blush.

Before he could utter a reply, the door behind us swung open. George stumbled out, laughing, pulling one of the Templeton girls with him. When he saw us, he stopped dead in his tracks. “I knew Tessie had a bit of life in her. Come here and dance with me.”

I didn’t have time or the right to utter a refusal as he yanked me from James and crushed me against him. I couldn’t stop myself from struggling. The more he forced my body to move with his, the more I fought back. And the harder I fought back, the tighter he held onto me.

And James did nothing to stop it.

The other boys filed into the hallway to watch, laughing. Always laughing. I couldn’t help the angry tears that filled my eyes as George pushed me into the arms of another waiting boy. This sort of connection was so different than the moments spent with James. I cringed at their touch. It felt wrong, like they were taking something from me they shouldn’t be allowed to have. As I was thrown into the arms of a third boy, my body covered with their fingers, I tripped over my skirt and fell to the floor.

James rushed in and helped me up. He didn’t let go of my hand as he led me down the hallway, the boys’ snickers echoing off the walls.

He gently brought me into a closet and shut the door behind him. We were shrouded in darkness, the only sound our breathing. His was much heavier than mine. I didn’t speak. I didn’t want to.

“Tess,” he whispered.

“Don’t.”

I wasn’t sure if the word was meant for him or me. I didn’t want to hear his excuses or lame promises of friendship. He was just like them. No, he was different than them: he was scared. He was the weakest among the chosen ones.

And I wished desperately that I didn’t want to hear his excuse.

He had abandoned me. Why was I not used to that by now?

I tried to shift myself around him to get to the door.

“No. You can’t leave.” It was a command. I heard his power slither out between the short letters of the word.

“Why not? Is there something you need? What would you like from me,
sir
?” I could hear it, the voice I had become so used to hearing come from my mouth. The voice that made others shy away from me. It sounded empty.

“You don’t understand.”

“Of course I do. Now what do you need me to do,
sir
?”

“Tess. Enough.”

“Would you like me to stop talking,
sir
?”

“I swear, if you call me sir one more time…” I had never heard him sound so hard, so cold.

I shook my head as I once again moved to leave. James grabbed my arm and pushed me deeper into the dark room, my back against the wall. He leaned his forehead close to mine. “You can’t leave yet.”

I gritted my teeth.

“What are you thinking?” he asked suddenly.

I bit my lip. He didn’t want to know, not really.

“Tell me,” he replied as if he could hear my thoughts.

“You’re just like them.” There was no anger to my words, only truth. I wouldn’t let this bother me. It was fact.

Fact.

I always knew this. Always. It was the grief that had fooled me.

How could I have ever thought he would allow me to be myself?

“Please, don’t say that,” he whispered.

“You let them. You let them…”

Suddenly, the door flew opened. A Templeton boy was laughing and dragging a worker with him. She was laughing, too. She was drunk. The boy mumbled an apology.

James turned to me. I could see his face now as the light from the hallway revealed it.

“Just go, Tess. Go.”

I started to leave but something inside of me wouldn’t let me move. I had a voice; I just needed to use it. I reached my hand forward and grabbed the doorknob, pulling it shut.

“What is this place?” I asked.

I could feel James stiffen. We weren’t touching, but we were so close I could sense when he moved. The air between our bodies shifted with us, connecting us. “It’s a training center.”

His voice was emotionless.

“Don’t,” I warned, knowing I was getting closer to the point where I couldn’t turn back. I took a deep breath. “Last week, my supervisor made me do something. Something I didn’t quite understand. There was a girl and she was hurt, really hurt. Do you know anything about it, James? I mean, this is a training center, right? Shouldn’t this be the safest place for us naturals?”

I thought about my run-in with George, and how I’d promised myself never to tell James. It felt like I should tell
someone
.

“Safe?” James scoffed. He turned to leave but I grabbed onto his arm and he froze. I could feel him begin to shake as I moved my hand from his. Did something about me frighten this boy?

“Tess,” he replied. “This place isn’t safe for anyone.”

The heavy silence that followed filled in the empty spaces between our words. Without a noise, he grabbed onto my hand. The feeling of his fingers wrapped so tightly around mine stole the breath from my throat. It wasn’t a completely unwelcome sensation, just new. He pulled me gently from the closet and began to lead me to the third floor. We didn’t speak as we moved through the halls of Templeton. All I could think about was the feeling of his skin against mine. It was warm. Nice.