Clarity (12 page)

Yet another thing to add to the list of stuff I should feel guilty about. Dad always wanted the best for me, and I kept trying to run away from him. Watching him lie there, unmoving, made me reconsider everything. I had a lifetime to explore a relationship with Nathan—if the curse didn’t finish me off first—but I wouldn’t have as long with Dad, and I wished I had made the most of my time with him.

I had a lot to think about while I sat there watching his shallow breathing, hoping he would recover fully. We weren’t particularly religious, but I prayed to feel as though I had some power, as though I could actually influence the situation.

I had always thought of my dad as almost invincible. He rarely got sick, he always knew what to do, and whenever anything happened, my first reaction was always to wonder what he might think about it. I couldn’t afford to lose him, and I had never appreciated him enough. He deserved a better daughter.

Joey’s parents showed up a number of times. Uncle David’s visits were brief because of his work, but I still caught the worry in his eyes. When the grownups looked so concerned, it had to be bad. David and Dad had always had a funny relationship. They didn’t spend a whole lot of time together, but five minutes alone tended to leave them both laughing.

“They haven’t told me anything else,” he assured me when I asked him. I kept getting the sense that the nurses were holding back, but the real truth was nobody knew exactly what was going on, or if Dad was going to be okay. The worry was constant, and all I wanted was for my Dad to open his eyes and for all of the supernatural battles to be done already.

“You’ll tell me if they do?”

“Of course,
Perdy
. I’ve contacted the school to let them know why you’re not there, but you should probably think about going back next week to take your summer exams. I mean, next year is an exam year, and it might take your mind off this.”

“I can’t,” I said, staring at Dad’s pale face. “I need to be here for him.”

“This is too much stress for a young one like you,” my aunt Stella warned. “Come stay with me. Let the grownups deal with this. You need some rest. A proper meal. It isn’t good for you to be here.” She screwed up her nose in distaste as she glanced around the room. I had gotten used to the medicinal smells, but the colour schemes had to be the most depressing on the planet.

“I’m the only one who can be here all day,” I reminded her. “If he woke up alone… no. Thanks for the offer, but I’m going to stay here. Maybe keep an eye on Gran though.”

“Of course,” she said, exchanging glances with her husband. As much as I loved Joey’s parents, I didn’t want to stay with them, not even temporarily. Dad needed me. Nobody else knew the danger, and we were on our own. Nathan’s family had made that one perfectly clear.

I had advised Gran to stay with one of her friends. I told her she couldn’t be at home because the wild dogs had our scent for some reason. She seemed to believe me, but then again, maybe she didn’t like being at home alone either. I thought it was better all around if none of us were alone, even though being in a crowd hadn’t exactly kept Dad from harm.

The more the doctors talked about blood disorders and bad reactions, the more they convinced me that I was responsible. It was my fault Dad had been at Nathan’s house. It was my fault the other wolf had turned up in the first place. Everything came from the curse, from Nathan and me, from the bad things I had done. Dad being hurt was my punishment. I deserved it, but Dad didn’t. I couldn’t get a grip on what I was thinking, but I felt as though I owed a life since I had taken one.

I wished she had bitten me instead.

Throughout it all, one thought persisted. Nathan had abandoned me. Even Amelia hadn’t visited. Maybe because I pretty much attacked their grandfather, but the more I thought about it, the more I believed
Jakob
deserved it for acting like a monster. I could maybe understand his family sticking by his side, but where did that leave me?

I stared at Dad, at the tubes attached to his body, and prayed he would open his eyes. I was so alone, and everything had piled on my shoulders. I couldn’t take the guilt anymore.

I told my unconscious father. I told him everything—about the dreams, Nathan, the curse, werewolves. I told him what I had done, and what had really happened to him.

“Please, Dad. You have to wake up. I need you. The werewolf could come back for you, and I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to stop it. I’ve never felt like more of a kid in my life, yet I’ve already done the worst things possible. Things that will make you hate me.” I heaved a shuddery breath and held his hand, wishing he was awake, wishing I didn’t have to be all by myself. I loved Gran, but she wasn’t exactly responsible. She wasn’t the person to turn to in an emergency. Dad was, though.

“Daddy, I don’t know how to take it back. He died at my hands. How am I supposed to carry on as normal? Nothing is normal. There are so many things… I can’t even begin to explain it all. And now they’ve let you get hurt, and I’m just me. I can’t even protect us. It isn’t fair, Dad. None of this is fair.”

His eyelids fluttered.

“Dad?”

His gaze flicked toward the water on the bedside table. I pressed the red button to alert the nurse, then filled a paper cup and held it for him to take a sip.

“
Perdy
,” he whispered, blinking rapidly.

“Dad, are you okay?”

“
Perdy
,” he said again. “What the hell has been going on with you?”

I took a step back, opening and closing my mouth.

“Stephen? You’re awake?”

I looked at the door. The cup dropped out of my hands. Gran stood there, fidgeting anxiously. But I had my eyes on the woman next to her.

My mother had come home.

A nurse popped her head in and, seeing my dad awake, ushered us all out of the room.

Gran held on to my mother’s arm, looking at me expectantly as I stood before them both in the hallway.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

My mother grabbed me, enveloped me in her floral perfume, kissed my cheeks, and muttered compliments in my ears. But I felt nothing. She was nothing to me anymore. I didn’t know her.

I stiffened in her embrace, and perhaps sensing my distance, she let me go.

“Gran? Think you can explain this?”

“Well… well, with Stephen in the hospital… I mean, I thought his wife had a right to know. After all, you need to be taken care of, too.”

“His wife?” I stared at both of them in disbelief. “She isn’t his wife! And she’s never taken care of me!”

She pursed her lips. “At least I won’t be alone in the house now. That’s what you wanted. You told me so.”

“I wanted you to stay somewhere else!” I turned to my mother. “What are you really doing here?”

She shook her head haughtily. “It’s my place to be with my family when they need me.”

“We don’t need you! At least not now!”

Dad’s nurse popped her head around the door. “
Perdy
, settle down. Please remember the other patients.”

I still couldn’t remember her name. “Is he okay?”

“A little confused and feverish. I’ve paged the doctor on call to come down and take a look at him, so don’t worry. The biggest thing was him waking up.” She eyed my mother suspiciously. “I’m sure you can all leave for now.” Her eyes turned to the left, and I could have sworn I heard her mutter, “Oh, dear,” under her breath.

I followed her gaze and saw
Erin
walking toward us. A shiver of anticipation ran down my spine. “
Erin
!” I called out. “He woke up! Go on in.” I pulled her past my mother and Gran as if they didn’t even exist. Erin glanced at my mother in confusion, but the nurse followed my lead and ushered
Erin
into Dad’s room.

I stayed in the hall. I didn’t want to see him until I was sure he had forgotten everything I had babbled to him while he was unconscious. “Leave them alone,” I hissed at my mother. I turned to Gran. “And you should be ashamed of yourself.”

“
Perdy
, listen,” my mother said. “I know the circumstances are unfortunate, but now that I’m here, I think we should take the chance to spend some time together, get to know each other again. We could go shopping together if you like.” She beamed a cheery smile at me.

“Are you mad? My dad just woke up, and you want to go shopping?” I gave Gran a smug smile. “See? This…
this
is why we don’t need her here. She hasn’t a clue. She’s never lived in the real world.”

“
Perdy
!” Gran sounded shocked, but I was exhausted. Dad had woken up, and I didn’t have the energy to deal with Gran and Meredith, the pretend parent.

“Get her out of here before
Erin
comes back,” I demanded, feeling edgier than ever. The woman staring at me was a complete stranger. It didn’t matter what name she went by. I needed her gone because I couldn’t calm down in her presence.

Nathan

I got up earlier than usual, partly to avoid my grandfather. I had barely slept, and it was mostly because of being away from
Perdita
for so long. Being forbidden was unnatural, and my head pounded incessantly, probably from the curse, as punishment for not being with her. My insides felt as though they were being pulled apart, as both of the magical elements that dictated to me fought to gain ground. If the curse would only hurry up and win that battle, then I could go to
Perdita
. Then I could fix things.

I had to wait for Amelia before going to school, but I had persuaded her to leave a little earlier than usual. I knew
Perdita’s
cousin would be in before everyone else. Joey was always wrapped up in some kind of homework. I didn’t get it, but to each their own.

We took the bus to school, and Amelia seemed agitated again, but all I could think about was
Perdita
. I had to know what was going on with her and her dad.

At school, Amelia found Joey for me in an empty classroom. His eyebrows rose when he saw us enter the room.

“I don’t have time for this,” he said, standing.

“It won’t take long. Tell me what’s happening. Please.”

He glared at me. “If you cared, you’d already have gone over there to find out.”

“Joey, please. It’s complicated. Trust me. I want nothing more than to go over there, but I can’t right now, all right? Just tell me he’s okay. That
she’s
okay.”

He stared at me for a solid minute before relenting. “Whatever. You’ll hear about it from someone else anyway. He’s not okay. Not exactly. He woke up yesterday.”

“Woke up?” Amelia said.

“Yeah. He was in some kind of a coma. They had no clue what was happening. They gave him a blood transfusion, and they think his body reacted badly to it. He’s pretty sick, but nothing they give him is helping. They think maybe he was already sick, and the attack triggered it because no way would he be this sick over a dog bite. He has to stay in the hospital for a while.” He shrugged. “They don’t know what’s wrong. Not really.”

“And
Perdita
?”

Joey sat down and fidgeted with a book. “She hasn’t gone home yet.”

“Is she at the hospital alone?” I asked.

He narrowed his eyes. “Sometimes. But her mother turned up yesterday.”

“Is that such a bad thing?” Amelia asked.

With a look of disgust on his face, Joey went back to work. “Sounds as if you don’t know
Perdy
at all.”

“Can you give her a message?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Tell her yourself. Won’t matter if it comes from me.”

“I don’t want to make things worse.”

He hesitated before shrugging again. “I’ll tell her to call you. That’s all.”

Amelia pulled me out of the classroom. “What’s wrong with her dad?”

“I don’t know, but I need to see her.”

“You can’t,” she said simply.

I punched a locker, denting the metal, and left Amelia standing there, gaping. I sat in a classroom long before the bell rang. I was in a daze all morning until, during class, I heard Aaron say the magic word—wolf.

“I swear, they aren’t dogs running around. This thing was a wolf. It went for me, chased me all the way home and everything.” Half of the class listened in awe to his exaggerations.

“No, it didn’t,” I blurted, my anger making me stupid.

“How would you know, Evans?”

“Just shut up,” I said.

“Get lost. You weren’t there… or were you? Was it your dog? Is that it?”

“Don’t be so bloody stupid.”

“Ignore him,”
Abbi
murmured next to me.

“Bit hard when he’s talking crap in front of me.” But I turned away from Aaron and tried to keep my mouth shut.

“Forget it,”
Abbi
said. “You okay? You’ve barely said a word all day.”

I rubbed my face, struggling to calm down. “Just thinking about
Perdita
.”