Come as You Are (59 page)

Dams,
219

De Botton, Alain,
209

Depression,
60
,
165
,
270

Desire,
4
,
223
–61.
See also
Responsive desire; Spontaneous desire

as arousal in context,
226
–29

arousal nonconcordance and,
221
–22

the chasing dynamic and,
89
,
226
,
238
,
245
,
251
–55,
318

cues for,
72
–73,
107
–8

cultural context and,
243
–44

as curiosity,
226
,
237
–38,
241
,
296

hormones and,
16
,
226
,
238
–39,
360
n
20

as an incentive motivation system,
230
–31,
232

key to managing,
237

the little monitor and,
234
–38,
240
,
257

maximizing, with science,
245
–55

missing from four-phase model,
45

monogamy and,
226
,
238
,
239
–42

research results on,
358
–59
n
2

testosterone-dependent,
16
,
360
n
20

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual,
45

Dickens, Charles,
145
–46

Disgust,
156
,
170
–77,
188
,
355
n
17

Dopamine,
135

Dual control model,
4
,
42
–69.
See also
Sexual accelerator; Sexual brake; Sexual excitation system; Sexual inhibition system

arousability and,
51
–53

changing the systems in,
66
–69

context and,
65
,
67
–68,
78
–79,
92

development of,
48

gender differences in,
47
,
60
–61,
64
–66

learned responses and,
61
–63

mechanism of action,
48

sexual difficulties and,
66

Eagerness,
84
–91,
94
,
351
n
19

arousal nonconcordance and,
205
,
211

body self-criticism and,
164

characteristics of,
86

context and,
87
–88

desire and,
240
–41,
252

love/attachment and,
86
,
132
,
133
,
135
,
137

stress and,
118

Eating disorders,
119
–20,
183
,
354
n
13

Effort, changing the kind of,
322
–23

Ejaculation

female,
30
–31

male,
30

Emotion I,
199
–200

Emotion II,
200

Emotion III,
200

Emotion coaching,
310
–12

Emotion dismissing,
310
–12,
318
–20

Emotional context,
111
–52.
See also
Love/attachment; Meta-emotions; Stress

Emotional One Ring,
76
,
84
–89,
177
,
234
,
282
,
300
,
351
n
18.
See also Eagerness; Enjoying; Expecting

arousal nonconcordance and,
196

arousing,
245
–47

disgust and,
172

love/attachment and,
112
,
113
,
145

stress and,
112
,
113
,
115
,
145

systems of,
84
–85

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy,
142

Enjoying,
84
–91,
94
,
351
n
19

arousal nonconcordance and,
196
,
205
,
206
–11,
218
,
222

characteristics of,
85

context and,
87
–88

desire and,
240
–41

love/attachment and,
132
,
133
,
137

stress and,
118

Enya,
292

Erectile dysfunction medication,
46
,
66
,
196
–97,
239
,
357
–58
n
29

development of new,
213
–15

placebo effect of,
47
,
197

Erection (male),
30
,
203

Escher girls,
33
,
162

Excitement (sexual response phase),
44
,
45

Exercise/physical activity,
122
,
124
,
290

Expecting,
84
–91,
94
,
351
n
19

arousal nonconcordance and,
196
,
204
,
205
,
207
,
211
,
218
,
222

characteristics of,
85
–86

context and,
87
–88

desire and,
252

love/attachment and,
132

Explicit/erotic cues,
72

Explicit learning,
85
–86

Feels,
119
,
128
,
179
,
253
–54,
319
,
328

cultural impact on,
121

defined,
116

stress and,
116
,
121
,
123
,
145
,
146

Fertility,
117

Fifty Shades of Grey
(James),
58
,
196
,
207
–8

Fight/flight/freeze stress responses,
111
,
114
–17.
See also
Stress response cycle

Fiji,
183

Flatliners,
52
,
89

Flock metaphor,
282
–85,
287
,
313

Flowers from the Storm
(Kinsale),
136

Fluids, bodily,
30
–32.
See also
Lubrication

Focus group research,
73
–74

Fordyce, James,
159

Foreskin (prepuce),
22
,
23

Fourchette,
23

Four-phase model of sexual response,
44
–45