Coming Undone (12 page)

“
Yeah.” His gaze dropped to his shoes as he leaned his back against the wall.

“
What is going on?”

“
Hmm.” Slowly he closed his eyes and then looked at the ceiling. “It’s Dad…”

Kathryn hated to leave him like that, but then that was dumb. On the clock he was her responsibility. Off the clock, he was merely a client that might still be there when she got back the next morning and he might not. The thought of him being gone when she got back jabbed into her. She hadn’t thought about it like that.

As she climbed into her car, she berated herself for being so unprofessional. That whole scene in the chapel. What was she thinking? He wasn’t there to comfort her. The feel of his arms around her came once again to her consciousness even as she tried to say she didn’t remember. It felt so good for that one minute to not have to be the strong one. But then she reminded herself that it could never happen again.

If he was even there in the morning…

“
You can call him if you like.” Nothing his mother did should have surprised him, but this did.

“
Mom, Jason doesn’t want to hear from me. He doesn’t even know me.”

“
He’s your brother.”

“
Huh. That’s convenient now.”

“
Well, this is between you, your brother, and your father.”

If it didn’t hurt so badly, he would have laughed. It was going to be a little tough to include his father at this point. He jerked his fingers through his hair, pretty much knowing the curls and waves left in its wake were already out-of-control. What else to do? “Well, if you’re not coming, could I at least have Jason’s number?”

“
You don’t know it?”

He wanted to scream at her. Really he did. “Uh, no. I don’t know it. If I did, I would’ve called him three days ago.”

“
Oh, well, I would’ve thought your father would have given it to you.”

The comment struck him as odd. He wasn’t aware that his father even knew where Jason was. It was becoming apparent there were a lot of things he wasn’t aware of. “No, he didn’t.”

“
Well, it’s 55…”

Then he realized he had no way to write it down, and he no longer trusted his memory at all. “Hang on. Let me get something to write it down.”

She sighed like this was some dramatic imposition on her time.

As he strode down the hall, he realized he should at least act like an adult. “So what are you up to anyway?”

“
I’m in Cozumel for a month. Sand, sun, surf.”

“
Ah.” At the desk, he motioned to the nurse who after a nice little game of charades gave him a pen and some paper. “Vacation?”

“
Actually we’re treating it as an early honeymoon. We may go to Hawaii after the actual ceremony in a couple weeks.”

“
Honey…” He let out a breath. “Moon. Okay.” Not that he was surprised. He knew enough from his father’s off-handed comments about the money situation that his mother had considered remarrying at least twice. Both times it had fallen through due to the possibility that she would lose her right to alimony if she did.

“
Who knows, I might actually go through with it this time,” she said.

“
Great.” He stretched one syllable to seven. “Okay. I’m ready.” He really wasn’t but, he was already sick of this call and everything else about his life.

“
Casey told me about Misty’s cousin,” her mother said as Kathryn spun a strand of hair around and around and around her finger.

She curled further on the couch, the phone in her hand. “Mom, don’t start.”

“
Who’s starting? I’m just saying…”

“
I know what you’re just saying. You’re always just saying.”

“
Well, must I be the one to point out you are almost 33?”

“
I am not. I’m only 32 and eight months.” She smirked at the phone, hating her defensiveness. Why did she always feel like second hand garbage in this department with her mother? She was a successful, professional woman with her own apartment and life. So why could her mom make her feel like she was the worst failure on the planet with only ten words?

“
Like I said, you’re almost 33, and what prospects do you have? You work all the time…”

“
Mom…”

“
You never go out.”

“
Mom…”

“
You haven’t had a boyfriend since that guy you brought to Hannah’s wedding…”

Kathryn fought not to wither under the barrage. “Mom!”

“
What?”

“
Do we really have to do this every time?”

“
I just don’t want to see you alone. That’s all. I want you to find someone.”

Sighing to keep her anger in check, Kathryn’s mind spun back and forth through her day.

“
I want you to be happy,” her mother continued. “Is that so wrong?”

“
I am happy.”

The snort was past sarcastic. “You are not happy.”

Why did she so want to convince her mother what was truly not the truth? No, she wasn’t happy—at least in this area. She wanted to be, but short of throwing herself into the meat market at the bar, she had no clue how to do that.

“
I was going to tell you, there is this guy that came to the salon the other day…”

“
Mom!”

“
What? He was cute, and Janie said he’s single too. I could ask…”

Kathryn pushed her fingers onto the bridge of her nose. “No. Mom. Don’t. Please.”

“
What would it hurt to ask? It’s not like I’m setting you up on a blind date with a beast. He was a very nice young man.”

This was getting worse. “No. Mom. No blind dates with guys you don’t even know. No.”

“
Well, then I think you should go out with Misty’s friend or how about that guy Casey knows, that neighbor of her friend from the choir…”

“
Ugh, Mom. I’m hanging up now.”

“
She said he’s very nice looking…”

“
Good-bye, Mom.” Kathryn took the phone from her ear, waited a second, and put it back to see if her mother had stopped going down every rabbit hole she could find. She hadn’t, so Kathryn hit the off button. Laying her head on her knee, she thought through it all. They all meant well. Surely they did, but every time the conversation turned to her lack of a love life, it made her feel like an utter failure.

“
God, please, bring me someone… just to shut them up.”

That was a bad reason, but at this point she was desperate to find any reason He might actually listen to.

“
Uh, yes, is this… Uh, I’d like to speak with Jason Warren please.” Ben leaned back on the couch in the lobby. He’d waited to make the call until darkness had overtaken the landscape outside. He told himself it was because Jason was on West Coast time and probably wouldn’t be home before then. The truth was, this wasn’t a call he wanted to make.

“
This is Jason.”

The slamming of Ben’s heart hurt. He let out a breath, remembering to his core that voice that now sounded so very different. “Uh, Jason?”

“
Yeah?”

“
Um, Jason, I don’t know if you remember me or not. This is Ben. Ben Warren.”

Could the aftermath of a bomb explosion have been any more silent?

“
Ben?”

“
Yeah.”

It was amazing how two syllables could twist things in such a confusing jumble.

“
Um. Hm. This is a surprise,” Jason said, being the first to come up with words to put to the situation.

“
I know, I know, and I’m sorry. But listen, something’s come up.” Ben raked his fingers through his hair, hard. At least the pain told him he was still alive, though the numbness was honestly more comforting. “Listen, I called Mom. She gave me your number.”

“
Why? What happened? What’s going on?” There was real panic in his brother’s voice.

“
It’s Dad. He had a stroke a couple days ago.”

“
A couple days? Why didn’t you call sooner? Is he all right?”

“
Jase, slow down. Look, I’ve been trying to call Mom, but apparently she was out of the country. I didn’t have your number.”

“
You didn’t? Why not?”

“
Why not?” That question threw him, and he squinted into it to try to come up with an answer. “Why didn’t I have your number? How would I have had your number? I haven’t talked to you in…” Did he have to come up with an exact number? If he did, he was in trouble.

“
I know, but Dad had it.”

The news pushed Ben back into the couch cushions.
Dad had it?
“Dad? Are you sure? He never… he never told me that.”

“
Yes, I’m sure. He’s been calling me every so often for a couple years now—ever since I got married.”

Seriously, Ben just wanted to stop the ride and get off. It was making him dizzy and sick. “Oh? So you’re married then?” He wanted to feel casual about the whole thing. But he didn’t. He couldn’t.

“
Yeah.” There was a suspiciousness to Jason’s tone. “Didn’t Dad tell you about the wedding?”

This was getting worse. “Wed… Hm. No.” Ben scratched the top of his eye. “He didn’t mention that.”

“
He didn’t tell you why he came out here?”

“
Out here?” The walls started closing in on Ben. The feeling that this was all some kind of dream, that nothing was real began inching up on him. He cleared his throat and shifted on the couch to stop its onslaught.

“
To Colorado. When he came out here for that conference thing?”

Conference? His father went to a lot of conferences all over the country. Ben searched his mind for the one in question, but he couldn’t find it.

“
Dad came out for the wedding that weekend. He didn’t tell you?”

Sick. Really he was going to be sick on his shoes. “No. He didn’t.”

Jason paused for a very long moment. “Well, that’s weird. He said you were busy.”

Well, that was probably accurate. He was usually busy with something. Then again if he had known… “I’m sorry, Jason. Really. I am. I’ve been trying to call, I just had no idea how to get a hold of you.”

“
That’s okay.”

He could tell it wasn’t, but Jason was at least trying.

“
So, how is he?” Jason finally asked, and Ben’s gaze went over to the solid wooden door. He hated that door and that room.

Sitting forward, he put his head on his hand. How do you tell the brother you haven’t seen in 20 years that his father is dying? “I’m not going to lie. It’s not good. I had to sign some papers…”

“
What kind of papers?” Jason’s voice arched up two notches into near-panic. “Talk to me, Ben. What’s going on?”

Pain sliced right through Ben. Saying the words hurt worse than he could ever have imagined. “Dad’s in… um… they moved him to hospice. The stroke was really bad, and they didn’t think…”

“
What hospital are you in?”

“
Uh, St. Anthony’s.”

“
New York, right?”

“
Yeah. Right.”

“
Okay, listen, I’m going to book a flight. I’ll be there by tomorrow morning.”

“
Okay.” Ben could think of no reason to argue.

The whole night Ben lay awake, tossing and turning in his bed, tortured by what might be in the cards for the following day. Jason was coming. That was a good thing. At least he hoped it was a good thing, but he couldn’t be exactly sure about that. He still remembered Kathryn’s comment about families screaming at each other, and that did nothing to calm him. He hadn’t had many people scream at him over the years. The prospect frightened him more than he wanted to admit. After all, how did he know what Jason might think of him for signing those papers? Or what would he think of him, period?

That thought drove him farther into the covers. Opening his eyes, he tried to stop the thoughts, but they were like a train wreck jamming one car on top of the other.

Memories from so long ago he had convinced himself they were not real suddenly attacked him in the quiet of the apartment. Fighting to breathe, he rolled over and fought not to think those thoughts. But every time he closed his eyes, they were there. Very few of them spoke of anything good. How could his mind remember things he thought he had forgotten? Really. He wanted to forget them all. He just wanted to make them stop.

Putting the pillow over his face and ears, he squeezed his eyes closed, trying to make them stop. If he could just make them stop…

Checking herself in the mirror once more as the morning came to life, Kathryn spun to the side. Not bad overall. Her hair was an issue. Up. Down. Which was best? She finally put it into a ponytail, anchored it upward, and fanned it out. Not bad.

She told herself the nice outfit was in case the good doctor decided to make a repeat appearance. That was as good a lie as any.

“
Good morning,” Kathryn said, floating into the lobby just above the ground—at least that’s how it felt. “Anything I need to know?”