Commitment (25 page)

Hearing the words spoken by someone who had no interest in them being true, placated him some
what.
But still . . .
Shawn glanced at the café again.

“He was her
friend
, too, Shawn,” Tracy said, her voice more sympathetic
this time
. “Try to understand that. She lost a friend, as well, not just some guy she dated.”

If that was supposed to make him feel better, it had the opposite effect. To be reminded that there were layers to her relationship with Brian went right to the
core
of what worried
Shawn
most about
his comparatively new connection with
Riley. No matter how you looked at it, they were
only
just now getting to know each other.
E
very single day was a revelation.

Waking up with her, sharing meals, watching television – it was all new territory, and all of it was good. The last thing he
needed
was to be reminded of the dude who had tread all over
that ground
before he
even
got there.
The
photo of Riley and Brian that he’d lifted from her apartment spoke of events, good times
and a shared history
that Shawn had not yet
built
with her.

“She made her choice,” Shawn said shrugging. “It is what it is. Now she’s supposed to pat him on the head and make him feel good about it?”

Tracy sighed. “So you’re going in there, is that what you’re saying?”

“I didn’t come here to bust anybody.
But
I’m sure as hell not sneaking out like some punk. She’s about to be my wife, Tracy. All this other shit? His
hurt feelings
and what-not, I couldn’t give a fuck about.”

Before she could respond, Brendan
showed up
. Tracy looked at them both and heaved a deep sigh, turning on her heel and heading back inside.

“What the
hell
did you do
now
?” Brenda
n
asked.

“Riley’s ex-boyfriend’s in there. Tracy was trying to get me to leave.
Y
ou believe that?
I
should leave.”

Brendan laughed.

“I’m going back in,” Shawn said. “You coming?”

Brendan shrugged. “As long as
they have
a bar. But
something’s telling me
you messed
my
whole deal up.”

“What deal?” Shawn
said,
shaking his head
. “She was never going to give you any
.
”

“That’s what you say,” Brendan mumbled under his breath.

By the time
they
got b
ack inside, the stage was empty,
the patrons had resumed their chatter, and
the room was in motion once again. Shawn scanned the crowd, looking for Riley and found her not far from where she’d been talking to Brian, but this time she was with Tracy
alone
, and was looking about the room, searching the faces. When she found him, she came toward him with no hesitation, wrapping her arms about his waist and smiling a greeting at Brendan.

“Hey,” she said. “How was the studio?”

“Lost track of time,” he said.

Riley nodded absently. “You want to hang out for awhile, or should we head back to the hotel?”

“Let’s head back,” Shawn said. He
turned to
Brendan
who held his hands up
.

“
Don’t look at me.
It took me twenty minutes to find a place to park,” Brendan said. “I’m here for
as long as it takes to make it worth my while
.”

Shawn shook his head, looking in Tracy’s direction. “You’re wasting your time, man.”

“What are we talking about?”
Riley asked.

“Nothing,” Brendan said. “I’ll see you two later.”

Shawn looked down at Riley. She still looked tense.

“Let’s get a cab back uptown,” he said.

The ride was made in silence, and even when they pulled up in front of the Four Seasons and got out, Riley was pensive. Shawn tried but could not read her face.

In
the elevator
she stood apart from him
and once o
n their floor, she walked ahead
as though she was alone. It was only at the door to the suite that she turned to look at him again. Her eyes were tired, and troubled. Shawn felt the beginnings of a thread of emotion pretty close to dread begin to snake through him.

Was she having second thoughts?

Riley headed straight for the bathroom and Shawn could hear her turn on the shower. She emerged moments later and began stripping off her clothes.

“Are you coming?” she asked
impatiently, before disappearing into the bathroom once again.

Shawn undressed and followed her. She was already standing under one of the jets, head back, eyes closed, allowing the water to course over her face.
Shawn stepped into the shower behind her, wrapping his arms about her waist. She leaned back into him and he felt the tension leave her shoulders. She tilted her head backward and he leaned in to kiss her. Riley turned to face him, deepenin
g the kiss, pulling him closer.

Shawn pulled her from beneath the stream of water, uncomfortable suddenly that he didn’t know what
had
motivated
the kiss
.

“Hey,” he said, tipping her head up so she would look at him. “What’s going on?”

“I really hurt him, Shawn,” she said, and her lower lip was trembling.

He didn’t know what to say to that. If she hadn’t hurt Brian, she wouldn’t be here. If she hadn’t hurt Brian, she would have hurt him. And so he couldn’t pretend to be sorry that things had gone down the way they had.

“I mean, I knew I had. But I didn’t know how much. And
the worst part is
I don’t know that it would have made a difference even if I had known.”

There
. That was
what
he needed to hear her to say.

After their shower, Riley’s mood was not even marginally improved. Instead of dressing, she pulled the plush white hotel bathrobe about her and curled into one of the armchairs, reaching for the remote and switching on the television. Shawn pretended not to watch her as
he pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt.
Something occurred to him, an u
nanswered question that he knew
before he spoke should probably remain that way, for both their sakes.

“So how did Brian wind up at the café anyway?”

Riley turned to look at him, her face expressionless.

“I called him,” she said.

“Why?” The question was out as soon as he thought it.

Riley turned in her seat now, sitting up straighter and pulling her feet up beneath her.

“I’ve been thinking about him,” she said, as though it was obvious.

“You’ve been thinking about him,” Shawn repeated.
He swallowed, forcing back the rush of anger.

“How could I not?” she asked, her voice low. “After what I did.”

“
Because
he’s your friend,” Shawn said, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice.
“Right?”

“Yes. He is.”

“Still
?
”

“Honestly, that’s what I wanted to find out,” Riley said looking him directly in the eye.

This, he hated – and loved – about her. She didn’t mince words or beat arou
nd the bush
on anything,
and
wasn’t going to sugarcoat it for him
if what she wanted was to
have
Brian
in her life
.

“And?”

“He’s still . . . smarting a little bit, but yes, I think we’ll make it through this
and
. . .”

Before she even finished her sentence, Shawn was shaking his head. “Nah. I’m not going for that,” he said.

“What does that mean?” she
asked. H
er voice
was taut
. “I don’t
even
see what this has to do with you.”

“You don’t?” H
is voice rose. “So you think I’m going to let you go hang out, have drinks, dinner and go to fucking poetry readings with this dude
? Knowing t
hat you
and him
used to  . . .”

Shawn
paced
the floor, feeling himself wound up with an uncomfortable energy for which he had no outlet.
He
couldn’t remember ever having
been angry enough t
o
want to punch through a wall before, but now he could see the appeal. He visualized himself picking up a chair and just fucking slinging it across the room.

“
Used to
,” Riley said. “Exactly.”

“You’re going to be my wife,” Shawn said, a
s though it was his trump card.
“And I’m not having
that
.”

Riley’s eyes widened in horror. “
Wow.
So what, you’re going to
forbid
it?”

Shawn thought about Tracy’s words, about Riley not being the kind of woman he could “hem up.” He bit down on his lower lip, conflicted.

“What you’re telling me is t
hat all you did is switch us up,
” he said. “Brian on the outside, and me on the in.
Now I get to be the dumb motherfucker at home while you run all over town with him?
”

At that, Riley shoved herself up off the armchair and headed for the dresser. Without another word, she began pulling her clothing out. Then she went to the closet and found her duffle.

“What are you doing?”

“I can’t beli
e
ve you j
ust said that to me,” she said.

“Did he kiss you tonight?” Shawn
demanded
.

She paused for a moment and turned to look at him, incredulous
,
before shaking her head and resuming her packing.

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well, did he?”

“Yes, Shawn.
As a matter of fact, h
e did. On the cheek,” she finally said, exasperated. “Like a
friend
would.”

“Well, we both know your definition of friendship is a little flexible,” Shawn continued.

“I am not doing this,” she said, her voice quiet again. “I’m not.”

“Not doing what?” Shawn demanded. He grabbed her arm and spun her to face him.

“
Any
of it!” she snapped, wrenching free.

Powerlessness was not something he was accustomed to feeling, but he felt it now.
With her back to him, Riley continued packing, tossing her clothing haphazardly into the duffle bag. Knowing that he couldn’t just sit there and watch her
leave
, he did the only thing he could do –
he pulled on his boots and left before she did.

g

A blast of staggeringly hot air assaulted her as soon as Riley unlocked the door to her apartment. It had been more than a week since she’d been back. Playing house with Shawn in the Four Seasons had made her forget just how rustic her place was.

She
dding her coat, she
dumped her duffle on the sofa and went straightaway to the kitchen. There was a bottle of red wine somewhere in there with her name on it.
If she wasn’t mistaken, she had one bottle of merlot left from that case she and Peter had sweet-talked their way into getting after t
he last year’s Christmas party.
It might taste like vinegar by now, but she didn’t care. She didn’t need
it for
the
taste;
she needed its intoxicating effect.

It had been a shit day that had turned into an even shittier evening.
Funny but it hadn’t started that way.
Shawn had woken early that morning for a business meeting, so they’d had breakfast together in the suite, sitting
at the little dining table, watching television and talking about not much of anything like an old married couple. Riley had
even allowed herself
to
imagine
what it would be like when they really were married.