Commitments (39 page)

Barbara Delinsky - Commitments

elaborate. Instead, he went on to say that he felt sorry for his mother. She had deserved better. When Derek asked him to elaborate on that, Peter sent him a come-on-man-use-your-imagination look that gave Derek and Sabrina the direction they needed. '/ Derek announced once they'd raced back to the airport and caught the first flight to Boston. He kept his voice low, his head close to Sabrina's as the plane took off. ' figured it was either booze, drugs,-396 or sex. I suppose sex makes sense., When arched a brow his way, he said, ''s the most t-type vice of the four.' alcohol?, It's too visible. if you go into a bar and get people see.' one sees a thing if you get drunk at home/ pointed out. but an alcoholic can't limit his drinking to An alcoholic loses control. That's the nature of I t. He may start at home, but before he knows's drinking at the office, at restaurants, private , parties. Word spreads., He raised his eyes to the flight attendant, quite appropriately, offering drinks. Both he and Sabrina settled for Cokes,

,as, soon as the steward had moved on, he leaned -again. ' same thing is true, to some extent, drugs and gambling.' , okay. I agree there/

Sabrina said after some t. ' is something else. We've assumed was never a money problem, but can we do The house in Lake Forest was beautiful, and I'd to guess that the townhouse in Washington too. There were probably luxury cars and designer - the works. But what if Ballantine was a er and had lost just enough money to have g mortgaged to the hilt? that was the case, it would have taken more than Ior two payoffs from Noel Greer to make things And people would have known bookies, bankthe executor of Ballantine's estate. Chances are that his widow would be living as she is now ff. tine had come that close to the edge., t she said she couldn't abide infidelity. ff Ballan-' weakness was women, wouldn't his wife have ed him? 397 ''d think that, wouldn't you/ Derek murmured, momentarily distracted., Then he said more clearly, ' could have been Greer's handle. Ballantine loved women. His wife would have divorced him if she knew. There would have been scandal. Bad press. Tarnish on the badge. Blackmail.' Closing her eyes, Sabrina rested her head back against the seat. ' his weakness was women, and the press never. caught on, he must have been very discreet." She opened her eyes to Derek's. -'If so, we have our job cut out for us. To be very discreet means to cover one's tracks, and if the tracks are covered, how does one go about locating the women with whom a man who died six years ago may have had affairs? I take it that is what we have to do.' As a writer of nonfiction, Sabrina knew how to do research. There was a fine line, though, between research and investigation. Having crossed it, they were on Derek's turf. Derek confirmed it. '

have to verify that there were, in fact, women - and I'm assuming it in the plural, since one woman, a long-standing mistress, would have been far less spectacular in terms of any scandal that Greer might have threatened to create.' Sabrina made a face. ' know, when it comes right down to it, even the idea of legions of women isn't all that scandalous. We're not talking the Dark Ages here. Six years ago, even ten or twelve years ago is well into the sexual revolution. Would the fact of Ballantine's womanizing really have been enough to give Greer that powerful a tool?' ' was a justice of the Supreme Court. justices of the Supreme Court are supposed to have whistle-clean images. Ballantine did. He might have been embarrassed to the point of resigning if there'd 398 S'scandal.' He -took a breath. ' again, you be. Page 144

Barbara Delinsky - Commitments

right. That's why we have to find one of those 0". At the least she could give us insight into the at his most vulnerable. At best she could lead us Mes.1 they exist.' exist.' why do you think one of his women has them?' one else seems to.' gray eyes held a challenge, but Sabrina had no suggestions. ' how do we find the women?' sing his seat belt, Derek stretched. in doing so, casually skimmed the faces of the people from and behind them. The only one who at all familiar was the man sitting two rows Derek was sure held been sitting two rows them on the flight out - which said nothing t a businessman who had the same schedule as had preferred sitting in front of the wing, as they ing into his seat again, he said by Sabrina's ear, assume the scene of the crime to be Washington, that's where Ballantine was during those lonely when his wife was in Lake Forest. We -know that had a townhouse on Embassy Row."

.wouldn't have dared bring a woman there, would If he wanted to ensure secrecy, there are other sensible sites for a '. Like a hotel., k nodded his agreement. ''s done all the time. a room under a phony name, makes a call, the woman his room number, and she visits hirn, the public - and his family, - none the wiser. ces of the Supreme Court don't have the kind of rable faces that politicians who run for office 399 have. Without their black gowns, they blend into the crowd., '

could spell trouble for us. Do we try to find the hotel first?' Sabrina asked. ' woman, I think. A woman.' ' how?' ' services. High-priced call girls. Society prostitutes who know all about discretion. Ballantine probably used a phony name, so we'll have to get a picture to show around.' He frowned off into the sky that was getting darker as they headed east. ' this were three years ago, I'd have gone to the studio files and had his picture in a minute.' ''ll take us a little longer than that, but not much/ Sabrina said. ' of the biographies I bought had a section with pictures. We could either copy one, or if we're worried about copyright infringements we could just carry the book around.' Derek took her hand. Her fingers seemed more slender than ever. He ran his t6mb over the gold band that marked her his. ' knew there was a good reason why I brought you along.' He paused, studying her face now. ' okay?' '-huh.' ' look tired.' J always look tired.' ' do not. just lately.' He dropped a kiss on her nose. ' but tired. I'm working you too hard, I think., She sputtered out a soft laugh. ''s a good one. I haven't done a stitch of hard work in weeks, and you're worrying.' She was right, Derek realized. It was precisely because she hadn't done a stitch of hard work in weeks that he was worrying. He could understand that she 400 r some strain; he could see her struggling it at times; but the strain wasn't that great - ' nowhere near the kind she'd had with Nicky. she was tired. If he didn't see an improvement he was going to insist she see a doctor. spent another ten days in Vermont before setting n - partly to give Sabrina time to recoup her and partly to do the same for Derek. He joked he was feeling his age, but the fact was, the se had come to represent a haven. Neither the of the chase nor the knowledge that he was g toward the revenge he'd dreamed about for than two years could totally sustain him - and came as something of a shock.

'd thought himself driven. He'd thought, not so ago that nailing Noel Greer was critical. He still it important, but critical? No. Some things mat-more. Like Sabrina. Like the time he spent with the conversation, the laughter, the shared feelings. their visits with Nicky. Like the farmhouse. ter only three days in Chicago, helound that the air of Vermont, the quiet nights, the sense of ity were precious. ot that those ten days found him idle. He spent Ts with Justin and Ann reviewing the progress'd made, plotting strategy, dictating directions, cussing the basic principles of investigative journal-With the help of Justin, J. B., a local plumber and electrician, he shaped the better part of a Page 145

Barbara Delinsky - Commitments

small en and a second bathroom from the space that mained in the barn. And he took care of Sabrina when she developed a d case of the flu, which-he guessed accounted for r fatigue. She fought him at first. She wanted to be 401 up and around, supervising what was being done in the bim, baking, even writing - for she had started to write, or, more accurately, make extensive notes on their search for the Ballantine files. When she was beset by intermittent spells of nausea, though, she yielded to Derek's urging and went to bedl As luck would have it, just when Sabrina was beginning to feel better, her parents. flew East for another surprise visit, the first such one since her marriage. That night, lying in bed, she tried to explain her tension. -Mere are times when I feel like a coin, with two distinct sides. 1@heirels the side represented by Mom and Dad, the side that is creative and artistic and imaginative. I'm a loner on that side, because the kind of work they do

- and J. B., too - calls for a solitary existence. Then there's the other side, the one which is me with you up here. It doesn't'want a solitary existence. it likes having people in the barn and good smells coming from the kitchen and a fire in the hearth when we're coming home.' She grew quiet for a minute, then said on a mildly plaintive note, ' do I feel tom like that, Derek? Why can't I simply accept the fact that I'm different from my parents? I have so much more than they have, in many ways. But still they make me nervous when. they come." Derek had been nervous himself, far more so than he wanted to acknowledge. He'd been justified in it, he supposed. Amanda and Gebhart Monroe had done little to hide their scrutiny of him. But after an afternoon and an evening of it, he'd grown defiant. To hell with them, he'd decided. If they didn't like him, tough. So held dropped all formality and begun to challenge them 4G2 y, but they'd seen it. Strangely, they'd backed not sure/ Derek began slowly, that there really sides to the coin - or if there are, that they're i as you think them., tipped her head on his, shoulder to study his the dim night glow. he went on, ' the issue is strength. ' the key. That's what your. parents have, itig YOU respect. And it's what they're looking for in me, us. A commitment to what we want in life., want you. I've never been committed to anything but still they make me feel like I'm doing . wrong./ k didn't respond at first. When he did, it was a certain sadness. ' it's not your parents, . I watched them today, watched them closely. were wary of me, but other than that, they pretty comfortable here. Maybe it's not them, myou. They represent -something you want - or - in life. When you're with them you miss tever it is that is missing. Is it the writing? I rina's first instinct was to argue that Derek's is was wrong. But it wasn't. So she said,,very apologetically,

"Maybe.' y it's living up here.' ut I love living - I know you do. But this isn't New York or Francisco. You can love living up here but still feel A.-Miat's not it/ she said with conviction ... " I I 1s it Nicky?" it 11 always be Nicky., ;,..r-'But there's more. What is it, sweetheart?, 11 don't know. I 403 ' is something.' I don't know."

"There is something./ ' don't know.' ' you want something I can't give - '!, She lifted herself above him. ' give me everything, Derek. I love you. I don't want anything else." Her voice died, leaving the vehemently spoken words hanging in the air. A moment later they dropped. A moment after that, she sank back to the bed. Derek gathered her close, and the strength of their love, the shared warmth, the heat of their passion was enough to push doubts and worries aside for a time. But only for a time. Because things were happening to Sabrina's body that weren't about to stop. The day after Amanda and Gebhart left, Sabrina and Derek set out for Washington. Derek concentrated on escort services, Sabrina on dating clubs. Together they even visited Page 146

Barbara Delinsky - Commitments

singles' bars. But after five full days, they came up empty-handed. No one recognized the man in the picture they showed. Claiming that he needed a breather to think out the next step, Derek insisted they return to Vermont even when Sabrina protested. He was worried about her. She was thinner than ever and too pale. He knew she wasn't sleeping well because he spent many of his own nights awake. Something was disturbing her, and he sensed that it went beyond his war with Greer. He was hoping that the farmhouse would allow him enough quiet time with her to worm out the source of that disturbance. As it happened, he had cause for added disturbance himself. During the flight home, he spotted the same 404 been on their plane to and, from Chicago. a coincidence, he told himself, but that was e watched the man leave the airplane. Over Derek had found that simple observance of could often provide information that questions in this case, it was the ease with which the his briefcase. Derek would have sworn it to worry Sabrina with this latest possible : was totally nonchalant' in the frequent he tossed toward his rearview mirror once they airport. He was grateful he'd chosen to fly in t of Boston, rather than one of the smaller nearer the farmhouse; the greater the distance, time to lose a tail. there was no tail, at least not one that he could d when he glanced at Sabrina, he realized that lance had gone unnoticed. Her mind was away. he Would wonder why he hadn't asked her and then what was wrong. He had her alone and ied. She couldn't get up and leave the car or t herself otherwise - not that she'd ever done held wanted to talk, but he was anticipating t. hindsight, he supposed that was why he hadn't - precisely because he was anticipating the He didn't doubt for a minute that Sabrina loved but that didn't preclude the possibility that she tted who he was and what he'd involved her in. It possible to love someone and still want to move erent directions; and he could live with that, as as the direction she wanted to move in didn't take ay frorq him. since he wasn't sure he'd like her answers, he 405 didn't ask. And by the time they arrived at the farmhouse the opportunity was lost. Maura was there. That meant nonstop chatter for the remainder of the day, which would have been all right had not the chatter revolved around where Derek and Sabrina had been and what they'd been doing. Derek tried to accept that, as Sabrina's agent, Maura had just cause for interest. Still, he was uncomfortable. Maura annoyed him, it was as simple as that. Justin, it turned out, was on the road conducting interviews for the story on fraudulence in psychiatry for which Derek had given him the names of several solid contacts. Ann was holding down the office end, though she wasn't doing it alone, since J. B. was a frequent presence in the chair beside her desk. And as it happened, the next morning the bam contingent was augmented even further when three of Derek's past team members - friends of Justin and Ann who'd obviously been tipped off by the pair - arrived intent on joining what they referred to as Derek's Institute for Investigative journalism. Derek protested that -there was no such institute, then proceeded to spend the day discussing story ideas, technique and marketing strategies. When he emerged from the meeting, there wasa color on his cheeks that hadn't been there before. The color faded, though, when Maura took his arm and drew him into the living room that night while Sabrina and the others were talking over the last of three huge pizzas. q think I've done something terrible/ she said, and he realized that her usual frenetic energy had taken a turn toward agitation. Her eyes were skittish, and there wasn't the slightest hint of the smile that was usually in open possession of her features. ''s about 406 She paused and frowned, then raised worried ''m not sure how to say this.' rek had trouble mustering much sympathy. in he had trouble believing her. She'd never been at for words before. The best he could do was to d himself Page 147