Complete Plays, The (408 page)

Hortensio

Why, no; for she hath broke the lute to me.
I did but tell her she mistook her frets,
And bow’d her hand to teach her fingering;
When, with a most impatient devilish spirit,
‘Frets, call you these?’ quoth she; ‘I’ll fume with them:’
And, with that word, she struck me on the head,
And through the instrument my pate made way;
And there I stood amazed for a while,
As on a pillory, looking through the lute;
While she did call me rascal fiddler
And twangling Jack; with twenty such vile terms,
As had she studied to misuse me so.

Petruchio

Now, by the world, it is a lusty wench;
I love her ten times more than e’er I did:
O, how I long to have some chat with her!

Baptista

Well, go with me and be not so discomfited:
Proceed in practise with my younger daughter;
She’s apt to learn and thankful for good turns.
Signior Petruchio, will you go with us,
Or shall I send my daughter Kate to you?

Petruchio

I pray you do.

Exeunt all but Petruchio

I will attend her here,
And woo her with some spirit when she comes.
Say that she rail; why then I’ll tell her plain
She sings as sweetly as a nightingale:
Say that she frown, I’ll say she looks as clear
As morning roses newly wash’d with dew:
Say she be mute and will not speak a word;
Then I’ll commend her volubility,
And say she uttereth piercing eloquence:
If she do bid me pack, I’ll give her thanks,
As though she bid me stay by her a week:
If she deny to wed, I’ll crave the day
When I shall ask the banns and when be married.
But here she comes; and now, Petruchio, speak.

Enter Katharina

Good morrow, Kate; for that’s your name, I hear.

Katharina

Well have you heard, but something hard of hearing:
They call me Katharina that do talk of me.

Petruchio

You lie, in faith; for you are call’d plain Kate,
And bonny Kate and sometimes Kate the curst;
But Kate, the prettiest Kate in Christendom
Kate of Kate Hall, my super-dainty Kate,
For dainties are all Kates, and therefore, Kate,
Take this of me, Kate of my consolation;
Hearing thy mildness praised in every town,
Thy virtues spoke of, and thy beauty sounded,
Yet not so deeply as to thee belongs,
Myself am moved to woo thee for my wife.

Katharina

Moved! in good time: let him that moved you hither
Remove you hence: I knew you at the first
You were a moveable.

Petruchio

Why, what’s a moveable?

Katharina

A join’d-stool.

Petruchio

Thou hast hit it: come, sit on me.

Katharina

Asses are made to bear, and so are you.

Petruchio

Women are made to bear, and so are you.

Katharina

No such jade as you, if me you mean.

Petruchio

Alas! good Kate, I will not burden thee;
For, knowing thee to be but young and light —

Katharina

Too light for such a swain as you to catch;
And yet as heavy as my weight should be.

Petruchio

Should be! should — buzz!

Katharina

Well ta’en, and like a buzzard.

Petruchio

O slow-wing’d turtle! shall a buzzard take thee?

Katharina

Ay, for a turtle, as he takes a buzzard.

Petruchio

Come, come, you wasp; i’ faith, you are too angry.

Katharina

If I be waspish, best beware my sting.

Petruchio

My remedy is then, to pluck it out.

Katharina

Ay, if the fool could find it where it lies,

Petruchio

Who knows not where a wasp does wear his sting? In his tail.

Katharina

In his tongue.

Petruchio

Whose tongue?

Katharina

Yours, if you talk of tails: and so farewell.

Petruchio

What, with my tongue in your tail? nay, come again,
Good Kate; I am a gentleman.

Katharina

That I’ll try.

She strikes him

Petruchio

I swear I’ll cuff you, if you strike again.

Katharina

So may you lose your arms:
If you strike me, you are no gentleman;
And if no gentleman, why then no arms.

Petruchio

A herald, Kate? O, put me in thy books!

Katharina

What is your crest? a coxcomb?

Petruchio

A combless cock, so Kate will be my hen.

Katharina

No cock of mine; you crow too like a craven.

Petruchio

Nay, come, Kate, come; you must not look so sour.

Katharina

It is my fashion, when I see a crab.

Petruchio

Why, here’s no crab; and therefore look not sour.

Katharina

There is, there is.

Petruchio

Then show it me.

Katharina

Had I a glass, I would.

Petruchio

What, you mean my face?

Katharina

Well aim’d of such a young one.

Petruchio

Now, by Saint George, I am too young for you.

Katharina

Yet you are wither’d.

Petruchio

’Tis with cares.

Katharina

I care not.

Petruchio

Nay, hear you, Kate: in sooth you scape not so.

Katharina

I chafe you, if I tarry: let me go.

Petruchio

No, not a whit: I find you passing gentle.
’Twas told me you were rough and coy and sullen,
And now I find report a very liar;
For thou are pleasant, gamesome, passing courteous,
But slow in speech, yet sweet as spring-time flowers:
Thou canst not frown, thou canst not look askance,
Nor bite the lip, as angry wenches will,
Nor hast thou pleasure to be cross in talk,
But thou with mildness entertain’st thy wooers,
With gentle conference, soft and affable.
Why does the world report that Kate doth limp?
O slanderous world! Kate like the hazel-twig
Is straight and slender and as brown in hue
As hazel nuts and sweeter than the kernels.
O, let me see thee walk: thou dost not halt.

Katharina

Go, fool, and whom thou keep’st command.

Petruchio

Did ever Dian so become a grove
As Kate this chamber with her princely gait?
O, be thou Dian, and let her be Kate;
And then let Kate be chaste and Dian sportful!

Katharina

Where did you study all this goodly speech?

Petruchio

It is extempore, from my mother-wit.

Katharina

A witty mother! witless else her son.

Petruchio

Am I not wise?

Katharina

Yes; keep you warm.

Petruchio

Marry, so I mean, sweet Katharina, in thy bed:
And therefore, setting all this chat aside,
Thus in plain terms: your father hath consented
That you shall be my wife; your dowry ’greed on;
And, Will you, nill you, I will marry you.
Now, Kate, I am a husband for your turn;
For, by this light, whereby I see thy beauty,
Thy beauty, that doth make me like thee well,
Thou must be married to no man but me;
For I am he am born to tame you Kate,
And bring you from a wild Kate to a Kate
Conformable as other household Kates.
Here comes your father: never make denial;
I must and will have Katharina to my wife.

Re-enter Baptista, Gremio, and Tranio

Baptista

Now, Signior Petruchio, how speed you with my daughter?

Petruchio

How but well, sir? how but well?
It were impossible I should speed amiss.

Baptista

Why, how now, daughter Katharina! in your dumps?

Katharina

Call you me daughter? now, I promise you
You have show’d a tender fatherly regard,
To wish me wed to one half lunatic;
A mad-cup ruffian and a swearing Jack,
That thinks with oaths to face the matter out.

Petruchio

Father, ’tis thus: yourself and all the world,
That talk’d of her, have talk’d amiss of her:
If she be curst, it is for policy,
For she’s not froward, but modest as the dove;
She is not hot, but temperate as the morn;
For patience she will prove a second Grissel,
And Roman Lucrece for her chastity:
And to conclude, we have ’greed so well together,
That upon Sunday is the wedding-day.

Katharina

I’ll see thee hang’d on Sunday first.

Gremio

Hark, Petruchio; she says she’ll see thee hang’d first.

Tranio

Is this your speeding? nay, then, good night our part!

Petruchio

Be patient, gentlemen; I choose her for myself:
If she and I be pleased, what’s that to you?
’Tis bargain’d ’twixt us twain, being alone,
That she shall still be curst in company.
I tell you, ’tis incredible to believe
How much she loves me: O, the kindest Kate!
She hung about my neck; and kiss on kiss
She vied so fast, protesting oath on oath,
That in a twink she won me to her love.
O, you are novices! ’tis a world to see,
How tame, when men and women are alone,
A meacock wretch can make the curstest shrew.
Give me thy hand, Kate: I will unto Venice,
To buy apparel ’gainst the wedding-day.
Provide the feast, father, and bid the guests;
I will be sure my Katharina shall be fine.

Baptista

I know not what to say: but give me your hands;
God send you joy, Petruchio! ’tis a match.

Gremio

Tranio

Amen, say we: we will be witnesses.

Petruchio

Father, and wife, and gentlemen, adieu;
I will to Venice; Sunday comes apace:
We will have rings and things and fine array;
And kiss me, Kate, we will be married o’sunday.

Exeunt Petruchio and Katharina severally

Gremio

Was ever match clapp’d up so suddenly?

Baptista

Faith, gentlemen, now I play a merchant’s part,
And venture madly on a desperate mart.

Tranio

’Twas a commodity lay fretting by you:
’Twill bring you gain, or perish on the seas.

Baptista

The gain I seek is, quiet in the match.

Gremio

No doubt but he hath got a quiet catch.
But now, Baptists, to your younger daughter:
Now is the day we long have looked for:
I am your neighbour, and was suitor first.

Tranio

And I am one that love Bianca more
Than words can witness, or your thoughts can guess.

Gremio

Youngling, thou canst not love so dear as I.

Tranio

Graybeard, thy love doth freeze.

Gremio

But thine doth fry.
Skipper, stand back: ’tis age that nourisheth.

Tranio

But youth in ladies’ eyes that flourisheth.

Baptista

Content you, gentlemen: I will compound this strife:
’Tis deeds must win the prize; and he of both
That can assure my daughter greatest dower
Shall have my Bianca’s love.
Say, Signior Gremio, What can you assure her?

Gremio

First, as you know, my house within the city
Is richly furnished with plate and gold;
Basins and ewers to lave her dainty hands;
My hangings all of Tyrian tapestry;
In ivory coffers I have stuff’d my crowns;
In cypress chests my arras counterpoints,
Costly apparel, tents, and canopies,
Fine linen, Turkey cushions boss’d with pearl,
Valance of Venice gold in needlework,
Pewter and brass and all things that belong
To house or housekeeping: then, at my farm
I have a hundred milch-kine to the pail,
Sixscore fat oxen standing in my stalls,
And all things answerable to this portion.
Myself am struck in years, I must confess;
And if I die to-morrow, this is hers,
If whilst I live she will be only mine.

Tranio

That ‘only’ came well in. Sir, list to me:
I am my father’s heir and only son:
If I may have your daughter to my wife,
I’ll leave her houses three or four as good,
Within rich Pisa walls, as any one
Old Signior Gremio has in Padua;
Besides two thousand ducats by the year
Of fruitful land, all which shall be her jointure.
What, have I pinch’d you, Signior Gremio?

Gremio

Two thousand ducats by the year of land!
My land amounts not to so much in all:
That she shall have; besides an argosy
That now is lying in Marseilles’ road.
What, have I choked you with an argosy?

Tranio

Gremio, ’tis known my father hath no less
Than three great argosies; besides two galliases,
And twelve tight galleys: these I will assure her,
And twice as much, whate’er thou offer’st next.

Gremio

Nay, I have offer’d all, I have no more;
And she can have no more than all I have:
If you like me, she shall have me and mine.

Tranio

Why, then the maid is mine from all the world,
By your firm promise: Gremio is out-vied.

Baptista

I must confess your offer is the best;
And, let your father make her the assurance,
She is your own; else, you must pardon me,
If you should die before him, where’s her dower?

Tranio

That’s but a cavil: he is old, I young.

Gremio

And may not young men die, as well as old?

Baptista

Well, gentlemen,
I am thus resolved: on Sunday next you know
My daughter Katharina is to be married:
Now, on the Sunday following, shall Bianca
Be bride to you, if you this assurance;
If not, Signior Gremio:
And so, I take my leave, and thank you both.

Gremio

Adieu, good neighbour.

Exit Baptista

Now I fear thee not:
Sirrah young gamester, your father were a fool
To give thee all, and in his waning age
Set foot under thy table: tut, a toy!
An old Italian fox is not so kind, my boy.