CONTROLLING HER: 7 BOOKS COMPLETED BOX SET - (Adult Short Reads Romance Novel Stories Series): Contemporary Love Thriller, Suspense, Control & Erotic Menage ... Male Domination Novellas 1 2 3 4 5 6 7) (14 page)

I knew someone had been in the apartment, was it Becky or Jonathan. I ignored my phone, it had been off for a few days, I’d gotten too tired of the disappointment of Jonathan not calling and too tired of Becky calling,
fucking lesbian slut.
I sighed deeply; she was still my best friend. Maybe we would reconcile when I was back, though I wasn’t holding my breath, I hope she wasn’t either for her sake. I began to pack for my journey. I hadn’t told mom I was coming. She didn’t need to know I was. She claimed she wanted me to well there was a surprise in store for her, and daddy too. I packed for California summer, my flight left 6:15 a.m. I should arrive at about mid day, good time of day to walk in on a Saturday morning. Dad would be out and mom should be home gardening or something of the sort. I got myself together my documents and checked in online Friday. I was ready for my trip back home. When I looked at the dresser, I knew who had been her. Jonathan’s deodorant was gone, all his colognes his watches. He left the ring he wore with all my things on the opposite side. I set my alarm and cried myself to sleep.

The six hour flight to Sacramento was as bad as it sounded, or maybe it was just me. I was cranky and frustrated mostly with the driver driving me to the rental car place, my American licence wasn’t expired. The two hour drive to my small home town gave me the time to wine down. I cut the a/c so used to Australian heat and let the windows down, I let the familiar smells do what they needed and wanted to my senses and played soft alternative music from a jack connected to my phone I had not bother to roam with. What was the sense?

When I pulled up the drive way, sure enough mom had been on her knees handkerchief tied her head looking really domestic in the garden, she didn’t turn to see who it was, just continued ploughing with her gloved hands. It wasn’t until she heard my voice that her head whipped around.

“Careful, you might give yourself a whiplash old lady.”

My tiny mother ran into my arms, almost weeping in excitement. I was grateful she held them back; I didn’t know how weird my father would’ve reacted if he came home to find his supposed to be away daughter and his wife crying in the garden for all his very proper neighbours to see. I looked at my mother for what felt like the first time, and suddenly all the resentment I’d held in my heart towards her melted away like a snow cone on a shade less side walk. I used my thumb to softly wipe a blotch of dirt from her wrinkled cheek. I guess I really did need to come visit, she was aging, slimming, but her eyes were still as bright as the day I was born. She smiled at her only daughter, and gently pulled my hand headed in the front door’s direction.

I didn’t really feel like talking. I really wanted to get out of this outfit take a warm shower, something I hadn’t done in what felt like decades and just put my feet up and got comfortable, but mom couldn’t wait.

“I’m so glad to see you.”

She hugged me again and again.

“Do you want some ice tea? Some pink lemonade?”

“Ice tea please.”

No matter how miserable I got I could not disrespect my mother, she’d carried me in her womb for approximately two hundred and seventy three days that was something no one else could ever do for me. I smiled, she loved me, and now I needed love I was sure of. I’d worry about my father later when he got home.

Saturday evening, mom refused to let me convince her that she needed rest. Her almost sixty year old fragile frame got ready slowly to go to choir practice. She wore a pink flared shirt, with a white polo like stripped top, pink and white, with a white knitted head piece over her platted hair, her sandals and her small handbag the only held her bible an umbrella and a blue ink pen for her jottings. I walked her down the stairs and gave her cell phone to her reminded her how to call me, so I could come meet her and walk her home when she was finished. The mean time I got some cleaning done, did some thinking. I did the things I knew mom couldn’t do for herself anymore, like move the furniture and sweep behind them, cleaning under the cupboards and so on, I would start paying a woman to start cleaning every Monday, not a Sunday, I know mom wouldn’t want anyone to be here when she wasn’t home. She went to morning and evening service on a Sunday.

I took a walk into the town, went to the pharmacy, bought her some vitamins, I knew she wouldn’t want to take, “I’m not sick.” I’m sure she’d say, I could hear her voice in my head scoffing at the idea that prevention was better than cure. I looked at the difference with the streets she was used to, versus the streets I’d now gotten used to. The more homeless persons I’d seen the more I thought about Veronica’s soft heart. Maybe it was just the American in her talking whenever she wished aloud that if she had the money she’d have to donate some to a place where these people could get something warm to eat and clean clothes for free. She spent most of her adult life here in Australia, I think she was sincere. I saw the way she looked at them, and the way she’d refused to look anymore when she realised it was only but a wish, and there were some things you couldn’t do in life. She wasn’t a bitch, she was a good girl.

It was a fact of life; good people can do incredibly stupid things. Cheating was one of them, though I could not convince myself that, Veronica was capable of doing something this stupid, over and over again, because I was sure that it couldn’t have happened just one time because cheating is like picking a flesh wound, it’ll hurt but you’ll like it too much to not go back. You could either pick at it until it bled again or let it heal, whichever one would still leave a scar eventually. How could she cheat when we were supposed to be in love? In a love that was supposed to be like hearing your favourite song for the very first time over and over again. How could she do this to me? To us? To herself? I wanted to curl myself into a fist and not hate a man I’ve never even met. A man who had pleasured her, who she had pleasured. I tried not to get upset. After all, she’d still been calling back. I couldn’t get myself to answer her, couldn’t hear her voice. She’d been my weakness and addiction for so long I knew giving her a chance to explain would only give her a chance to steal my heart again, what was left of it. There was nothing to explain, what was she going to tell me? What he did and didn’t do? What she liked and didn’t like? At least, she still knew me well even if she was now but a stranger to me, she saved me the trouble, and didn’t offer an explanation. An apology wouldn’t serve me well either, his head on a platter however sounded like Christmas to me. I knew Veronica was never strong enough to apologise, she’d accept she was wrong, try to fix it, but for her I’m sorry was one of the hardest things she’s ever had to say to anyone. I learnt that the first year of her relationship.

Had he known? Had he known he was trespassing in and on what should’ve been my secret hiding place my forever and always? Had he been a victim like me? Had she really done this to me? How had she broken a man who had believed he’d seen the worst of what life had to offer? Life was definitely like a box of chocolate, and I’d just bitten into a flavour I was allergic to. If I ever heard his voice again, I’d probably break out in hives. I would call her, and soon. As soon as my soul caved and the wall I was trying to build cracked in that earthquake.

Dad came home, he asked a millions questions about my sudden arrival, the strangest question he asked was “Do you need money?” was I a charity case? What would I have done if I’d shown up and they were gone? My phone didn’t work and I was raised better than to talk to strangers. Those were simple questions that I didn’t even bother answering. I would’ve checked into the Inn down the street. He knew it existed. I was again grateful for my mother’s affection though a part of me struggled to hope it wasn’t fake.

It had seem as if he never really missed me. It wasn’t a shocker. I kept my anger to myself, too many emotions were bubbling and boiling inside me, if I didn’t release I’d burst, and that was never good, I’d always do something that was either very uncalled for or ridiculously drastic for me. He was in the garage, by himself digging through his tool boxes. I stood in the door frame watched him, finally spoke. “Am I not your child?” he turned his ear towards me but didn’t look at me. I continued, “Did mom have me out of wedlock? Did you just change my last name and gave me yours to save face?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions like that Veronica, you are flesh of your mother’s flesh and my DNA, you have my eyes for Christ sake.” I don’t remember his eyes; he didn’t look at me long enough as a child for that detail to be edged upon my mind. “You don’t love me like I belong to you at all though.”  I walked away, went to my room that had been redecorated when I turned eighteen, though I’d never come back to sleep in it. I buried my face in my pillow, not crying physical tears but crying on the inside, for a father’s love I never had, for the love I had lost, for losing myself. I wanted to still be standing in the aftermath.

Like clockwork Lucinda came walking in, her five foot frame resting on the edge of my bed, she silently rubbed my back, and the tears came. I looked up at her, tears welling up in her eyes as well, and spoke form my heart to my mother for the very first time. “Mom I’m so confused, there’s so much happening, losing Jonathan has made me realise there is so much wrong with me.” I said with tears in my voice.

“Hush Hun, there’s nothing wrong with you.” She cooed, she was a mother.

“Yes mom! Something’s wrong, I’ve done things I can’t tell you or anyone but, I didn’t leave Jonny, he left me, I lost him mom, all because I’m selfish and stupid!”

“You’re not selfish baby, people do stupid things all the time. It doesn’t mean they are in fact stupid.”

I was getting angry, here she was pretending as if she really knew me, and knew things would actually be alright. They weren’t alright they weren’t getting easier.

“Stop acting as if you know me. Stop lying to me! Stop lying to yourself! You and daddy tolerated me, that’s what you did. You tried to buy me, he ignored me, I was a child, just wanted to be hugged... A child who just wanted to be loved! And now you come in here rubbing my back like you were doing this when I was thirteen, or how about when I turned seven!”

Her tears were falling now, this first one the calm before the storm. I regretted lashing out at her the very moment I did, I pulled her into my arms and held her, we cried together and through her muffled tears her face pressed up against my chest muffled

“We’re sorry Veronica, we did the best we could,” and cried into me as I cried into her hair.

Those are the words I had needed to hear my entire life. I needed her to stop pretending everything was ok for just one second enough to see that, I was hurting. Hadn’t moved on completely from a ruffled childhood as a fat girl who believed she’d end up with no friends, if your parents weren’t your friends who else would want to be?

My mother was so in love with the man she’d married she was blinded by all the things he’d done wrong, all the things he still gets wrong. “How do know he loves me?” my mother in a voice I didn’t know so well looked me in the eyes and told me “I know, because your father is the man I married, I know because he loves me, I know because I know he loves you just as much as he loves me. Veronica, your father looks at you the way he looked at me the night we’d first met. Did I ever tell you that story?” I shook my head;
did you tell me any story?
I guess I should give mother the benefit of the doubt and actually listen to her too little too late story. It was time to make things right in my life.

“How’d you meet?” I encouraged her. She smiled, like a shy school girl, the youth present in her eyes.

“It was back in Australia, I don’t know if you know this but I wasn’t a very fortunate girl. I grew up in Rae Town a place you prolly don’t know down there. Back in my days it wasn’t the worst place to grow once you knew the right people and acted the right way. I was serious, I wasn’t going to be no young and pregnant at sixteen like most of the girls. Anyways that’s a lecture you sure don’t need. It was popular for us to go the parties held not too far from the dock, and it was even more popular to go when the ships docked. Those parties were fabulous as you kids say now a days.” Nobody says fabulous I tried not to laugh, I let her talk, watched the sincere happiness in her face. “Those were the best parties! My first time there, I remember clearly, I wore a shorts that my mother thought was way too short and tight, but I didn’t look cheap since I was so small, and a baby pink polka dot belly blouse.”

She rubbed her even now flat belly through her house dress.

“I was so excited, I was seventeen and I was following my cousin Chunnie that lived up the lane from me. She wore a mesh looking thingy that didn’t look as sweet as mine. Besides she was older, when we walked in, all eyes were on us. We had asked for a drive from a trucker and asked him to drop us down the road. We walked our way up, he lived in the neighbourhood too, so we wouldn’t be leaving till late. I was surprised mom had sent me. Anyways, the vibes was nice, a little older than my years but nice all the same, the music was just right the sea breeze had me cold but I was dancing so hard I didn’t feel it much. All the men were watching me and Chunnie, her big romp swinging to the beat and me looking petite and neat. Soon a guy was dancing behind me, He didn’t look three bad, so I was dancing on him and Chunnie was dancing on another man.

They bought us some drinks, Chunnie had hers but I couldn’t stand the smell of mine, you know I don’t drink, well it’s not since old age that I don’t drink. He was upset and said I “insulted’ him. I laughed and tried to walk away, when I was walking off he grabbed my hand! So I asked him nicely in my sweetest voice to let go of my arm because it belonged to me.

He was cursing about girls who love to play games with men, but I wasn’t the one who had asked him for a dance. Then I saw this strange guy walked up and said something to him, I didn’t hear what he had said but the upset man let go of my arm and walked off quickly.

So I was trying to thank this man, one real rough neck looking man, so I said to myself don’t judge a book by the cover, before I could finish this man held my hand and tapped my cousin on the shoulder who wasn’t even seeing what was happening and said ‘The boss calling you’ Which boss, I thought? I almost pissed my sexy shorts. I went from one level of afraid to completely terrified.

Those parties were frequent by anyone and everyone, since it was open space no one could be denied entry. The man started to take me to the bar. When I was finally there I saw that it was the ‘don’ of the district. ‘You’ve grown’ he said and pinched my belly. I almost pissed myself that time for real. Now Ver, this was a big fat man with a lot of earrings and chain around his neck. He was really ugly too. I didn’t know what to do, I could see Chunnie in the distance looking at me in either fear or envy, I wasn’t sure which one.”

“What happened next mom?”

“Just listen. He had me standing beside him for an hour, till I told him I wanted to pee. Instead of him telling me to go, this man made the same man he had sent for me follow me. When we were at a good distance, I took off. Literally. I ran and ran and ran. When I looked behind me he was coming on my heels. I ran up the road we came down.

I ditched him and went back towards the crowd. A man was seeing it all from I was being carried away. He just ran up to me, uniform and all as if he we were old friends and said,

‘Hey!!! How’ve you been?!’

I was confused, thought he had the wrong person, then he winked at me, I looked into his eyes, eyes just like yours, and I was in love for the first time, as cliché as it sounded. I hadn’t known I was until long after though. He held my hand and said,

‘Come lets go for a walk.’

I’d never heard anyone with that accent before, and his deep voice was just so sexy. We spent the night holding hands, he actually didn’t let go much since he held it. He didn’t talk much, just listened to me, by the end of the night he knew my name, my family story and where I wanted to be in life. He’d said

‘A pretty young lady like you shouldn’t have that much worry in her life.’

He’d promise to come back for me. I didn’t believe him. Three months later I was married and moving out, at seventeen years old. Your father was twenty-two. All this is to say Veronica, your father is a good man. A man of his word, yes he might have not been the most compassionate father towards you, have you ever considered that he may just not known how?”

“But mom he never reached out to me.”

“He has, in his own little ways. Mark isn’t the sweetest person, but he is never lies, he was never a man of much words, I told you I did most of the talking the night we met. But I’m sure, I would swear on my mother’s grave that your dad loves you. And you know I don’t believe in swearing for anyone but yourself. Think about it, give it time and reach out to him”

She kissed my forehead and went out the door. How much time did my father need? I was twenty-three years old, he’s known me all my life, there was nothing left. I’d had too much emotional troubles today, that conversation could wait for another day. I considered using the house phone to call Jonathan but it wouldn’t make sense.