Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook (53 page)

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart”

(J
EREMIAH
1:5).

Even if you made a mistake,
your child is not a mistake!
God is not surprised by the creation of this new life—He is the Creator. And those whom He creates, He loves. Therefore, nothing will ever separate you or your baby from the love of God (Romans 8:39).

God is the author of life.

“I bring to life”

(D
EUTERONOMY
32:39).

God opens and closes the womb.

“The L
ORD
…opened her womb”

(G
ENESIS
29:31).

“The L
ORD
…closed her womb”

(1 S
AMUEL
1:5).

God ordains all pregnancies, regardless of the circumstances.

“This is what the L
ORD
says—your Redeemer, who formed you in the womb: I am the L
ORD
, who has made all things”

(I
SAIAH
44:24).

God creates every life.

“Is he not your Father, your Creator, who made you and formed you?”

(D
EUTERONOMY
32:6).

God never forms a life without having plans for that life.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the L
ORD
, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’”

(J
EREMIAH
29:11).

From God’s perspective, all pregnancies are from Him and therefore are wanted by Him.

From God’s perspective, life doesn’t begin at the point of delivery when a baby takes a first breath. Rather, it begins at conception. Even though you may not feel pregnant or look different, within three weeks of conception, that little life within you has developed a brain, a beating heart, and tiny limbs that begin to “sprout” and move about. During this time, your unborn will grow from zygote to embryo to fetus—and after birth, from child to adolescent to adult.

“This isn’t true…It’s a mistake.”

“This couldn’t happen to me.”

“This is not my fault.”

“There are many reasons for missing a period.”

When it’s difficult to face the truth, acknowledge the truth of God (John 8:32).

“Who should I tell about this?”

“What will people think of me?”

“My life is ruined.”

“How could I have been so stupid?”

When drowning in the sea of distress, cry out to God (Psalm 102:2).

“I feel so alone and helpless.”

“I hate myself.”

“I can’t face the shame.”

“I would rather die than face the future.”

When all hope seems gone, place your hope in God (Psalm 25:3).

“I can’t bear to tell my parents.”

“Will my boyfriend leave me?”

“What will I do about school or a job?”

“No one will ever want to marry me.”

When overcome with fear of the future, turn to God (Psalm 119:39).

“I can’t keep this baby—but I can’t let my baby go.”

“Should I marry the baby’s father even if I don’t love him?”

“Should I consider abortion even if I know it’s wrong?”

“Should I raise my baby or consider adoption?”

When dealing with a difficult dilemma, seek godly wisdom (James 1:5).

If you’re considering an abortion, carefully consider the following questions and accompanying truths.

Are you afraid that the response of others will be ridicule or rejection?

—
Realize
it is wiser to fear the response of God than the response of people.

Are you being pressured, especially by parents, the baby’s father, or abortion counselors?

—
Realize
there is no easy way out, and doing what God says is more important than doing what people say.

Are you concerned about problems in your relationship with the baby’s father?

—
Realize
if the father truly loves you, he will support you emotionally.

Are you wanting to escape the reminder that you made a major mistake?

—
Realize
God wants your child to be a reminder of His sovereignty and His purposes, not of your mistake.

Are you afraid of the financial responsibility and care of your baby?

—
Realize
God will provide for you and your baby.

Are you reluctant to bring an unwanted child into the world?

—
Realize
every child is wanted by God, and you can choose to want to have your child.

Are you concerned about the baby’s possible health problems?

—
Realize
the value of life is not related to the health of the baby but to the God-given value placed on this baby by the Creator of life.

Are you unaware that life begins at conception?

—
Realize
a separate life begins when a woman’s egg and a man’s sperm are joined.

Are you viewing abortion as a form of birth control?

—
Realize
abortion kills a life, which is different from preventing the conception of a life.

Are you wanting to get rid of a baby who is a result of a wrongful act such as rape or incest?

—
Realize
your baby is innocent of any wrongful act and is undeserving of the death penalty.

Terminating an innocent life will not end your grief but will rather compound your grief with guilt.

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death”

(P
ROVERBS
14:12).

Parenting requires emotional maturity. It means obligating yourself to physically raise, emotionally nurture, and spiritually train a son or daughter—at great sacrifice to your independence (Proverbs 31:15).

— Do you have a network of family or friends who can support you in your decision?

— Can you raise your child while living with your parents?

— How do your parents feel about helping with your child?

— What financial resources or assistance do you have available to help take care of your baby?

— Can you handle caring for a child plus your work/school responsibilities?

— Are you able to give the time and attention that your child needs?

— Can you provide an adequate and safe home for your baby where you are now living?

— What goals would you have to delay or give up to raise your child?

(Philippians 2:4)

If you are considering marrying the father—or someone else—pregnancy must not be the primary reason to marry. You need to have similar commitments, goals, and values. Amos 3:3 says, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”

— Would an immediate marriage be wise in the long-term?

— Are you in a good place to consider marriage?

— Would your husband love your child and be a good role model?

— Can he financially support the baby and you?

— Does he like and want children?

— Is he someone with whom you would like to spend the rest of your life?

— Do you feel led by the Lord to marry him?

— Do you share core spiritual values?

If you
are
considering marriage, first obtain premarital counseling. Be aware that 75 percent of teenage marriages end in divorce. In order to consider marrying, you both need to have the same spiritual foundation, or your marriage may fall apart.

(2 Corinthians 6:14-15)

If you are married and contemplating keeping your child, realize that God’s best is that both mother and father be actively involved in the parenting of children (Proverbs 1:8).

To determine your biblical accountability as parents, ask yourselves: Will we…

— unconditionally accept, love, and nurture our child regardless of any physical problems?

— approach parenting with common goals and purposes?

— take every opportunity to teach our child spiritual truth?

— clearly instruct our child by doing what is ethically right and just?

— plan ahead to protect our child from danger?

— provide for our child’s material needs?

— lovingly and effectively discipline our child?

— regard our child as a blessing?

Although you may not see it now, the baby in your womb is a gift from God and will be a blessing in your life.

(Psalm 127:3)

Are you aware that…

— while birth mothers experience the grief of loss, they can have more peace by knowing that their child will be raised in a loving and stable environment?

— adoption often provides the best environment for the baby?

— adoption can be an answer to prayer for the many childless couples who are eagerly seeking to love and care for a child?

— there are more couples wanting to adopt a baby than there are babies available for adoption?

— birth mothers who prepare an adoption plan are more likely to get an education, get a job, and get married?

— when a baby is placed for adoption, all birth expenses are paid?

— you can choose your child’s family and get to know them personally?

— you can stay in contact with the couple who adopts your child through letters and pictures?