Damaged and the Beast (29 page)

Cooper laughed against my throat then returned to sucking at my skin. Somehow, he also flipped over the potatoes while never leaving my body unloved.

Dinner consisted of eating way too much, followed by swimming until I thought I’d puke, and finally we fooled around on the deep end of the pool. I didn’t know if Cooper was showing off by having me hold onto him while he gripped the sides and did all of the hip work, but I was impressed. Wrapping myself around him, I tried not to ruin the moment.

Cooper’s parents and sisters remained in town overnight at a hotel with Skye’s family. To celebrate having the house to ourselves, we had sex a lot. Cooper swore no one would know. I swore they could tell. Cooper swore if they noticed anything that they wouldn’t care. I swore they would be horrified to know we befouled their family room, living room, music room, and gym. Cooper acted offended by my referring to our lovemaking as befouling things. I acted shocked at him referring to our fucking as lovemaking. He then shut me up with a kiss that led to more sex. Cooper won the argument and the house was thoroughly marked.

Eventually, we stumbled up the stairs to his apartment for a roll around his bed. The whole last effort involved me giggling because he was half asleep and still trying to score. Cooper refused to relent until he nearly dozed off inside me.

“I’m officially done,” he muttered, falling asleep as I cuddled next to him.

After my nap, I was certain I wouldn’t sleep even when I checked the clock and found it after one. Lying in the dark with my head resting on his chest, I listened to his heartbeat and was out within minutes.

Dissolving into sleep while wrapped safely in Cooper’s arms, I awoke in a dream that was less fantasy and more memory. Tawny was crying nearby and I heard her murmuring my name as if waiting for me to save her. I stretched out my hand to her, but she was in the next room. Saying her name, I felt a hand cover my mouth.

“If you miss your sister so much, we can go watch,” Travis whispered with humor to his voice.

Awaking with a cry, I scrambled away from the warm body in the dark room. The man moved towards me and I screamed again. Throwing out my hands, I wasn’t awake enough to fight him off, but I hoped to keep him away.

“It’s me, baby,” Cooper soothed, but I wasn’t with him really.

“Leave me alone,” I whimpered. “Don’t touch me.”

Cooper turned on a lamp and my wet eyes adjusted slowly to the dull light.

“Hell, you’re shaking,” Cooper said, attempting to comfort me, but his touch sent me halfway off the bed.

“I need to leave. I need to go home. It’s not safe here.”

“It’s safer here than anywhere in town,” Cooper muttered, sounding angry. Yet, when he spoke again, his voice was softer. “You just had a bad dream.”

My hand touched between my legs and I knew it wasn’t a dream. Somehow, it felt too real now as if it happened last night and not five years earlier.

“I need to leave.”

Cooper stared at me in the dimly lit room and I saw pain in his eyes. “I’m not driving you home in the middle of the night.”

“I don’t want you to touch me.”

Cooper’s lips twitched and he blinked a few times. His gaze moved around the room as if he was thinking. When his focus returned to me, Cooper nodded.

“Here,” he said, taking a pillow and laying it in the middle of the bed. “I’ll stay on my side and you’ll stay on your side. I won’t touch you, but I’m not driving you home. You’re scared and there’s no way you’ll feel better alone in that apartment with your mom.”

The thought of seeing my mother after the dream sent a chill up my spine. I just wanted to be safe and feel the way I had the day before.

“If that’s not enough,” Cooper continued, “I’ll sleep in the living room.”

I glanced towards the door leading to the rest of the apartment. While I couldn’t deal with Cooper touching me, I didn’t want him out of the room either.

“I like the pillow idea,” I whispered in a squeaky voice. Swallowing hard, I tried to find moisture, but my fear sucked me dry.

Cooper left the bed, walked to the bathroom, and returned with a coffee cup full of water. I drank it then gave him the best smile I could manage.

“I’m sorry.”

Taking the cup, Cooper just shook his head. “Everyone has bad dreams.”

Nodding, I watched him set the cup on the table behind him then he rested on his side with the pillow separating us. After a few minutes of looking around as if someone might be waiting to jump out, I rested on my side and stared at Cooper.

“Do you want to leave the light on?” he asked.

“For a little while please.”

His gaze unreadable in the murky light, Cooper nodded. We stared at each other for a while and I worried he was angry. What if in the morning, he drove me home then pretended I didn’t exist? I knew he could do that and I would have no choice other than accept how he was done with me.

“Do you still love me?” I asked.

Cooper inhaled harshly. When he spoke, his voice broke. “So much it hurts.”

“I love you too. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing.”

“I heard something like gunshots,” I said, glancing back at the window.

“It’s fireworks. A lot of people party when parents are in town. Shows you what kind of students we have that their parents are wild.”

Smiling slightly, I pulled the covers over me. When I had trouble yanking up his heavy comforter, Cooper reached out to help. Without thinking, I flinched and nearly fell off the bed again. His expression wasn’t unreadable anymore. He looked like a hurt boy who lost his best friend.

“I…”

“Don’t say you’re sorry.”

“I want to hold your hand.”

Once Cooper laid his hand palm down on the pillow in between us, I rested mine on top of it.

“The dream felt so real,” I said, trying to explain.

“Was it about me?”

Shaking my head, I frowned. “Why would I dream anything bad about you?”

The corner of Cooper’s mouth twitched like he wanted to smile, but his mood was too miserable. “You’re still shaking,” he said after a minute.

“I’m glad you’re here. I would have been so scared in my apartment.”

Cooper finally smiled just a hint, but I knew he was bothered by my inability to find comfort from his touch. He rested on his side and watched me until I fell asleep.

When I woke up, Cooper was staring hard at the ceiling. He looked so angry that I was afraid for him to notice my eyes were open. Eventually, I slid out of bed and walked to the bathroom. After cleaning up, I returned to bed where Cooper still glared at the ceiling.

Unsure why he was upset, I felt a panic deep in my gut over losing him. I didn’t have any words to fix his anger so I used something I figured he would enjoy more.

Kissing his chest as I slid in next to him, I licked the outline of the cross on his chest. Cooper’s breathing shifted, but I didn’t dare look at him and ruin the possibility of improving his mood.

I tried to channel the sexy part of me that knew what to do to make him feel good. Cooper’s hands were behind his head as I climbed over him to tease his chest. Then, I moved lower to his hard stomach and softly kissed the flesh the way he always did to me. In no hurry, I imitated Cooper and his leisurely way of making me squirm.

Cooper’s breathing sped up as I slid down past his belly button. Finally, I lifted my gaze to his face where he watched me with an odd expression. It was somewhere between horny as hell and examining an alien life form.

The horny as hell part made it an easy transition from his stomach to his hard cock. As it thickened even more in my mouth, I might not feel confident, but I could fake it. I’d gone to school sick before. I’d smiled on bad days. I could fake a lot of things and I could fake like I was a pro at blowjobs.

No matter my plans, Cooper stopped me. I tried to keep going, but he sat up and pulled me off him. “Just stop,” he said, wiping my wet cheeks. “It’s awful. You know that, right?”

“I can get better.”

Cooper shook his head and leaned back on the bed. He was still so hard and I wasn’t giving up. Either I needed to be more confident or fake it better. Straddling him, I tried to guide him inside, but couldn’t. Suddenly, I was too small or he was too big or I was just aiming wrong. Again, Cooper stopped me.

“Knock it off,” he growled, his dark eyes irritated. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“I want this,” I whimpered, full of frustration and panic. “Please.”

Cooper lifted me off his hips and I started to cry until he leaned over and kissed me. Soon, he was angled between my legs as his fingers stroked my nipples and his lips sucked hard on my tongue. Pulling his mouth away, he nuzzled his face in my hair.

“Tell me you love me,” he murmured in my ear. “Make me believe you want me.”

“I do. I love you so much, Cooper. More than anything. Please.”

Somehow, when he thrusted inside me, he fit perfectly and I didn’t know how the hell I messed it up minutes earlier. I decided to concentrate on him, but I still felt that panic in my gut. Fear growing in waves, I had trouble relaxing enough to even take a good breath.

My hands stroked his chest, wanting him to know I loved him. Wanting Cooper to ignore my tears and the look on my face. The same look that forced him to close his eyes as if he couldn’t finish if he saw me.

Afterwards, I rested against him as he again stared at the ceiling. Cooper was silent for nearly a half hour. A braver girl would have asked already, but I wasn’t brave. The last week was tougher than the first and I didn’t want to fight with Cooper. So I laid next to him with my hand on his arm, just over the patriotic eagle. By the time Cooper spoke, I had memorized the tattoo, down to every feather.

“Something has to change,” he said softly as his gaze remained focused on the ceiling. “I don’t know how you can mouth off about the smallest shit, but then lay there and let me fuck you when you hate it.”

“I don’t hate it.”

Cooper sighed angrily. “You’re not much of an actress, Farah. Your every damn emotion is written across your face. When you’re pissed. When you’re happy. When you’re miserable with me fucking you, it’s all right there for me to see.”

What could I say? Sorry my face does things I can’t control? Sorry I don’t like sex and applaud like every other girl? In the end, I just went with sorry and Cooper sighed again.

“Sorry you don’t want sex or sorry that I know you don’t want sex? Or maybe you’re sorry for not being able to get away from me? What exactly are you sorry for?”

“I’m sorry you’re upset.”

“Liar.”

“I don’t know what you want.”

“That’s the problem, isn’t it?” he said, turning over to glare at me. “You don’t know what you want, so how the hell can you know what anyone else wants?”

“I know what I want.”

“To go to school. To be a teacher. You want shit you filled your head with when you were a kid. Now, you’re an adult wanting that crap. Do you really want it though? Do you want me? Do you even like guys?”

“I’m not a lesbian,” I said, getting out of bed and reaching for my clothes. “That’s such a cliché guys go to when a girl doesn’t react the way they want about sex.”

“No,” Cooper muttered, yanking on his jeans. “You might actually be a lesbian and not know it. I’m not sure you do much thinking about stuff outside your kiddie dreams.”

“I am attracted to you. You are not a girl. I am not a lesbian. If I was, I would have told you to fuck off right away.”

“Maybe not. It’s a small town. People act stupid. Maybe you figured you’d play along. I do tip well and you get friends and rides and shit by pretending to like me except you can’t pretend. Your fucking face won’t let you lie.”

“Lesbians don’t have sex with guys so they can get tips.”

“How would you know?”

“Fuck you. You don’t get your way and your immediate response is to accuse me of using you. I couldn’t just be young and unsure. No, I’m a bitch mooching off the rich guy. Fuck you, Coop.”

Once dressed, I wanted to leave, but needed a ride from the asshole behind me. Turning to him, I found Cooper so pissed I was surprised steam wasn’t pulsing out of his ears.

“I’m leaving,” I said, crossing my arms.

“We need to fucking talk.”

“About what? All the ways I use you and how you’re an innocent victim of my lesbian trickery? You’re an idiot and I want to go home.”

Walking to the door, I wasn’t surprised when Cooper stepped in my way and blocked the exit.

“I said we need to talk.”

“And I said about what?”

“About how you cry every time we’re together. Even out in the hot tub where for five seconds you seemed to enjoy yourself, you ended up bawling. Why do you keep doing shit you hate? Hell, when you went down on me, I thought you might puke you were crying so hard.”

Wrapping my arms tightly around my body, I tried to disappear. Even if Cooper wasn’t looming over me looking scary as shit, I wasn’t discussing my sex issues with him again.

“Fuck!” he hollered, punching a hole in the wall two inches from my face. “You just shut down whenever you don’t get your way. You won’t talk to me about anything. I get that you have a shit family, but that’s no reason to spend the rest of your life making shitty decisions.”