Damaged and the Bulldog (12 page)

The moment I saw Tad waiting on the street for me, I
assumed my weekend with Winnie wasn’t happening. His expression was unreadable
as he checked his phone and leaned against my SUV. When he noticed me, Tad gave
me a big fake smile.

“Can we talk?” he asked and I felt my stomach clench
with dread.

“Sure.”

“Let’s grab a cup of coffee,” he said, already walking
towards the shop down the street.

Following him, I bought a small coffee since I was
tense now. Tad ordered a large one, even though I sensed he was tense too. Once
we sat at a table, he gave me another fake smile.

“Winnie is spending the weekend at your place.”

This wasn’t a question, but I nodded anyway.

Tad ran his index finger over the seam in the cup. I
didn’t know what he was thinking, but I wasn’t giving up Winnie. I even found
myself imagining us running away together. With a little money saved up, I
could take her away and protect her whether her parents understood or not.

“She has nightmares,” he finally said. “If she says,
‘I’m here’ then you need to tell her you see her. Also remind her of her name and
where she lives.”

“Okay,” I said.

“When we moved to Chattanooga a few years back, Winnie
had trouble adjusting to the new house. She woke up scared every night and
needed her Cookie Monster doll a lot. The doll isn’t really a comfort thing.
It’s more like a focus object. Her second therapist taught her to focus on the
doll and remember where she got it. Who bought it? How she’s free. She needs
reminders when she’s scared.”

“I’ll remember.”

“I’m not blind. I know you and my daughter have
something real. I also know she’s getting stronger because of you. She’s
pushing herself and I want her to be happy. I don’t want you to be unprepared
for the issues Winnie will have. Not just this weekend, but forever. She’ll get
stronger, but life broke her years ago.”

Tad tasted his hot coffee. “Not bruised, but broke.
She won’t ever be free. I need you to understand that. You can be everything
she needs, but she will always have problems. There’s no fixing the damage done
to Winnie, but she’s learned to work around it. How to handle fear. Her phobias
about people and touching. Her desire to hide away in the house rather than
face the world. She pushes herself to work around those problems, but they
won’t go away.”

Tad glanced hard at a few loud guys walking past and I
got a glimpse of the club guy underneath all the happy talk. He turned back to
me and sighed.

“Harlow wants to blame you for triggering things, but
the reality is Winnie can’t cope like a normal person. Some people are fragile
from the moment they’re born. Winnie was never going to take on the world and
kick its ass. She would always be weak. Life stomped on someone gentle and left
her barely functioning.”

Tad’s dark gaze softened. “She can be happy though.
You make her smile. Don’t forget that when she stops smiling. There are days
when Winnie won’t smile. She’ll stop talking too. That’s not about what
happened with the Devils or being with you. It’s just how she copes when things
build up inside her. Her mom and I roll with her moods. We’ll leave for work when
she’s staring at the wall, silent to the world. We’ll return to find her
playing videogames with Jace. She always digs her way out. If you’re patient,
she can be happy.”

“I love her,” I said, thinking about how much she
suffered. I also thought of how she smiled for me. How I made her laugh. Winnie
had my number too and could twist me up inside with an easy smile. “I don’t
want anyone else.”

Tad smiled softly. “She’s a good kid. I still remember
the first time she laughed for me. I was always trying to get her to smile, but
she would only watch me. I scared her. The only one who didn’t make her flinch
was Kirk, if you can believe that. He found her and she followed him around
like a puppy. The only reason she stayed with us that first night was because he
told her to. She stared out the front window when he left and remained there,
hoping he would come back. It took me a long time to become her dad, instead of
a potential threat.”

Tad drank more coffee. “I hadn’t wanted you two to
date. Protective dad and all that, but Toni saw Winnie seeking you out like she
never did other men. Even after the Devils grabbed the girls and Vaughn started
coming around to see Harlow, Winnie wasn’t interested in him. She was the same
way with Kirk’s sons. When they were around, she hid in her head. With you,
she’s different. Toni forced me to back off. Trust me that I didn’t want to.”

We shared a smile between two men willing to die to
protect the same girl.

“The first time I saw Winnie,” I said, “she was hiding
behind Harlow. I understood she wasn’t like any other girl I was ever
interested in. Even knowing that, I couldn’t stop thinking about her.”

“You sitting out in the car made Toni worry about you.
I understood though. After Toni and I first went out, she gave me mixed signals.
She was torn between her safe life and the bad boy she wanted. She ran hot and
cold. For me, it was simple and I only ran hot.”

Tad again glanced at the loud guys outside before
returning to his story. “More than once, I hung outside her apartment. I wanted
to force her to admit she wanted the same thing I did. A lot of nights I got
close to knocking on her door, but I gave her space. Eventually, she knocked on
my door. Patience is the hardest fucking thing in the world.”

“I’m not sure Winnie’s ready to spend the weekend at
my place, but I can’t tell her no.”

“I can’t either. I really want to. Instead, I can only
warn you about problems she might have.”

“If she has any problems, I’ll call you. I’m not too
proud to ask for help, if it’ll ease Winnie’s fears.”

“Good,” Tad said, finishing his coffee. “I know you
didn’t have a great family. Don’t know about your mom, but Dad looks like a son
of a bitch. Bad parents will screw up a person, but good parents don’t ensure
anything either. Look at me. I had the kind of parents that treat their kids
like gifts from God. My brother and sister turned out to be superstars. I got
in trouble early and kept doing it until prison. Even now, I’d run wild if not
for Toni cracking the whip and Kirk keeping me on a leash. Some people need a
lot of hand holding. Winnie and I are like that. You seem more self-sufficient
like Toni. Opposites attract, I guess.”

“If I can have with Winnie what you have with your
wife, I’ll be a happy man.”

Tad gave me a little grin. “Heard Judd roped you into
the paintball match this weekend.”

“I’ve been craving more physical shit in my life.”

“Harlow is doing it too. The girl needs endless
physical shit in her life. She has so much anger built up from years of feeling
powerless.”

“I assume she’ll shoot me,” I said, grinning. “Even if
we’re on the same team.”

“Likely. Just remember it’s not personal. If Harlow
didn’t like you, you’d be dead. I have no doubt she could do it too.”

Despite worrying over Harlow’s anger, I appreciated
how many people wanted to protect Winnie. She deserved the concern after those
earlier in her life showed so little.

Dylan’s apartment was a blank slate. No pictures on
the walls, no rugs on the floor, nothing personal anywhere. I suspected growing
up with his parents always moving into a new house and creating new families
left him unable to build a real home.

“Do you like the walls bare?” I asked, pinching my
wrist.

Dylan studied me with his dark eyes. Tonight, we would
have sex. When he picked me up, I reminded him of my plans. I wanted sex and he
was giving it to me. Normally, a guy would be thrilled to get laid, but Dylan
looked nervous as we stood in his living room.

“I have no idea what to do with this place. When I
renovate houses, I hire someone to decorate. You know, pick paint and stuff.”

“When I move out of my parents’ house, I want a house
that is warm like theirs. Would you like that?”

“To live in your house?” he asked, giving me a grin.

“Yes. I might let you rent a room, if you promise to
walk around with your shirt off.”

“Oh, I can make that promise.”

Sharing a smile, we sat quietly for a minute then
Dylan asked if I wanted to watch TV.

“I think we should have sex soon.”

“Okay,” he said, losing his smile.

“When I used the bathroom earlier, I took a mild
sedative to make sure I didn’t freak out during sex.”

Dylan frowned. “You’re drugged up?”

“I’m not out of it, just relaxed. Like drinking a beer
kind of relaxed.”

“I don’t want you to feel like you can’t stop if you
want,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I don’t want to stop.”

“You don’t know how you’ll feel once we’re…you
know…together.”

Running my fingers down his chest, I shivered. “I want
to know what it feels like to be with you. That doesn’t mean I won’t get weird
about it.” I paused then poked his chest. “Don’t make me feel bad for getting
weird.”

Dylan cupped my face and kissed me softly. Once my
hands gripped his shirt, the kiss deepened and his tongue found mine. My first
instinct was to pull away. Ignoring the urge, I wrapped my arms around his
waist.

Dylan’s lips sucked at my jaw then my neck. By the
time he nipped my ear, I wanted to get started.

“Let me get undressed,” I said, easing away.

Dylan scratched at his chest scar. “We should go
slower.”

“Don’t you want to feel inside me?”

Dylan shuddered. “Stop talking like that.”

“I want you to touch me and make me come.”

Dylan narrowed his eyes. “Did someone coach you to say
these things?”

“No,” I lied, inching back towards his bedroom. “I
need to do this soon.”

“Why?”

“It’s like when I was in line for the Ferris wheel. I
knew I would hate it, so I got scared, but the wait made it worse. I need to
get this over with.”

Dylan’s jaw tensed and those dark eyes focused hard on
my face. “I hate thinking of us being together as something you need to
endure.”

The sexy talk Raven and the others suggested had
backfired. Or maybe I was too honest. Either way, Dylan looked less interested
in sex than when we arrived.

“When you touch me, I get excited. That excitement
makes me remember ugly times. Once we’ve been together, the excitement will
make me remember being with you. So even though it’ll be crappy the first time,
I’ll be stronger afterwards. Strong enough for the next million times to be
great.”

“Million times?” Dylan asked, giving me a naughty
grin. He tugged off his shirt and tossed it on the couch. “I see a real future
for us, Winnie, so I think you’re low-balling that number.”

Smiling, I glanced at his bedroom. “I’m getting naked
and hiding under the covers. I can’t see you naked and I don’t want you to see
me naked. I’ll freak out. I want to feel you, not see you.”

“I’ve never felt hotter,” he said, leaning on the
couch. “I trust you know what’s best.”

“Trust is good,” I mumbled, inching towards his
bedroom. “Give me a few minutes to get ready. Then come in and have sex with
me.”

Laughing, Dylan rubbed his jaw. “Have sex with me.
This feels weird.”

I peeked out from the door and held his gaze. “Once I
get the hang of being naked around you, I’m kissing every inch of your body. I’ll
claim you too. Once you’re mine, I won’t let you go. I’m not kidding either. If
you think you have stalker tendencies, you ought to see me in action.”

Dylan expression shifted from awkward to a kind of
male curiosity that both scared and excited me.

Leaving him to wonder what Stalker Winnie might be
like, I shut the door. I stripped my clothes off, looked in the mirror while
avoiding seeing myself from the neck down, and finally climbed into his bed.
The sheets smelled clean, but I preferred Dylan’s cologne to the scent of
mountain spring.

I thought to spread out my hair on the pillow. Posing
felt gross though. Everything felt gross when I thought about it too much.
Struggling against the urge to pinch my hands, I closed my eyes and imagined
Dylan’s half smile.

When he entered the room, I kept my eyes shut.
Instead, I focused on the first time I saw Dylan with his shirt off. Where I
once felt shame about my lust, I now embraced the warm feelings.

The bed shifted and Dylan climbed under the covers,
causing me to flinch. A part of me remembered the way the bed moved when one of
the Vandals climbed on top of me. Feeling the past returning, I reached for
Dylan.

His skin was hot under my fingertips. As his lips
found mine in the dark room, I slid my body under his and spread my legs.

“My name is Winnie,” I whispered. “I live in
Ellsberg.”

“My name is Dylan,” he whispered in my ear. “You’re my
woman and I love you.”

Opening my eyes, I smiled at him. “I love you too. I’m
scared, but I trust you completely.”

Dylan’s lips smiled against mine as he kissed me
again. I ran my fingers slowly over his chest, relishing the feel of every hair
and hard muscle. Placing my palm over the scar, I felt his heart racing.

Dylan sucked at my earlobe, licked at my throat. He
moved lower, tasting and teasing my shoulders and collarbone.

His lips returned to mine and tested my resolve. I
hungrily returned his affection. Even terrified, I was unwilling to stop.

His cock was hard against my thigh and I shuddered at
the thought of it inside me. No way was I strong enough to handle sex. Yet I
refused to stop with Dylan. Never did I dream I could want this kind of
closeness and my body demanded more.

Dylan’s tongue grazed the tips of my already hard
nipples. I squirmed under his touch. He paused, waiting for me to stop him.
Instead, I stroked his back.

“Feels so good,” I moaned.

Dylan responded by sucking my left nipple into his hot
mouth. The pleasure was so intense I nearly jumped off the bed. His wet mouth
sucked at my nipple, licking and nipping at the hard flesh.

My hips wiggling, I laughed at how amazing his touch
felt. When Dylan returned to my lips, he was smiling.

“Now,” I whispered, my hips searching for him.

Dylan didn’t hesitate, but he was still tender.
Teasing between my legs, he tested how wet I was before pressing his cock
against me.

“I want you.”

“Hell yeah, you do,” he said, sucking at my lips.

The feel of him filling and stretching me brought on a
powerful panic. As if sensing my fear, Dylan paused once I was full. His finger
teased my nipples and let me adjust to the feel of him.

“You’re so sexy,” he whispered. “I’ve wanted you for
so long.”

Lifting my hips, I smiled at the way he groaned.
“You’re Dylan and this is my choice.”

“Tell me you want me.”

“I want you, Dylan. You feel perfect inside me.”

I wasn’t lying either. I knew the man on top of me was
Dylan. He was the one moving inside me. I loved Dylan and wasn’t afraid.