Damaged and the Bulldog (10 page)

Winnie smiled, but I saw her eyes losing focus. “My
medicine makes me out of it. Don’t take anything I say personal.”

“I won’t,” I said, finally letting myself touch her
beautiful face.

Winnie shivered under my fingers. I spotted a smile
before she faded into a light sleep. She was so beautiful, but I noticed
scratches and bruises covering her arms. Even free from the Vandals, Winnie
might still be destroyed by their legacy.

Later when Winnie awoke, Toni convinced her to eat a
small omelet.

“Mom makes great omelets,” Winnie said, taking her
medicine.

Fatigue kicked in after dinner. A nervous Winnie asked
if I would stay the night. Her parents wanted me close while Harlow wanted to kick
my ass out of the house. The important thing was what Winnie needed.

Her bed was comfy and the blankets warmed me as I
listened to the wild winds outside. The TV stayed on all night, but the sound
was too low to hear. I learned to deal with the strange room and the feeling of
people regularly walking past the open door.

Twice, Winnie woke up in a panic. The first time, she
pushed me away until realizing who I was. She cuddled closer and told me how
much she liked tomatoes in her omelets. The second time, she cried quietly
against me until her fingers slid up my tee. She murmured how much she liked
the hairs on my chest.

Eventually, Winnie slept deep and I followed her into
a restful slumber. After a long uncertain day, I slept next to the woman I’d
dreamed of for so long.

The past slowly hid in the darkness of my memories. I
woke up in the middle of the night, panicked about missing work and leaving
Lark needing me. When I found Dylan resting next to me, I instantly relaxed.

“Raven has it handled until you’re feeling better,” he
said as his fingers explored my bare shoulder.

We watched each other for a long time before falling
asleep. I awoke again at three in the morning. Dylan was still sleeping and I
couldn’t believe how beautiful he looked stretched out on my bed.

The warm arousal prickling my skin bothered me. I
wasn’t ready to be the new Winnie yet. Instead, I slid out of bed and went to
watch TV in the living room where I could turn up the sound. To my surprise,
Harlow sat on the couch, wrapped in a quilt.

I sensed she was angry at me, so I didn’t approach.
Finally, Harlow opened the quilt and gestured for me to join her.

“How are you feeling?” she asked, shivering even
though the house was warm.

“Tired and drugged. Are you mad at me?”

“Why would I be mad at you? I’m the one who set up you
and Dylan. I made this happen.”

Cuddled up next to her, I frowned. “You gave me a
chance to be with the man I’d been dreaming about for months. You also saved me
when the Devils would have killed me.”

Still frowning, Harlow stared at the TV. I knew what
she was thinking. I also knew what I needed to say, but I was scared. The fear
and pain of my ugly dream lingered in my thoughts. I really didn’t want to talk
about more painful things and make the memories more powerful. However, my
sister needed me.

“You think it’s your job to save me because you
couldn’t save your brother and sister,” I whispered and Harlow tensed against
me. “It wasn’t your job to save them. You were a kid too.”

“I know,” Harlow said, but her voice betrayed a
stubborn desire to fix what she never broke.

“You did save me though. The bastard at the cabin was
going to hurt me. The others probably planned to take turns with me too. After
they were done, they’d have killed me. You saved us. You were the one who
fought back and got us away. You were the one who attacked the guy. I helped,
but you were the one who got the jump on him. You saved us.”

Harlow looked unconvinced, so I continued, “Vaughn and
the guys never would have gotten to us in time. We would have died, if not for
you.”

Harlow’s angry eyes lost some of their heat. I cuddled
closer to her.

“You didn’t have the power to save your brother and
sister. Your mom couldn’t save them, so how could you when you were still a kid?
When you had the power to fight back like that day at the cabin, you won.”

Fighting tears, Harlow nodded. “I need to be strong. I
refuse to be someone’s bitch. I won’t be like that again.”

“You are strong.”

“I need to be stronger.”

Leaning my head against her shoulder, I struggled to
find the right words, but there were none.

“I love Dylan,” I said. “Thank you for asking him out
for me.”

Harlow frowned at me for a long time then sighed. “I
punched him in the face yesterday. I thought he hurt you.”

Even hating the idea of Dylan suffering because of me,
I patted Harlow’s hand. “He’s tough. I’m sure he walked it off.”

Harlow gave me a slight smile. “Are you sure it’s
love? He’s the first guy you’ve ever dated.”

I knew Harlow couldn’t really understand how I felt
because I didn’t understand relationships before Dylan. I decided to explain it
the only way people like Harlow and I could relate to.

“I want him to touch me. That’s how I know Dylan’s
special.”

Harlow studied me. “I guess he is.”

We sat quietly for twenty minutes before I yawned and
she followed suit.

“We should go to bed,” Harlow said, without moving.
“I’ll still probably watch TV a little bit longer.”

“Did you have a bad dream too?”

Harlow brushed hair from my face. “No. I probably will
and I’m in no hurry for it.”

I hugged her tightly and Harlow clung to me. The house
felt too quiet and I didn’t want to leave her alone in the living room.

However, Harlow finally let me go and nudged me off
the couch. As she cuddled under the blanket and watched crappy TV, I returned
to my warm bed where Dylan slept in his perfectly sexy way. I prayed my sister
wouldn’t have a nightmare tonight. Just to be safe, I prayed the same for me.

Waking to find Winnie sitting in bed watching me, I
felt like a blessed man. Her dark hair hung loosely around her face, making her
look younger. The slight smile on her face warmed my heart and her hand on my
chest warmed the rest of me.

“Good morning,” I mumbled, rubbing my face. “Did you
sleep well?”

Remaining very still, Winnie nodded. I didn’t know
what she was thinking, but I felt nervous under her gaze.

“Did I drool or snore last night?” I asked and she
gave me a little smile. Once she shook her head, I added, “Did I fart so much
you had to leave the room to keep from passing out?”

Laughing softly, Winnie crawled closer. “You look like
a guardian angel when you sleep. Strong and perfect.”

Cuddled in my arms, Winnie smiled at me. Her body held
a chill while mine was toasty warm. After a few minutes, she rested her head on
my chest and listened to my heart beating.

“Are you always this quiet in the morning?” I asked.

Winnie looked up at me and nodded.

“Good. I like beautiful quiet women.”

Winnie’s smile returned. “I have dreams and they all
include you.”

Lifting her chin so her lips met mine, I kissed her
gently. Winnie sat up and smiled.

“I have a bad case of morning breath,” I mumbled,
smiling at her.

“I’m really messed up, Dylan,” she said, her smile
gone.

Before I could respond, she leaned over and opened the
dresser drawer next to her bed. Winnie pulled out several bottles of medication
and dropped them in her lap.

“I take this pill every day for my panic attacks and
mood swings. This one I take when I can’t sleep. This one is for when I freak
out like the other night.”

Winnie stopped fiddling with the bottles and held my
gaze. “I’ve been in therapy for years. When I came to Ellsberg, I didn’t talk.
I cried if someone touched me. There were times when I even wanted to die.”

Winnie sighed. “Between my family and therapy, I got
better. The medicine helped too, but I’ll always be messed up. I’m never going
to get fixed or grow out of it. Little things set me off. I get scared of
stupid stuff and I need a lot of reassurance. Even if you do everything right
and life is really easy for me, I’ll still be messed up. I can’t remember most
of the bad things that ruined me. They’re not really forgotten though.”

Winnie held my gaze. “I wanted to be with you for a
long time and you’re better than I imagined. As much as I hate having people
touch me, I crave being close to you. I know you’re special and maybe my only
chance to be with a man. I really want us to work, but it’s not fair to lie to
you. I can’t pretend the other night was some one in a million freak out. I can’t
make you think with enough time and love that I’ll be normal. You need to know
what you’re getting into. You deserve the truth even if it makes you stop
wanting me.”

The easiest thing would be to tell Winnie none of what
she said affected me. Claim I wasn’t scared of upsetting her or seeing her
suffer.

Easy refused to be the answer. Winnie showed courage
sharing with me about her medications and fear. I could see how shaky she
remained. I suspected she feared I’d bullshit her then make a run for the door.

No way was I taking the easy route.

“I used to have a stalker-like crush on Lark,” I
announced.

Winnie’s eyes widened, but she didn’t say anything.

“Since I was old enough to get a date, I had a thing
for cold bitchy women. Even though I kept picking them, I’d get mad when they’d
act like cold bitches. I was basically trying to date my fucking mom who hugged
me with one arm because two armed hugs were for lovers.”

After rolling my eyes at my mother’s logic, I quickly
continued my story before Winnie decided I was a freak and asked me to leave.

“Lark was gentle with me one fucking time and I
decided she was the girl for me. I didn’t care that she saw me as a brother. I
didn’t care when she fell for Aaron. I was an asshole and I can’t pretend I had
a good reason. I just decided she was mine and that was fucking it.”

Winnie stared at me like I was a stranger. I refused
to let her fear stop me from finishing.

“I’m telling you this because you think that you’re
messed up and I’m not. Maybe I don’t have to take medicine or go to therapy.
That doesn’t mean I’m a healthy guy falling for an unhealthy girl. It only
means my sickness is harder to see.”

I took Winnie’s hand in mine. “What I had with Lark
was based on an idea. She was nice to me and I decided it was a sign. Nothing
else mattered. With you, my feelings aren’t about a fantasy. They’re about you.
The good and bad and scary and beautiful of you. Everything about you makes me
happy and the dream I have is built around you. Lark was a lie I told myself,
but you’re real.”

“Lark is really pretty.”

“Yeah, she’s my best looking sister.”

Winnie smiled. “I really want to be jealous of Lark.
She’s crazy about Aaron and having his twins, so I feel like jealousy might be
dumb.”

Pulling her closer, I inhaled the sweet scent of her
clean skin. “I agree having the girl I love jealous of my sister would be a
little dumb.”

Winnie shuddered in my embrace. “I love you too. I
wanted to love you last summer. I wanted you to be special because I liked you
so much. I didn’t think what I saw was real or you wouldn’t want the real me.
Except you’re better than I dreamed.”

“Even with morning breath?” I asked, kissing her neck.

Wiggling under my touch, she kissed my cheek then her
lips moved to mine. I wanted to kiss the hell out of her, steal her breath and
the pain of her past. I wanted everything, but I really needed to brush my
teeth. I’d always been vain that way.

As Dylan showered in my bathroom, I sat on my bed and
struggled not to imagine him naked. My attempt failed.

I kept thinking of him wet under the warm water. Soap
covering his tanned muscled arms. Water streaming down his powerful back and
chest. Perfect flesh only a door away from me.

By the time the shower shut off, I crossed my arms to
hide my hard nipples. I hated my arousal, yet also craved it. The past,
present, and future wrapped me up into a ball of frustration. Finally, Dylan
appeared dressed in his jeans and one of Dad’s shirts.

His skin looked so good I reached for his bare arms.
My fingers caressed the damp flesh from his wrists to under his tee. Dylan’s
breathing caught and our gazes locked. His hands cupped my face while mine
gripped his shirt. Our lips met and I didn’t care about my parents in the next
room. I forgot they even existed.

One of Dylan’s hands caressed my face while the other
pressed against the small of my back. Snuggled in his strong arms, I moaned as
the kiss deepened. His tongue tasted minty and I wanted more.

Even sensing Dylan didn’t want to stop, he eased away.
“Got rid of my morning breath,” he mumbled.

Pressing my hands against his chest, I stroked the
hard muscles hidden under his shirt.

“I’ll feel better by this weekend. I want to spend the
night at your apartment.”

Dylan exhaled hard. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“I need to do it and get it out of the way.”

“Out of the way?”

“With my problems, the first time will be awkward.
Farah said the key is to practice,” I murmured, staring into his eyes. “Don’t
you want to practice being inside me?”

Dylan’s breath caught. “Hell, Winnie. You’re killing
me,” he muttered, adjusting himself. “I have to go talk to your parents and
you’ve got me hard as a rock.”

“I have some pills that might mellow you out.”

Dylan frowned until he realized I was teasing. “I’ll
wait as long as you want. If you want to spend the night, I’ll happily agree.
Anything you want, I’ll do. I’m your slave, Winona Todds.”

Covering my mouth, I giggled at the expression on his
face. “I’ve never had a slave before. Does that mean I get to boss you around
when we’re naked?”

Dylan’s smile faded and he narrowed his eyes at me.
“You are trying to get me worked up, aren’t you? Naughty girl.”

“Power is fun,” I said, running my fingers down his
chest.

Licking his lips, Dylan nodded. “I’m going to need
another shower.”

“Sorry, but it’s time for breakfast. I really should
keep my strength up for this weekend.”

Dylan gave me a look that made me both proud and
terrified. I had this gorgeous man wrapped around my finger. After months of
hoping for such an outcome, I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to take the next
step.