Damaged and the Bulldog (6 page)

Sunday was a busy day in my family. We got up early
and enjoyed a morning buffet with the church volunteers. Our first service
started at ten, the second at one. We shared lunch with a few of our
parishioners. The day didn’t settle down until after dinner. This schedule left
little time to see Dylan.

Fortunately, Dylan missed me as much as I did him and
arrived as the sun was setting.

“I know you can’t go out, so I figured I’d drop by,”
Dylan said, running a hand over his head. “I feel like a high school kid.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

“Why?” he said, taking my hand. “I’m the one with a
crush on a pretty girl.”

Smiling, I glanced inside where Jace was playing
videogames with Dad. I returned my gaze to Dylan and noticed he’d nicked
himself shaving.

“Do you want to sit on the back porch? It’s private
and we can talk.”

Dylan nodded and tentatively reached for my hand.
Bracing for myself for the emotions that rushed over me whenever Dylan touched
me, I took his hand in mine.

“I’m getting better.”

“Yes, you are,” he said, leaning down to kiss my
cheek.

Shivering at his touch, I led him past Dad and Jace
and through the kitchen where Harlow tapped away on the laptop. The enclosed
back porch overlooked our serene backyard. We settled down on the bench and I
cuddled against him.

“Where did you get all those bulldog shirts?” I asked,
remembering Harlow’s question that I forgot to ask the night before.

Dylan frowned a little then shrugged like he was
feeling insecure or on the spot.

“I like them,” I added.

Dylan wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “I bought
them in California. My mom had married a guy in the Bay Area and his brother
ran a bait and tackle shop. On the weekends, I worked there under the table.
After work, I’d walk down to the pier and fish. Anyway, there was a shirt shop
on the walk and I ended up buying a bunch of the shirts because I lost most of
my clothes in the move.”

Dylan paused long enough to nuzzle his lips against my
forehead. “Living in California was one of my happier times. I wear the shirts
so I can remember that I didn’t always feel on the outside.”

“Why on the outside?”

“My parents are assholes. They’re always falling in
love then falling out of love. We moved around a lot and I never had time to
find any good friends. Even the time in Hermosa Beach didn’t last long and I
was suddenly with my dad in Ellsberg. I just never found a place I felt I
belonged.”

“How about now?”

Shaking his head, Dylan played with a lock of my hair.
“I’ve had friends here since I was a kid. I thought they were cool, but they
bailed when Dad put pressure on people to cut me off. I’d taken Lark’s side
over his and the fucker thinks he’s an important man and should have his ass
kissed at all times.”

Pausing again, Dylan frowned as he remembered his
asshole dad’s attempt to ruin him. “Anyway, those assholes bailed, but Lark and
Raven came through for me. They talked to Cooper about helping me get jobs in
town after my dad got my contracts cancelled. Soon, I was bowling with the
crew. Now I have a business and friends and a girl I can’t get enough of. Yeah,
I finally feel like I belong.”

Smiling, I forced my lips against his. The urge to
pull away was intense, but I refused to obey it. Dylan’s arms wrapped tighter
around me and his free hand cupped my face.

The kiss deepened. His tongue licked at my lips and I
opened for him without thinking. Our bodies pressed together and I felt a
combination of raging desire and blinding panic. I struggled against the latter
for as long as I could before pushing him away.

“Sorry,” Dylan mumbled, his lips at my temple.

Even sensing he was really sorry, I was mostly
relieved he wasn’t upset. “I’m not great at getting close to people.”

Dylan studied my face. “I know Kirk saved you from
some evil fucks.”

My stomach clenched and I shifted away from him. “What
do you know exactly?”

“Just that your dad is an evil fuck too and he’s why
you ended up with the bikers.”

“Anything else?”

Dylan shook his head. I wasn’t sure I believed him,
but I figured the time had come to be honest about the past. Well, as honest as
I could manage.

“When I was little, my mom moved back to Europe. I
can’t remember where she was from, but my dad said she was homesick and visiting
family. She either never came back or we moved. I don’t remember her at all. I
really do have a bad memory and I don’t remember a lot of things.”

“Maybe that’s best,” Dylan said, tracing my lips with
his thumb. “Remembering is overrated.”

I ran my finger over the nicked flesh on his chin.
Dylan shivered and moved closer.

“You know the club owned me, right?”

Dylan tensed next to me and the heat left his
expression. He opened his mouth to respond then changed his mind and only
nodded.

My therapist insisted Dylan needed to respect my past
if he wanted to be a part of my future. “Did you know I had a baby?”

Based on his expression, he didn’t know.

Nervous under his gaze, I tried to make him
understand, “I was pregnant when Kirk found me. I couldn’t keep it. I was
messed up and I couldn’t take care of myself.”

“How old were you?”

“Twelve when Kirk found me. Thirteen when I had the
baby.”

“What happened to it?”

I lifted my gaze to meet his. “A couple from Bowling
Green adopted him. They have a daughter and were really excited to have a son.
They even let me name him. Well, I picked from the names they liked. Their
choices were kinda weird like Phineas. I picked the best of the bunch, so his
name is Jonah.”

Dylan’s frowning face remained frozen for a few minutes.
He glanced around the yard then at my face. “I don’t know how you went through
all that and still became so good and kind.”

He stared at my bruised hand. “My life was easy
compared to yours, but I was being an asshole like my dad. One day, Lark told
me if I didn’t want to end up like Larry then I needed to make real changes. If
I had your life, I’d likely be a monster, but you’re not.”

“I don’t think you’d be a monster.”

“You don’t know, Winnie.”

As my fingers caressed the palm of his hand, I needed
to know he still wanted me. “I have a good family now. I go to therapy every
week. I feel safe because of Dad and the Reapers. I try to be strong, but my
instinct is always to run. When I get scared, I run. When I feel overwhelmed, I
run. If I don’t know what to do, I run. With you, I feel all those things and I
have to fight the urge to run because I don’t want to lose this chance with
you.”

“I want you, Winnie,” he said with too much intensity.
“I have liked girls before, but what I feel for you isn’t like that. It’s not
attraction. It’s not anything I’ve felt before. Being patient is killing me. I
feel like you’re mine and I just want to take you and make you mine. Fuck
waiting, but that’s just the asshole in me talking.”

“You’re not an asshole and you’re very patient.”

“Trust me that I’m an asshole. I behave with you. Not
lie exactly, but I keep my mouth in check like I don’t with other people. With
most people, I don’t care if I piss them off or scare them. Maybe I should, but
I don’t. With you, I need you to be happy, so I’m patient.”

I placed his hand against my cheek. Dylan immediately
caressed my lips with his thumb.

“If you come over like this, we can talk alone and
have more privacy. Would you be willing to do that this week, so we don’t need
a chaperone?”

“I’ll jump through any hoop as long as I land next to
you.”

I smiled and Dylan shared it.

“I was scared to tell you about the baby. I didn’t
want you to think I was ruined.”

Dylan lost his smile. “If you knew how I saw you,
you’d never worry about that. Like how you look at me and don’t see asshole, I
don’t see the things you think. Though I am an asshole and you’re not ruined,
but you know what I mean.”

“I’m going to hug you now. I feel a little weird and
want to run, but I think hugging you will feel better.”

“Patience,” he whispered to himself as I leaned my
body against him.

Relaxing to the sound of his rapid heartbeat, I smiled
at how good his arms felt around me. Even knowing about the Vandals and Jonah,
Dylan still wanted me. He saw me the way I wanted to be seen, rather than how I
saw myself.

So despite the urge to run and shower, I wrapped my
arms around Dylan. Desire terrified me, but with Dylan, I would learn to
embrace it.

Winnie was likely sporting a hickey on her neck, but
her father’s irritation was worth it. I loved the noise she made when I sucked
at the flesh. Something between a moan and a gasp, the sound remained in my
thoughts all evening and the next morning.

I knew she was torn between desire and fear. As we’d
kissed, Winnie both pushed me away with one hand while gripping my shirt with
another. A few times, she yanked away and sat with a panicked expression on her
beautiful face.

At first, I’d wanted to talk about her feelings. I
also considered sitting in silence while she worked things out. Instead, I
babbled about my favorite TV shows and what movies I liked as a kid. I shared a
story about the biggest fish I’d ever caught and how I was hit by a car and
broke my leg when I was ten. As I babbled as if nothing was wrong, Winnie had
the time to deal with her fears. Soon, she’d relax and move closer.

Before I left, I noticed a few pictures on the wall of
a boy at different ages. Winnie said the couple who adopted Jonah sent her a
picture each month. She kept most in an album, but those were her favorites.

With sun bleached hair and icy blue eyes, the boy
looked nothing like his birth mother. Yet in one of the newer pictures, Jonah
gave the camera a shy smile that was all Winnie.

I couldn’t help thinking about Winnie as the mother of
my children. I could imagine us together forever. No woman made me feel like
Winnie and losing her wasn’t an option.

My mind was on her again when I heard a familiar voice
from the doorway of Cooper’s office.

“It’s coming together,” the boss said, helping Farah
step over a toolbox. “The place will be fucking perfect. I can do business
here. It’ll be comfortable for you and the kids too.”

Farah glanced around, seeing the building in the half
done mess it was. Cooper though was clearly visualizing the final product.

“How’s it going?” he asked, shaking my hand.

“I did the rewiring you wanted, but it’s put us behind
by a few days.”

“Fair enough,” Cooper muttered. “Can I show Farah
around?”

“You pay the bills.”

“Hell yeah, I do,” he said and Farah rolled her eyes.
“Don’t mock my manliness, wife.”

“Your manliness is pressing down on my bladder right
now, husband.”

Cooper focused on her baby bump, getting a weird
possessive look that I suspected I would have one day. For now, I felt like I
was witnessing a private moment.

I left them to explore the partly done building. The
back office was nearly complete and they remained back there for a while.

Outside, I took a deep breath of the crisp autumn air.
Sweaty from working inside, I wore one of the bulldog shirts Winnie liked. Yet
the cold air had me thinking to get my long sleeve shirt. I was ready to return
inside when I noticed Tad walking my direction.

Crossing my arms to deal with the cold, I shared his
smile. No matter his niceties, the guy scared me because he could snap his
fingers and end my life. Or just ruin me by taking away Winnie.

“You have a minute?” he asked.

“Is everything okay?”

Giving a quick nod, Tad looked around then focused his
icy gaze on me.

“Do you know why I have you take a chaperone on your
dates?”

Startled by the abruptness of his question, I didn’t
answer. Tad ignored my silence and continued.

“It’s not that I’m unaware of modern dating
techniques. I wouldn’t think to have a chaperone with Harlow,” he said,
scratching at his stubbled chin. “She can tell anyone no. In fact, she often
says no first even when she wants to say yes. Winnie doesn’t have that
ability.”

Tad gestured for me to follow him. Walking to his
truck, he leaned against it before continuing.

“I’m sure you know Winnie’s history. When Kirk brought
her to us, she was barely verbal. She refused eye contact and cried if anyone
touched her. Winnie told us you know about the baby, so you can imagine what it
was like. She cried through every medical exam and had a C-section because
there was no way she could handle delivering normally. Hell, she only held the
baby once. As soon as he started crying, she started too.”

I didn’t know what Tad saw on my face, but he nodded.
“People do fucked up shit in this world and some people can bounce back easier
than others. Winnie got healthier. She learned to talk to people and eventually
to tolerate physical contact. By the time she was sixteen, she would hug us and
talk to people she knew. Therapy helped, of course, but mostly she needed a
safe home with people who wouldn’t hurt her. By her eighteenth birthday, Winnie
was doing well. I saw you two circling each other and figured dating was
coming. Then the Devils came looking for Harlow. Even after killing the fucker,
they regressed after being taken. Harlow is angry while everything scares
Winnie. If I could kill those bastards again, I would for what they did to my
girls.”

Having a bad feeling about where this was going, I
kept my mouth shut.

“You’re a good man,” Tad said, surprising me. “I don’t
think you’re interested in my girl for quick fun. If you were, you’d have
ditched her after the first chaperone date. You also seem to accept Winnie with
all her issues. So I know you are going out later in the week and I know you
won’t take advantage of Winnie, but I’m sending a chaperone anyway. Not to make
sure you behave, but to make sure Winnie doesn’t do anything just because she
think she has to.”

“I understand.”

“I’m sure you do, but I worry you think like your old
man,” he said and I tensed at the mention of my dad. “A man like him gets what
he wants or crushes the person denying him. Like he tried to do with you.”

“I’m not like him.”

“I hope not, but it’s my job as Winnie’s dad to make
clear what happens if you hurt her on purpose. Relationships fail and I don’t
expect you to kiss her ass to make me happy. However, if you treat her like
shit, you’ll only live long enough to finish Cooper’s office.”

“Our relationship won’t fail.”

“Everyone thinks that.”

“Everyone doesn’t mean shit to me. Winnie makes me
happy like no one else ever has. I think I make her happy too. We’re not going
to fail.”

Tad narrowed his eyes and I realized I sounded like
the stalking fucker I was. Winnie was mine and I wasn’t giving her up. Saying
this out loud made me sound crazy though.

Whatever he was thinking, Tad kept it to himself
before leaving me at the worksite. I imagined him telling Winnie that she
couldn’t see me anymore. In fact, I was prepared for the cold shoulder when I
arrived that evening.

Instead, Winnie answered the door wearing a big smile.
She took my hand and we sat on the back porch for an hour, talking and
cuddling. Even relieved, I worried it was only a matter of time before my
months of watching Winnie each evening would come back to haunt me.