Damaged But Not Broken (New Adult Rockers) (7 page)

On a whim, I pull out a tray, and
instead put our glasses and plates on the tray. It would be nice to eat outside
by the pool. Just as I finish slicing the tomatoes, and start pulling out the
bread, I hear a knock at the door. Butterflies swarm my stomach, and I
nervously wipe my hands on a nearby dishtowel.

I pull the front door open and
there stands Blake, just as handsome as ever, dressed in faded jeans and a
fitted white t-shirt, which shows off his muscles and his tan. His hair is
slightly messy, just like when we were kids.

The sight of him almost leaves me
speechless, but I manage to greet him with a smile.

“Please, come in,” I say, finally.

He’s holding a plastic bag of some
sort, and a Styrofoam container with two drinks.

“Hi,” he says shyly, stepping
inside. “So I realized that I invited myself over for lunch. That was pretty
rude, so I thought I should bring the lunch.”

“Oh, well it’s not a big deal. I
was just going to make some BLTs.” I say, with an awkward laugh.

Blake sets the bag down and pulls
out two clear plastic bowls of salads.

“Salads with BLTs?” He offers.

“Perfect. That's exactly what I was
thinking.”

 I smile, starting to feel more at
ease with Blake, as I put away last night’s left over salad.

“Great minds thing alike.” Blake
hands me one of the drinks. “It’s iced green tea. I wasn’t sure if you would
like it.”

“I love green tea. Thanks. That was
thoughtful of you.”

I take the sweating cup and take a
sip.

We’re silent for a moment, each of
us looking at one another. I feel exposed in front of Blake.

“It’s been so long,” he says
quietly.

“I know.”

Blake runs his hand through his
hair, something he did when we were teenagers.

“Christ, Paige,” he exhales, “There
was just so much that happened. So much I never got to say to you. It ate me
up. It tore at me for years. I never had closure with you.”

I can see the pain behind his green
eyes, and I realize that I hadn't remembered his eyelashes properly. They’re so
much longer than I remember.

I turn away quickly, busying myself
with the toast and making the sandwiches.

“There was a lot I wanted to say,”
I admit, “but I just couldn’t.” I turn around to face Blake. I wasn’t expecting
the conversation to get so serious so fast. “I’m not the same person anymore.” I
say quietly.

And then before I know what’s
happening, Blake stands and pulls me into his arms, and I don’t resist,
breathing in the familiar scent of him. It’s almost too much for me, but it
feels so good, so safe and warm in his embrace...As if I never left Nashville.

To my horror, I start to cry.

“Shh, it’s okay, Paige. Let it out,
you can cry. It’s alright.”

This only makes me cry harder. I
bury my face in Blake’s broad shoulder, comforted by his kindness but afraid of
my overwhelming feelings for him. I need to remind myself that I am not fifteen
anymore. Blake and I are both adults.

Things have changed, we both have
lives of our own now.

 After a minute or so, I pull away
embarrassed, wiping at my face.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry." I say
in between sobs. "I don’t know what came over me.”

“You don’t have to apologize.” He
says, his brow furrowed.

“It’s just – you were such a big
part of my life, and then we never properly settled things. Being here – seeing
you –it’s just bringing back so much. I’m still not sure if moving here was the
right thing to do.”

Blake looks at me, clearly shocked
by what I've just said.

“You moved here?”

I nod, arranging our lunch on the
tray.

“Come on, let’s go eat outside. We
can talk more out there.” I say, ushering him through the sliding glass doors.

Blake grabs the drinks and follows
me out to the patio. Once we’re settled inside the cabana and I’ve flipped the
fan on, I explain more.

“I moved here two weeks ago. It was
a hard decision, but it seemed like the right time to try to fix things with my
dad.” I pause, because I’m not sure how much Blake knows. I don’t really expect
that my father has told him much, if anything. “My dad and I haven’t really
spoken since I was fifteen.”

I take a bite of salad and chew it
before swallowing. “And my dad has been dying to help me with my career. Which
was going nowhere in Bristol.”

“Career?” Blake looks shocked again.

Wow, Daddy clearly hasn’t told
Blake anything about me.

“I play music, too. I mean, I don’t
have a band or anything like you do, but I sing and play the guitar.”

“Paige, I had no idea.”

“Yeah, well I had no idea you
played either, Mr. Blake Shelton” I tease. We definitely need to lighten the
mood.

“It was just something I picked up.
Ya’ know, after you left. It helped me cope with things.” Blake’s eyes bore
into mine, and I feel my skin catch fire from his gaze.

“Me too,” I whisper, “I don’t know
what I would have done if my mom hadn’t given me my guitar. I think she was at
a loss for what to do with me. Music saved me. I know that sounds cheesy.”

“Not cheesy at all.”

We continue to eat, lost in our own
thoughts.

“So tell me,” Blake says, “What
have you been doing in Bristol all these years?”

I sigh, because I can pretty much
sum it up in a sentence or two, but I’ll try to make it sound better.

“Well, for starters, I went to
college. All four years. I majored in business, but played my music on the side.
Once I started working after graduation, I realized that I hated business. I
pretty much hated everything that had to do with being in a stuffy office all
day. So I quit, and pieced together a bunch of different jobs that let me pursue
my true passion, music.”

“Like what?”

“Really, Blake, it wasn’t that
exciting.” He seems so interested in my life. “I waited tables, worked in a
coffee shop, taught guitar to little kids. I always had a couple of gigs every
week, but it was never enough to support me without the other stuff.”

Blake nodded knowingly.

“No men?” he asked quietly.

I met his gaze. “No men. A
boyfriend here or there but no one lasted.” It was the truth. I didn’t need to
tell him that I was incapable of having a real intimate relationship.

“What about you? What have you been
up to in Nashville all this time?”

Blake smiles, stretching his legs
out.

“Oh, after I was done pining after
you?” he teases, but the smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

I play along anyway. “Yes, after
you were done pining after me. I’m sure it was many, many years.” I laugh. It
feels natural.

“It was,” he says somberly. “I
tried college, but it wasn’t for me. So I just focused on my music, like you
did. Once your dad got his record label back up and running a few years ago,
Rust really began to get serious. Your dad signed us last year, and he’s been
great.”

Blake takes a long sip of his green
tea.

“Oh! And there’s Savannah. I can’t
believe I almost forgot to bring her up,” he looks sheepish. “She’s my fiancé.”

I shouldn’t be surprised and I
certainly shouldn’t feel this overwhelming flood of pain and disappointment.

But I do.

Engaged.

I feel like I’ve been kicked in the
stomach.

Of course, Blake is engaged. I
should be surprised that he isn’t married yet. He’s a catch; anyone can see
that. I imagine Savannah as a beautiful southern belle, long flowy blonde hair,
like a ripe advertisement out of
Southern Living
magazine.

“Wow. Umm, congrats.” I say, with a
forced smile.

“Thank you. She’s great. You should
meet her sometime.”

I can tell Blake doesn’t really
mean it. That would be the definition of awkward.

“So, when is the big day?” I ask,
pasting a smile on my face as I pretend to be interested.

“Sometime in February. I’m not sure
if we have an exact date yet.”

I nod imagining a Valentine’s Day
wedding; I’ve always found that to be the cheesiest time of year to get
married. Bright pink and red hearts and conversation candies, and
lace
.

“How nice. So what does Savannah
do?” I ask, I hate her immediately and I hate myself more for feeling that way.

“She works for a local magazine.
Nashville
Beat
. You may not have heard of it.”

I shake my head; I am definitely
out of the Nashville loop.

“I actually didn’t tell her that I
was coming here today,” Blake confesses, rubbing his face with both hands. He
looks tired suddenly.

“Why?” I can’t help asking, and
feeling a small bubble of hope.

“I didn’t know how to explain it. I
didn’t know how to explain to Savannah who you were. I’m not sure she would
understand why I would want to see you.”

I can almost understand that. It’s
hard to explain the history Blake and I have. Most people would just say we
were high school sweethearts and nothing more, but Blake and I both know it was
something more. If things had been different, I would have bet everything on
the fact that I would have been the future Mrs. Evans, and
not
Savannah.

I try hard not to dislike Savannah;
I don’t even know her. I’m sure she is as sweet as pie, which I wryly realize
probably makes me like her even less.

“Well, will you tell her that you
saw me?” I ask, feeling uneasy again that I'm having lunch with my first love,
who happens to be engaged.

Blake sighs heavily. “Yes,
probably. I’ll probably tell her that it was a last minute decision. I’m sure
she won’t like it.” He stops and then quickly corrects himself. “Not that she
wouldn’t like you, it’s just that she gets a bit possessive.”

Of course she does; Blake is
gorgeous. I couldn’t blame Savannah for that.

“So how is your mom?” Blake asks,
changing the subject. I’m grateful for the subject change and we spend the next
hour discussing our families. But there’s a slight damper on the afternoon now
that Savannah has been brought up, and I certainly hope that Blake ends up
telling her about our reunion lunch.

I fill Blake in on my mom and
Grandma, and he in turn tells me about his parents, and how they were thinking
about retiring and moving to Florida in a few years.

Finally, when it’s almost three
o’clock, Blake checks his watch and decides he should get going.

“So has your dad set up any singing
gigs for you?” he asks as I walk him to the door.

“Yes, actually Friday night. I’m
embarrassed to say that I can’t remember the name of the bar.”

“No problem. I can call Becky in
the morning and find out. I’d love to come see you play.” He grins. “It seems
only fair since you saw me.”

I let out a weak chuckle. “Great.
I’ll be more nervous.”

“Don’t be nervous, Paige. You’ll be
fantastic.” He takes my hand as he says this, and then quickly drops it. “I’m
sorry,” he says, shaking his head. “I just sort of slipped back into old
habits.”

I understand what he means. I have
the desire to throw my arms around him, just like I once did, and hold him
close to me before he leaves. Except now he’s leaving in his black pickup
truck, instead of his red bike, and heading back to his fiancé instead of his
parents.

“Thanks for coming by, Blake. I’m
glad we did this,” I say honestly, “It was really great catching up.”

He looks at me for slightly too
long and my heart hammers wildly in my chest. I feel desire surge through my
body and it nearly knocks me off my feet. I haven’t felt desire, real physical
desire for a man ever since Blake.

I didn’t think I could ever feel
that way again.

Dazed, I let Blake out of the house
and watch him drive away. Once his car has disappeared, I bury my head in my
hands. I’m smitten with Blake all over again. And this time he’s engaged to be
married.

I’m more screwed up than I thought.

SIX

Blake

It's Her

I pull down Kenny Lawson’s
driveway, my mind filled with Paige. Seeing her just now was surreal. She was
so different, yet still the same girl I remember. As I was leaving, I grabbed
her hand out of habit because it just felt so natural. I've been waiting
thirteen years to do that.

She’s not the same carefree girl of
summer that I remember, but she is still Paige. Of course what happened to her
was bound to ruin her life. Hearing that there wasn’t a man in her life made me
happy, yet it makes me sad to think she may never find happiness. But I have a fiancé,
I shouldn't be concerned with Paige's relationship status in the first place.

But sitting there by the pool with
her, seeing her in a sundress, it was like we were fifteen years old again and
I couldn’t help feeling something for her. And I couldn’t stop my dick from
getting hard when she reached over to clean up and I could see down her dress.

I still remember every inch of her
body.

I didn’t date anyone in high
school, and then I had a few girlfriends in college during my short stint. I
always dated casually, nothing serious. I think a part of me kept hoping that
Paige would return, or contact me, that we could somehow pick up where we left
off.

By the time Savannah came into my
life, I had just about given up on ever reconciling with Paige. And I was a
dude. What the hell was I doing pining after some girl from nearly a decade
ago? With Savannah, everything just clicked. Not in that easy kind of way that
Paige and I had clicked, but in the kind of way where you know that it’s not
going to get any better than this and you feel like you need to settle down.

That sounds bad. I didn’t settle
with Savannah. I just knew that I needed to move on with my life and Savannah
seemed like the right person to do it with.