Damselfly (27 page)

Go to the desk, sit on the doll sofa. I’m careful to make sure Tani reaches her chair first before I seat myself on the rock-hard cushion.

Answer questions. Be charming. This will be a lot harder.

“So, Lina. Welcome! We’re so excited to have you on the show with us.”

“Thank you. It’s an honor to be here.”

“Now, usually we have folks on to promote their new movie or book, but you’re here for a different reason. I’m sure I don’t need to recap for our audience because you’ve become a household name all over the world, but just in case anyone’s been hiding under a rock for the past two months, Lina Christiansen recently starred in a reality dating show featuring six contestants who are as unique as she is. Her six Toms were also about six inches tall. However, she shocked the world when her online boyfriend Jack offered to undergo a transformation procedure to bring him down to her size and she turned him down in favor of a young man named Row or Tom 2. In an even more unexpected turn of events, Row was reunited with his former girlfriend, Daphne Livingston, who underwent the shrinking procedure. Unfortunately, Miss Livingston passed away due to complications from the transformation, with viewers worldwide witnessing some of the horror. Truly shocking.

“Now, Lina, you’ve received a lot of flak for turning down Jack and choosing Row, and you’re here to clear the air, so to speak. Would you like to tell us what happened?”

“Yes, thank you.” I lick my lips, longing for a sip of water. My mouth has gone completely dry.

“Dr. Christiansen is now in custody for the wrongful death of Daphne Livingston. Did you have some idea the procedure was harmful?”

“I did. Before the show even started, I caught one of the assistants doing some sort of testing on a cat. And right before the episode with Jack—where I told him I’d picked someone else—I found out someone had died from Dr. Christiansen’s experiments. I didn’t know then that she was trying to shrink full-sized people.”

“So when Jack told you what he was willing to do for your relationship, you knew he could die if he went through with it.”

“Yes. I tried to tell him, but they kept freezing the…the transmission whenever I said something about the risks. So I knew the only way to keep him from going through with it was if I…if I got him to stay away from me.”

“You tried to protect him.” Tani’s face is full of manufactured compassion, and I’m suddenly uncomfortable with revealing the inner workings of my heart to her on this stage. But Jack has to know, and this is the only way I can tell him.

The audience “awwws,” and Tani nods at them meaningfully.

“That was all I wanted,” I say, looking directly into the camera. “I promised him once that I would never make him watch something painful unless I had a good reason, and I’ve never broken my word on that.”

“Tell us more about the show itself. Were you given a choice about whether or not you would participate?”

“I was told I could either cooperate, or they would hurt Jack.”

“And how did they know about him or where to find him?”

“I’d been talking to him online for a year, and Dr. Christiansen took my computer and watched all my video files. Without my permission.”

Tani shakes her head. “That’s horrible. And from what I understand, you don’t enjoy all the rights and privileges we regular-sized people do here in the European Union.”

“No. Technically, I’m not a human.”

“Unbelievable. Well, is there anything you would tell Jack if you had the chance?”

Not on your show, not because you asked.
But I’ve committed to this thing, so I clear my throat and say, “Yes. I’d like—”

“I’m so glad you said that,” she says, “because I have a surprise for you. Please welcome Lina’s online love—Jack!”

I whirl around as Jack bursts onto the stage to deafening applause and cheering. I stand awkwardly as Tani rushes over to shake his hand and lead him to the chair. I’m not sure what to do. Should I go over to him? Stay here? Smile and wave? No one prepared me for this.

I stand rooted in place as he sits and waves at the audience. He’s looking unbelievably hot in his dark chocolate suit, with his hair all casual. But there’s a hardness in his eyes I’ve never seen before.

“Hello, Lina.”

“Hi, Jack,” I squeak.

“This is the first time you two have ever been in the same room, isn’t it?” Tani asks. Thank you, Captain Obvious.

“It is,” he says with far more composure than I can muster right now.

“Now, Jack,” she says. “I’m sure you heard Lina’s explanation. What do you think about that?”

“I think I’m not quite sure what I believe right now.”

“And you didn’t know she was the world’s first Thumbelina while you were dating if I understand correctly.”

“I wouldn’t say we were dating. We talked online. None of our dates were real.”

Those words sting even deeper than his last goodbye.

“But you cared for her,” Tani presses.

He squirms in his seat. “Obviously. I offered to let a quack doctor cut me down to size for her.”

“Hm. Well, Lina has something to say to you. Lina?”

This is not how this is supposed to happen. In all my fantasies of meeting Jack, I never dreamed of being put on the spot in front of an international audience in order to say my piece. And I never imagined I would see his face so hard and set against me. My words cannot crack his shell. He has no reason to believe I did it all because I love him.

“I’m sorry,” I say as the tears shove their way out, humiliating me in front of everyone. “I can’t do this.” And then, escorted with gasps of disbelief, I fly offstage.

Chapter 36

“Go back out!” the assistant screams when I burst through the curtain. He looks past me, and his eyes widen even more. “You too!”

I whirl around in my teary haze and come face-to-face with Jack. He followed me?

“Can we… I don’t know how to do this. Can we talk?” he asks.

“Okay.”

The assistant inserts himself between us and goes off on Jack. “Get back on the stage! What are you doing?!”

“Out of my face, please,” Jack says. “This is no longer any of your business.” His voice is so commanding that the assistant backs off. Jack jerks his head toward the dressing rooms, and I follow him into the one marked with his name.

He closes the door behind us with a muffled click that dies in the silence and stuffiness of the room.

We stare at each other. Finally we’re alone and together, and we have nothing to say. Now that we’re up close and I don’t have an audience watching, I notice the edges of his suit are frayed, and it’s a bit old-fashioned. The legs are a little short, too.

“It was my dad’s,” he says. “I could never afford to buy one right now. That’s why I agreed to come on the show. I didn’t do it to embarrass you.” He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “I should have known better.”

I bite down on the inside of my lip.

He continues, his voice tired. “They didn’t tell me you would be here. If they had, I wouldn’t have done this. Although I’m sure it would have been hard to say no. On some level.”

“You’re still angry with me.”

“Yeah, I am.”

“Even though you heard everything I said out there? About why I had to turn you down? And those nasty comments weren’t even meant for you in the first place. Dr. Christiansen asked me to tell her exactly what I thought of her. They recorded it.”

He folds his arms. “It wasn’t your choice to make. Did it ever occur to you I might be intelligent enough to ask about the risks? That I might be smart enough to decide on my own whether or not I wanted to take the chance?”

I open my mouth, but he doesn’t give me opportunity to speak.

“Apparently you didn’t because you thought it was all up to you, that you were the only one who could be the hero. Seriously, Lina, I don’t think you could have been more of a martyr.” He shakes his head in disgust.

“Jack, if you’d been in my shoes, you would have done the same thing. I knew you didn’t have the whole story. They lied to me all along. Right before that day when they told me you could be shrunk, I found out someone I’d trusted all my life had been deceiving me from day one. Even if they did tell you there were risks, they didn’t tell you all of them. I watched them bury some poor girl they killed. Did they tell you that part?

“If these people were ordinary, honest scientists, it would have been very different. But they’re not—they’re liars and manipulators! I’ve lived with Dr. Christiansen and her little band of hack jobs all my life. Give me a little credit!”

He smirks at me. “Liars and manipulators, eh? Seems like you are related to them after all. I guess you couldn’t find it in your heart to tell me for the past
year
that you’re six inches tall and have wings. Care to explain that one?”

I take a deep breath. There is no good answer. There’s no reason he should believe me now. Still, if I’m going to win back his trust, I’d better start being honest. “I didn’t want to lose you.”

He shakes his head and runs his hands through his hair. “So you let me believe a lie so you could get what you wanted. Did you ever think about what I wanted? Maybe I would have liked the opportunity to choose for myself whether or not I dated a tiny girl? But I guess you didn’t really care about me that much. You just cared about yourself.”

Every word hits its mark at the center of my heart. Every word is true. It feels more complicated to me than he’s described, but he isn’t wrong either.

I struggle against the words I need to say but manage to force them out. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Are you really?”

“Well, I’m not sorry I got to have you in my life for a longer period of time. But you’re right that it was selfish, so I’m sorry.”

The balloon of his anger appears to be deflating. He chews on his lip.

“Jack?”

“What?”

“Why did you accept Dr. Christiansen’s offer to be shrunk if you were so mad at me for misleading you?”

He stares hard at the wall behind me. “Because I kept thinking about what you said the last time we talked. Right before you pulled the plug on your computer.” His eyes meet mine. “And I missed you. But now I don’t know what to think.”

“Jack, I decided to love Row because choosing him kept you safe. At least, I thought it would. Can you understand that?” I throw up my hands in frustration. “I gave up on ever being happy. I remember you telling me about how you felt when you realized you could never stop working and supporting your siblings. You said it felt like a crushing weight that would never go away no matter how hard you wished, no matter how hard you worked. When you told me, I didn’t understand how that felt. Well, now I do. Now I know that not everything has a happy ending.”

I flutter close to his face. Even though we’re inches away from each other, I don’t feel any butterflies. I just feel him, who he is, how we are connected. “I can’t make you forgive me, and I won’t try to twist your arm. But I’m asking you.”

He lifts his hand so I can stand on his palm. “I don’t know, Lina. What would that even mean now? Look at us. So, say I forgive you—do we shake hands and go our separate ways?

My heart is a worn-out punching bag, but I have to ask anyway. “Do we have to?”

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize I’m assuming a lot. He’s never told me he loves me, although his actions have said as much in the past.

He searches my heart through my eyes, and I hold my breath.

“Lina, there are six guys—”

“But none of them are you.” And there I go again, showing too much of my hand when he hasn’t revealed his. “Jack, can I ask you something?”

“Go for it.”

“The last night we talked, when I told you…when I told you that I love you… What did you say afterward? Did you say anything at all?”

His voice is firm and confident. “I said I loved you, too.”

Loved. Past tense. My heart drops.

“I still do.”

We stare at each other, both unwilling to break the sudden spell that binds us. I can hear my own heartbeat, and my entire body has gone warm.

He loves me.

“I love you, too,” I say. “I never stopped. It’s not perfect, but it’s love.”

He nods. I’m not sure how much he believes me, but it feels like we’re careening over the crest of the wave here and this will either be the ride of our lives or an epic wipeout.

He draws me closer to his face. “What am I going to do with you?” He smiles for the first time.

“Take me with you.”

“You really want that? You’d want to leave your home and come to South Dakota?”

Do I? I’ve been living in George’s flat, but Denmark has always been my home. Until right now, I’ve assumed I would eventually return to my treehouse and figure out what to do from there. But what if I could start over again with someone who loves me?

“Yes,” I say. “I do.”

Chapter 37

I swing my feet back and forth, back and forth from my perch on the stable window and rub my arms to chase away the winter morning chill. The dawn light cuts yellow beams through the dust erupting under Sampson’s stomping hooves. He snorts out frosty clouds as Jack adjusts his bridle. The saddle hangs in the tack room, unused. Jack still prefers riding bareback, but today he will have to wear shoes.

“We’re lucky it didn’t snow last night.” He gives Sampson a pat. “Are you ready?”

I nod, then say “yes” as loud as I can. He’s not accustomed to my tiny gestures and facial expressions, so I have to speak up more often than I normally would. We’re still getting used to each other. I imagine we will be breaking one another in for a while.

He leads Sampson out into the yard, then swings his legs over the pinto’s back.

“Come on, pixie!” He unzips his jacket and pats his shirt pocket. I climb inside, and he presses his hand against me to make sure I’m safe, just as he always does. I’ve told him a million times it doesn’t matter if I fall out because obviously I have wings, but he still does the pre-ride pat.

I wiggle inside the pocket until I’m comfortable and my wings aren’t bent in odd places, and then I shout, “Ready!”