Damsels in Distress (22 page)

I squared my shoulders. “This is not a prank, as far as I know. It may turn out to be one, but I can assure you that I am not the instigator or a conspirator. A student reported finding the body. He made the assumption, based on his observations of blood and other distasteful material, that the man he was looking at was dead. I sent two other students and an adult to wait near the body for your arrival.”

“So you haven’t seen this body yourself?”

“No, I just told you what I know—for the second time. Perhaps you might want to see for yourselves,” I said sharply. “It’s remotely possible that the victim is not dead, in which case he needs immediate medical assistance.”

“Hey,” said a second officer, “I recognize you. You’re the lieutenant’s-”

“I am the person who has reported what may have been a vicious assault or a homicide.”

The first officer chewed on his lower lip as he studied me. “Weren’t you at that fire last week, dressed up like a witch? I asked Sergeant Jorgeson the next day why it is you always seem to be loitering around when there’s a crime. He said it was hard to explain.”

The other whiz kid sniggered. “Like Einstein’s theory about relatives. My wife tried to tell me how her third cousin twice removed was also her grandmother’s first cousin once removed or something like that, but I just turned up the TV.”

I wanted to snatch off their badges and stuff them in their mouths. However, since I was mild-mannered as well as courteous, I merely said, “There is a body at the archery range. There are approximately a hundred potential witnesses on the verge of bolting for their cars. As much as I myself am enjoying our little chat, I do think you might want to take charge of the situation. I believe the techniques for preserving the scene are taught at the police academy, but I could be mistaken.”

A paramedic from the ambulance joined us. “What’s the deal? It’s Saturday night, fellows, and the calls are gonna start coming in pretty soon.” He took in my admittedly fetching attire and let out a low whistle. “Begging your pardon, miss. You in need of my very finest medical attention?”

I held up both hands. “I’ve told you where the body is to be found. The mob is stirring down that walkway behind me. There are also some very upset people wandering around, although I don’t know where they may be by now. You’re professionals, so for God’s sake act like it!” I wheeled around and headed toward the Royal Pavilion, ignoring barked orders to stop. I knew Lanya would be distressed if her gown was returned with bloodstains in the middle of its back, but that was the least of my concerns.

By the time I reached the Royal Pavilion, the only people remaining at the Duke’s table were the Threets. They did not appear to be displeased by their sudden promotion in prestige, if not rank. Glynnis was waving a fork as the musicians struggled through a number. William beamed at his motley collection of pirates, peasants, and mall shoppers as if they’d come to offer homage. Said subjects were beginning to look surly.

The two police officers on my heels stopped at the edge of the pavilion. “What the hell’s going on?” one demanded. “Why are these people dressed up like this? Wait, I think I saw something about it on the news earlier this week. Sounded kind a lame.”

I gestured at the head table. “Those two are Lord and Lady Bicklesham. They will be delighted to explain.”

“What about those green girls?” asked the second officer.

“Fairies.”

“Well, excuse me,” he said. “How could I miss the obvious explanation?” He stared at the crone. “What about her? Is she the bad fairy godmother?”

He was going to add more, but several members of the audience approached and began to badger him for information. Small children who’d watched the bloodthirsty knights with wide-eyed glee now began to cry at the sight of uniformed police officers. I glided behind the tent and gave myself a few moments to savor the solitude. There were lights on in the farmhouse. Lanya and Anderson were there, I assumed, as well as Fiona. Julius had last been seen staggering away to throw up. Once he’d recovered, he might have taken refuge there, too. I had no idea what Caron and Inez had done with Edward.

I was still standing there, not quite dithering and wringing my hands, when one of the pirates came blundering across the rutted pasture. “Mrs. Malloy,” he said between gasps, “they want you at the archery range.”

“They?” I inquired politely.

“Yeah, you know, like the police. It’s real crazy down there. All kinds of lights and people shouting and stuff.”

“It sounds as though they have the situation under control with officious and energetic efficacy
_ģ
Why on earth do they want me to clutter up the proceedings?”

He gave me a startled look, as though I’d spoken to him in a foreign dialect. I have noticed that certain members of his age group are often perplexed by multisyllabic words. Their vocabulary seems to consist of acronyms for mysterious state-of-the-art technological jargon.

“They just told me to get you,” he said at last. “Can you find your way, or do you want me to show you?”

“Milady does not require an escort. Run along and find some breath mints. You smell like a distillery, and the police will question you and your fellow buccaneers sooner or later. Miss Thackery will be displeased if the lot of you end up being arrested for underage drinking. Dante’s Inferno will sound like a holiday destination.”

“Yeah, right,” he mumbled, then made his way in the direction of the Royal Pavilion.

I, on the other hand, did my best to avoid it. I went behind the caterer’s van and various tents until I felt confident enough to emerge. The walkways were unpopulated. The vendors had packed up earlier and slipped away to peddle their wares at other festivals (or go home and watch TV). The food court looked particularly desolate. A few paper plates and cups had fallen out of the trash bins and were quaking in the light breeze. The moon, as well as the lights from the area around the Royal Pavilion, were adequate for me to avoid blundering into any of the picnic tables or stumbling over tent pegs. Dressed as I was, I felt like a character in a gothic novel. Lady Clarissa, back from the netherworld, in search of her brooding lover, haunting the palace grounds on moonlit nights. Her pale shoulders and graceful neck gleam in contrast to her emerald gown. How lightly she moves on her feet, as if drifting above the trampled grass. She pauses, her lips pursed. Her fingertips flutter to her mouth as she peers into the fathomless shadows.

“Claire!”

Lady Clarissa almost wet her satin panties.

“Who’s there?” I croaked.

“Sssh! It’s Edward. I’m behind the stage.”

“Doing what?” I wrinkled my nose as I tried to locate him. The shadows were by no means fathomless, but they were dark. “Why don’t you come out here?”

“I want to talk to you. Please, just for a few minutes. We can sit on the edge of the stage. I found a frying pan in the prop box. You can hold on to it in case you want to clobber me with it.”

“Is there a reason why I’d want to clobber you?” I asked. I remained where I was, not at all willing to accept his invitation. I wasn’t afraid of Edward. However, I was aware of the adage about fools rushing in where angels fear to tread. Edward might enjoy playing the fool, but I wasn’t as eager. “Why are you hiding, Edward? Is somebody after you?”

“I don’t know,” he said piteously. “You’re the only person I trust, Claire, and I have to talk to somebody. I think I’m going crazy.”

“All the more reason for me to stay right here.”

“No, not that kind of crazy.” He hiccuped noisily, leading me to wonder how much he’d imbibed between his short performances. It was likely that he’d been unable to eat prior to his ballad. It could make for an unpleasant situation.

“Where are Caron and Inez?” I asked, still unable to see him.

“I told them I was about to be sick, so they aimed me at one of those portable toilets. They’re probably still waiting for me.”

That was credible. Neither girl was a likely candidate for nursing school, which was just as well for patients everywhere. Caron once fainted when I removed a splinter from her finger. Inez, who was watching, did, too. They’d recovered only when I offered to take them out for lunch.

I came to a decision. “Okay, Edward, but I’ll meet you at the battle arena. Nobody will see us, but there’s enough light for me to keep an eye on you.” I waited for a few seconds, then frowned and said, “Edward? Are you still there?”

The beam from an industrial-strength flashlight caught me in the face. “Are you Mrs. Malloy, ma’am? Sergeant Jorgeson’s waiting for you. He thought you might get lost on the way.”

I shaded my eyes with my hand. “Get that out of my eyes, please. Yes, I’m Claire Malloy. What does Sergeant Jorgeson want?”

“You, ma’am. Do you want me to hold your arm? The ground’s kind of rough on account of the weeds.”

“That will not be necessary, Officer. I have slogged across deserts during raging sandstorms, and used a machete to fight my way through a jungle. Once, when I was captured by a tribe of headhunters in the Amazon rain forest, I ended up teaching them how to make soup from lizards and dung beetles. I am more than capable of walking down to the archery range without assistance.”

“Of course you are,” he replied with a smirk. “No encounters with aliens?”

“I am a demigoddess in the mythology of Alpha Centauri.” I took a quick look at the stage, then turned and followed the officer. I realized I’d yet to have a conversation with Edward that had not been cut short, usually by his abrupt departure. I was more than curious to question him about Salvador.

Sergeant Jorgeson managed a faint smile as I joined him. Beyond the bales of hay that had served as targets, lights glared and police officers moved purposefully. Whether or not they were actually doing anything useful was impossible to determine, but they were keeping themselves occupied.

“You’re in charge?” I asked Jorgeson. “What about your wife’s relatives?”

“I can’t say I argued when I got the call,” he said. “What a mess, Ms. Malloy. People in costumes, drunken pirates, bitchy fairies, and all these lords and ladies. It is not your typical crime background.” He paused, then tilted his head. “You look particularly charming, if I may be so bold to mention it.”

“I don’t feel charming. What’s going on?”

“The victim was dead when we found him. The back of his head is a mess. The medical examiner is on his way. He’ll come up with a reasonably good estimate for the time of death, but I’d guess at least a couple of hours.”

“And you’re sure it’s Salvador Davis?”

“His friend over there talking to Corporal Cooper says so. Do you want to take a look?”

I shook my head. “I’ll trust Benny’s identification. Salvador drove out here. If his wallet’s not in his pocket, you can look for it in his car. Anderson Peru will know where it’s parked. What do you think happened?”

“Hard to begin to say, Ms. Malloy. From what Mr. Stallings has said, it sounds like Davis arrived around eight o’clock this morning. He brought some archery equipment and paper targets. Some of the high school boys lugged the bales of hay down here and attached the targets and taped up banners. We’ll locate them and ask questions, but I doubt they’ll have anything to contribute. Mr. Stallings says he took Davis a cup of ale and a turkey leg shortly before noon and they had lunch at the edge of the woods. He didn’t see him after that.”

“Several hundred people did, though,” I said. “Lots of would- be William Tells willing to put out a dollar to shoot three arrows.”

“Were you among them?”

“I wandered down to say hello early in the afternoon, maybe around three o’clock. I stayed for no more than five minutes, then left when a troop of Brownies arrived. I presume other people came after that. I don’t know how on earth you can locate the last person to see Salvador.”

“It will present difficulties,” Jorgeson said with a sigh. “According to Mr. Stallings, there were five or six hundred people here today. We can question the ones who remained for the banquet, but there’s no way to locate the others. Nobody was required to show identification to gain entry.”

I sat down on a bale of hay. “No telltale footprints near the body or fingerprints on the ax handle?”

“We’re looking for footprints, but the ground is dry. The lab will check for fingerprints. According to Mr. Stallings, every now and then Davis would have to go trample around in the area behind you and collect stray arrows. He also would take breaks whenever he wished.” Jorgeson glanced at his officers, then sank down on another bale. “I do not understand these people, Ms. Malloy. I am hoping you can help me out.”

“I’ll do my best. They’re not as peculiar as you seem to think they are. They all have jobs and responsibilities. They put on garb and indulge in make-believe merely for entertainment. They spend more money on their hobby than, say, quilters or gardeners, but I haven’t met anyone who’s unaware that this is not the fifteenth century. What I don’t understand is the dynamics of this particular group.”

Benny came over and looked down at Sergeant Jorgeson. “Do you still need me here? Everybody’s upset, and I’d like to let them know what’s happening. I’ll be at the farmhouse.”

“Yeah, go on,” Jorgeson said, wearily flapping his hand. “I’ll need to speak to all of you who organized this thing. One of my officers will go with you and wait outside so that you won’t be disturbed by reporters.”

“Reporters?” I echoed. Would all of Farberville be treated to footage of Lady Clarissa trying to sneak up the steps to the Perus’ porch in her emerald gown? What if, by some quirk, the story caught the fancy of the big news organizations and the said footage was aired across the entire country? Would Peter’s mother and the lovely Leslie have a splendid time the next morning watching the news while they nibbled triangles of toast and sipped mimosas on the patio? With any luck, Peter would be at the airport when he glanced up at one of the ubiquitous TV screens and saw me. Although he could hardly blame me for meddling, he might be a bit testy.

“Jorgeson,” I began in my most genteel voice, “would it be at all possible for one of your officers to take me home now? I swear that I will be available all day tomorrow to give a statement and do whatever I can to assist you.”