Dance (34 page)

“Fen,
seriously, it’s fine. I’ll chop the veggies. Get yourself a glass of wine and
go sit down to watch
Love Actually
or
something,” Jared said and tried to shoo Fenix away from the chopping board.

“I
want to help,” Fenix said stubbornly, refusing to budge.

“But
you’re not helping, love. I’m not making vegetable mash, I’m making roasted
vegetables, and I need them to be chopped in big chunks, not grated,” Jared
gestured towards Fenix’s chopping board in exasperation. Fenix smirked and
leaned in, catching Jared’s lips with his.
 

“I
love it when you go all Gordon Ramsey on me,” Fenix murmured against Jared’s
mouth. “It’s hot. Makes me
wanna
mess up all your
ingredients.”

Jared
laughed and snuck his arms around Fenix, pulling him closer for a deeper kiss.

“That’s
not hard,” Jared replied when their mouths separated. “All you have to do is
be
in the kitchen.”

Fenix
swatted his arm, squirmed away from his embrace, and continued chopping the vegetables.
Jared shook his head and went to check on the roast. But he was still smiling
and that was all that mattered to Fenix.

They
ate in the living room in front of the TV and exchanged presents at midnight.
Fenix had gotten Jared the
Tissot
watch Jared had fallen
in love with earlier that year, and had the back engraved with what he was
starting to think of as ‘their poem’:

To hearts which near
each other move

From evening close to
morning light,

The night is good;
because, my love,

They never say good-night. 

Fenix had asked
the jeweller to engrave it in a spiral and make a heart with
F+J
in the middle. Jared loved it and, even though he tried
to hide it, Fenix saw his eyes misting over.

When
Fenix opened his gift, he saw it was a study-at-home course in Swedish.

“I
hate to break it to you, baby, but I’m already fluent in Swedish,” Fenix said
with a smile, knowing there must be something more to the gift. Jared smirked.

“I
know, love. It’s for me. I want you to teach me.”

“Why?”
Fenix asked, genuinely bewildered.

“Because
I want to be able to say a few words to the locals when we go in January,”
Jared said triumphantly and pulled out an envelope from behind his back,
presenting it to Fenix. There were two plane tickets to
Stokholm
inside, as well as hotel bookings and itinerary. The theatre closed for two
weeks in January after the gruelling schedule in December, and Fenix could not
think of a better way to spend their holiday.

“Wow!
That’s... I don't know what to say. Thank you!” Fenix wrapped his arms around
Jared and rested his head on his shoulder. That was the best gift he’d ever
received. He’d mentioned to Jared once that he’d been to Sweden as a child and
he had fallen in love with the country. Fenix had wanted to go again for some
time, see it through an adult’s eyes, but there was always something more
important that came up.

“You’re
welcome,” Jared whispered against his hair. “I don't think they have all the
dirty words you shout during sex in the course, though. You’ll have to make a
list of those and teach me yourself.”

“Let’s
go have your first lesson, then,” Fenix
said,
standing,
and offering Jared his hand to pull him up.

“Are
there going to be rewards for excelling students?” Jared asked as he padded
after Fenix towards the bedroom.

“Oh,
yeah,” Fenix said, turning to wink at Jared. “But there’s also going to be
punishment if you don't do your homework on time,” he said seductively.

“Looking
forward to it, Mr Bergman,” Jared replied, and their laughter followed them up
the stairs before they collapsed on the bed.

Fenix’s show on
New Year’s Eve ended ten minutes before midnight. While the audience applauded
and the cast bowed, a voice on the speakers informed everyone that there will
be a countdown in a few minutes and everyone was welcome to stay and celebrate
with the cast. Behind the curtain, people were busy rearranging the decors,
putting up
Happy New Year
banners and
loading the confetti machines.

A
minute before midnight, the curtain went up and the audience started cheering.
The whole
Poison
cast was on stage
and Fenix had to be with them, even though all he wanted to do was run into
Jared’s arms backstage. He could see Jared standing on the edge of the stage,
watching him and smiling.

Ten,
nine, eight...

The
countdown began and Fenix’s heart started beating faster.

Seven,
six, five, four...

Fenix
ran off the stage and collided with Jared just as the counting reached one and
the hall exploded in cheers, whistles, and confetti. Jared hugged him and
kissed him, and whispered ‘Happy New Year’ in his ear. Fenix had never felt
happier.

Their first
week in Sweden was fantastic. Jared had booked a nice hotel in Stockholm and
they went sightseeing, visited most of the fourteen islands the city was built
on, took long walks in the Royal National City
park
,
and enjoyed the fresh air, good food, and beautiful scenery. Fenix felt like a
child again, remembering walking hand in hand with his mother during one of her
rare breaks. At the same time, Fenix discovered so many things that hadn’t made
an impression on him as a child, like how friendly and open the locals were or
how, for some reason, it felt like coming back home.

Jared
had learned some words and phrases with Fenix’s help, and he was very proud
when he could order their meal in the restaurant or request room service. He
beamed like a child every time he said a sentence correctly and Fenix
rediscovered his mother’s tongue through Jared’s enthusiasm.

Their
second week began in
Malmö
– Evelyn’s home town. The
weather was milder – the city was in Southern Sweden and it was breathtaking.
Fenix felt so relaxed, so happy and fulfilled during those ten days, like he’d
never felt before.

Four
days before they were scheduled to go back to London, Fenix’s phone rang while
he and Jared were having lunch in a cosy cafe in
Malmö
city centre, before heading out to an ice skating rink.

“Hey,
Cat. How are you?” Fenix said as he picked up.

“Not
good. You need to catch the next plane to New York, Fenix. We have a problem,”
Cat said in a brisk, business-like voice.

Fenix’s
blood ran cold. He met Jared’s eyes across the table and frowned.

“What’s
going on?” he asked his agent.

“I’d
rather not discuss it over the phone. But it’s big.”

“How big?”

“End-of-your-career
big,” Cat said with a heavy sigh. She paused and Fenix could imagine her
rubbing her fingers across her forehead in concentration. “Look, I don't mean
to be a bitch, Fenix. But trust me on this. You need to get here as soon as
possible or this whole thing will blow up and we won't be able to stop it.”

“I’ll
be there as soon as I can,” Fenix said and disconnected the call. Jared was
looking at him with concern. Fenix hated that he had to break it to him that
their perfect vacation was over.

“Cat
wants to see me in her office as soon as possible. She didn't say much, but
apparently something big is going on and we need to face it right now. She said
my career depended on it.”

Jared
took Fenix’s hand across the table and squeezed.

“Let’s
go back to the hotel and pack. We’ll book the tickets online,” Jared said
without a moment’s hesitation, and leaving some money to cover the bill on the table,
stood and tugged Fenix behind him.

Chapter thirty five

Fenix

They managed to
book a flight for the next morning costing an extortionate sum of money. Fenix
tried hinting that Jared didn’t have to come and spend all this money, but
Jared had glared at him as he’d keyed in his credit card number, and the
subject was dropped.

Fenix
hadn’t slept at all that night, worrying what could have happened. He couldn't
manage to doze off on the plane either – he kept thinking, trying to remember
any insignificant detail,
something
that would lead him in the right direction. All he came up with was someone
he’d fucked during the two years he’d spent on Broadway had come out with a
confession story or some other nonsense, and Cat was trying to stop it from
going into print. Fenix could imagine that could be harmful to his image, but
career threatening? He was single at the time, so there was no scandal there.
Everyone knew he was gay so they couldn't cash in on that either.

What
could it be?

“Fen?”
Jared said quietly
next to him. Fenix turned to face him and tried to smile. “You’ve been thinking
about this pretty much nonstop for the past twenty four hours. Try to relax and
get some sleep.” Jared pushed Fenix’s hair out of his face, caressing his cheek
in the process. He tugged Fenix closer, wrapping an arm around him. “Whatever
it is, we’ll deal with it, OK?” Jared said, kissing the top of Fenix’s head
when he rested it on his shoulder.

Fenix
nodded weakly and closed his tired eyes. Jared was with him. He’d be OK.

That
was his last thought before he drifted off to sleep.

Fenix felt a
bit more like himself as he and Jared walked into his agent’s office. The few
hours
sleep he’d managed to get on the plane had done
wonders for his mental state.

“So
what is it?” Fenix asked as he and Jared sat down next to each other in
Cathleen’s office. She took the chair opposite them. Her expression was grim
and she had dark circles under her eyes as if she hadn't slept well either.

That
was bad.

“Someone
contacted me yesterday saying they have a video of you. They said they were
going to sell it to the highest bidder unless you pay them half a million dollars,”
Cat said bluntly.

Both
Fenix and Jared gaped at her.

“A video?”
Fenix managed
to say at last.
“A video doing what?”

Cat
glanced nervously at Jared before she spoke.

“Getting fucked by four men at the same time.”

Fenix
ears started ringing.

No.

This
could not be happening.

He
ran a shaking hand down his face, trying to think, but failed miserably. A hand
snuck around his shoulders and he turned to meet Jared’s concerned eyes.

“Fen?
Are you alright? You
look like you’re going to pass out,” Jared asked.

Jared.

Jared
was going to see him getting fucked by four men.

Jared
was going to witness the worst night of his life.

“We
have to stop this, Cat,” Fenix said desperately.

“I
know, Fenix!” Cathleen exclaimed as she stood up. She started pacing around the
room, her features drawn in concentration. “We can’t let the world see this or
your career is over.”

“I
don’t give a fuck about the world or my career!” Fenix yelled. Both Cathleen
and Jared looked at him sharply. He sighed and leaned back on the sofa, his
head resting on the back. “I don't want Jared to see it.” Shame and humiliation
like he’d never felt before overwhelmed him, and he couldn't stop the tear that
slid down his cheek.

“Cathleen,
will you give us a minute, please?” Jared asked quietly. Cathleen nodded and
exited the room.

“Baby?”
Jared said. Fenix
couldn't face him. “Look at me, love,” Jared asked gently. The moment Fenix met
his eyes and saw the kindness and concern
there,
he
started crying harder, unable to stop the agony inside him from spilling over.

Jared
hugged him and rocked him, whispering calming words while Fenix cried. When the
tears dried, Jared let go of him, wiped down his eyes and his cheeks with a
tissue, and kissed him softly.

“Listen
to me,” Jared began, holding Fenix’s face between his palms. “I knew about
this, remember? You already told me. Leaving you hadn't crossed my mind then,
and it certainly doesn’t now. I’ll support you whatever you decide to do, OK?
If you
wanna
pay them off, I’ll mortgage the flat and
we’ll pay them. If you decide to tell them to go fuck themselves and tomorrow
the whole world sees the video – fine. I’m still not going anywhere. We’re in
this together, Fenix.”

Fenix
nodded, but couldn't force any words out. His throat had completely closed off.
Jared’s support in that moment meant more to him than anything.

“It
was the worst night of my life, Jared,” Fenix managed to stay at last. “The
night I thought I had nothing left to live for. I don’t want you to watch
it,
I can’t live with myself if you see me like that...”