Daring to Dream (18 page)

I performed at the National Television Awards during my first week at the studio and I felt like a proper celeb. I had my own dressing room and Michael and I opened the show with ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough’. The kids’ choir from
Educating Yorkshire
did backing vocals and they were brilliant. I spent time with Michael during the day and he helped to steady my nerves because that’s a massive deal for me. Also, because all of the kids in the choir were so nervous I felt like I had to step up a bit and be strong for them, which helped me to keep focused.

I also sang ‘The Power of Love’ during the awards and it was my first solo performance since
The X Factor
. What a crowd to do it in front of! I was like a properly excited fan because I got to meet so many TV stars. I told Danny Dyer to fuck off for a laugh, just because I could, and he was such a nice bloke. I saw Shane Ritchie again, the cast of
Mrs Brown’s Boys
and Hayley from
Corrie
. I was in showbiz heaven.

In another case of
amazing
timing by me, when I got back from recording the album I discovered I was expecting baby number three. I had sore boobs – which, as I’ve said, is always the giveaway for me – so I took a test (in Asda of all
places!) and when it showed up as positive I burst into tears because I felt like I’d let everyone down. I was mortified. I was bawling my eyes out. As well as thinking I’d been a total idiot I was also scared of going through childbirth again and having all the pain.

I really wanted another baby before I entered for
The X Factor
, but Craig and I didn’t have the money or the space at the time. I always saw myself having three children but we were realistic about the fact I’d have to take time off work and we’d have to get an extension on the house. We didn’t want the kids to have a share a room because we had a new baby. It wasn’t fair. A lot of people get pregnant and then worry about things afterwards but we didn’t want to do that. We were probably almost
too
sensible about it all.

Craig and I did finally manage to laugh about it when we were going round the aisles. We both looked at each other and suddenly cracked up. I think that was the moment I properly thought about how incredible it was going to be having another child rather than worrying about what people would say about it.

The baby had been conceived on New Year’s Eve before I performed at a club called G-A-Y. Craig and I were staying in a hotel around the corner and we had a spare five minutes! That’s what happens when you take a woman away from her husband for four months. I was so scared about telling my management company; I thought they’d be furious, but they were brilliant and said it was great news. I know some people
have said I’ve been stupid to get pregnant and that it will ruin my career but I’m beyond happy to have three kids. If anything it will make me work harder because I want the best for all of my children. They will always come first in everything.

I was able to work throughout quite a bit of my pregnancy. I just had to take things easy when I needed to. I had to move my tour from October to January 2015, and I had to turn down a lot of things abroad because I couldn’t fly. But apart from that I carried on as normal. I did a lot of gigs and festivals, so the new arrival was well-travelled before she even came into the world. I was due to do a charity event when I was seven months pregnant called ‘An Evening with Sam Bailey’ and I really thought I was going to have to pull out because I was feeling pretty terrible. Thankfully, in the end I managed to get there okay. I kept thinking how awful it would have been if they’d had to change the title of the night to just ‘An Evening…’

I started rehearsals for
The X Factor
tour soon after I found out I was pregnant and of course because it was such early days I wanted to keep it a secret for as long as possible. But that didn’t prove easy. On the first day Sam and Luke came running up to me and got me in a headlock and I was like ‘Uh-oh, I’m going to have to say something’. I didn’t want to tell Sam because he was going out with Tamera, so of course he would want to tell her. Tamera would then have told Hannah, and Hannah would have told Rough Copy and… You get the picture. So instead I pulled Nicky and
Luke to one side and told them, but I swore them to secrecy. They were so excited for me, bless them. I also had to tell the two choreographers because I had to be careful with the dance moves. I didn’t want the dancers to think I was being a diva if I wasn’t joining in but of course there were certain things I couldn’t do.

In the end it all got a bit too much for me keeping the news from everyone, so when we had our end-of-tour meeting I announced it to the other acts. I think people thought I was going to do some kind of inspirational speech but instead I announced that I was having a baby. Ironically, Rough Copy were really sweet about it and hilariously kept asking people around the table if they were the father. Everyone congratulated me and they were genuinely happy for me.

My kids were very funny when we broke the news to them. We bought them both an iPad Mini each and sat them down in our living room. When I said, ‘Mummy and daddy are having another baby’, Brooke just said, ‘
Really
?’ and all Tommy cared about was what mummy was hiding behind her back. They told everyone at school the next day and they were genuinely over the moon.

It wasn’t long until the news leaked out to the papers but because of the laws regarding the press they weren’t allowed to announce it until I was 12 weeks gone unless I gave them permission, which in the end I did. People were already talking about it and I thought there was a good chance it could come out on the Internet. If it was going to come out,
I wanted it to come from me. I also put a post on Twitter with a picture of my ultrasound of Peanut, as we’d started calling my bump, on Twitter. I got a few unkind comments but overall people were incredibly positive and supportive.

As well as things getting back on track with Craig and I, being on the show really helped to bring other members of my family back together because to a certain extent things had become a bit fragmented. I’d had to disown Danny for a while because he had followed my parents down the drinking route and he was turning into a total nightmare. I’d tried to help him several times and when I couldn’t I had to leave him to help himself. I told him he couldn’t contact me and he couldn’t see my kids. It was a classic case of tough love.

I had to do that three times in order to try and make him change, but he’s doing really well now. He’s working for the mental health charity Mind, he’s got his own little flat and he’s changed so much. He still drives me up the wall like all brothers do, but it’s so nice to see him back on his feet. Now his passion is helping other people. I don’t think he’ll ever go back to being the person he was before because that person lost him a lot of friends and family.

Danny is back in touch with his son Jason again now. They didn’t see each other for some time when his drinking was bad, but they’ve got a good, solid father and son relationship. Jason looks the spitting image of Danny. Jason is a lovely lad. We had some making up to do but it’s all going really
well. He’s got a little girl of his own now called Amelia, so our family is growing.

Charlie was also a drinker for a while but now he’s met someone and he’s settling down. I guess it takes some people longer than others to get themselves together. My brothers were never going to be stockbrokers and wear sharp suits but as long as they’re doing what they want to do, that’s okay with me. I always had this dream growing up of being able to go to my big brothers and borrow money off them and hang out at their big houses, but I wouldn’t swap them for anything.

I would never want to turn around and give them money or act flash, and actually they’ve never asked me for anything. I like to think if they were ever really struggling they would come to me, and I have helped other people out in the past, but I also don’t want to seem like the easy option. I love treating people but there’s a fine line between helping people and hindering them by not letting them stand on their own two feet.

Your family is what moulds you and I did learn from them, especially when it came to things I
didn’t
want to do. I’ve seen the negative effects of drink and drugs up close and I never wanted to go back down that black hole. Sadly, when I go back to where I grew up some people are still doing the same things. They still go to the same pubs and have the same conversations and they’re stuck in negative patterns.

I’ve told my daughter how my dad died. She knows it
was to do with alcohol and she’s funny because if we have a party I’ll see her watching Craig and she’ll say to him, ‘How many drinks have you had?’ I don’t want her to be scared of alcohol but I want her to be aware of the dangers of it, and then it’s up to her to make a choice about whether or not she wants to drink when she’s older.

Brooke is also very aware of my mum’s drinking when she comes to stay. She’ll say to me, ‘Is Nanny Jac drinking loads today?’ because she doesn’t like it when she gets a bit rowdy. I always wind Mum up when she starts getting wobbly by asking her if she’s drinking enough water. She still likes a drink or eight and, much like back in the days when her and dad rowed, sometimes she tips over the edge and gets a bit nasty. I always say there are three phases to her drinking. In phase one she’s happy-go-lucky and friendly to everyone. In phase two she starts dancing like nobody’s business and being really talkative. In phase three she starts getting really opinionated and says stuff she doesn’t really mean; everything she’s thought but hasn’t been brave enough to say comes tumbling out.

When Mum gets to the second half of phase three she can say some pretty awful things if the mood takes her. She also gets really defensive but we all find it funny. We don’t take it seriously at all because we know what to expect and she doesn’t mean anything by it. She just lets everything come tumbling out after a few too many. One of her favourite phrases is: ‘I know you all hate me and wish I wasn’t here.’
She’ll start crying about all sorts of things you didn’t even know she was upset about. You don’t even want to be in the same room as her when she’s like that. She gets so out of control and one time she tripped over our dog, Molly, and smashed her face. Brooke was so upset because she looked terrible, but Mum just shrugged it off.

Just like in the old days, Mum won’t remember a thing in the morning. She’ll get up and say, ‘Do you fancy a cup of tea?’ and I’ll be like, ‘Do you now realise what you were like last night?’ I can handle it these days because I can make a joke of it and remind her about all of the things she said the night before. I can have a bit of a laugh with her, whereas back when I was a kid there was nothing funny about the drinking situation. But it’s all been a big learning curve.

I would hate for anyone to think badly of my mum because she’s a wonderful person and I think the absolute world of her. She’s supported me and been my rock all of my life, and she still is to this day. There’s nothing she won’t do for me. I have so much respect for her because she hasn’t always had the easiest time of it but she’s come out smiling. I’m so grateful she’s my mum and if there’s one thing I want to say to her it’s ‘thank you’. She’s taught me so much and been there for me throughout everything.

I
n February I headed out on the
The X Factor
tour, which was the perfect opportunity to thank some of the people who had voted for me. I mainly hung around with the sound guys because a lot of the other acts and dancers were going out partying and it wasn’t my scene – especially as I was pregnant.

The show started at 7.30pm every night and I was last on and I sang seven songs, so I also felt a bit separated from the others because they hung around together a lot backstage. We all did the last song together, and it was nice that we all came together, but I still felt disconnected from them. I came back home a lot to see the family, whereas most people stayed and travelled on the tour bus. If we were in a location where I could drive or fly home easily I would. It cost a small fortune but it was so worth it. The kids and Craig also got to
come to a lot of the shows and bring friends, so we were all together a lot and it was a really special time.

I got pretty spoilt on the road. I had a really bad back for a lot of it, so the tour manager used to call in a masseuse for me. The catering crew were amazing, too. They used to make special meals for me and I had a secret stash of chocolate and Twister lollies to keep me going. If the kids came backstage they would make them whatever food they wanted too, so they were well happy.

I spent a lot of time with the crew and there was a guy called Gavin who organised all the meet-and-greets and was hilarious. We were always messing about and he loved a practical joke. On the rare occasions I went on the tour bus, the young acts would be up the back playing loud music and drinking. It was impossible to chill out or sleep because it was so loud. I used to sit at the front in what we called the ‘sane’ section, where all of the older people were, but the noise really travelled!

After one show we all went out clubbing and of course I went home early. The next day we had a really long journey on the bus and everyone was so hungover it was silent at the back. People were asleep in the gangways and all sorts. You could have heard a pin drop. Gavin decided to get his revenge for all the times the youngsters had kept us awake, so he started singing ‘Little Donkey’ at the top of his voice and we all joined in. The tables had well and truly turned. Then Gavin got on the microphone and started reading out
Dear Deidre from
The Sun
. It was hilarious. Although maybe not for the people who had been up until stupid o’clock the night before and had cracking headaches.

There was a bit of trouble on the tour when a couple of the other acts got into a bit of an altercation. I didn’t actually see it but the story got leaked to the press, and the guy who was on the receiving end, Sam Callahan, had to wear so much make-up to cover his bruises he looked like Barbara Cartland. Poor guy. It caused a lot of tension, which was a real shame, and the guy who threw the punch quite rightly got sent home.

It was sad saying goodbye to everyone when the tour came to a close. I’ve seen Nicky, Luke, Kingsland Road and Rough Copy since, and it’s always nice to catch up. Yes, even with Rough Copy. I’ve seen Shelley a bit too, and Annie, the
X Factor
vocal coach, is going to be singing backing vocals on my tour, which I’m really pleased about. I’m so excited about the tour. It’s going to be me singing my heart out with an amazing band behind me and I can’t wait.

I had my night opening for Beyoncé on 24th February at the LG Arena in Birmingham, but sadly I didn’t get to meet her. I was kind of hidden away in a little cupboard in the lorry compartment and I was gutted. I got three minutes to sound-check and I had no lighting effects whatsoever when I performed, just one spotlight. It sounds like I’m moaning – and I kind of am, I suppose – but it would have been nice for her to say hello!

Still, the happier news is that my album went to number one for Mother’s Day on 30th March 2014, which was the best feeling ever. It felt really poignant and it was a real relief because I was nervous about how it would do. I performed at G-A-Y again the night before and owner Jeremy Joseph and I had a massive cake fight on stage, which was a good way to have an early celebration! I also got a phone call from Simon Cowell congratulating me, which was surreal. I honestly thought it was Rory Bremner or someone phoning up and doing an impression of him. He was really sweet and he knew all about my kids and asked after them and how my pregnancy was going. I met him face-to-face for the first time at a charity event and he was just as nice there. He’s a genuinely lovely guy.

After a year of being in the spotlight, I’m kind of used to fame now. It’s weird that everyone knows who I am and people are always coming up to me to say hello when I’m shopping in the supermarket with my kids. They always say that they’re surprised I’m in there doing my shopping, as if I’ve got a team of staff who do it all for me. I think that’s hilarious. Even if I was a multi-millionaire I would still want to do all of my own everyday chores. It’s what keeps me grounded.

I think people expect me to go glammed up like someone off
Dynasty
, or like I am on TV so they’re a bit shocked when they see me in jeans and a T-shirt. But the whole glamour thing just isn’t me. I guess in some ways I’m still the same tomboy I’ve always been. I want to carry on being me. I like
it when I have my hair and make-up done and people think ‘Wow!’ but I also think it’s funny when people see me in everyday life and think ‘Wow, you look rough’. This is who I am. If someone wants to glam me up then great, but I’ve got three kids and I don’t have time to do it every day.

There are certain mums on the school run that always look so well turned out and I really admire them but it must be exhausting. I’ve actually said to some of them, ‘How the hell do you manage to look so good when you’ve got kids to get ready?’ ‘You must get up at four in the morning just to do your hair?’ ‘When do you get the chance to iron clothes and do the packed lunches?’

Not much has changed with my day-to-day life really. I still live in the same house I have done for the past 12 years and people are always shocked when they come round. I’m sure everyone thinks I should be living in a mansion somewhere. We’re having an extension built on to our place after I finish my tour so that we’ve got more room for the baby, but it’s my home and I love it. Maybe we’ll move at some point in the future but my kids can play out the front with their friends here and they love it, so I don’t want to take them too far away whatever happens.

I also still shop in the same places I always have done. I’m not swanning into Chanel and spending fortunes. I would be furious with myself if I did. I may have the odd designer piece in my wardrobe that I’ve been given, and I’ve treated myself to something from All Saints every now and again,
but I’m not about to start spending £2,000 on a handbag. Why do I need something that expensive?

The kids’ clothes still come from supermarkets and
high-street
shops too. I don’t see the point in buying them really expensive clothes, because they’re going to get covered in spag bol. They want to go out and play and not worry about getting messy, and at the end of the day Tommy would rather have a bright pair of Spiderman trainers than some fancy ones from Hugo Boss. The only time the children get anything slightly fancy is when we go to the outlet shopping centre in Bicester Village.

My kids are far from spoilt and I’m so lucky because they’ve got really kind natures. I recently did a gig for a children’s charity called Destination Florida – which I’m now a patron for – and when I explained to Brooke what I was doing and told her how auctions work, she disappeared upstairs and came back down with five Loom bands for the auction. After I’d performed, I told everyone what Brooke had done and her bracelets ended up selling for £500 – that’s £100 each! When I told Brooke she was so happy I thought she would burst.

When things like that happen it makes me stop and think how lucky I am that I can use my ‘fame’, or whatever you want to call it, for good. Let’s be honest, if I’d been nobody it’s likely those bracelets would not have sold at all, so to be able to raise that amount of money for the charity when doing so little meant so much.

I’ve got a friend called Leanne who I used to work with at HMP Gartree. She’s got two lovely little kids called Mia and Corey. They’ve both got a very rare condition that means that they’re severely disabled. She’d been trying to raise money to get her house modified for their wheelchairs but she was finding it a struggle, so when I got invited on
Tipping Point: Lucky Stars
I donated the money I won to the Strong Bones charity, which helps families like hers.

I got offered a magazine deal for my baby shower but they told me the more famous faces that were there, the more money I would get. I didn’t want my friends to think they had money on their heads so I turned it down. Instead I invited along a photographer, sold the photos and gave all of the money to Leanne. If I’m ever having a bad day I think about things like that and it makes me feel so grateful. There are some incredible people in this world that do incredible things and while I may not be saving lives doing my job, at least I can give back and help as many people as I can.

I’ve always been realistic about the future. Craig and I have got new cars but they’re both leased, so if my career kicks the pan we can give them back and we’re not saddled with loads of debt. I know how this industry works and this time next year nobody might care about me. I’m not going to sit back and say, ‘I’ve made it now,’ because that’s not the case. I’ve won a talent show but it’s not the be all and end all. Yes, my life will never be the same and I’ll probably get recognised for the rest of my life to a certain extent, but I
still live a totally normal life – with a few crazy times thrown in here and there for good measure!

People are generally really nice wherever I go. The only place I sometimes get abuse is on Twitter because it’s very easy for people to hide behind their computers. I’m lucky because I don’t take offence and I actually think it’s quite funny. I’m pretty tough so I can take a bit of criticism. If someone says they think I’m rubbish and they tag me in on purpose I’ll either ignore them or reply with something like: ‘Thanks mate! Lol!’ If you stand up to a troll, they usually try and dig themselves out of the hole and apologise, but by that point I’ve moved on. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t get hassled on Twitter sometimes, even if they’re not famous, and life is way too short to worry about people who haven’t got anything positive to say.

I’m lucky that people are very respectful about where I live because I’m probably not that hard to track down. Very occasionally someone will come to the door asking for an autograph, and the other day four women were waiting in a car when I got home to talk to me, but generally I don’t get bothered at all. What is weird is that people I’ve known for years sometimes treat me differently. Just after I’d won
The X Factor
last Christmas, I went round to Craig’s cousin Lucy’s house for a party and people who I’d been friends with for ages were taking photos of me and putting them on Facebook or Twitter. They were doing selfies and posting them saying: ‘Look who I’m with!’ but they’d known me
for years! ‘Skyscraper’ came on TV at one point and everyone was drunk and singing along and I thought that was an ideal time to leave. When we left I said to Craig, ‘I’ve just been treated differently’, and I didn’t like it very much. I want people to treat me like the same Sam they always have.

Friends and family are really good now and they know there’s a time and a place for photos and autographs, and it’s probably not at the dinner table at Christmas. That party felt weirder than being recognised in the street, if I’m honest.

As well as dealing with my newfound fame I was getting used to being pregnant for the third time and I kind of knew what to expect. I got a bit mardy sometimes and went into weird moods over stupid things, like Craig making something I didn’t want for dinner, but I knew when I was being irrational and I’d laugh about it a few minutes later. Hormones are so ridiculous!

I was due to go into the recording studio in London back in June but I got as far as Watford when I started contracting and having pain so I had to cancel it and drive all the way back home again. I went to hospital and the doctors were so worried I was going to go into early labour they kept me in for six days in total. It turned out I had dehydration and a water infection, both of which were causing me to contract.

When I was finally let out of hospital I was given some time off to rest but I was really aware that I still had to record some songs for the Christmas reissue of my album.
My management were amazing and said they didn’t want me to travel so they found a studio in Leicester and I eventually went in on 8th September. I was there all day and everyone was fussing over me and making sure I was okay. I had to stand up a lot to record the tracks and I found myself rocking from side to side a lot to try and get comfortable. I had a stool so I could sit down whenever I wanted but I was determined to get everything done and dusted that day – heavily pregnant or not.

Craig came and picked me up at 5.45pm and I remember saying to him that I had bad back ache from all of the standing up and all I wanted to do was go home, have a hot bath and go to bed. Going to sleep that night was bliss.

The following morning my midwife, Jo Proud, came round to do a check up. We were sat down chatting and she suddenly looked at me and said: ‘Sam, you’re contracting.’ I’d been tightening for about two hours and yet somehow I still felt fine and I was able to pick the kids up from school and do everything else I had planned that day. Some of the other mums commented that I was walking a bit funnily and it’s hard to explain but I felt kind of ‘open’ down there, like I had a cricket ball between my legs.

I phoned the hospital and said I was a bit concerned and the nurse said to me: ‘You’re classed as 37 weeks today which means you’re full term, but you don’t have to come in unless your waters have broken or you’re having proper contractions. You’re better off staying at home and having a bath.’