Daring to Dream (16 page)

A lot was made of the prisoners supporting me on the show, but it’s hard to talk about because I still see myself very much as a professional and I didn’t want to make a big thing of it. But I know that some of them were saying things to each other like, ‘She nicked me years ago’ or ‘She put me on report.’ Most of them were pretty cool about it and I think there were probably a lot of discussions back in the prison about their old jacket-wearing screw being on TV.

I
never for a minute thought I was going to win
The X Factor
. From day one I thought it would either be Sam Callahan, Luke Friend or Nicholas McDonald. They were the ones everyone was screaming for week after week. My favourite group were Kingsland Road. I absolutely loved those boys and when they left the show in week four it left a massive hole. The whole atmosphere in the house changed overnight and I would gladly have swapped them with one of the other groups. But we’ll come onto that.

I know everyone rated Tamera and she did have a great voice, but in my opinion she was too young for the show. She reminded me of myself back in the day and she needed to learn to control her voice. She’s got an amazing talent and I think once she’s been out there and gigged a bit she’ll be incredible. She got a lot of bad press so that was tough on
her. She was being lifted up one day and knocked down the next. One minute she was going to be the next Rihanna and the next she was public enemy number one. I really admire how she dealt with it all.

Abi was an amazing songwriter and so quirky, and I also loved Hannah’s voice. There were so many good people in the competition. Personally, my plan was go on stage every week and get the recognition I wanted and that was enough for me. I really didn’t think I would be one of the final two stood there at the end of the competition. At the most I was hoping I’d get booked to do some gigs off the back of it. Now I’m playing incredible venues and I’ve got my own tour coming up.

I don’t want to bad mouth
The X Factor
because they were brilliant in a lot of ways, but it was very hard on all of the finalists sometimes. Towards the end of the competition I felt pretty lonely. Even though there were always loads of people around us it’s not the same as having those closest to you around you all the time.

We had one member of the crew who stayed in the house with us at all times to keep an eye on us and make sure we were staying sane and happy. But I was very wary of opening up to her – I was 36, so I wanted to deal with my own stuff. If I was upset I didn’t want to sit down and have a conversation with someone going through all of the psychological stuff I’d learnt on the cruise ships and as a prison officer.

When I was upset I wanted to be left alone. When people
watch the show on the telly it looks like we’re having the best time in the world and it looks like non-stop fun, but there was so much going on behind the scenes. We were filming constantly for the main show and
Xtra Factor
, so we were up really early and on the go all the time learning new songs and rehearsing. We couldn’t just pop outside for a walk because there were fans waiting at all times, so you had to have security escorting you everywhere. Plus you had the added pressure that you were going to be performing in front of millions of people every single week and a lot of those people would be judgmental about how you looked and sounded. It was a lot of pressure.

One of the only ‘normal’ things I did was go to Asda with Nicky (my fellow contestant Nicholas McDonald) quite a bit. It sounds really boring but for us that was a nice little trip and a chance for a bit of normality. There were two security guys in the house who used to take us out and to be honest they were probably the only two people I had normal, sane conversations with. I used to have a cup of tea and chat to them about grown-up stuff like our children and home lives. Some of the younger finalists didn’t really have any experience of that kind of thing.

We got to go on some really fun trips so we could be filmed for different show segments. We went skating and go-karting, and also to a premiere – for
Thor
, my first one ever. All the lads got invited to an Xbox launch, but I wasn’t so I kicked up a right stink. Just because I was a 36-year-old
woman didn’t mean I didn’t like gaming. And we got a free Xbox at the end of the night. Result!

Performance-wise, the only one of mine I didn’t love was Adele’s ‘Make You Feel My Love’. It’s a beautiful song and I dedicated it to Craig, but I didn’t feel it had enough gumption in it for me. I prefer to do songs where I can belt really powerful vocals. One of my favourite weeks was Big Band week because I’ve wanted to sing with a big band ever since I worked at Pontins. Performing ‘New York, New York’ with Robbie Williams’
Swing When You’re Winning
band was unbelievable. I liked it when I was given staging too, because it gave the performance a different feel. Most weeks the producers put me in a dress and stood me in dry ice, and I was worried the audience would get bored of me if it seemed I was doing the same thing week after week. I wanted my performances to be about the vocals but at times I felt like there was a massive gap between the other contestants and me age-wise. I was singing the fuddy-duddy songs and they were singing upbeat chart hits. I didn’t want to feel dated and dull.

The same went for my clothes. I didn’t know what Spanx were until I was in that show but they became my best friends. The stylists were amazing but they loved putting me in jumpsuits and I felt big in them. I thought I still had a big waist. Also, columnist Katie Hopkins called me a ‘fat mum in a jumpsuit’. On the one hand I thought it was quite funny because maybe that’s what I was, but on the other it was cruel and not the most supportive thing she could have
said about another woman. I got a few unkind comments from the press and when you’re already feeling quite tired and emotional things get to you a bit more. To hide my embarrassment about what Katie had said I started referring to myself as a ‘fat mum in a jumpsuit’ and trying to laugh it off. I thought that if I made a joke out of it people wouldn’t think it was such a big deal.

I didn’t want to let someone as blatantly
headline-grabbing
as Katie upset me, but when you’re left in a competition with one other female who is sixteen years old and a size eight and wearing hot pants you don’t feel brilliant about yourself anyway.

The hair and make-up girls were fantastic. Because I was in dresses a lot I couldn’t have funky hair, I had to have diva hair. I didn’t always love it but they still did a brilliant job of making me look a lot better than I did. I picked up loads of good make-up tips and I’d love to say I walk around the house with smoky eyes and red lipstick on every day but it’s simply not true!

I was very lucky in that I got really good comments from the judges. The only bad one I got was from Nicole when she said that she didn’t like my performance of ‘Make You Feel My Love’. She was pretty direct and told me, ‘This is really hard for me because I am one of your biggest fans, that performance just left me lukewarm. I didn’t love that song for her and I didn’t want to hear it again. True story, sorry.’ But it was totally fair enough. As I said, I didn’t think
it was my best week and I am always open to other people’s opinions. Sometimes they’re the things that can drive you the most.

Thankfully, towards the end of the competition when the house started to get less busy Craig, Brooke and Tommy were able to visit me more often. There was even the odd night when I was allowed to stay at home. That’s what helped get me through: just feeling like a normal family again. The closer we got to the final the more excited I got about being back home in my bed in my house in Leicester again. Hopefully once I’d won the competition, of course…

When Luke, Nicky and I got through to the final we all sat in the car on the way to the arena looking at each other going, ‘Oh my god!’ We couldn’t believe we’d all made it so far. Because there were only three of us left in the competition there was no point in us all staying in such a big house on our own, so we were moved to a hotel, the Hilton in Wembley. Packing our stuff up took for ever. I went into the house with two suitcases and I came out with three suitcases and five giant storage bags full of stuff. I’d bought some new clothes because I’d lost weight, I’d had stuff sent to me from clothing companies, and I’d been given outfits on the show. I was even sent a free laptop by one company. I also had things fans had given me. Really lovely presents like candles and pictures.

Luke and Nicky shared a room in the hotel and I had my own. We had bouncers outside our door at all times and I’m pretty sure they weren’t there for my benefit – I suspect it was
more about the lads. We were so near to the final but first I had my
X Factor
homecoming, which I was really looking forward to. Poor Craig had to organise everything for 800 people to come to the Athena, a big venue in Leicester. He put an invite out on Facebook and so many people wanted to come he had to take it off again. He only had a week to get everything sorted out and loads of people were coming back to the house afterwards too, so he had to lay on food and drink. For some reason it was all left to him and he did an amazing job.

I know some people have a bit of a pop at me and say I’m not really from Leicester, but I’ve lived here since 2000. My kids were born here and my husband is from here. I’ve adopted Leicester as my home and I love where I live. I would never go back to living in London now, and who says that just because you’re not born somewhere you can’t belong there? It’s like saying to a Liverpool player that they’re not a true Liverpool player because they were born in Manchester. I’ve had to defend myself a lot for calling Leicester my
hometown
, but to me it is.

Arriving at the Athena was amazing. The mayor was there, as well as people from the local council and radio stations. There were banners and T-shirts and people asking for autographs. There were even fireworks. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. The screaming was so loud when I walked up the red carpet I was overwhelmed. Getting that kind of support from my hometown was such a boost.

When we got inside, the kids and Craig came up on stage with me and I asked Tommy who he liked best from
The X Factor
. Thankfully he said me! I also asked Brooke and I was really worried she was going to say Luke or Nicky because I knew she was a fan of theirs. I told the crowd that the song I was going to sing was for my babies. I performed ‘Clown’ and I meant every single word. I was on the brink of tears and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get to the end of the track. I was so happy to see everyone. When I finished Tommy gave a little bow and it broke my heart. It helped me to remember what the last six months had been all about. It was about trying to make a better future for my family.

I got to stay at home that night and we had a nice, normal family evening watching TV and eating chocolate. The following day I got dolled up and was picked up and taken to Eyres Monsell social club, which was absolutely heaving. I chose to go there because it’s got a few different rooms and the local kids love it. I’ve performed there before; it’s a bit rough at times but very family orientated and it felt right.

I think people were a bit shocked to see Sharon Osbourne, of all people, walk in. She was hilarious as usual and went behind the bar to pull a pint. We did a duet of ‘The Shoop Shoop Song (It’s in His Kiss)’ together on the karaoke and I couldn’t have asked for a better reception. I was interested to see whether people would treat me differently back home but they didn’t. I was the same old Sam. Only this time I had TV cameras and Mrs O with me.

Back in London all the preparations were being made for the grand final at Wembley Arena. We were going to be performing to the entire venue, which seated 10,000 people. Nicky, Luke and I sat backstage in the dressing room on the Saturday and there was so much going on. We were given Dressing Room One, which is a really nice one, and because it was the final people were running around getting us whatever we wanted. And what did we want? Nando’s. Our dressing room was a right state by the end of the night.

Crew members were coming and going and celebs were arriving and I turned to the boys and said, ‘This is all for us! This is all about us three! Do you not find that unbelievably amazing that the whole reason this night is happening and millions of people will be watching is because we’re going to be performing. That’s an achievement in itself and whatever happens from now on happens. Good luck to all of us.’ I can honestly say that I would have been happy if either of those boys had won. Of course I was hoping I would win, but I wouldn’t have begrudged either of them their victory, and I was still retaining a healthy scepticism in case things didn’t work out.

We all had our winner’s songs ready to go, having recorded them a few weeks before and I was really happy with mine. I was originally supposed to record a track called ‘A Thousand Years’ by Christina Perri but it was changed to Demi Lovato’s ‘Skyscraper’ while we were in the studio, and I think that song suited my voice much more.

When we were filming during rehearsals, the producers flashed something up on the big screen and told us all to watch. That was the moment we found out that the winner would get the chance to support Beyoncé on one of her UK dates. I refused to build my hopes up because I didn’t want to get excited about something that wasn’t yet real. I couldn’t fathom it.

A lot of the other contestants were coming back to perform Katy Perry’s ‘Roar’ together at the Sunday night final, so they were also there at rehearsals, which was a good laugh. It kind of eased the tension having other people there to mess around and chat with.

On the first night of the final I sang Lady Gaga’s ‘Edge of Glory’ as well as ‘And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going’ from
Dreamgirls
, which was a duet with Nicole. The press said that Nicole sang way more than me and that she oversang, but if anything it was really only the last note. I was supposed to come in after her but she held onto the note for so long I didn’t get the chance. I told her to let the Holy Spirit take over as we went on and I guess it did – and then some! Everyone was saying she totally overpowered it and stole my thunder, but I don’t think that was the case. I loved singing with her.

I was really gutted when Luke was sent home that night, but at the same time I was happy for Nicky because we were so close and I knew we’d have a great time together on the Sunday. I’d watched Luke’s popularity grow massively during
the show, so I knew he would be okay and do brilliant things whatever happened.