Darkening Chaos: Book Three of The Destroyer Trilogy (16 page)

Needless
to say, when we finally finish up with Hannah and her mom, it’s past dinner
time and I’m exhausted. My day isn’t over yet, though. Lance and I are both on
reconnaissance duty tonight. I almost expect Milo to say he’s stepped in for
Lance on this as well, but apparently not.

Before
we leave Inquisitor Moore’s house, Milo reveals what is possibly the real
reason he met me today. “The picture you gave us of Drake, you know we ran it
through every facial recognition software we could get our hands on with no
results, but it did turn up something else today when we tried a new program.
An address.”

I
have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that is making a rapid descent
to my toes. “An address?”

“The
program spit out possible locations of where the picture was taken. One of them
happened to be on Braden’s street.” The air around us starts to condense,
gaining weight and pressing in on me. “What were you doing there?” Milo
demands.

“I
was just watching his house. I haven’t talked to him. He didn’t even know I was
there.”

Milo’s
knuckles groan under the force of his clenched fists. His jaw isn’t
experiencing any less pressure. For once, I don’t shrink away from Milo’s
anger. I defend myself.

“Milo,
I told you I wouldn’t let him get murdered by the Guardians. I asked you to do
this for me so I wouldn’t have to, but you said couldn’t.”

“I
shouldn’t have to!”

I
agree. It’s a cruel thing that I asked of him, but I had to. I have to keep
doing it. “I can’t let him die,” I say quietly. “I understand if you can’t do
this for me. I’m not angry. I don’t blame you. But I that means I have to do it
myself. I’m sorry, Milo, but I can’t walk away like that.”

“You
promised me,” he says.

My
heart breaks. I will do anything else for him. He has to understand that! I
will submit to any other demand he makes of me in penance for what I did to
him. I only ask him to understand this one thing. I pour every ounce of
sincerity into my voice as I try to make him see my point of view.

“I’m
trying my best to keep it. I am. I’ll stay as far away from him as possible,
but I will not let them kill him.” I reach for him, desperate for him to
understand. Milo stands firm, refusing to bend. I hug my arms around myself and
pray I can get through to him.

“This
doesn’t mean I’m not committed to you, Milo. You know I love you. I’ve done
everything I can in the last two weeks to show you how much I love you. Protecting
him doesn’t mean I won’t do whatever else you ask of me if it will help me
prove I would give anything to keep you. All this means is that I can’t let an
innocent person die when I could stop it.”

I
can’t let Braden die. I can’t turn my back on him forever and not know if he
ever forgave me or found someone else. I can’t … my chin drops to my chest in
defeat. I can’t walk away from Braden.

I
expect some kind of response from Milo. When I don’t get one, I look up. I wait
for him to react. Anger, yelling, demands, something. Milo breaks off his gaze
with me and turns away. “Milo, please,” I beg. I take a step after him. He
whirls around to face me.

“All
I asked was for you to forget him, completely. Gone. Out of our lives forever.”

“You
asked the one thing I can’t do.”

“Can’t,
or won’t?” he demands.

My
answer stalls. I don’t know.

“That’s
what I thought,” he snaps, taking my silence in the worst way.

“Milo,
wait!” I grab at him, but he bats me away, leaving a welt on my forearm and
trail of bitterness as he turns away.

He’s
in his car and driving away a few seconds later. I stand alone next to my
Bronco, numb despite the warmth of the late summer sun. I don’t know what to
do. I don’t know the answer to Milo’s question, either.

I
slowly get into my car, wondering if I am wrong. Should I leave Braden to his
fate? Do I have any right to have let him into my life, used him, broke him,
and then simply throw him away? I drive back toward my house to meet Lance,
asking the question over and over again.

Lance
is already waiting when I get home. I stuff my confusion and hurt away and head
out into the desert with him to do a little spying and hopefully clear my head.

Picking
out a spot to watch the comings and goings of the Guardians that we haven’t
already used takes only a few minutes. We’re situated on a low ridge that gives
a good view of the road leading up to the compound as well as the entrance to
the building before the sun has fully set. Lance hands me a pair of night
vision binoculars, but I set them aside for now. It’s still too light out. He
notices my solemn demeanor and makes an attempt at drawing me out.

“So,
you have anything planned for tomorrow?” Lance asks.

“Uh,
no. Why?” I ask, trying to think of why he would ask. All we ever do anymore is
train and plan, nothing too unusual about that.

“Nothing?
Come on, Libby. There has to be something you want to do. You can’t just ignore
what day it is,” Lance complains.

Okay,
I think I’m missing something. “Tomorrow’s Wednesday, big deal. I get to go
back to school, I guess. That’ll be nice. I’ve been getting kind of tired of
hanging out alone so much.”

Lance
just stares at me. “Libby, tomorrow is your birthday.”

“What?”
I have to count the days off in my head. A laugh bubbles out of me when I
realize he’s right. I can’t believe I forgot. My dark mood lightens just a
little.

“You
really forgot?” Lance asks.

“Sorry,
my mind’s been a little preoccupied lately.”

Lance
nods. We’ve all been too busy to think of much besides the Guardians and
Seekers, and I've had the added worry of Milo and Braden. He nudges me with his
elbow after a while, and says, “So? What do you want to do tomorrow?”

Now
it’s my turn to stare at him. “Nothing,” I say again.

“Libby
…”

“No,
I’m serious, Lance. I don’t want to do anything tomorrow. It’s my birthday, so
what? All it means is that I’m getting that much closer to my deadline. I’m
running out of time to destroy the Guardians and save the world, and they’re
running out of time to kill me. I really don’t feel like celebrating that,
okay? Just forget it.”

“Come
on, Libby, we’ve always celebrated our birthdays with each other. Every year
we’ve done something special,” he argues.

He’s
right, of course. For seventeen years we have spent our birthdays together. The
only one we’ve missed was Lance’s last birthday. But that was back when I hated
him for trying to kill me and he hated me for being the Destroyer. He forgave
me for missing his party.

“Will
you pick me up for school tomorrow?” I ask, biting my lip to keep it from
trembling.

“Milo
isn’t picking you up?” he asks.

“I
didn’t ask him,” I admit. “I don’t think he wants to.”

“What
happened? I thought he was starting to cool off.”

Lance
didn’t like Milo to start with, and time hasn’t changed that. He has never
wanted me to be with him. When Braden appeared, after Lance was sure he wasn’t
trying to kill me, he was all for me ditching Milo. I know he can’t stand Milo,
but for the last few weeks he’s been extra cooperative and pleasant with him
for my benefit. Why I want to stay with Milo is a mystery to him, but he
worries about me being happy.

“Milo
found out I’m watching over Braden,” I say.

Lance
sighs. He wanted to help me out with Braden, and he has a few times, but with
school and the Ciphers and Seekers, he didn’t have enough time. “Sorry, Libby.
What did he say?”

“Nothing
I didn’t deserve, probably.” I let my gaze wander from the compound and ask
Lance the question that has been plaguing me. “Am I wrong to protect Braden?”

“No,”
he says, “but I understand why Milo is angry about it.”

“I
do to. I really do, but I can’t not do it.”

Lance
turns to look at me. “The reason I can feel your emotional responses through
the bond and Milo can’t is because I know you better than he does. I know that
regardless of that fact that you are ridiculously in love with Braden, your
need to protect him doesn’t have nearly as much to do with loving him as it
does with who you are. It wouldn’t matter who was in Braden’s situation. You
would be bound and determine to protect whoever it was, because it’s the right
thing to do. I can see that. Milo can’t.”  

I
smile, my eyes glassy with tears and gratitude. “You really believe that?”

“Of
course I do,” he says. His eyes go back to watching the compound.

 “Thank
you, Lance.”  

Feeling
a million times better than I did a few seconds ago, I settle in to watch the
compound with Lance. Milo will eventually understand what Lance sees. I’m sure
he will. If he were in my position, he would be doing the same thing. He just
needs a little more time to see it. I can wait. At least, I think I can.
Judging from Milo’s ability to hate Guardians, he knows how to hold a grudge
better than anyone I’ve ever met. Forgiving me will take time, but time is
never something I’ve ever had a lot of.

“Me
driving you to school doesn’t count as something special to do on your
birthday,” Lance says, “just so you know.”

“How
about some ice cream after school, then?”

“Just
ice cream? I was thinking dinner and a movie,” Lance says, “but we can do ice
cream after the movie if you want. What do you say?”

Worry
starts building in my mind that Lance is trying to take me on a date, a real
date. He accepted a while ago that we are only friends now, but that was back
when I was dating Milo and trying to not have anything to do with Braden. Maybe
he’s given up on both Braden and Milo, and now he sees this as his chance to renew
something between us. Part of me is so tempted to see where a real date might
lead. I miss being held, being kissed, being told that everything will be okay.
I hate going to bed knowing how much I’ve hurt people. It’s tempting, but the
answer has to be no. I just can’t be with Lance in that way anymore.

“Lance,
I don’t …”

“I
want you to have fun, take your mind off all this for a while,” he says,
gesturing at the silent Guardian compound. “You’ve been so down lately. It
makes me worry about you, Libby. I don’t like seeing you like this.”

“It’s
not a good idea, Lance. I like our relationship how it is now. I don’t want to
mess that up,” I say, hoping I don’t hurt his feelings.

Lance
is silent for a few seconds, and I’m afraid I’ve offended him until I feel a
small stream of amusement drifting out of him. Confused, I have to look over at
him. His warm, half smile doesn’t help me figure it out. He catches me staring
at him and throws his arm around my shoulder. He tries to hide the laughter in
his voice, but fails pretty miserably.

“Libby,
I wasn’t trying to ask you out on a date. I know how you feel about that
already.” He pauses and really looks down at me. “And to be honest, I feel the
same way, now. I’m glad we’re friends again, and I think that’s how things
should stay between us.”

“Really?”
I hope he’s not just saying that for my benefit. The honesty in his mind and
emotions is clear, but I still remember the days of him and Milo fighting with
each other because of their jealousy.

His
arm tightens around my shoulders. “Really. I didn’t think I’d ever feel that
way, but I guess it just kind of snuck up on me. I love you, Libby, and I
always will, but it’s changed. Well, I guess not really changed, because I
loved you as my best friend before we ever starting dating. So I guess it’s
just back to what it was supposed to be in the first place. Does that make
sense?”

For
the first time today, I truly relax. I lean into Lance and let the tension in
my body go free for a few minutes. “Yeah,” I say, “that makes perfect sense.”

I
can feel his relief and pleasure seeping into me. It’s a nice feeling. At least
one of my relationships is still functioning.

“Actually,”
Lance says, “I was thinking that maybe we could invite some of the others to go
with us tomorrow. You know, give everyone a chance to unwind a little? Hope
especially. She’s still pretty intense about everything. She’ll only come if
you do.”

I
can’t really pinpoint anything specific, but something about the way he said
her name, or maybe the emotions that popped up when he said it, catch my
attention. It’s hard to say her name without sounding at least a little happy.
That isn’t it, though. Lance’s fingers drum against my shoulder, a nervous tick
he’s always had. What does he have to be nervous about? Suddenly, it clicks.

“Hope,
huh? You been spending much time with her?” I ask.

“I
don’t know. I guess. She doesn’t really have any friends at school, mostly
because she scares people away, but people know she’s with us, too. Anyone who
isn’t with us treats her like she has the plague, and even the people on our
side are scared of her. I, uh, I’ve been walking with her to class and stuff,”
Lance says, stumbling through it. The something odd that struck my attention
earlier gets stronger. Embarrassment.