Darkest Longings (62 page)

so that he could see her face, he said, ‘There’s something

I’ve forgotten to do.’

‘There can’t be anything else,’ she murmured.

‘Oh there is, believe me,’ he laughed. ‘But I wasn’t

thinking of that.’

‘Then what were you thinking of?’ she smiled sleepily.

‘I was thinking of telling you I love you.’

Her eyes opened, and as she gazed back at him she felt a

choking knot of emotion swell in her throat.

‘And that I’m sorry for all I’ve put you through.’

‘It doesn’t matter,’ she whispered. ‘Nothing matters

except that you love me.’ She snuggled back into his arms,

thrilling at the feel of his hard body next to hers, the way its

strength and power made hers seem so soft and vulnerable.

She was, at long last, where she had always belonged, in his arms and in his heart, and it was as though she had finally

found a part of herself that had always been missing. She felt

complete.

After a while she looked at him again. His eyes were

closed, and her heart tightened with love as she took in every

inch of his face: the thick, heavy brows, the hooked nose, the

thin lips, powerful jaw, and the unsightly scar. Then, as he

opened one eye and smiled, her heart turned over.

She moved onto him, and he put his hands behind his

head, looking up at her and watching her face as she sat

astride his legs. She ran her hands over his chest, then

lowered her eyes to his penis, and as it started to grow she

glanced up at him. His eyebrows flickered, and she could

see that he was amused by her fascination. Then, taking him

in both hands, she caressed him to full erection.

When Claudine woke in the morning the room was flooded

with sunlight, and it was several seconds before she realized

why her body was aching so. With a smile she turned over and

then her heart contracted with love. For there were her

husband and her son together, little Louis’ sleeping face

resting on his father’s shoulder. Her eyes filled with tears.

Louis came in to her most every morning, but that morning,

having found Francois there, he had obviously climbed into

the other side of the bed. He was curled into the crook of

Francois’ arm, his tiny fist bunched under his cheek and his

raven black curls tumbling over his forehead. He looked so

small beside his father… she could hardly believe this was

happening, had never dared to believe she could be so

happy.

She looked down at the black mass of hair on Francois’

chest and tried to resist the urge to touch him. But when she

remembered the things he had done to her the night before,

desire surged so fiercely through her loins that her hand

reached out for him. And when her eyes moved back to his

face she found he was watching her.

She followed his hand as she lifted it to cup her breast,

and watched the way he rubbed his thumb over her achingly

hard nipple. Her eyes closed and her head fell back, but she

knew she must try to control herself while Louis was still

there. Then she started to laugh as she heard his melodious

little voice ask Francois what he was doing to Maman.

‘She’s a little sore there and I’m making her feel better,’

Francois laughed, swinging him up in the air and shaking

him. ‘And now, young man, it’s time you went back to your

own room to get dressed.’

‘But I don’t want to,’ Louis protested, as Francois

deposited him on the floor. ‘I want to stay here with you.’

‘Go and dress!’ Francois said sternly.

‘But Papa …’

‘Louis!’

Louis hung his head dolefully then promptly sat himself

down on the floor.

Claudine saw Francois’ lips twitch, and had to turn away

to hide her own smile.

‘Well, there’s nothing else for it,’ Francois said, flinging

back the sheets and getting out of bed. ‘I’ll just have to throw

you out.’

‘But why can’t I stay?’ Louis groaned, still hanging his

head.

‘Because Maman and I have something we need to do.

Now stop arguing.’ And taking him by the arm, Francois

pulled him to his feet. He realized immediately that it would

have been better to pick him up, but it was too late now, and

Louis’ black eyes, on a level with his thigh, were round with

wonder. Francois stole a quick look at Claudine and saw

that she was convulsed with laughter.

‘I’m glad you found that so amusing,’ Francois said, when

he had closed and locked the door behind his son. And

glowering at her darkly, he added, ‘Now I’d better deal with

you.’

‘Or I with you,’ she said, still laughing. He came to stand

beside the bed and she sat up and put her arms around his

waist. ‘I love you,’ she smiled, looking up at him. His hands

moved into her hair and she heard his breath quicken as she

ran her tongue the full length of his penis.

‘You don’t need to do that, cherie,’ he murmured, pulling

her head back.

‘But I want to,’ she answered, and lowering her mouth to

his testicles, she took them between her lips and started to

suck gently. She had never done anything like this before, it

had never even occurred to her, but now it seemed the most

natural thing in the world, and when she finally looked up at

Francois’ face she could see what an effect it was having on

him… But he had a similar surprise in store for her, and it

was almost midday by the time they finally left the bed.

When she joined him an hour later in the sitting-room, he

was sitting at the table reading that morning’s newspaper.

She sensed immediately that his mood had changed, and

when he looked up she saw the deep frown between his

eyes. She made to kiss him, but he turned his head so that

her lips connected with his cheek. Panic flashed through

her; she was afraid that even now, after all that had

happened between them, he was going to push her away

again. But he saw her fear, and pulling her onto his lap,

kissed her full on the mouth.

‘I don’t know what everyone’s going to think,’ he said,

when at last he let her go. ‘We’ve been here all morning…”

‘Does it matter what everyone thinks? After all, we are

married.’

‘Yes, it does matter,’ he answered. ‘That’s why we have to

talk. That’s why we - I-was insane to run the risk of staying

in bed with you last night. I should have returned to my own

room.’

‘I should have taken a very dim view of that,’ she said,

going to sit at the other side of the table.

‘I daresay you would.’ And to her delight, he laughed. He

laughed so rarely, but when he did his whole face was

transformed.

‘Are you hungry?’ he asked.

‘Ravenous.’

‘Good. Arlette is preparing something for us now. I’ve

asked for it to be served here. I’ve also asked Corinne to

keep Louis occupied. Your father is taking the others to

Montsoreau for the day; I don’t want us disturbed while we

talk. Perhaps by the time I’ve finished you’ll understand why

our marriage has been the way it has. Why it was necessary

for me to hide my feelings, not only from you but from the

rest of the world. It is still necessary, I’m afraid. I don’t have

to hide them from you any more, but I do from everyone

else. And you must do the same.’

She had already decided that she must be pragmatic, that

she must respond calmly and reasonably to whatever he was

going to tell her, and she started now. ‘I’ll do whatever you

say. But can I ask why you’ve decided to confide in me? And

I’m not searching for compliments, only answers.’

He smiled. ‘I took the decision because now that Halunke

- that’s the code name for the man who’s been watching you

and Armand - now that he’s struck at my family you need to

know what danger you face if you stay here.’

‘#”?’

‘We’ll come to that later. For now I think it’s better if I

start at the beginning, which means going back five years to

the time when your father introduced me to espionage.’

‘My father?’ she echoed.

He nodded. ‘He’s not the diplomat you think him, I’m

afraid. He too works in Intelligence. In his case, British Intelligence, naturally. In mine, French.’

‘Papa is a spy!’ she said, hardly able to believe it.

‘For want of a better word, yes.’

‘Did Maman know?’

‘No. She died with a great many things unexplained, and

that’s something he has never been able to forgive himself

for. Which is why I’ve decided that mustn’t happen to us.

Not,’ he added quickly, ‘that you are going to die; at least not

this week.’

‘I hope that was a joke!’

He laughed, but then his face became serious again.

‘You’re facing a very real danger, Claudine. The man the

Germans have employed to ensure my commitment to them

is also waging a personal vendetta against me. Who he is,

and what is at the root of his vendetta, I haven’t yet been able

to discover. But I will, I promise you. It’s too late for this

now, but I wish to God you had listened to me before we

were married and had gone back to England as I advised. Of

course you didn’t then face the danger you do now, at least I

wasn’t aware that you did, but I still didn’t want you in my

life. I was committed to my work and wanted nothing to

disrupt it. However, your father, and my own, were

determined we should marry, as you know, even though

your father knew the risks as well as I. And I had made a

promise to my father which I couldn’t go back on.

Nevertheless, I tried everything I could to dissuade you

from marrying me - but your determination was even

greater than theirs!’ He threw her a look to which she

responded in kind. ‘So, once we were married,’ he went on

‘the only way I could see of avoiding explanations for my

absences was to keep you at a distance. Of course, I didn’t

love you then, so hurting you was much easier than it has

been since.’

‘Since when? When did you start loving me, Francois? I’d

like to know.’

‘It was the day you almost miscarried with Louis. In fact it

must have been before then, but that was when I thought,

irrationally, that you were going to die, and then I realized

how much you meant to me.’

He stopped as the door opened and Arlette brought in

their meal. Francois continued to talk as they ate, going

steadily over the past five years, what he had done, the

people he had become involved with.

It was past five o’clock and already growing dark by the

time he said, ‘So, as Erich told us last night, I have to be back

in Berlin by the end of the week. You understand now why I

have to go, and you also understand why our feelings for

each other must remain a secret from everyone. And I mean

everyone. If you ever feel the desire to confide in someone,

don’t. Not even your aunt. It is the only way I can see of

keeping you alive. If Halunke found out that I love you, he

wouldn’t hesitate to kill you. I’m very much afraid he’ll try

anyway, sooner or later - he can’t be so stupid as to think you

don’t matter to me at all.’

‘I’m afraid,’ she began, clearing her throat, ‘that Lucien

and Armand both know I’m in love with you. Come to that,

Erich knows that you’re in love with me.’

‘That doesn’t matter. Erich can be trusted. They all can,

but I still don’t want Lucien or Armand to know how I feel.

It’s simply safer that way. Lucien will be rejoining his

regiment tomorrow anyway, but Armand is still very upset

about the break-up of your affair. If he knew how I feel

about you, he might tell his mother, who might tell someone

else. And so it goes on. It’s better not to put the burden on

anyone - because that, cherie, is what it is. A burden.

However, I want to ease it for you as much as I can, which is

why I’ve spoken to Armand. I’ve asked him to take you and

Louis to America, and he has agreed. I’d like you to go,

Claudine.’

‘No.’ She shook her head firmly. ‘I don’t want to, and

even if I did, I couldn’t.’

‘Why?’

‘You know why, Francois. I can’t leave your mother and

Monique, not now Louis is …’ She paused and turned her

head away for a moment. ‘So I shall stay,’ she said. ‘Please,

don’t let’s argue about it.’

He had known that that would be her answer, so he didn’t

waste time arguing. ‘Both Armand and I guessed what you

would say,’ he said, ‘so Armand has agreed that he won’t

attempt to join the army again, but will remain here to

protect you as best he can. I’d never have asked him if there

had been anyone else, but there’s no one. And of course he

has a very real affection for Maman and Monique. And I

presume I can trust you to remain faithful to me from now

on?’ he added, with an ironic lift of his eyebrows.

The look she gave him in response was so blatantly

seductive that he stood up, walked round the table and gave

her a lingering kiss on the mouth.

‘Let’s go back to the Germans,’ she said shakily, as he