Darkness Before Dawn (39 page)

I wipe my hands on the ivory gown I'm wearing for the fourth time this morning and take a couple of shaky breaths. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be nervous today. I keep reminding myself that it's just us, and I'm marrying the only man I was meant to be with, but it's not enough. My stomach is still turning, and all I can do is take deep breaths to keep me from wanting to run to the bathroom and vomit. Becky comes up behind me in her navy bridesmaid dress with an ivory sash and smiles brightly. Her red hair is picked up into a sophisticated up-do. She stands closely behind me, pushing her enormous belly into my back, while she massages my scalp. My eyes close and and my lips part at the feel.

"Sit," she orders, pushing my head down so that I sit on the chair in front of the mirror. "You look stunning. Calm down. Deep breaths. This is your day!" she says with a smile as she fixes my loose curls to cascade down my back.

"I know! I don't know why I'm so nervous!" I reply, exhaling.

"Well...have you given him his present?" she asks with a raised eyebrow.

I shake my head and sigh, feeling my stomach somersault at the thought. I'd planned on giving it to him before the reception, then after the reception, then I thought I'd just send the box over with Greg and let him record Cole's reaction but I don't want to miss it, so I settled on after. Now I'm wondering if I should just send it over after all. I groan at my own indecisiveness, making Becky giggle.

"Stop worrying! And don't move, I'm going to put this clip on your head now," she says sternly, putting a bobby pin in her mouth to open it with her teeth before putting it in my hair. She repeats the process a couple of times until the front part of my hair is held away from my face. She tightens it, making me flinch and takes out a silver comb I haven't seen before. I turn around, crinkling my eyebrows at it, and give her a questioning look.

"It's your something borrowed," she explains with a shrug.

"Who did you borrow it from?" I ask cautiously. I know it's not hers because she and Greg eloped in Vegas when we were in college and she didn't wear a veil.

"It was in your family box, silly!" she says with an eye roll. "You never sorted through the entire thing, did you?"

I gasp, my eyes widening. "The stuff Aunt Shelley left me?"

"Yeah," she says slowly, looking at me with an uneasy expression. "I thought maybe you'd want to wear something of hers."

I take the comb from her hand and examine it. It's small and silver with diamonds and just the thought that Shelley wore this at her own wedding, to the man she loved until the day she died, regardless of how sad their story was, makes tears sting my eyes.

"You don't have to," Becky whispers, seeing my sad expression.

"No, I want to. Thank you," I whisper.

"She left a note with it," she whispers, handing me a stained, folded paper.

I take it with shaky hands and unfold it. Seeing her handwriting takes my breath away, and I sniffle back tears to read it.

I fold it back up and hold it close to my heart as Becky leans down to hug my shoulders.

"I wish she could've been here. I wish Maggie could've been here," I whisper hoarsely.

"Me too, babe. Me too," Becky whispers back, placing a kiss on my head. "Let's get you ready. No more crying on your wedding day!"

I laugh and fan my eyes, taking a couple of breaths to keep my emotions at bay. Aimee comes in wearing her bridesmaid dress as Becky adjusts my veil with the silver comb.

"You look breathtaking," Aimee breathes. "The most beautiful bride ever. My brother is going to die when he sees you."

"Thank you," I smile. "You guys don't look so shabby either!"

"Oh please, I look so fat in this. I can't believe you chose this material knowing how pregnant I am!" Becky exclaims, making us laugh. "Yeah, keep laughing! I'm going to make sure to renew my vows when you're eight months pregnant!"

"You still haven't given it to him, right?" Aimee asks in surprise.

"Nope, not yet," I reply.

"Good. Can you do it in front of us? I'm dying to see his face!" she squeals.

"I know, right?" Becky adds in excitement.

"We'll see," I say with a laugh.

A knock on the door makes us simmer down and check ourselves in the mirror one last time before opening it and letting Aubry come in to get me.

His blue eyes look at me from my feet to my head, and he smiles his huge, show all perfect teeth goofy grin before he walks over to me and embraces me. "You look stunning, Cowboy. Stunning. I got something for you," he says, letting go of me and reaching into his pocket to take out a small box.

I smile up at him. "You're definitely one of the most handsome men here," I reply, opening the little box to find a silver necklace with a cowboy hat on it. I laugh as I run my hands on it and look back up at him. "I love it! Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome. It's from Greg too, he helped pick it out," Aubry responds, shrugging one shoulder. "Are you ready to make Cole the happiest motherfucker alive?"

I nod, exhaling a breath and tuck my arm into his, winking at my girls over my shoulder.

"Okay, I gotta go. I promised Sandra I'd help Elijah practice walking WITH the rings on the pillow. God help us, I hope that kid doesn't lose them," Aimee says with a sigh.

As we walk down the hall I curse at myself and tell Aubry to wait for me while I go back to the room quickly. He helps Becky go down the stairs and I wave off his promise to be back up in time to help me carry the train of my dress. I go back into the room and shuffle through our things in search of my phone, finally finding it beneath my discarded jeans. I click on the screen and find a voice message, which I ignore to type Cole a quick text and smile when I press send. Curiosity gets the best of me and I dial to check the message, my heart dropping to my stomach when I hear the gruff voice on the other end.

"Blake, it's Alex," he starts before clearing his throat. "I heard you were getting married today. Had a long talk with Liam yesterday and just wanted to say sorry again. I want you to know that your mother was the love of my life. I would've done anything for her. Maybe someday you'll forgive me and we can talk. I...I'm so sorry. I can't believe I kidnapped my own daughter. I can't believe I treated you that way after all these years." His gruff voice is full of emotion and trails off before he coughs into the phone and speaks up again. "Maybe you'll never forgive me, but I want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. Have a good wedding day. I wish...I wish things could have been different. Maybe someday you can give me a chance to make them better." He exhales. "You're beautiful, just like your mom. I know she's smiling down on you today. If you ever need me...I'm around..."

I take deep shaky breaths, blinking back tears that threaten to heave through my body.

"Hey, what happened?" Aubry asks, making me drop my phone and snap my head up to look at him.

"Nothing," I respond. "I'm ready."

As promised, Aubry helps me with my dress as we walk down the stairs, and in that moment I realize that I have conquered more this past year than I have my entire life. Walking slowly down the flight of stairs, I reminisce on how far I've come and smile at the overwhelming happiness I feel. When we reach the last step, Aubry steps down in front of me and reaches for my hand, pausing to pose for the camera beside us. Aimee and Becky walk toward us and help fix the back of my dress before giving me kisses on the cheek and walking out into the courtyard where the ceremony is about to start.

Aubry holds my hand in his as we stand in front of the closed doors. He shifts his body so we're standing looking at each other, his blue eyes searching mine.

"You sure you're okay?" he probes.

I sigh. "I am. Alex left me a voice message apologizing for things."

"And?" Aubry presses.

"And I don't know. Is it weird that I don't care as much anymore?"

"No, it's not. Maybe you finally realized that the family you have is the one that's important," he replies with a shrug.

"I think so," I whisper with a smile.

He bends down and places a kiss on my cheek before straightening his jacket. "Now let's go get you married."

When Christina Perri's "Arms" begins to play, our cue to begin our walk down the aisle, the gentleman standing beside the doors pushes them open and we step out to the courtyard where our guests are looking on. I take a moment to look around at the faces of our guests: Dean, Connor, Sandra, Mark, and Colleen. I smile at them before turning my eyes to the man waiting for me at the end of the aisle. Waiting for me like he always has been, and when the doors close behind us, I let Aubry lead me to him. All thoughts of who may or may not be my family vanish when I look into his green eyes, because he's my family. My home.

I told myself I wasn't going to cry, that crying was for wimps. But seeing Blake holding my brother's arm as she walks toward me in that beautiful lace form-fitting dress she's wearing makes my heart skip a couple of beats. And when her gray eyes look into mine, I feel the air swoosh out of my body. Aubry drops her hand when they reach me and I lean in to give him a tight hug.

"Congratulations, bro," he whispers against my shoulder.

I want to reply but I'm afraid of what my voice will sound like if the ball closing my throat lets me get the words out. I hold out my hand and Blake places hers in it. I bring it up and kiss the top of it while looking into her eyes. "You look beautiful," I say, my voice sounding hoarse in my own ears.

"You do too," she replies in a whisper, making me laugh.

We turn around and face the priest for him to start the ceremony and follow his instructions, but his words are lost on me after we do the sign of the cross. All I can do is stare at this gorgeous woman beside me. She looks more radiant than ever before, if that's even possible, and I can't help but smile at her. I'm snapped out of my reverie when she nods her head toward the priest and goes to stand up, Aimee and Becky rushing to her side to help her. I shoot them a glare, but they both roll their eyes at me as if to dare me to say anything, but what the hell, I think I can help my girl get up without their help!

We stand facing each other, holding each other's hands as the priest reads another sermon. He asks us if we have our own vows or would like to recite his and I put my hand up to stop him.

"I have my own," I reply, earning an arched eyebrow and amused smile from Blake.

"I do too," she says, completely flooring me because I wasn't expecting that from her at all. The customized invitation she made me the other day surprised me enough.

The priest signals her to go first, and she crinkles her cute little nose at him before clearing her throat. She takes a step toward the priest to whisper something in his ear that makes his white eyebrows raise high in his forehead before he nods and whispers something back that makes her laugh.

"Okay," Blake starts before licking her lips. "I didn't write this down so bear with me," she says, taking my hands in hers and squeezing. "I can't tell you what love is, I really don't know that there's a concrete definition for it. But I can tell you what love is to me. When I was younger it was the way I got butterflies in the pit of my stomach every time your name was mentioned, it was the way my mind only wanted to think of you; daydream of you. The way I yearned for you and laughed louder when I was with you. You made me feel safe, cherished and happy despite my unhappiness. And even now, all these years later, now that the butterflies aren't as lively as they once were...don't worry they're still there..." she adds with a chuckle before she sniffles "You make me feel all of those things. Once upon a time I was willing to give up those laughs, those butterflies, and the smiles you gave me because I wanted to put your safety first—like I always will—but I realize now that I'd rather keep you safe by my side, because I don't feel safe when I'm not by yours. Love is the feeling of safety you give me, the peace that washes over me when you're around. Love is knowing that one day when I'm old and my body aches, my heart won't, because I'll be with you. Thank you, Cole for teaching me what love feels like. And most of all thank you for never giving up on me even when I was ready to give up on myself."