Deal With It (15 page)

We walked quickly toward the door, trying to look inconspicuous. My heart pounded out of control.

“Did you ladies find what you needed?” asked a clerk.

“Yes, thank you,” Alyssa responded for the group.

We walked right through the automatic doors, and no alarm went off. I exhaled as we stepped outside into the cold. We made our way across the busy street again and back to the mall, where we had ten minutes to spare before Mommy would pick us up.

“We got ten minutes. You wanna do it here?” Roni asked.

“No, not at the mall!” I exclaimed.

“Then where? At the house, with barracuda lady breathing down our throats?” Roni asked.

“I’d rather do it at home. We’ll be really careful, and we’ll dispose of the evidence.”

“Cool,” Roni said. “Let’s go look for my juvenile delinquent brother.”

As Mommy bounced to the sound of music, I watched her sadly from the backseat. She was so cool. People wished that my mom was their mom. She was my best friend in the whole world. I told her everything—we had no secrets. But suddenly, I had secrets that I couldn’t tell my mom. At least not yet. I sang along with Beyoncé and looked out the window. Hoped for better days.

Indigo

Life
was lonely without a cell phone. It was like you were on a deserted island, similar to the one that Tom Hanks was on in that movie
Cast Away.
It was a lonely place, and I was tempted to start talking to myself during the downtime. Other times, Mama was calling me to do the dishes or to clean up something. I hated that it was a Saturday. At least during the week I got to see my friends at school and talk to them. Once I got home, it was a different story.

Marcus had acted as if my fight with Jade was all my fault.

“I can’t believe you, Indi. Fighting with your best friend,” he’d said, slamming our locker shut—the one that we shared on the third floor of our school. “And at Macy’s? For real? You don’t have any shame, do you, Indigo Summer?”

“You act as if I was the only one fighting! Shouldn’t she take some of the blame, too?” I’d asked.

“What is it with you and this spot on the team? Why can’t you just let it go?”

Neither of us had answered the other’s questions, and the entire conversation had become frustrating.

“I just felt like it should’ve been my spot, that’s all.”

“Then it sounds like your beef should be with Miss Martin. Not with Jade,” Marcus said as we had stood in front of my classroom. “I’ll see you after practice. You want me to come over to your house and study, or you comin’ to mine?”

I shook my head no.

“What do you mean no?”

“We can’t study together anymore. At least not until I get off punishment,” I’d explained.

“Are you for real?” he’d asked. Nothing seemed to shock him at this point.

“Daddy’s helping me with my math.”

“Wow, you really messed up this time, Indi. Mr. Summer is helping with your math. You won’t survive algebra.” He’d laughed. “I’m sure it’s been a thousand years since he had an algebra class.”

“It’s not funny.”

“I’m not laughing at you.” He’d smiled. “I’m laughing with you.”

“Well, I’m not laughing.”

“You have to admit that it is pretty funny when you think about it,” Marcus had said. “But it’s okay. You’ll survive it.” He’d walked backward down the hallway and then yelled, “I’ll put some money on your books.”

I’d stood there watching him for a few minutes, with his baggy black jeans sagging a little and his green Boston Celtics jersey with Pierce embroidered across the back. When I could no longer see him among the crowd in the hallway, I’d gone inside my classroom.

It had seemed like the longest school day ever.

Lying flat on my back and staring at the ceiling in my room was about all I had on my agenda for the day. Besides watching
Girlfriends
reruns back to back, staring at the ceiling was the
most exciting part of my day. When I heard the light taps on my bedroom window, I knew it was Marcus.
Tap tap.
Sounded like he was throwing Skittles against the pane. I got up, opened the blinds. Marcus stood in his window—shirtless, with biceps, triceps and abs staring back at me. The elastic of his blue nylon shorts hung just below his six-pack.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Nothin’.” I wasn’t enthused at all.

“What you doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing? I’m grounded, Marcus,” I said.

“Staring at the ceiling again?” He laughed.

“Not funny.” I lowered my voice. Didn’t want my parents hearing me talk to Marcus—they might nail my windows shut.

“Think you can sneak out later and meet me at the creek?” he asked.

“Are you asking me to break the rules, Marcus Carter?” I asked.

“I just miss you. I can’t hold you at school like I want to, and since we can’t study together anymore…well, you know…I just need to see you,” he said.

“I need to see you, too,” I admitted. “I’ll meet you there at ten o’clock. I should be able to sneak out after Daddy goes to bed.”

“Cool. I’ll see you then.” He pulled a Nike shirt over his head.

“Where you going now?” I asked, jealous because he was free and I was still a prisoner in my own home.

“Going over to the YMCA with Terrence to shoot some hoops,” he said as he slipped a pair of sweats on over his shorts.

“Think of me while you’re out there running free,” I said dryly. “Can you bring me a Big Mac from Mickey D’s?”

“I’ll see what I can do.” He slipped a gray hoodie on over his head. “I’ll see you later on tonight. Be on time.”

“Yeah, like I got so much to do in between now and then. That’ll be the highlight of my day.”

Marcus blew me a kiss and then vanished from the window.
Getting out of the house at ten o’clock wasn’t going to be an easy task, but I was up for the challenge.

My parents’ bedroom door was cracked just a little, the light from the television shining through the crack. I tiptoed past their room, my heart beating out of control. I could hear the newscaster on my parents’ television giving the latest weather forecast. Daddy’s snores echoed from the room as I crept down the stairs. When I made it to the front door, I twisted the lock and then turned the knob gently, pulled the door open. It creaked just a little bit, and it was just a few moments before I was on the other side, shivering from the cold. Wearing my pajamas, big fuzzy slippers and a winter coat, I headed for the creek behind our house—a place where Marcus and I met often. It was a place where we went to get away from the rest of the world, discuss our future. It was the place where I first became Marcus’s girl. It was where he kissed me for the first time. It was a very special place.

He was already there, seated on a huge rock, a hoodie covering his head. A McDonald’s bag in his hand, he waited patiently for me. He grinned when he saw me approaching.

“About time,” he said, standing. “I was about to leave.”

“I had to take my time.” I fell into Marcus’s arms. “You know I had to wait until Daddy was asleep.”

As he hugged me strongly, his cologne tickling my nose, his cold lips touched mine. He lifted me off the ground and twirled me around in the air.

“I missed you, girl,” he whispered.

I squeezed his neck. Wished we could stay like that forever. Even after my feet hit the ground again, I felt like I was still flying.

“Got my Big Mac?” I asked, grabbing for the bag.

“Of course,” he said and pulled me onto his lap as he plopped down on the huge rock.

I opened the bag, opened the carton and eliminated the hamburger with just a few bites.

“You didn’t want any, did you?” I asked once it was gone.

“Too late now.” He laughed. “You greedy.”

“You greedy!” I pushed Marcus, and he was so solid that he didn’t even budge.

As I sat on Marcus’s lap, he held me tightly around the waist. I wondered if our relationship would survive this punishment of mine. Wondered if Marcus would get bored or tired of waiting. Boys were like that. They were the most impatient people on the face of the earth. He never pressured me about sex or anything like that. In fact, I was the one who had pressured him about it when I was in the ninth grade. He’d thought it was too soon for us to even consider it. And we never really discussed it anymore. We had just sort of left it at that.

But the truth was, Marcus was getting older. He was becoming a man a lot faster than I was becoming a woman, and I wondered if he thought about it now. I wondered if he would step outside of our relationship, especially since I was on punishment indefinitely.

“Do you ever, you know, wanna holler at other girls?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“I mean, now that I’m on punishment, do you think about hooking up with somebody who’s not on punishment?”

“Indi, that’s silly. You won’t be on punishment forever,” he said.

“I know, but you might get bored with our relationship not going anywhere,” I said, my eyes now looking right into his. “And I know girls who literally throw themselves at ballplayers.”

“I’m a different kind of brother,” he explained. “You know that.”

“What about that girl, Raina, that you met in Houston last summer?” I asked.

“Her name was Rena,” he said, correcting me. “And if you remember correctly, that whole pact idea was yours. ‘Marcus,
let’s break up for the summer. That way if we meet somebody else, we can hook up with them…no pressure. Blah, blah, blah.’ That was your idea, not mine.”

“Tell me again, Marcus. Did you sleep with her?”

“Of course not, Indi. Now we said that we wouldn’t talk about that stuff anymore,” he said. “It’s just me and you, remember?”

“I know, but this whole punishment thing’s got me trippin’,” I explained.

“Then do the right thing, Indi. And I’m sure you know what that is,” he said. “And as for me, I’m not going anywhere. I don’t care if you’re on punishment for the rest of the school year. I’ll be here waiting to spend the summer with you.”

His smile was so beautiful. It was his best physical attribute, but there was so much more to Marcus than the physical. He was sweet. Sometimes I wondered if I really deserved him.

“Thank you, Marcus,” I whispered and kissed his lips.

“You won’t be grounded forever, Indi. Just quit being a wimp about it.” He smiled.

“I’m not being a wimp.”

“Yes, you are. But you’re a girl, so it’s okay,” he said. “Now come on, girl. Let’s get you back in the house before the warden sends out the dogs.”

He grabbed my hand and led the way back to the front of my house.

“You go on ahead. I have to do this like Rambo or 007. I need some time,” I told him.

“Cool.” He kissed my forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”

“Okay,” I whispered, sad to see him go. I shivered as I watched him stroll to the front of his house, go up the stairs and cross his front porch.

He vanished, and I stood on the side of my house, my back against the wall as my heart pounded again. I crept up the front
stairs and onto the porch. I turned the doorknob, oh, so carefully. The door creaked again as I entered the foyer in my house. Creeping up the stairs again, I stood still when I heard a noise. It was just Daddy’s snoring again. I crept past my parents’ room and slipped into my room. Pulled my coat and slippers off, hopped into bed. My heart was still pounding.

It had been dangerous, but well worth it.

Tameka

Cramped
in the small bathroom, with the door locked, the three of us stood awaiting the results of my pregnancy test. My heart pounded as a faint little plus sign appeared on the stick. It was positive. According to the stolen pregnancy test, I was definitely pregnant. The three of us stared at each other in disbelief.

“How accurate are these things?” I asked. Something had to be wrong, I thought.

“They’re, like, ninety-nine point nine percent accurate,” Roni said.

“Oh my God, Tameka. What are you gonna do?” Alyssa asked.

I sat on the toilet with the lid down. “I don’t know. I guess I was expecting it to be negative. I hadn’t really thought past that part.”

“I thought you and Vance used protection,” Alyssa said.

“We did.” I was a little dazed and suddenly felt sick. “I swear we did.”

“Condoms aren’t a one hundred percent guarantee, you
know. You can still get pregnant even when you use them.” Roni acted as if she was an expert on the matter. “The best way to prevent pregnancy and HIV is to not do it at all.”

“Yeah, but the percentage is, like, ninety-nine percent,” I argued.

“But it’s not a hundred. And that one percent is what got you messed up.” Roni shrugged. “I guess you better start saving your allowance for Pampers and formula.”

“Not funny.” I couldn’t breathe. “I need some air.” I opened the small bathroom window.

“Will you keep it, Tameka?” Alyssa asked.

“I don’t know.” I covered my face with the palms of my hands. My mind raced a million miles a minute. Thousands of thoughts, but none of them made sense.

I jumped when someone pounded on the door.

“I gotta use it!” Nick whined. “Let me pee!”

Roni scrambled to collect our evidence, the pregnancy test paraphernalia. She placed everything into a brown paper bag and stuffed the bag into the pocket of her hoodie. Once everything was cleaned up, she said, “Open the door.”

Alyssa opened the door, and the three of us stepped out into the hallway. Nick rushed past us and slammed the door behind him. We made a beeline for the pink room, where I plopped down on the bed. Tears streamed down the sides of my face. My cousins sat down on each side of me; they cried, too. That was all we knew to do at that moment.

“Don’t cry,” Alyssa said. “We’ll come up with something.”

“Something like what?” I asked. “You got a magic wand somewhere? Can you reverse the results of that pregnancy test?”

Alyssa just shook her head. There was nothing that any of us could do.

“I had an abortion once,” Roni said.

Alyssa and I both looked at Roni. Shocked.

“Really. When?” I asked.

“A year ago,” Roni said.

“You were pregnant a year ago, and you never told us!” Alyssa said.

“I hated the person that I was pregnant by.” Roni looked straight ahead, a strange blank look on her face. “I was pretty much raped.”

“Who was it?” I asked. “Do you know?”

Roni sighed. “Remember when I said that now that Grandpa Drew is gone, he can’t protect me anymore? Not from the barracuda lady, and not from Lucifer?”

“Well, we all know who the barracuda lady is,” I said.

“But who is Lucifer?” Alyssa asked.

Roni sat quietly for a moment, a deep frown on her face. “Grant,” she said. “Grant is Lucifer.”

“I don’t get it,” Alyssa said.

“Grant raped you, didn’t he?” I asked. I understood it. That was why she hated him so much. I saw it in her eyes at the breakfast table, and every time she spoke his name.

“He makes me wanna throw up,” Roni mumbled through clenched teeth. “He just does it whenever he wants to.”

“You mean he’s done it more than once?” I asked.

“He used to,” Roni said. “Until I finally told Grandpa Drew what was going on.”

“What did he say?” I asked.

“He pointed his shotgun right between Grant’s eyes one night and told him that he would blow him to kingdom come if he put one finger on me again.” Tears were streaming down Roni’s face. “But now Grandpa Drew’s gone, and I’m all alone.”

“You have to tell your mom,” I urged.

Roni looked at me as if I’d just said the most ridiculous thing in the world.

“Do you think she doesn’t know?” Roni asked.

“She knows?” Alyssa asked.

“Who do you think took me to the abortion clinic?” Roni asked.

Was she kidding? Aunt Helen knew about all of this? I kept waiting for Roni to say that it was all a lie, that she was just telling one of her sick, twisted jokes.

“Are you telling me that Aunt Helen knew about this, and she’s still with him?” I had to get a clear understanding of this. It was the most unbelievable thing I’d ever heard. It was absurd.

“Grandpa Drew told her that if she didn’t handle this situation, he was gonna handle it for her,” Roni said. “You wanna know how she handled it? She sent me to your house in Atlanta for two weeks. When I came back, nobody ever talked about it again. It was as if it never happened, as if it was just a figment of my imagination. That’s how it was handled.”

“I’m so sorry that happened to you, Roni,” I said. “I never really liked Grant in the first place, but I hate him even more now.”

“You know what he said the night that Grandpa Drew passed away?” Roni asked.

“What?” Alyssa was on the edge of the bed.

“‘Who’s gonna protect you now?’ That’s what he asked me,” Roni said.

“Sick bastard,” I mumbled. I never used that type of language, but I was angry. I wanted to hurt Grant the way he’d hurt my cousin. But I felt helpless. If her own mother wouldn’t help, then who would?

“We have to do something,” Alyssa said.

“You can’t tell Uncle Rich or Uncle Paul,” Roni pleaded. “It’ll only make things worse for me here. After you’re all gone, he’ll punish me.”

“Well, we have to do something, Roni,” I said.

“You have your own worries,” Roni said. “What are you gonna do about your problem?” She pointed toward my stomach.

She was right. I did have worries. In the midst of everything, I’d already forgotten about them. But now the reality of my situation slapped me in the face again. I was going to either have an abortion at sixteen or be a mother at sixteen, and either choice was a huge one. Each choice had its consequences. Each choice would change my life forever.

The three of us held on to each other tightly. We all knew that things would never be the same.