Dear Tabitha (27 page)

I don’t know where we’re going, but he told me to pack an overnight bag. I’m so excited, and I’m almost ready to go.

I realize that I’ve never felt so loved in all of my life. Alex goes out of his way to make me feel this way. To protect me.

I fell in love with him the first time I saw him in the bookstore, making music with the dangling bookmarks. Now he’s made music and songs for me. I’m so ready for what’s next with us. It’s time to put the past behind me and live for the future with Alex.

Tonight is going to be perfect.

Past

Age 20

I
TAP
my fingers on the bar and nurse my club soda. I am apprehensive and pissed off. Tabby doesn’t know, but I’m waiting for Seth to show up. I texted him about an hour ago and asked him to meet me here for a chat.

Bob comes and stands in front of me. “You look like you need something stronger than a club soda, Alex.”

I wave him off and say, “No, thanks.” I’m always amazed that Bob never cards me and has no clue that I’m not even twenty-one. Epic Fail has been performing here for a few years, so I guess he just assumes I’m old enough to drink.

I feel a slap on my back and turn to see Seth standing next to me.

“Hey, man, what’s going on?” He’s all smiles and all I want to do is knock his teeth in. On Christmas Eve, I thought he finally understood what I was getting at. I thought it was obvious how much I didn’t want him there or around Tabby. “Happy New Year, by the way. Have anything fun planned tonight with our girl?”

I clench my fists and drop them down to my sides. “She’s not our girl. She’s
my
girl, Tyson.” I need to make this clear to him because he has this air about him that he can get anything he wants. I won’t let him take Tabby from me.

“Whoa, easy killer,” he says as his smile leaves his face. I’m sitting on the stool at the end of the bar so he grabs the one to my left, ninety degrees from me. “What’s with the attitude, bro?” he asks as he waves Bob over. “I’ll have a Pepsi, please.”

“I’m not sure what you think is going on with you and Tabby, but you need to back off,” I demand.

He raises his eyebrows and smirks. “So, that’s why I’m here. You’re going all caveman and claiming your territory. Is that it?”

“She’s not my territory or property or whatever you’re insinuating, but she is my girl. Got it?” I’m trying to make myself clear, but he’s getting me flustered. He seems so calm and serene and so fucking sure of himself.

He takes a sip of Pepsi that Bob placed in front of him. “Let me get this straight. You’re trying to control who Tabby can be
friends
with and who she can see? Sounds to me like you’re treating her like someone we know from Portland. She ran away from that situation, remember? Lighten up, Alex. She and I are just
friends.
”

“Seriously? Is that what you think?” Fuck, he is pissing me off. How dare he accuse me of being like that motherfucker out in Portland?

“Here’s what I think, Alex. What I know. Tabby is really special. I saw it the very first time I laid eyes on her.” He pauses and looks down at his hands. “Shit, you know this already. You figured me out. I might as well come clean. I’m in love with her. There! I said it. I can’t help myself, but I want to protect her from her demons and from someone like you.” His smile is completely gone and replaced by a stern and confident look.

“You’ve got to be shitting me? You think I’m bad for her? Who the fuck do you think you are?” My jaw is pulsing and that’s not good. I’m going to throttle this fucker.

“Take a look at yourself, dude. You’re just as damaged as she is. You’re driving toward a place where neither of you should be. How can you possibly help her through her issues when yours are piled up even higher? She needs stable love. Protection from more pain. I don’t see you being able to give that to her when you’re clearly still battling your own demons.” He glances toward my club soda, and I’m not sure what this gesture is insinuating. What does he know about my life? Does he know about my father and what he did to me? Not many people know, but Tabby is one of them. Would she confide in Seth and air the skeletons in my closet?

I need to calm down before I wipe this bar with his face. “You don’t know me, Tyson. You don’t know me at all. Don’t you fucking try to guess what my life has been like. Did it ever occur to you that maybe I actually do know how to help her? I get her. I get her to the core. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure she is the happiest that she’s ever been. You need to step aside and let that happen.”

He grins. “Listen, it’s cool that you’re so committed to her, and I don’t want to be a dick. It’s obvious that she’s into you right now, and I’m not going to do anything to get in the way of that. But, let me be clear about one thing, Alex. When you destroy her … not
if,
but
when
… know that I’m going to be here to pick up the pieces. I’m her best friend, don’t forget that. And yeah, I’ll say it again. I love her. That’s why I’m going to stick around and be the friend that she needs. I’ll also be ready to pick her up when she’s knocked back down.” He gets up, throws a ten-dollar bill onto the bar, pats my shoulder again, and leaves.

Motherfucker. I knew it. He’s in love with her and she has absolutely no clue.

~

I spend the afternoon walking around the city, trying to compose myself. I shouldn’t have met up with Seth today because it has completely ruined my mood. It’s New Year’s Eve and I’m taking Tabby away for the night. I booked a bed and breakfast in Spring Lake, New Jersey, and I’m looking forward to a quiet night with her, away from all of this.

My phone rings and I see that it’s her. “Hey, Tabs,” I answer, shifting my phone to rest on my shoulder.

“Hey,” she says. “What time are you picking me up? I’m ready now, and I can’t wait for our night together.”

“My bag’s packed. I’ll swing by my apartment, get my car, and be there in about twenty minutes.” I pause and think about the night that I have planned for her. “I can’t wait to see you.”

“Me, too. Bye.” She hangs up and my heart begins to race. I hope she’s ready for more and tonight will be the night. I want to hold her in my arms, and become one, like we’re meant to be.

~

When we arrive at the cozy bed and breakfast, our first stop is the balcony that overlooks the beach.

“Wow, Alex, this place is gorgeous.”

She drapes her arms around me from behind and leans her forehead against my back. It’s freezing out here, so I pull her to my front, wrap her tight in my arms, and we enjoy the sounds of the ocean. I’m not sure it was a great idea coming to the beach in December, but this place is deserted and we have the town to ourselves.

We walk back into our room and I close the balcony door. “We have seven o’clock reservations in Avon for dinner. If we’re going to make it in time, we need to leave now.”

“I can’t wait!”

She scoops up her purse and phone, and we head out to Ocean Avenue where we parked my car. I drive slowly along the water, so she can take in all the sites. “This place is beautiful, Alex. Wouldn’t it be great to live here someday?”

It’s so incredible to see her happiness and optimism shine through. The past week has been awesome, and I have finally seen her open up more to me than she ever has. I push Seth’s declaration of love from my head and focus one hundred percent on her. My attention is solely on her, and before I know it, we’re at the restaurant.

Two large columns on either side of the winding steps give this place a palatial feel. As we hold hands and walk through the front doors, we see a few couples scattered throughout the dining room, enjoying their meals and soft conversations. I’m so glad that I chose this place. It’s quiet and perfect.

“Can I help you?” the hostess asks as she approaches.

“Treadway, party of two,” I respond.

“Oh, right this way.”

We follow her along the row of windows to our table. The view of the waves crashing on the beach is breathtaking. Tabby’s eyes light up at the sight, and the glow from the candle on the table makes her features gleam even more. I fucking love her.

“God, Tabby, you are so beautiful.” I reach across the table and grab her hand. She blushes and looks into my eyes. I can’t stop staring at her lips and thinking about what I want to do with them.

“Thank you, Alex,” she replies quietly. She looks out the window. “If it weren’t so cold, I’d love to walk along the boardwalk. It looks amazing.”

“We can try tonight if you want, but I promise you that we can come back here in the summer. My sister and I came to Avon and Belmar almost every summer. These are my favorite beaches and I know that you’ll love them. It was the only nice thing we did as a family. Ever.”

“That sounds awesome!” she replies and smiles.

We order our dinner and she excuses herself to use the restroom. “I’ll be right back,” she says as she leaves the table.

I watch her walk away and then catch a glimpse of a couple at the other end of the restaurant. They are holding hands across the table and she’s crying. He tries to reassure her by reaching up and touching her cheek. She nods her head, wipes her tears away, and smiles. Whatever he said to her seems to have made everything right. I want to be like that, to be able to reassure Tabby that everything is going to be okay and that I’m always going to be here for her. Protecting her.

“Hey, Alex. What’s with the grin on your face?”

“Oh, hey, you’re back. Sorry, I was distracted. Just watching that couple across the restaurant and wondering what they’re talking about. It looked intense at first, and now they are both smiling.”

She cranes her neck, looking for them.

“I don’t think you can see them. You don’t have the proper angle,” I say.

“I love people watching. Maybe you can tell me a story about what you think they are going through,” she asks.

“Why don’t we tell a story about us?” I muse. “Like what we are going to do tonight, alone in our room?” I wink at her and she shifts in her seat a little bit. Her foot brushes against my calf and she smiles into my eyes.

“I’m ready to do anything you want,” she says softly and lowers her eyes.

Shit, I just want to take her back right now. I forget about the couple across the restaurant as I reach across and grab her hand.

“I love you so much, Tabs. Tonight is going to be perfect. We’re starting a new year tonight and a new life together.” I rub my thumb over the top of her hand and she squeezes mine.

We eat our dinner quietly and quickly. I know that we’re both anxious to get back to the bed and breakfast.

“Can I get you anything else?” our waitress asks.

“No,” We both answer at the same time.

I chuckle. “No thanks, just the check, please.”

Tabby shimmies into her jacket as I put money on top of the check.

“Are you ready?” I ask her.

“Yes,” she says and grabs my hand to lead me out the door.

When I tuck Tabby into the car and walk around to the other side, I see the couple from the restaurant again. The streetlight silhouettes them, and her back is pressed against the door of the car. He kisses her tenderly and pulls her into a tight embrace. I decide that they have a perfect love and I want us to be them. I want that perfect love with Tabs.

I jump into my seat, grab her hand, and break the twenty-five miles per hour speed limit on the way back to the bed and breakfast. The drive is silent and filled with anticipation. Once we pull up to the inn, we rush from the car, and into the building.

“Breakfast starts at eight-thirty tomorrow morning in the dining room. Happy New Year!” The owner calls after us when we hurry past her.

We’re already in our room before she finishes her well wishes. I slip Tabby’s jacket off her arms and throw it on the chair in the corner of the room.

She looks at me and seems a little nervous.

“Tabs, we don’t have to, you know. I’ll be happy just holding you like I did on Christmas Eve.” I run my hands up and down her arms, drawing a shiver from her.

“Alex, I’m ready. I want to be with you. I need you.” She closes her eyes and I take her face in my hands. “I need you to love me and erase everything that’s happened before. Yes, tonight begins a new year, a new life. With you,” she whispers against my mouth.